Tricky situation and i need YOUR advice. All replies welcome.

[AMF]

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I wouldnt ask a question unless I was seriously needing some male advice.

Basically, Ive just broken up with my girlfriend because I have feelings for someone else.

I met this amazing HB 9 4 months ago. I played her for ages, avoiding talking to her but letting her "see me." Knew she wanted me, but I gave her nothing. Eventually we get talking and there was SO MUCH tension its unreal. Shes in a different league to my (now) ex-girlfriend, in every way, and we both realised there was something there.

Nothing happened though. I dont know why, I guess my balls shrank. Then I met my g/f and the in-between part is history.

Anyway the other night she FINALLY told me how she felt, and it was unbelivable because she'd literally had all the same feelings as me. She was gutted that I had got back with my girlfriend when I did, because she thought it was finally her and my chance. So, this is the best news I think Ive ever had, guys.

But I kept my cool, Im too experienced to get carried away there and then (I tell myself.)

I ended up stayin with her that night. Great things were said but we were slightly drunk. I felt guilty. I told her I would have to break up with my g/f... BUT was careful to NOT directly say it was all because of her.

NOW, the thing is I have been burnt before breaking up with someone, for someone else. Ive met girls outside my relationship (yeah I know, I suck) then as soon as I make myself available, the chick loses interest.

So. This girl and I have been messaging. There's been the odd really positive comment - like "Ive not stopped thinking about you". But, Im wary. So I have set the tone for our "conversations", of definitely playing it cool and really keeping it light, and only touching briefly on how I might feel. And so, in the main, what Ive received from her hasnt been:

"yeah, I want you, break up with her."

rather its maybe avoided the issue somewhat. Ive kinda been looking for more encouragement but anyway, I split from the g/f today. I mean, I wasnt happy anyway, and it was only fair.

So here I am. The last text from me included something like:

"Am meeting 'her' today, wish me luck, if I die you can have my cat" (or something!)

and her reply was NOT "cant wait, let me know how it goes, get in touch"

it was just:

"blah blah blah... good luck".

She says she likes me. She says shes always liked me. I'm 98% sure shes not a cokktease.

I feel like Ive set this up. IF she genuinely likes me, then she's got the PERFECT opportunity to get in touch. To ask "how it went". Also, Ive got an excuse to not text her, because I could be "upset" or still involved. Basically, I feel I cant make any more contact because:

I dont want her to think Ive done this for her.

Am I correct: dumping someone for a girl is unattractive because it is the ultimate supplication?

How do I play this guys?

Thanks everyone.

 

[DJDamage]

Am I correct: dumping someone for a girl is unattractive because it is the ultimate supplication?

How do I play this guys?

In a way it is a form of supplicating because you let her know that you are dumping your girlfriend because of her. You should have played it like you weren't happy with your relationship at the first place and you would have dumped her regardless if this girl wanted you or not.

When you date this new girl make sure that you keep her guessing and not let her know how you really feel about her. As well make sure to let her know through your actions that you are the boss and that you are running this relationship and not her.

 

[catch]

tell this other girl that you are just having a rest from the relationship,
let her know that your just having a break...

then she will think twice about your availability... he he he...

start to give her mixed signals to keep her guessing....

and definatly go look for other girls to make her jelous...

let her wonder about how you feel about her now... let her chase you...

then...

make a good old move on her...

 

[Desdinova]

Personally, I wouldn't have told her anything about the situation between you and your girlfriend. When a woman is interested in a guy who has a gf, she'll usually ask "So, how's your gf?" If they're interested, they'll look for the opportunity to jump at you.

The decision to break up with your gf should be yours, and yours alone.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by AMF
NOW, the thing is I have been burnt before breaking up with someone, for someone else. Ive met girls outside my relationship (yeah I know, I suck) then as soon as I make myself available, the chick loses interest.

Men do not "make themselves available." It's a woman's role to make herself available. A man's role is to ACT and acquire that which is available.

When you go to a grocery store, you don't see a bunch of people piled in a bin waiting for a banana to pick one of them up.

So. This girl and I have been messaging. There's been the odd really positive comment - like "Ive not stopped thinking about you". But, Im wary. So I have set the tone for our "conversations", of definitely playing it cool and really keeping it light, and only touching briefly on how I might feel. And so, in the main, what Ive received from her hasnt been:

"yeah, I want you, break up with her."

rather its maybe avoided the issue somewhat. Ive kinda been looking for more encouragement but anyway, I split from the g/f today. I mean, I wasnt happy anyway, and it was only fair.

So here I am. The last text from me included something like:

"Am meeting 'her' today, wish me luck, if I die you can have my cat" (or something!)

and her reply was NOT "cant wait, let me know how it goes, get in touch"

it was just:

"blah blah blah... good luck".

