Troublesome situation - need advice!

[ego]

Troublesome situation

Three weeks ago I started to talk to a girl over the internet. I’m not really in to internet dating or online communities, but this is – anyways – how I found her. We live in cities next to each other, and after some hours of chatting we exchange numbers. We start texting instead, and some days later she calls me. We talk for a while, and decide to meet.

We met up and chilled out for a couple of hours and after that she went home again. She calls me the same night and thanks for having such a good time. We didn’t make out or anything, because I don’t really felt that into her.

Times goes, and after 3-4 days she asks if I want to go to a party with her. I didn’t really feel like going, but thought; ‘I’ll probably be more fun then staying home’.

She comes to my place, and we start to drink there before we’re leaving. The thing is, that before we decided to pre-party at my place she told me something like this:

”Okay, but just to make one thing clear: We’re not going to do anything more than just drinking, OKAY?”

Oh well. I think you all know where this led. We got drunk, she starts to make out with me and then had sex. Damn, real good sex too.

The same night she takes the bus home, and when she gets home she calls me again. She told me she felt sorry for what happened, and that she was too drunk. I think she felt a little bit cheap since she told me that she promised herself to not have sex with me. Anyways, you know how girls are. Emotional as hell.

I went on vacation for one week, and when I came home yesterday she called me again. She said she were in town and wanted to say hi to me. Well, I couldn’t say no to that. When we met she asks if we could go home to my place. I really didn’t want anything to happen, since it would make her believe that there’s something serious between her and me - And secondly, she asked me after our first meeting if her and me having sex was just a one night stand or ‘the beginning of something more serious’.


Okay, so … I didn’t feel like having sex with her another time, since that would make her believe that there was more going on… but… oooh…


… After all I’m just a guy, with a ****, who loves to have sex.

So… we had sex again. And again. And again. The same night. And in the morning.

And… now… she’s in love with me. And she believe that I’m her new boyfriend or something. She hasn’t told me, but she messages me all the time, calls, and she just asked me when we could meet again.

So, now you know the background, and what I need from you people in some help.



I don’t want anything more with this girl at all. I am about to get more serious with another chick, and with this girl I’m – really – only into the sex.

I want to dump her, but I don’t want to break her heart(Nah, I don’t find things like that entertaining). I know I should have told her after the first meeting that we only had a one night stand, but … well… we all make our mistakes.

How, and what, should I tell her?

”I have something more serious going on with another girl…” ?

”I’m sorry. But I don’t have any feelings for you, and it’s probably a bad idea to see each other..”?

”I Hope you understand that there’s nothing more than sex going on between us…”?



Something more you might need to know is that she got dumped in the same way 2 times before, by guys who she had sex and fell in love with. She’s, by the way, 18 years old.

She will feel that I played her, and she’ll become real sad and desperate after me when I tell her how it goes… but, I’ll have to take that. Now, I just need your help.



Thanks.

 

[BigMike]

When I was younger I would just disappear basically. Stop calling and answering the phone/door. I wouldnt suggest that anymore, though its an option, lol.

I would just tell her straight up that you arent looking for a relationship, but I would be willing to remain civil thru email and phone to see if anything changes (leaving her something to hold onto for a while)

IMO, thats a way not to hurt her too bad...Be nice though if she hasnt done anything to deserve otherwise.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

She deifinitely sounds a bit wacko....

People, I think we have ourselves a female AFC, here

I'd break it off, as soon as possible so that you don't give her a chance to want you even more.


I'm very leary of internet chicks for this reason.... This girl could be a complete Stalker nut-job.

 

[Metalixia]

Originally posted by ego
Troublesome situation


Something more you might need to know is that she got dumped in the same way 2 times before, by guys who she had sex and fell in love with. She’s, by the way, 18 years old.

She will feel that I played her, and she’ll become real sad and desperate after me when I tell her how it goes… but, I’ll have to take that. Now, I just need your help.



Thanks.

She's a slut.
Have no mercy.
Don't be a pansy.

If the situation was turned, she wouldn't give a flying fish about your feelings.

 

[ego]

"When I was younger I would just disappear basically. Stop calling and answering the phone/door. I wouldnt suggest that anymore, though its an option, lol."

Well, that is an option, but not a good one. Thanks, but no thanks

"I would just tell her straight up that you arent looking for a relationship, but I would be willing to remain civil thru email and phone to see if anything changes (leaving her something to hold onto for a while)"

The funny thing is that the EXACTLY SAME THING happened to me EXACTLY one year. I started to date some average chick which fell in love with me. I didn't feel a damn thing for her except the sex. I broke that girls heart, and well... I may sound like a nice guy when I tell you this - but I hated, really hated, to break up with her(turn her down) since she became so sad and desperate. And... after all, I don't think that any of you guys enjoy to make someone real sad.

