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Tried cold approaching in a nightclub last night. Advice needed.

jamesfromhouston

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Hello gents.

New year. New me. I wanted to pick up cold approaching. (Prior to this, I've largely been doing OLD and social media game. Had alright success with it but incredibly tiring and boring to game like this. Time to learn and get good at cold approaching.)

So last night I was at a night club, it was really happening, super packed. For some context, I'm 5'10. Lean build. Was dressed fashionably. Probably one of the best dressed at the joint. Received many compliments about my style. I had 3 situations, would like some specific thoughts/advice:

1)Girl at the dance floor.
I saw a cute girl rock up at the joint. She was with a bunch of friends. Almost from the get go, she was approached a couple of times. But seemed bored. I wanted to make my move but there were constantly guys talking to her. She looked bored and eventually she was standing/bobbing by herself at the dance floor. Her friends had left her. I make my move, smile and get up next to her. First thing I said was 'you look new to the place, enjoying yourself?'. She was sort of mellow, like one worded replies to our initial chat. I push through and ask her where she's from and she more or less started to ignore me before her female friend swooped in and took her dancing. She almost looked passed or cbf I approached her.

Might sound like a stupid question but was it a lose lose situation from the get go? Could I have done it better?

2)Wild girl.
So I was chatting with my buddy and eventually this gay guy comes up to me and tells me I'm good looking. He tells me he wants to introduce me to his friend, this wild tight dressed cute girl, and immediately drags her over to me. I start chatting with her but her other girl friend starts dragging her away. The wild girl holds my hand and tries to pull me away but I didn't want leave my buddy alone. So I anyway, later on, I see her dancing and I go dance with her. Again her girlfriend eventually swoops in and tries to drag her away.

I'm wondering wtf is going with her girl friend. Why does she keep coming in and interrupting. How do you guys deal with this scenario? (FYI, after last night, the wild girl did eventually hit me up social media, she wanted to go home with me and has high IL).

3)Girl across the table.
I was with my buddy drinking at the bar, laughing loads. I noticed these 2 girls across us at the far side. I had a vibe one of them kept tried to make small eye contact with me but she would look away and was not smiling. I wanted to approach her but she was far away. It would be a very deliberate move so I wanted to confirm IL first before I did. Anyway whole night she would do the same, look over occasionally, stoic face, look away. Eventually she left.

How would you guys read IL in a situation like this. What are the signs?

My buddy suggested we buy and send drinks over but being red pilled, I felt it was beta. What situations would you guys buy drinks for girls?

What is your approach to bar table game?

----

Thanks bros for reading. Would appreciate your insights, thoughts and advice about the above.

- James
 

darksprezzatura

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Good job on cold approaching. It also shows integrity that you stuck by your buddy.

1. Mostly girls who are rocking the dance floor don't want to be bothered, unless a friend introduces you to them.

2. Good job pulling this one. Not sure what you mean by wild, but filter carefully nonetheless.

3. Should've stepped up. If a girl looks at you time and again, could've just smiled and see if she smiled back. Also nobody cares if you approached and failed. Always go for it before hesitating.

Thanks for the share
 

Machine10033

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I have not done night clubs since the early 2000’s but it’s pretty cool the way you describe it... seems very similar. 1st girl had no interest... no biggie.. you tried.

2nd girl was game but she had “that friend”. Again this is common... and unless your buddy can keep her occupied she’s going to make sure no one get in her pants.

3rd one night have had interest... but nothing you can do now... in a club it’s difficult to determine from a distance if she has interest.. I’ve been in similar situations and felt 100 percent certain the girl was interested so i worked my way over... and gave it my best shot and was shot down.

Just keep at it like anything you will get better and more confident. The biggest thing is enjoy yourself in a club... smile... laugh... talk to everyone... your always being watched and girls in that environment want the fun guy. If your sitting in the corner looking stoic and intense... it will scare them off.
 

jamesfromhouston

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Hey thanks gents. For replying. Makes me feel better.

Honestly, I felt a bit sh!t with my approaches that night.

I mean I am new to it so I shouldn't expect much; but because I've had more success/confidence with OLD/social media dating game; that to have those outcomes really threw me off. I think a big part was also the fact that my buddy was there, so he saw me crash and burn; especially with scenario 1.

