Trouble connecting/bonding with girls..

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Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time bonding with girls. I'm very social and outgoing and I have no problems keeping a conversation flowing. Problem is that I find it hard to transition into "deeper" topics..creating that kind of rapport that leads her into falling for or being attracted to me. Only once have I had a girl fall in love with me (that i know of) but we had an unusual good vibe and ended up in a LTR together for several years. After that ended I got into the seduction community and it opened up my eyes to alot of stuff. I'm STILL having trouble creating that solid attraction that makes girl chase me.

Guys sometimes think I'm very good with women, probably due to the way I dress and that I can talk to girls without any difficulties. I also think guys think I'm betterlooking than girls do...I know that's a weird thing to say but that's how I feel.

I am able to create attraction initially with girls. But I tend to lose it after a while even though I use all the stuff I've learned from sites like this. I've been partying alot lately and this weekend I started making out with a really cute and hot girl within an hour of meeting her. I tried to make her chase me by doing my own thing and just having fun with my friends. Then I sat down with her friend and after a while I kissed her aswell. She didn't see this ofcourse and I went to meet up with her again later and kissed her even more. I suck at f-closing even though I tried.
Next day she was really cold and I heard from another friend of her( the one I DIDN'T make out with) that she didn't want to come to our house and party with us because I was going to be there. She totally flaked on me and the reason given to me by her friend was that she was interested in some other guy and felt bad about what had happened. I lost attraction...So I tried to see if I had any chance with her friend that I kissed, but she was also being cold. I guess they talked together..lol

Even though I'm very aware of my behavior and I don't do stuff that is AFC-ish I still get LJBF'ed! Why?? I'm starting to question the way I look or if my personality can't attract girls on anything other than a superficial level.

I don't take rejection personally when I'm sarging in bars/clubs or whatever. I'm over that, although it CAN affect my mood I won't let it affect my confidence. I know that's my most powerful thing and that it's of the highest importance not to lose it!
However, I DO take it personally when a girl flakes on me after she gets to know me and after we have dated. I don't get it. I see myself as a great catch. I'm intelligent, social, clean, well-mannered, lots of friends, hot chick-friends as socialproof and I look ok.

My last date was my 2nd date with some younger girl. I had a great time and I think she did aswell. However she has turned colder after our date and she is not as flirtatious as she was before. She throws ****-tests at me, asking if my new room-mates are hot etc. She doesn't initiate contact. This happens over and over again. I have attraction then I lose it. And the sad thing is that it happens even though I apply what I have learned and still doesn't see the results I want. These are lonely days.
Maybe I still seem like a try-hard even though I'm very aware of NOT seeming desperate and needy. When I have been flaked on, I usually just cut of contact and next her. Maybe I should try to pursue more? Be more persistant? Make the ho say no?
You always hear stories about girls falling for guys over time...I want to be the guy they fall for instantly! But should I just keep the girls that flake on me in my circle as friends? They always have friends and it's good social proof. Also our parties won't turn into sausagefests!

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I have analyzed everything I say and done and I feel like I did everything right. Still they flake! It's so annoying and I'm scared it will affect my confidence if it continues!

I have read the bible several times and I'm loaded with information, but I honestly can't say that my game has improved noticeably. I'm better at some things, like when I use techniques or routines to get what I want from the girl (i.e kiss) but I'm still not able to create that attraction and rapport that makes them want to be with me and take me home..

Any help would be highly appreciated!

Thx

 

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bump

 

[JonJack]

There are no guarantees when it comes to meeting girls, dating and relationships. The only guarantee that I can think of is that if you don't try, you will never know. Trying to figure out people that you've only met for like a few hours or even a few days is quite difficult.

If they flake, they flake for whatever reasons they may have. If they suddenly become cold, they're cold for whatever reasons they may have. Even if it seems virtually impossible or down right odd, if it happens, it happens because the girl chooses it to be so. There really is no point pondering over it. To do so just means you're not particularly confident and content with who and how you are.

