Trouble letting go

[MixMaxster]

Hey everyone,

I've been reading a lot in this forum for some time now and it's funny how I can read all of this and have it sink in enough to help other guys out in my situation, but you know what my problem is? ACTUALLY DOING IT MYSELF

I can't figure out what it is, but in real life situations I know how I should act, talk and feel around women but THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. For some reason the same things in the past keep coming up and the "nice guy" in me leaks out all over the place. It's a disaster and it's messing up every chance I get.

I don't know why I can be so good at listening and understanding everything being said, but when it comes to doing it I freeze up. Is there no hope for me? I'm tired of being the "nice guy" who finishes last because I KNOW in my mind that it's the "nice guy" in me that is ruining any chance I have.

Why do I still hold back? I want out! Has anyone gone through a similar thing? I need a good slap in the face because I feel like a hopeless case. Anybody?

Max

 

[rhsarrow17]

Trouble letting go

it's easy, I used to have this problem all the time: start by letting go with your thumb, then pry the rest of your fingers one by one off of your chicken.

lol alright here's my take on your situation, for real:

you're just in the 'nice guy state' too often. Being a nice guy is fine, just dont be a "nice guy." If it's not natural for you to tease and be a challenge, start by talking to 5 or 10 women for a few minutes each and don't give ONE compliment. if you feel youre getting better reactions, use them sparingly and figure out how best to work them into the rapport.

I've been studying all this crap for over a year now and I'm still not great with women. the reason is that knowledge or information isn't enough. I can't drive and I live too far from any hangouts to walk or bike to to meet women, so I havent gotten as much practice as I'd like. It's experience, attitude, and security that gets you what you want in the long run. no matter what your problems are, GETTING PRACTICE is the key.

 

[rhsarrow17]

Originally posted by MixMaxster
It's a disaster and it's messing up every chance I get.

Is there no hope for me?

I KNOW in my mind that it's the "nice guy" in me that is ruining any chance I have.

I feel like a hopeless case.

1) Don't blame your apparent lack of success on the theory that 'nice guy' is too well-engrained in you. don't blame anything except yourself. Frustration is normal, but seeing yourself as a 'victim' is one of the least attractive characteristics a man could have.

2) stop thinking like this. I'm a big fan of David DeAngelo's material (www.doubleyourdating.com) and he always emphasizes the negative effects of limiting beliefs.

 

[MixMaxster]

limiting belief is a good way of putting it.

I see things as this is how it is. Who I am has a natural ****y&funny attitude when I joke around with women, I've found that to work on so many different ocassions.

BUT what happens when I talk with someone I'm INTERESTED in? I freeze up, I lock up and I tend to do all the "nice guy" things and I end up getting NO WHERE.

I still have something holding me back from being the DJ that I want to be and know I'm capable of being, but there's this part of me holding back.

And I just wanted to know what some of the guys out there were like in the beginning, it's great to know that there are people who are similar to you in that you both had the stereotypical "nice guy" in you for so long. Then to change into a Don Juan from that gives me the kind of drive to stick to it and think it's not hopeless for me.

Does anyone on here have a story from when they first found out about this place as an AFC or what have you and then worked up to a DJ? I would very much like to hear something.

Max

 

[The TallOne]

Originally posted by MixMaxster lDoes anyone on here have a story from when they first found out about this place as an AFC or what have you and then worked up to a DJ? I would very much like to hear something.

Max

I'll give you a short-short version.

Last December, a girl caught my attention..

Our first "get together" was to go hiking. I found out she had a b/f... but she always *****es about him to me. (Emotional tampon!)

I was in the "Oh, I know what I can do.. I'll tell her how I am so much not like him.. then she'll like me."

Yeah.. right. I went out to the movies with her the week after... I bought her ticket, we split the popcorn. (Me thinking this is all good and stuff.)

I told her at the end of the night, that when she breaks up with her b/f, to call me.

Ooooh, did she change from then on... She was pretty much 'busy' from then. I even had called her to tell her that I liked her.. even knowing that she had a b/f. I was heart broken when she said she wasn't going to break up with him.. just because him and her were going through some bad times.

Man, did I feel like ****. I found this place by a guy I know that posts at studentcenter. I also started getting heavily into Doc Love's stuff... with the combo from here, and DL, I was set, or so I thought. (I have been browsin since Jan of this year, I only registered a couple months ago because I needed a question answered)

I never really fully understood it, till this Summer. I had my C&F down, but my "making the move" was hella off, because I was not experienced enough in that region.

I then got into D&D's info.. and that just blew my mind. I now truly understand attraction etc.

Now, all I need to do is keep practicin till it becomes second nature.