I've a few follow-up questions:

- Is cold approaching essentially a numbers game, even with practice? Can I realistically expect my chances to significantly improve with practice. Or is it more like developing a can't be f*cked mentality of dealing with rejection and just trying to 'open as much doors as possible' and developing the mental strength to deal with rejection.

- This is a stupid question: How do you guys mentally handle cold approaching in front of your friends/groups of friends? It feels embarrassing to be rejected and have that rejection seen. How can I change my perspective on this.

- What are some of your biggest insights on cold approaching that have helped you the most.
 

Dr.Suave

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Hey thanks gents. For replying. Makes me feel better.

Honestly, I felt a bit sh!t with my approaches that night.

I mean I am new to it so I shouldn't expect much; but because I've had more success/confidence with OLD/social media dating game; that to have those outcomes really threw me off. I think a big part was also the fact that my buddy was there, so he saw me crash and burn; especially with scenario 1.

I've a few follow-up questions:

- Is cold approaching essentially a numbers game, even with practice? Can I realistically expect my chances to significantly improve with practice. Or is it more like developing a can't be f*cked mentality of dealing with rejection and just trying to 'open as much doors as possible' and developing the mental strength to deal with rejection.

- This is a stupid question: How do you guys mentally handle cold approaching in front of your friends/groups of friends? It feels embarrassing to be rejected and have that rejection seen. How can I change my perspective on this.

- What are some of your biggest insights on cold approaching that have helped you the most.
1.- Some will say yes, its a numbers game, some will say practices will get you better reults down the line. I havent cold approached in years but when I did I always felt it was a bit of both.

Dont worry about getting rejected in front of your friends. It gives you something to laugh about together, or maybe a good story to tell. At least u have the balls to cold approach.

3.- Be outcome inddiferent. Some girls will sense it and love it.


Not to knock u down or anything, I resepct the hell out of u for cold approaching, but isnt it interesting that ur only succesfull "cold approach" that night, wild girl, it wasnt much of a cold approach u did on her but more like SHE cold approached U through her gay friend.
 
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Mike32ct

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It's mostly about "right person, right place, right time."

So while you will likely improve, it's not necessarily due to developing "better game" (although that certainly doesn't hurt).

It's because you can develop a stronger intuition for WHO is best to approach.
 
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Machine10033

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It's because you can develop a stronger intuition for WHO is best to approach.
This sums it up pretty well... I eventually developed an 6th sense... which subconsciously developed from trail and error... you will start picking up on small clues the girl gives out.... once you stop cold approaching you will slowly lose this.
 

jamesfromhouston

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It's mostly about "right person, right place, right time."

So while you will likely improve, it's not necessarily due to developing "better game" (although that certainly doesn't hurt).

It's because you can develop a stronger intuition for WHO is best to approach.
Ah that is actually beautiful.

Basically just like what DJ/SS promotes. Only go after girls with high IL; rather than waste time trying to win over low IL girls.

When it comes to cold approaching, instead of thinking of ways to win over random girls; its about eventually developing the sense to tell which girl has a high chance of being approached successfully. The subtle cues that comes with experience.

Is that right?
 

Mike32ct

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Ah that is actually beautiful.

Basically just like what DJ/SS promotes. Only go after girls with high IL; rather than waste time trying to win over low IL girls.

When it comes to cold approaching, instead of thinking of ways to win over random girls; its about eventually developing the sense to tell which girl has a high chance of being approached successfully. The subtle cues that comes with experience.

Is that right?
Exactly. You’ll become more efficient by developing and following your gut. You’ll be consciously or unconsciously screening out the uninterested, the unattainable or unavailable and those just seeking attention.
 
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TheCharmingGuy

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1. She had no interest in you. Nothing you could have done. There’s nothing you can do to make every girl at the bar be attracted to you. Picking up girls means getting rejected. It’s just the game.
2. Would stay away. You can bang her if she has high IL, but I wouldn’t stick around.
3. Continuous eye contact = flirting. It is hard to tell without more context but she probably would not have minded if you came over. It wasn’t an open invitation, but she was letting you know that she would give you a chance.
Overall, good job on the first one, and on the other two you didn’t do anything wrong. Bars are the most basic cold approach medium because all the girls there expect to get approached and have their guard up. I think you handled it well.
 

