"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Tricky coffee shop girl situation.

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OneofOne

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There's a girl I've been flirting with who works at the coffee shop I frequent in the mornings. She's new there and her boss is always hovering around nearby. She told me she thinks he wants her, and the last couple of days whenever I show up he makes a beeline to her station and just stands there making the situation awkward.

Now I've got some good IOI's from her, and today she directly told me what time she would get off work after I teased her about being too tired to keep up with me. But, with her boss there it's almost impossible to #close her and set things up for later.

How would you handle this situation?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Kailex

Kailex

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He probably recognizes you as a potential threat, but the longer you delay, the more comfortable he'll feel about you NOT being a threat.

And what are you so worried about?

Are you sure it's HIM that you are worried about or is it that she might reject you in front of him?

I would just imagine he's not there at all. The conversation is between me and her, and he's not included. Stop wasting your time worrying about whether the boss is there or not and start using your time more wisely.

Worst case scenario: You start buying coffee somewhere else. Hardly the end of the world.
 
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TheBucketOfTruth

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Just write your number down and slip it to her while the boss isn't looking. Put a very brief note on it like "call me when you get off."
 
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Iceberg

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TheBucketOfTruth said:
Just write your number down and slip it to her while the boss isn't looking. Put a very brief note on it like "call me when you get off."
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I definitely wouldn't do that.

It's hard enough for a man to make the first move. Now you wanna leave it up to a woman? Even if she liked the guy, it'd be a hell of a gamble.

But basically: if the boss is there, and that's your ONLY chance to get the number, then you gotta do it anyway. You can't let the outside world influence your dating life.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Serg897

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Get her number in front of her boss. It will take balls, but you should not be intimidated.
 
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OneofOne

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Understood. Will go ahead and just go for it.

I think I need to get rid of a lot of the conditioning I got growing up. For some reason I was concerned about how her being punished or still having a job, when in fact that's for her to be concerned about, not me.
 
K

kyokon

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Serg897 said:
Get her number in front of her boss. It will take balls, but you should not be intimidated.
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I second this. Even if it doesn't work - and it might not if she is self-conscious of her boss behind her - it will boost your confidence a lot to have tried, and now she knows you are interested she can always tell you later.
 
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TheBucketOfTruth

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Iceberg said:
I definitely wouldn't do that.

It's hard enough for a man to make the first move. Now you wanna leave it up to a woman? Even if she liked the guy, it'd be a hell of a gamble.

But basically: if the boss is there, and that's your ONLY chance to get the number, then you gotta do it anyway. You can't let the outside world influence your dating life.
Click to expand...
If she was actually into him as he suggested (telling him what time she'd be off work), then she would likely call as instructed. This was a more covert way to go about it since he seemed worried about the boss seeing or getting her in trouble with her boss. In any case, it's nice to see he will be proceeding.
 
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OneofOne

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Forgot to update.

I talked to her again and asked her out, she got very shy all of a sudden, then she shut me down, saying "I'm going back to Ukraine next week, so it's not good to start something here."

Oh well.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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NeverFear

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Man have you made this simple situation complicated. Youre hanging around, worried about other guys, getting tongue tied. Most likely, she's losing interest quick.

You should have gotten her name and given yours, called her back on her shift at the restaurant an hour later, gotten the digits, and then waited five days and called for a coffee date on a weekday night.

Not so hard is it?

Women tend to like direct simplicity.

In the coffee shop situation, you dont embarass them with asking them out
in front of anyone else. A simple private phone call, and no problem.

Back in my day, i did this all the time. Id call back and say

'hey, im the guy who was eating in booth 55A an hour ago (wacky humor). Im curious if
youre as interesting as you seem or was it just a good act to get a tip? (challenge).

And then say GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER, AND WE CAN GRAB COFFEE SOMETIME (confidence).

Keep it fun an casual. Show them a little bit about yourself as an adventurous
guy. Show flashes of unpredictability.

If you like them, take them to a steakhouse a week later. Make sure you
dress nice, and smell good.
 
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