Trouble with making a move or is it gonna take time???

[jarobe]

Met this gorgeous girl in the summer at a club. She's about 8.5-9.0. Smart girl and very down to earth. Laughed at everything.

Had maybe an hour to get to know her on and off in between trips to the dance floor, etc (she dances, i don't). I had to play off the friend to get to her and at on point actually thought the friend wanted me. Long story short, drove them both the girl's house and was not able to isolate because the friend was staying over from out of town. Night ended with a kiss on the cheek....and get this...some resistance on the number. Didn't hope for much.

But she gave it to me. Called her a few days later and she appeared disinterested and I assumed it would go nowhere...plus I had about 4 other options. Called her in a month and it went well to my surprise...since then we have kept in touch, speaking about twice a month.

Then she starts working out of town and staying for the week, but she still keeps in touch (and visits her family here every weekend.) Girl called me New Years Eve and has returned all of my messages to call me back.

But still haven't been able to get her to meet up. Thought she might just be a flake or supershy...thought maybe she was responding to my passive approach.

Last night I ask her to tag along shopping and she suggests coming over here instead. She comes over and we catch up...it's so awkward and built up because I haven't seen her in like 5 months...I take my time. Get her laughing and I sit facing her to maintain eye contact, etc. Then I move to beside her and we get into some drinks. It's 1pm in the afternoon.

Then we blaze a bit...and she gets dopey...I get my arm around her and she's comfortable but maybe resisting or just too dopey to know what's going on. Either way, I'm not getting any signs from her (a first for me)....and I freeze up and do nothing. My arm is still there.

A friend calls her and she takes the call....so we get a bit of a break for the tension or the fact that nothing is happening. But instead of making the easy exit she continues to stay with me for an extra hour-plus...my arm is still basically there and I'm trying to keep her laughing and not make it look like I'm frusrtated....but I am.

She leaves with just enough time to run her next errand and I get a hug and a "I had fun."

Should I call her and be very direct like "next time I won't be such a gentelman? or just ask her to hang again and assume the vibe wasn't there cause she's a sh1t tester or shy...based on how long she took to come over...?

 

[Lust]

You're focusing too much on the result.

Frame the interaction as something really fun for the both of you. Here's a little thing I like to do in my head. In my mind, I see myself as the provider of a little reality she can jump into. In this reality, it's all about having fun and enjoying ourselves. A little "sexual sanctuary", where she escapes all the crap society feeds her about sex being bad, where i frame that it's just fun and normal, and there's no shame to it.

This is how you want your interactions to feel like, the "vibe" that she gets when she's hanging around with you.

Having this strong frame from the start also makes escalating a lot easier. "Yeah, I'm going for the make out, cause it's fun. Yes, I do want to bang you, cause we'd both have a great time!"

Everything seems so much more natural when you've already framed yourself as someone she has fun with, someone that she can get sexual with.

 

[jarobe]

This was my first real interaction with her since meeting her.

I met her five months ago and hadn't seen her since...I established as much interest in her on the phone as I could without losing my cool. When we hung out my place, it was fun, but it didn't get sexual...though the vibe was pretty romantic with the drinking and such.

Do you recommend I call her and tell her how much fun I had so that I can get a chance to escalate?

 

[DonJuan11]

A friend calls her and she takes the call....so we get a bit of a break for the tension or the fact that nothing is happening.

Why isn't anything happening? She should be so into you and your date that she shouldn't answer her phone. Your fault here.

But instead of making the easy exit she continues to stay with me for an extra hour-plus...my arm is still basically there and I'm trying to keep her laughing and not make it look like I'm frusrtated....but I am.

If you make a subtle move and don't get a response, back away. You don't keep with the move hoping after 25 min she'll suddenly realize that your arm is around her and now she will let you stick your tongue in her mouth. If she's not really responding to your arm around her, take it off and keep your hands to yourself.

She leaves with just enough time to run her next errand and I get a hug and a "I had fun."

Should I call her and be very direct like "next time I won't be such a gentelman?

Whoa whoa whoa. Don't ever say this to her or any girl. "Next time I won't be such a gentlemen" = "I may rape you if you don't let me put it inside you, so be on your toes."

or just ask her to hang again and assume the vibe wasn't there cause she's a sh1t tester or shy...based on how long she took to come over...?

You may ask her again, but entertain her the way you would entertain yourself. Take her skating, snowboarding, to the museum, to the theater, to the bar, to the club, etc.

 

[jarobe]

Thanks for the input, guys. I'm definitely going to hang back and get back to making it fun for date number two.

Not sweating it though as I nabbed another couple of numbers this weekend.