Hamurabimbi

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1. She had no interest in you. Nothing you could have done. There’s nothing you can do to make every girl at the bar be attracted to you. Picking up girls means getting rejected. It’s just the game.
2. Would stay away. You can bang her if she has high IL, but I wouldn’t stick around.
3. Continuous eye contact = flirting. It is hard to tell without more context but she probably would not have minded if you came over. It wasn’t an open invitation, but she was letting you know that she would give you a chance.
Overall, good job on the first one, and on the other two you didn’t do anything wrong. Bars are the most basic cold approach medium because all the girls there expect to get approached and have their guard up. I think you handled it well.
I think girls are more receptive at bars/clubs. As it’s expected and socialy acceptable to strike up s conversation with a stranger. Than say, the subway.
 

TheCharmingGuy

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I think girls are more receptive at bars/clubs. As it’s expected and socialy acceptable to strike up s conversation with a stranger. Than say, the subway.
I agree. The wording of my response was misaligned with my intention; I meant that women are more quick to reject, but also more quick to accept men approaching them at bars. The decision of whether they will talk to you comes faster because it is immediately known that you are trying to fvck them. Their standards are much less fuzzy; if you are attractive enough, they will talk to you. If you aren’t, they won’t.
 

darksprezzatura

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Hey thanks gents. For replying. Makes me feel better.

Honestly, I felt a bit sh!t with my approaches that night.

I mean I am new to it so I shouldn't expect much; but because I've had more success/confidence with OLD/social media dating game; that to have those outcomes really threw me off. I think a big part was also the fact that my buddy was there, so he saw me crash and burn; especially with scenario 1.

I've a few follow-up questions:

- Is cold approaching essentially a numbers game, even with practice? Can I realistically expect my chances to significantly improve with practice. Or is it more like developing a can't be f*cked mentality of dealing with rejection and just trying to 'open as much doors as possible' and developing the mental strength to deal with rejection.

- This is a stupid question: How do you guys mentally handle cold approaching in front of your friends/groups of friends? It feels embarrassing to be rejected and have that rejection seen. How can I change my perspective on this.

- What are some of your biggest insights on cold approaching that have helped you the most.
Everything is a numbers game.

The balance of probability keeps shifting towards your favour the more times you've failed (and succeeded)

If your friends share your mindset, they won't care about you failing. Matter of fact sometimes my friends and I dutch in 100 bucks each in the pot and go out to approach. The first one to get 20 rejections gets the pot.

Oddly, most of us pull someone or the other way before the 20th girl (even if we don't want to)

Cold approach insights:
- Instead of making women interested, get familiar with subtle clues interested girls show, I've shot myself in the foot by ignoring so many instances a girl was ready to go off the bat but I missed it completely.

- If you walk away from a girl, she might not be chasing you even if she's really interested. Shed be very welcoming if you circle back tho

- Girls are very friendly when approached, they appear have a shield up (cue resting b!tch face) but they're pleasant creatures usually

- Interested girls will be enthusiastic in the dumbest things you, while you can jump through girls for uninterested girls and they won't be bothered.

- Girls respond to a calm, happy even dorky body language. You don't need to appear to be super macho or anything (which is actually counterproductive, makes you seem uptight)

- Having a hot wingwoman is better than having a wingman to open sets, but difficult to steal a girl away from a set

- Alcohol does not improve game, just your perception of your own game (which could be useful, but better practice without)

- Open ugly/fat girls in a group first and become friends with them, while roping in your interest

- Talk to a set of women as one entity and don't single any one of them out
 

SW15

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1)Girl at the dance floor.
I saw a cute girl rock up at the joint. She was with a bunch of friends. Almost from the get go, she was approached a couple of times. But seemed bored. I wanted to make my move but there were constantly guys talking to her. She looked bored and eventually she was standing/bobbing by herself at the dance floor. Her friends had left her. I make my move, smile and get up next to her. First thing I said was 'you look new to the place, enjoying yourself?'. She was sort of mellow, like one worded replies to our initial chat. I push through and ask her where she's from and she more or less started to ignore me before her female friend swooped in and took her dancing. She almost looked passed or cbf I approached her.