You mention that what you want is for the girl to want to be with you and take you home. You also mention you don't want it to be just on the superficial level. Now, wouldn't it be superficial if you were to just constantly change your ways with each girl you meet just so that they will want to be with you?

There are two major issues that you should probably look into. Number one is viewing loneliness as being a problem. Number two, which I feel has a lot to do with number one too, is feeling like there's something wrong with you when a girl gives you the impression that there is something wrong with you. Putting both together, you're basically just giving girls too much importance in your life. Loneliness can always be remedied with hobbies, friends, games and sometimes family. And what about girls? Well, you win some and you lose some. Losing usually happens more frequently. If you feel like you've got to be a winner most of the time when it comes to this, I'm sad that you've got your priorities sorted out that way.

But whatever it is you choose to feel and choose to do is ultimately up to you. My biggest problem with this is that most times, people choose to feel and do the things that make them feel worse.

 

[dpw]

nice post jonjack

 

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Originally posted by JonJack
There are no guarantees when it comes to meeting girls, dating and relationships. The only guarantee that I can think of is that if you don't try, you will never know. Trying to figure out people that you've only met for like a few hours or even a few days is quite difficult.

If they flake, they flake for whatever reasons they may have. If they suddenly become cold, they're cold for whatever reasons they may have. Even if it seems virtually impossible or down right odd, if it happens, it happens because the girl chooses it to be so. There really is no point pondering over it. To do so just means you're not particularly confident and content with who and how you are.

Yeah, I actually am a pretty confident guy and sometimes I have success that keeps my ego on top! I know that not every girl has to like me, but it's been a long time since I have been chased by a girl that I like! No matter how much I try to not let it affect me, it gets harder and harder everytime. I just hope my shield is hard enough to keep being patient and persistant.

Originally posted by JonJack
You mention that what you want is for the girl to want to be with you and take you home. You also mention you don't want it to be just on the superficial level. Now, wouldn't it be superficial if you were to just constantly change your ways with each girl you meet just so that they will want to be with you?

Yes, and I try not to do that. I do the same stuff with every girl. I just modify it somewhat if I'm just interested in her for sex or STR. In the end my goal is to find someone who is right for ME. Someone that fits into what I like and what I want in a girl. I would not want to change myself for a girl. I try to be my best self, but that's not just for any girl, that's also for myself.

Originally posted by JonJack
There are two major issues that you should probably look into. Number one is viewing loneliness as being a problem. Number two, which I feel has a lot to do with number one too, is feeling like there's something wrong with you when a girl gives you the impression that there is something wrong with you. Putting both together, you're basically just giving girls too much importance in your life. Loneliness can always be remedied with hobbies, friends, games and sometimes family. And what about girls? Well, you win some and you lose some. Losing usually happens more frequently. If you feel like you've got to be a winner most of the time when it comes to this, I'm sad that you've got your priorities sorted out that way.

But whatever it is you choose to feel and choose to do is ultimately up to you. My biggest problem with this is that most times, people choose to feel and do the things that make them feel worse.

I think you are right on the money here! I DO put too much importance on women in my life. I love women and it's my hobby. It sucks not being as great at your hobby as you want to, but it's still fun playing. I want to be better and I always try to improve my game. I just get impatient and that sometimes often leads to being too eager and it may appear as neediness or desperation to some girls. Other times, when I stop pursuing and just play it cool, they won't make the next move...so unless i do something I have to next them. I just don't want to next every girl i meet just because she doesn't show great IL from the very beginning. I'm thinking worst case scenario I can make a female friend. I find it hard to find the right balance between playing hard to get, pursuing and nexting.

Also I might add that I live at home with my parents at the moment. And the ones I'm seeing live like half an hour outside town. This results in me not seeing them very often. It can be a month or 2 even between our meetings. This decreases interest I'm sure!! I recently got an appartment which I'll be moving into in a few months. This I hope will improve my game greatly!


Thx for your reply btw. Good stuff and great advice!