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Travel fail post mortem

Visionist

Senior Don Juan
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Trapped inside for two weeks now, got me thinking about what went wrong with a HB8 I should and most probably could have gotten with a few years ago. A laughable farce.

I met this British girl at a beach club in Italy, she seemed a bit of a tart ie. my type. My Italian friend knew her and blew a fuse when I spent a half hour talking to her and not him (he can't speak English).

Months later, I'm heading to Britain and she suggests I come visit her in Bristol, a three hour train ride from my UK home, and a pricey one. I agree without planning anything in particular and my friend finds out and tells me I should suggest a threesome with all of us and he'll join me on the trip. I ignore his request.

I go to Bristol, me and her hang out, and I make nothing happen. We grab a coffee first and spend most of the weekend playing card games at her student dorm, which she invited me to sleep in before I arrived. Anybody else would have escalated and kissed and banged her, but I didn't. She spends the rest of the weekend complaining that she's "tired" and can't go out, so I hang out with her friends.

Where I think I fücked up:

1: I was in her frame.

I had no plan for myself in Bristol. This is the UK's capital of electronic music. Some of my favourite bands are from here. Drum n Bass was born here. As if I couldn't Google a dozen places to check out! Instead of going along with wherever she wanted to go, which essentially turned out to be nowhere, I should have told her "I'm going here, here and here. Feel free to join me". I guess not knowing the city I was unsure about public transport etc, but a little more pre-Googling would have fixed that. She kept saying "Bristol is boring! There's nowhere to go during the day!" and then didn't want to go anywhere in the evening, either (this was a weekend too).

2: I didn't escalate.

As soon as she first met me outside the station, I should have taken her hands in mine and kept them there whilst making leading statements as to what she's been up to, then turned around, putting my arm around her and gesturing to Bristol with the other arm and telling her I'm gonna have a Hell of a weekend (implication: with or without her). I should have sat next to her in the café and leaned into her and touched her a lot on the hands, neck and body, the way I do with all women these days. I used to believe you should sit opposite a woman for the eye contact; No. Now I sit next to them and touch them up and if there's eye contact, she has to physically turn her head and look straight at me and can't hide her interest.

3: I had no real plan.

Logistically I was weighed down by a carry-on bag which probably wasn't necessary. I think we took a taxi from the station to her dorm to stash it. I wouldn't let her split the bill for taxis which was foolish looking back. Today, I'd let her pay for the whole taxi and tell her I'll "make it worth her while" with a smirk. A pro-move would have been to escalate physically with her in the back of the taxi there and then, not sure how though. I neglected to think about the general logistics of closing; atmosphere, deniability, etc. Today I know a girl will get with a guy she barely knows, so long as nobody else she knows is around. Maybe endeavour to show up a bit later or go touring Bristol for a bit myself first, then meet her after dark, scope out those cozy secluded booths at the back of most bars and close. Much easier although you still gotta close! I was afraid of rejection, but why? So what? Some chick I'll never meet again rejects me, big whoop. I have cash for my own hotel if I need it. No excuses for not having a go even though she didn't seem into me. She ended up giving me her room and went to sleep in another.


To conclude, I didn't take control.

I actually met another cute girl on the train a half hour before reaching Bristol. Didn't get her number. Scarcity mentality.

I welcome your thoughts.
 

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AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
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Not much to say here bro, you already went over it yourself. We've all fvcked up, and being human we will keep doing so, just several days ago I wanted to tear myself apart in anger over how I was too inhibited by fear of "harassing" a girl to escalate.

Ime your biggest mistake here was traveling to see a woman, with no primary plan for why you wanted to go there aside from her. Rather than being "romantic" or "brave" or anything like that, this kind of investment will probably just turn women off because they interpret it as desperation. A player - which is the man they want - wouldn't need to or feel like traveling just to see a woman. It also makes you agonize over what a fool you were when you waste your time. I've done this myself too but at a much greater expense than you did which is how I learned the lesson... Never again.
 
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