Might sound like a stupid question but was it a lose lose situation from the get go? Could I have done it better?
This probably wasn't going to be a good overall target to approach but your opening line wasn't that strong. I did more dance floor approaches in the mid-2000s immediately after turning 21 than I have since 2011 and moving to my current city. I perceive dance floor approaching was likely better in the 2000s as compared to the 2010s and beyond.

Some of the stuff Roosh mentioned in how the game changed from the early 2000s to the late 2010s would affect the dance floor.


The times I was more successful on the dance floor was when I looked attractive, approached with confidence, and starting dancing with her nearly immediately. In that situation, the woman is with you because of your look and not your persona. Since you looked stylish and you are a healthy weight, you could have done it that way.

2)Wild girl.
So I was chatting with my buddy and eventually this gay guy comes up to me and tells me I'm good looking. He tells me he wants to introduce me to his friend, this wild tight dressed cute girl, and immediately drags her over to me. I start chatting with her but her other girl friend starts dragging her away. The wild girl holds my hand and tries to pull me away but I didn't want leave my buddy alone. So I anyway, later on, I see her dancing and I go dance with her. Again her girlfriend eventually swoops in and tries to drag her away.

I'm wondering wtf is going with her girl friend. Why does she keep coming in and interrupting. How do you guys deal with this scenario? (FYI, after last night, the wild girl did eventually hit me up social media, she wanted to go home with me and has high IL).
Classic cocckblocker situation. Not too much that can be done there, other than focus on approaching in non-bar venues when you can avoid blockers.

3)Girl across the table.
I noticed these 2 girls across us at the far side. I had a vibe one of them kept tried to make small eye contact with me but she would look away and was not smiling. I wanted to approach her but she was far away. It would be a very deliberate move so I wanted to confirm IL first before I did. Anyway whole night she would do the same, look over occasionally, stoic face, look away. Eventually she left.

How would you guys read IL in a situation like this. What are the signs?

My buddy suggested we buy and send drinks over but being red pilled, I felt it was beta. What situations would you guys buy drinks for girls?

What is your approach to bar table game?
I don't like table gaming situations. Women who are seated at tables are less receptive to being approached. It's ideal for approaching if both the man and woman are standing. If both parties are seated at tables, it's more difficult to pull off a good approaching. She might have been interested, she might not have been interested. If you can 2 glances like that, it's worth going over to a woman like that with an opener that you noticed her looking in your direction OR you can say how she caught your eye.

I think girls are more receptive at bars/clubs. As it’s expected and socialy acceptable to strike up s conversation with a stranger. Than say, the subway.
Women go to bars/nightclubs and expect to be approached. They aren't expecting to be approached on a walking/hiking path, at the grocery store, at a book store, etc.

It's debatable about how it affects approach.

Some people think that women put up defense shields at bars/clubs when they expect to be approached. At non-bar venues, their defenses are down. There are women who can't process the fact that they are being approached in person at a non-bar venue because they are accustomed to bar/nightclub approaches or using a swipe app to interact with men. These women don't have the social skills in a lot of cases to deal with a non-bar approach.

When I've done daygaming sessions on walking paths, grocery stores, and other retail, I've noticed fewer approach opportunities than at a bar with a big crowd. Bars/clubs have always had that advantage over non-bar venues for approaching. The pandemic has impacted this. I still think that outdoor approaching is the most viable form of approaching today. There are still too many masks in grocery stores and other indoor retail to do approaching well. Additionally, people are less inclined to linger indoors at retail outlets than they were pre-pandemic.

- Is cold approaching essentially a numbers game, even with practice? Can I realistically expect my chances to significantly improve with practice.
Everything is a numbers game.
It doesn't have to be a numbers game. Everyone needs some volume of approaches but process is more important. If you're doing the right things in individual approaches and selecting the right targets to approach, you'll need fewer approaches to accomplish what you want to accomplish.

How do you guys mentally handle cold approaching in front of your friends/groups of friends?
Your friends don't care about you getting rejected. Your friends are impressed that you're taking the initiative to make approaches. That's how friends are supposed to act.
 