She says she likes me. She says shes always liked me. I'm 98% sure shes not a cokktease.

If it's been said on this site once, it's been said a million times. WOMEN DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. You can NOT trust what a woman says. "She says she likes me. She says she means it." The thing is that she doesn't even KNOW if she means it or not.

Don't watch what women say, watch what they DO. If she says she likes you, but she's less than enthusiastic every time you talk to her, then maybe that should tell you something. When you make a decision like this, you should listen to your GUT more than your brain. If everything seems fine logically, but deep in the back of your mind you get this creeping feeling that something might be out of whack, despite her reassurances, DON'T DO IT.

By the way, be careful about cutting one girl loose before you have a tight grip on the other one. And it's actually almost an indication of supplication when you tell a woman, "I'm leaving my girl for you." If she asks, you're leaving your girl because you're tired of your girl, not because you want HER.

I feel like Ive set this up. IF she genuinely likes me, then she's got the PERFECT opportunity to get in touch.

OK stop right there....that's weak, dude. You're going to take an authoritative action like breaking up with your girl, but you're going to WAIT for the new girl to make a move?? "OK, I broke up with my girl. Now what?" You KNOW what. You started this sh!t, now finish it.

To ask "how it went". Also, Ive got an excuse to not text her, because I could be "upset" or still involved. Basically, I feel I cant make any more contact because:

I dont want her to think Ive done this for her.

Am I correct: dumping someone for a girl is unattractive because it is the ultimate supplication?

How do I play this guys?

Thanks everyone.

So what you're saying, in essence, is," I wanna surrender my balls to this girl, but I don't want her to know she has them."

Dude, you build a skyscraper with steel and concrete, not toothpicks and paper mache. Sure you CAN, in theory, but it just doesn't work and it's more trouble than it's worth, and chances are it'll come crashing down around you.

Well you've done it, though, you've broken up with your girlfriend. Now TAKE this girl. Don't wait for her to see you're "available". You're not available. You are NOT a nail waiting to be driven home. You are the motherf*cking HAMMER. Now go nail that girl and make her yours. And if she doesn't want to be taken, then turn away from BOTH your girlfriend AND this girl and don't look back.

 

[AMF]

Fantastic advice.

 

[So pimp its scary]

1 - Nothing happened though. I dont know why, I guess my balls shrank. Then I met my g/f and the in-between part is history.

*The second you feel your balls shrinking, you've lost some points.

2- Anyway the other night she FINALLY told me how she felt, and it was unbelivable because she'd literally had all the same feelings as me. She was gutted that I had got back with my girlfriend when I did, because she thought it was finally her and my chance. So, this is the best news I think Ive ever had, guys.

*So, did you TELL her you felt the same way. PLEASE Say NO!

3 - I ended up stayin with her that night. Great things were said but we were slightly drunk. I felt guilty. I told her I would have to break up with my g/f... BUT was careful to NOT directly say it was all because of her.

*By not having sex with this girl, you showed that you still have feelings for the EX. BAD NEWS if you want to turn this into a relationship, she will start to think of herself as a rebound relationship and start acting accordingly. And your next paragraph is why.

4 - NOW, the thing is I have been burnt before breaking up with someone, for someone else. Ive met girls outside my relationship (yeah I know, I suck) then as soon as I make myself available, the chick loses interest.
and her reply was NOT "cant wait, let me know how it goes, get in touch"

5 - it was just:

"blah blah blah... good luck".

She says she likes me. She says shes always liked me. I'm 98% sure shes not a cokktease.

I feel like Ive set this up. IF she genuinely likes me, then she's got the PERFECT opportunity to get in touch. To ask "how it went". Also, Ive got an excuse to not text her, because I could be "upset" or still involved. Basically, I feel I cant make any more contact because:

I dont want her to think Ive done this for her.

Am I correct: dumping someone for a girl is unattractive because it is the ultimate supplication?

How do I play this guys?

-----------

You've done a few things that have probably hurt her IL in you... its still up there, but not where it could be.

You have been making it quite clear to this woman that you are seeking her approval BEFORE you go out and dump your gf... WHy are you being a wimp about it?

You don't want her to think that youve done this for her? TOO LATE.

YES, you are correct, its very unnatractive... because she thinks of herself in your gfs shoes 6 months from now.

To play this;
1 - grab your balls... dump the gf.
2 - Don't instantly tell the new girl.
3 - Go flirt with other girls for a week, or otherwise be too busy to talk to the new girl.
4 - Get a date with the new girl, bring her to your place to 'watch some movies'
5 - Make the moves on the new girl, without mentioning the ex. When she DOES ask, just say that you did it a while ago, and have taken some time to get your head straight about what you want, or some spiel like that... and make crazy monkey sex with the new girl.