I did, anyways, tell that girl that we "just should be friends" 8) Oh damn, she tried EVERYTHING(!) to get me away from *MY* friendzone. Never spoken with her since then. Yuck!


"She deifinitely sounds a bit wacko...."

She's acctually pretty normal - except for the fact that she's TOO forward and needy. I think you get the idea.

"People, I think we have ourselves a female AFC, here"

Oh yeah!

"I'd break it off, as soon as possible so that you don't give her a chance to want you even more."

True. Real true.

"I'm very leary of internet chicks for this reason.... This girl could be a complete Stalker nut-job."

Not exactly a stalker, but a too desperate and horny girl.

"She's a slut.
Have no mercy.
Don't be a pansy."

This I do, however, not like. She may be a slut, and I may have no mercy, but to me there's no joy in breaking someones heart.

"If the situation was turned, she wouldn't give a flying fish about your feelings."

This, from another perspective, is 100% truth. I've been turned down too, but from a third perspective it's a big difference between males and females. I've NEVER EVER felt used when getting turned down AFTER sex. Do you? No no! But... that's because we're guys. Evil guys!


Thanks people. Keep it comin!

 

[JonJack]

Why don't you just tell her that you feel that she might be taking the relationship in a manner that you did not intend. She might not understand how you can sex her and feel nothing special, but then this is where you tell her that as a male human being, this is what happens. She souldn't be so naive as to think that a guy who likes fvcking her likes her as a companion too. It can be very distressing to the girl when you point this out, but at least you are trying to make her understand that it is not your fault but it is actually her problem for taking the relationship in a way that would hurt her.

 

[penkitten]

dude, you DID play her..:crackup:




you met her, had sex, didnt tell her it was a 1 nite stand, had sex again.....NOW SHES IN LOVE...


disappear, dont take her calls or emails and lay low if you clearly do not want any more to do with her.

 

[ego]

"dude, you DID play her.."

No! Man, seriously... I'm not like that. I really felt that she was special but I guess I was wrong.

Oh fvck it. What am I saying... :crackup:

I mean... Okay, I admit. Of course I did!

"you met her, had sex, didnt tell her it was a 1 nite stand, had sex again.....NOW SHES IN LOVE..."

I'll try explaing to her what a two-night-stand is.

Yeah. It's a little bit wierd... but I think she feels like SHE NEEDS A RELATIONSHIP with me now, because she'll feel used if I only am her fvckbuddy or if dump her(damn... girls are always so emotional...) after having sex.

I can tell you that this girls friends WARNED HER about seeing me, since I was a "charming untrustable *******". I guess she should have listened to them .

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by ego


I'll try explaing to her what a two-night-stand is.

no! you dont say a word !

disappear dude!

 

[Metalixia]

I don't understand why you care so much about her.

If she's so cheap and slutty that she'll sleep with some guy she hardly knows, she deserves to be rejected.

think of how much fustration she's caused with other men, how many people she's rejected. how she and others like her would reject you, or hurt you.

it's because of people like you that the women have so much sexual power over men.

 

[BigMike]

Originally posted by penkitten
no! you dont say a word !

disappear dude!

Thats how I always got down when I was 18-21:woo:

 

[Oblivious]

Yeah after explaining to her that you can't and won't give her what she wants -- a relationship, just leave her alone completely and pretty much disappear. Don't answer her calls, don't call her, NOTHING! Anything else would give her hope that eventually something may one day transpire the way she hopes between you two. You completely leaving her alone will be more than enough to let her get the picture and avoid any confusion. Plus she'll be able to pick up the pieces a little quicker not assuming anything (and most times we try to make assumptions or see something thats not there, i.e. that you trying to be the nice guy means that you care for her and want to be with her.) Just my opinion. Just don't outright be mean. And probably thats what will happen because you'll become irritated that she isn't getting the picture. Therefore its just best to cut ties. She'll get the point and move on. If not you have yourself a crazy lady and may need to consider police protection. LOL!

That scenario in its entirety hasn't happened to me but I know what it feels like to like someone but not having the feelings being reciprocated. Although the dude didn't want to be my boyfriend, I guess he wanted to take the nice guy route and stuck around trying to be friends. But to me it was extreme torture cause I still liked him and really couldn't just click the switch on and off my feelings for him and just be his friend. In this case this guy and I had become really close after about two years. In that time he would always avoid the girlfriend/boyfriend convo and even told me that he didn't want a girlfriend. Yet he accepted my girlfriendly gestures and even played of the part of a boyfriend pretty much. So I was confused and based on his actions (regardless of what he said) I wanted to hold on to the hope that he would warm up to the idea of being in an exclusive relationship. My patience eventually waned and I didn't want to continue sacrificing my feelings and what I wanted to continue to appease him and/or keep him around in any capacity that he was willing to offer. I know that I deserved a more committed relationship and not just some ambiguous pseudo or for the time being relationship. I was continuously getting my hopes up and disappointed. If I were a stronger person I should have cut ties with him completely on my own part. I even tried in order to protect my heart and allow myself to move on. But like I said I like him and its difficult on my part just to shut down those emotions. Guys seem more apt to do that since they seem not to be as emotional as we are.
I would have preferred if he just left me alone altogether since it was obvious that he didn't like me in the same way I liked him. Maybe in time after my wounds heale we can be friends but not a day sooner.