PRW63

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1)Girl at the dance floor.
I saw a cute girl rock up at the joint. She was with a bunch of friends. Almost from the get go, she was approached a couple of times. But seemed bored. I wanted to make my move but there were constantly guys talking to her. She looked bored and eventually she was standing/bobbing by herself at the dance floor. Her friends had left her. I make my move, smile and get up next to her. First thing I said was 'you look new to the place, enjoying yourself?'. She was sort of mellow, like one worded replies to our initial chat. I push through and ask her where she's from and she more or less started to ignore me before her female friend swooped in and took her dancing. She almost looked passed or cbf I approached her.

Might sound like a stupid question but was it a lose lose situation from the get go? Could I have done it better?
It is becuase the first words out of your mouth were the same "quiz" that she got from the 15 guys before you,...instead of it being "Let's go dance" as you take her hand and lead her out on to the floor.
2)Wild girl.
So I was chatting with my buddy and eventually this gay guy comes up to me and tells me I'm good looking. He tells me he wants to introduce me to his friend, this wild tight dressed cute girl, and immediately drags her over to me. I start chatting with her but her other girl friend starts dragging her away. The wild girl holds my hand and tries to pull me away but I didn't want leave my buddy alone.
You should have stepped away from your "buddy",...he's a "big boy" now isn't he?? Should be able to take care of himself and hold his own, right? But as you walk away you change direction to also move her away from her friend at the same time. Now the two are alone.
I'm wondering wtf is going with her girl friend. Why does she keep coming in and interrupting. How do you guys deal with this scenario? (FYI, after last night, the wild girl did eventually hit me up social media, she wanted to go home with me and has high IL).
Easy to figure out. She doesn't like you. Something about you, the way you look, your mannerisms,...something. She knows her frind is kinda slutty and will go home with just about anything that walks, so she is trying to protect her by blocking you so her friend doesn't go home with you.

3)Girl across the table.
I was with my buddy drinking at the bar, laughing loads. I noticed these 2 girls across us at the far side. I had a vibe one of them kept tried to make small eye contact with me but she would look away and was not smiling. I wanted to approach her but she was far away. It would be a very deliberate move so I wanted to confirm IL first before I did. Anyway whole night she would do the same, look over occasionally, stoic face, look away. Eventually she left.

How would you guys read IL in a situation like this. What are the signs?
She wasn't interested. There may have been something about you that worked as an oddity or curiosity to make her "look" but that is all it was.

My buddy suggested we buy and send drinks over but being red pilled, I felt it was beta. What situations would you guys buy drinks for girls?
No, "beta" was doing nothing. You probably would haved got shot down anyway, but going over and having a brief conversation (with the whole table, not just her) would have been a positive thing to do over all.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Cold approach is hard as ****kkk. Not talking IOIS or approach invitations. The best have a 10% success rate. There's a model pua on the old rsd forums and he at best would go 1/10. Lots of "haha but no." This is perspective.

Op it's like any skill set. You get better doing lots. It's all about reps. As for outcome, looks, height, swag, social equity etc are variables. If you sperg or are hyper over analyze everything, it won't end well.

Lastly, while I don't disagree fundamentally with red pill, there's endless sea of 6day podcast on hypergamy. Everybody is playing house. Nobody but troy or tusk APPROACHES.

NO shots fired. Real talk. You will get more girls turning off YouTube and approaching all week. You can rampage every weekend or you can approach a handful of times everyday until FOREVER. You will strike out. You will take Ls. You will also get more ass but it's dependent on your output. Case snd point, 99% of men can't approach. Don't pull. Game = VOLUME + COMPLIANCE OR NEXT!

Shooting your shot puts you in front of the pack and most YouTube.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Hello gents.

New year. New me. I wanted to pick up cold approaching. (Prior to this, I've largely been doing OLD and social media game. Had alright success with it but incredibly tiring and boring to game like this. Time to learn and get good at cold approaching.)

