Tough Time Getting Close

[lifeislearning]

Been dating a great girl now for one year. Met her during probably the greatest year of my life on the prowl. I was working out regularly, had just gotten over an ex who, turns out, wasn't nearly as great as I thought she was, and for the first time in my life I realized how valuable of a commodity I am. It was great. Few friends believed my success until they went out with me. I was literally turning girls away, and I got some great stories from it.

Enter current gf. I know she is certainly not perfect, but honestly guys she is the best that I've come across yet, and believe me I've kept my eyes open. Of course she's sweet, cute... blah, blah, and all that crap. Thing that makes her different is she very very seldom is that dumb girl we all know. She can think and reason like a guy. She is adventurous like me, and yes in a naughty way too, but also like me, she can spend all day at a museum that would bore most people to tears. She is willing to try a new hobby or recipe with no hesitation, thinks up fun things for us to do (the ex always left it to me, and that got exhausting), and I never worry about her loyalty. Plus she is smart, driven, and the best lover I have EVER known! That girl's a freak.

I thought I was a nympho, but damn. :woo: (always wondered what this emoticon was for)

Back on track though, she recently dropped the "love" talk on me and while I want to return it, something stops me. Something has kept me holding back for months. Before the ex I was known as that emotional, romantic guy, but sometime after that I learned those guys often get hurt, sleep alone, and had nowhere near the success I was having keeping my bad boy side up-front. Somewhere in there I lost much of my ability to open up, be romantic, and commit fully to the relationship.

I know I am young, and probably have many years before settling down, but if I had to commit to someone now, I know now I would pick her. She is almost exactly the girl I'm hoping to find when I am ready to settle down. I'm just not ready for that now, and honestly the thought of being single and focusing entirely on myself is very appealing. Anybody ever leave a great relationship for no good reason? Any issues connecting with someone after leading a DJ single-life?

 

[f283000]

Back on track though, she recently dropped the "love" talk on me and while I want to return it, something stops me. Something has kept me holding back for months. Before the ex I was known as that emotional, romantic guy, but sometime after that I learned those guys often get hurt, sleep alone, and had nowhere near the success I was having keeping my bad boy side up-front. Somewhere in there I lost much of my ability to open up, be romantic, and commit fully to the relationship.

Your problem is that you feel that you have to go back to your emotional afc ways in a relationship that your new dj persona has helped you build!

Why are you trying to fix something that ain't broken? You got a girl to drop the love talk to you and somehow you feel you might be doing something wrong when you have been doing things right!

I read plenty of stories in this forum of guys going back to their nice guy selves and then girls losing interest and dumping them after. It's something you have to be careful about.

 

[Sabol]

It sounds like you may have some trust issues and are afraid that she is going to hurt you.

I'm in the same boat, my man. I'm trying to get over this too, but it's a challenge.

It also sounds like that she might not be the "challenge" that you were hoping for.

 

[Sabol]

delete

 

[Jitterbug]

Don Juan the character is a romantic man. He is a lover, not a d1ck-on-legs.

The difference between being a romantic Don Juan and a romantic Nice Guy is that the former has control of his feelings & emotions, while the latter is ruled by them (kinda like women).

That is something you'll need to learn. Do you know what it is like to channel your emotions to useful pursuits?

 

[lifeislearning]

Don Juan the character is a romantic man. He is a lover, not a d1ck-on-legs.

The difference between being a romantic Don Juan and a romantic Nice Guy is that the former has control of his feelings & emotions, while the latter is ruled by them (kinda like women).

That is something you'll need to learn. Do you know what it is like to channel your emotions to useful pursuits?

Good reminder. In my eyes the DJ is also allows himself to express his sexuality more, and knows the importance of developing his live as a primary focus. I was no d1ck-on-legs, but my approach was very different than what it had been.

In this case my feelings of awkwardness stem from my ability to redirect my emotions away from the relationship, and the difficulty turning them toward it.

Sabol, I feel for you, but I'm not feeling fear, jealousy, or suspicion right now. Part of me would be ok with her moving on.

F28300, you sound like my friends who think I'm crazy for doubting what they see as a good thing. No plans to revert to AFCdom, but something is missing. I know I sound like the "typical guy," wary of commitment, but I guess thats where I am now.

 

[Pair A Dice]

This has the possibility of going one of three ways:

1. You continue along with what you say is a great relationship and enjoy it

2. You get all confused in your head and you self-destruct it from the inside. It ends in a matter of weeks.

3. You end it right now before No. 2 happens but don't get to experience No. 1.

It's your call.