So long story short...just leave her alone.

 

[Morphiex]

Originally posted by ego
Troublesome situation

Three weeks ago I started to talk to a girl over the internet. I’m not really in to internet dating or online communities, but this is – anyways – how I found her. We live in cities next to each other, and after some hours of chatting we exchange numbers. We start texting instead, and some days later she calls me. We talk for a while, and decide to meet.

We met up and chilled out for a couple of hours and after that she went home again. She calls me the same night and thanks for having such a good time. We didn’t make out or anything, because I don’t really felt that into her.

Times goes, and after 3-4 days she asks if I want to go to a party with her. I didn’t really feel like going, but thought; ‘I’ll probably be more fun then staying home’.

She comes to my place, and we start to drink there before we’re leaving. The thing is, that before we decided to pre-party at my place she told me something like this:

”Okay, but just to make one thing clear: We’re not going to do anything more than just drinking, OKAY?”

Oh well. I think you all know where this led. We got drunk, she starts to make out with me and then had sex. Damn, real good sex too.

The same night she takes the bus home, and when she gets home she calls me again. She told me she felt sorry for what happened, and that she was too drunk. I think she felt a little bit cheap since she told me that she promised herself to not have sex with me. Anyways, you know how girls are. Emotional as hell.

I went on vacation for one week, and when I came home yesterday she called me again. She said she were in town and wanted to say hi to me. Well, I couldn’t say no to that. When we met she asks if we could go home to my place. I really didn’t want anything to happen, since it would make her believe that there’s something serious between her and me - And secondly, she asked me after our first meeting if her and me having sex was just a one night stand or ‘the beginning of something more serious’.


Okay, so … I didn’t feel like having sex with her another time, since that would make her believe that there was more going on… but… oooh…


… After all I’m just a guy, with a ****, who loves to have sex.

So… we had sex again. And again. And again. The same night. And in the morning.

And… now… she’s in love with me. And she believe that I’m her new boyfriend or something. She hasn’t told me, but she messages me all the time, calls, and she just asked me when we could meet again.

So, now you know the background, and what I need from you people in some help.



I don’t want anything more with this girl at all. I am about to get more serious with another chick, and with this girl I’m – really – only into the sex.

I want to dump her, but I don’t want to break her heart(Nah, I don’t find things like that entertaining). I know I should have told her after the first meeting that we only had a one night stand, but … well… we all make our mistakes.

How, and what, should I tell her?

”I have something more serious going on with another girl…” ?

”I’m sorry. But I don’t have any feelings for you, and it’s probably a bad idea to see each other..”?

”I Hope you understand that there’s nothing more than sex going on between us…”?



Something more you might need to know is that she got dumped in the same way 2 times before, by guys who she had sex and fell in love with. She’s, by the way, 18 years old.

She will feel that I played her, and she’ll become real sad and desperate after me when I tell her how it goes… but, I’ll have to take that. Now, I just need your help.



Thanks.

Just be real with her, tell her that ur not looking for a relationship right now.... But u like her and all that... Dont make up some bs ****.... ANd dont brake it off over sms.....

 

[ego]

Morphiex: I think you hit the spot. But i'll, anyhow, wait until she mentions anything about 'getting serious'. Then, i'll just tell her; "I'm sorry, but I don't feel anything for you" and take it from there...

And to you, whoever it was, calling me a *****(no, you didn't say it, but that's what you ment): Once you get into the same situation you'll understand that there's no pleasure at all in making someone sad.

The only people who finds that enjoying and/or funny are the insecure ones who needs daily ego-boosts.

Me, I don't want to make anyone sad as entertainment - I want to feel good with myself, and I won't achieve that by having knowledge that people are crying because of me. You get the idea?

 

[isotope]

out of curiosity, why do you "feel nothing" for her?

is she not that hot? is she boring? what are her flaws?

 

[FOL!!!]

Just tell her you don't want more than a relation. Advantage for you: She probably quits bugging you. Advantage for her: It's clear for her as well and she gets over you.'Disadvantage...none

edit: I can't delete...I read to late, you gave the answer yourself I guess.