So last night I was at a night club, it was really happening, super packed. For some context, I'm 5'10. Lean build. Was dressed fashionably. Probably one of the best dressed at the joint. Received many compliments about my style. I had 3 situations, would like some specific thoughts/advice:

1)Girl at the dance floor.
I saw a cute girl rock up at the joint. She was with a bunch of friends. Almost from the get go, she was approached a couple of times. But seemed bored. I wanted to make my move but there were constantly guys talking to her. She looked bored and eventually she was standing/bobbing by herself at the dance floor. Her friends had left her. I make my move, smile and get up next to her. First thing I said was 'you look new to the place, enjoying yourself?'. She was sort of mellow, like one worded replies to our initial chat. I push through and ask her where she's from and she more or less started to ignore me before her female friend swooped in and took her dancing. She almost looked passed or cbf I approached her.

Might sound like a stupid question but was it a lose lose situation from the get go? Could I have done it better?

Could you have done it better? Yes. But focus on the wins/positives. You made a move. The reality is, most girls (like this one) get approached by morons and creeps all the time. What this means is that she will be predisposed and guarded about ANY guy that approaches her. In her eyes, every guy that does is like the rest. With that, you have to be unique and authentic about your approach. Could you say something clever? Sure. But I bet most guys have their repertoire of clever lines so even that would most likely not faze her. I'd like to keep it simple and even make an ironic remark about how much she is being approached. Whatever you do, strike, make it about her, make her laugh, and exit. This will make you stand out as most guys like to hold hostage a girl they approach. If she is interested, allow her to chase you around the joint. She will find you. If not, continue enjoying yourself and on to the next potential girl.

2)Wild girl.

So I was chatting with my buddy and eventually this gay guy comes up to me and tells me I'm good looking. He tells me he wants to introduce me to his friend, this wild tight dressed cute girl, and immediately drags her over to me. I start chatting with her but her other girl friend starts dragging her away. The wild girl holds my hand and tries to pull me away but I didn't want leave my buddy alone. So I anyway, later on, I see her dancing and I go dance with her. Again her girlfriend eventually swoops in and tries to drag her away.

I'm wondering wtf is going with her girl friend. Why does she keep coming in and interrupting. How do you guys deal with this scenario? (FYI, after last night, the wild girl did eventually hit me up social media, she wanted to go home with me and has high IL).

Happens ALL the time. Hence the label "c**k blockers". They are typically jealous and overprotective girls that are there to make sure their friends are safe. Usually, they are the ones that are jaded and have been burned or simply the ugly ducklings of the group so that's their designated role in the group. Honestly, there is not much you can do. They are hard to get rid of unless your buddy takes one for the team and talks to her. In this case, I would try to be as direct (kino, sexual innuendos, etc) from the get-go with this girl, try to turn her on quick, and make her wonder. And invite her back to your place while you have a chance and the c**k blocker is distracted. Another way is to simply engage with the c**k blocker, and make her your ally. Doesn't always work but if you are likable enough she will ease with the c**k blocking behavior. I'm sure there are other ways around it but in my experience, they are pretty stubborn about guarding her friends.

3)Girl across the table.

I was with my buddy drinking at the bar, laughing loads. I noticed these 2 girls across us at the far side. I had a vibe one of them kept tried to make small eye contact with me but she would look away and was not smiling. I wanted to approach her but she was far away. It would be a very deliberate move so I wanted to confirm IL first before I did. Anyway whole night she would do the same, look over occasionally, stoic face, look away. Eventually she left.

How would you guys read IL in a situation like this. What are the signs?

My buddy suggested we buy and send drinks over but being red pilled, I felt it was beta. What situations would you guys buy drinks for girls?

What is your approach to bar table game?

Don't buy girls drinks. It is something A LOT of guys do, don't be like everybody else. Plus be aware that many girls (not all) go out and do their best to look cute and reel you enough to get you to buy drinks. I personally have heard some girls brag about being able to go out and spend zero dollars on drinks and food.

And yes, you can approach but again just like the first girl. Make an impression and exit. Make sure she still sees you in case you catch her looking at you. If she does, that means she wants to engage. Then I would pull her away from the bar and onto the dance floor. Just make sure you keep your dancing minimal (don't go breakdancing on her).

----

Thanks bros for reading. Would appreciate your insights, thoughts and advice about the above.

- James
Very, very proud of you for cold approaching. That is what actually builds confidence in your "game" with women and in yourself.

I will leave my observations/advice at the bottom of each encounter/girl marked in bold/underlined.

Hope it helps.


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