Tricky Women at work Situation help!

[danny0001uk]

Hi All

Ive been seeing a woman for 9 months now we last broke up about 1 months ago because i wouldnt commit to her be gf/bf and tell people we are a couple.

I agreed that we would be a couple and tell people but i said that i dont want you messaging other guys on fb .

This particular guy who wants to be with her has been messaging her and she has been messaging him back since!!!! I know her email password and saw she had been getting fb messages from him and she has been replying!

She is always on fb messenger.

Today i got on her iphone without her knowing and looked at fb messages and she has deleted all the messages between herself and him!!!!

We felt out about a month ago and i said i dont want her messaging any other men.

She found out i messaged one of my female work friends out of work and went crazy at me!!!

The problem is we work together so i can hardly go n/c i dont know how to take this forward? Without upsetting her or having her work friends turn against me.

Any advice?

 

[RangerMIke]

Yea... stop worrying about who is messaging her. So what, she communicates with other dudes... what are you trying to stop?

Acting like this makes you look weak and insecure. You should not care about other guys because you should have the attitude that you are the best and you don't have any competition.

 

[danny0001uk]

It's not a jealousy issue it's a respect one

I can't message a female work colleague but she can be on fb messenger to another man who we both know is into her.

 

[Yewki]

It's not a jealousy issue it's a respect one

I can't message a female work colleague but she can be on fb messenger to another man who we both know is into her.

If you hadn't set the precedent that she's not to message guys then she probably wouldn't be going off on you about messaging a female coworker.

 

[danny0001uk]

She went off at me first long before I said the no messaging thing.

Why is OK for her to messaging guys but I can't I should be the one in control

 

[SgtSplacker]

Seriously dude, your winning here. Just stay communicating with women you like. You get laid while she gets dogged. lol

 

[Yewki]

She went off at me first long before I said the no messaging thing.

Why is OK for her to messaging guys but I can't I should be the one in control

I see. When she went off on you the first time you should have shrugged it off and said, "Sorry I'm gonna have platonic relations with whomever I want and and so can you".

Since you didn't, and you've thrown her own rule back in her face, it's not as simple. If I were you I'd pull some reverse psychology mind f*cking and explain to her you were being overly protective before and you don't mind who she talks to you because you trust her. She'll suspect you're saying this because you're losing interest and want to pursue other girls, but whether that's true or not you will regain frame.

 

[G_Govan]

Let her communicate with other guys while you spin plates. So what if you told her you were exclusive, she already showed you her true colors.

She's a FWB now... she just doesn't know it yet.

Guys take women like this way too seriously.

She wanted exclusivity to minimize your options while she maintained hers.

 

[WanderingMan]

i wouldnt commit to her be gf/bf and tell people we are a couple.

I agreed that we would be a couple and tell people but i said that i dont want you messaging other guys on fb .

This is what happens when you try to turn an exclusive relationship into a negotiation. If either side isn't fully into the relationship, then it's doomed from the start. It sounds to me she just wanted someone to call her "boyfriend" while she still did what she wanted. And you agreed to commit, even though you really didn't want to.

Now that there's drama and she's making you jealous, she seems to have gained the upper hand - your head's turned inside out.

Take a break from this dysfunctional relationship, take some time, then see where the chips fall.

 

[danny0001uk]

I'm definitely not jealous at all .

I called her up on it yesterday she came out with he knows we are just friends / I have been friends with him for ten years / you canto tell me who I can be friends with / when I brought it up about me messaging my coworker which was a totally innocent message she said well she isn't your friend is she .

Her messages from him are about cuddles and wish I was cuddling you etc

She also said u can meet him if you want he can message phone you as if that would make a difference.

If he knows there just friends why is he sending these messages about cuddling hahaha and about her putting a smile on his face !

 

[danny0001uk]

She doesn't know that I know she has deleted the messages or what messages I have seen

 

[Yewki]

Edit: After rereading your posts it's not clear she did anything wrong. Sounds like she's just trying to hide the fact she has a pathetic beta orbiter who wants to cuddle with her. What did she actually say to the guy that has you rustled?