Torn and rejected

[For_F]

Been reading threads on this forum for months and I feel as if I will get flamed for what I'm about to say and I really feel that I shouldn't.

I was dumped by my ex girlfriend a couple weeks ago which hurt me tremendously. I gave her my all and we had plans of getting engaged in the near future. That all got torn away from me when she heartlessly broke up with me through a text message and now it's all over.

In trying to get out there, last week I got three girl's numbers. One I tried calling couple days after number, didn't pick up. Other one I messaged that night, she didn't reply. And the third one I don't fancy whatsoever and only got it because I was in a really pissed off mood and felt like it (she was working in a cafe and noone bar me was in that cafe).

I know that this sequence of events would be pretty disheartening for the strongest of us and maybe the most experienced of us but my ex gf meant so much to me. Have been in serious relationships before but nothing to the extent of what I was planning with her.

Anway, I've been trying to go out with buddies, going to the gym, work full-time etc to keep active. I know time will help but things just feel so f*cked. Really, can't believe she could leave me like that. I have never been dumped in a relationship before so it's all new as well.

Please, any positive advise will be appreciated.

 

[bigneil]

If she really loved you, she wouldn't have dumped you so heartlessly. She would have dumped you in a nicer way.

Actually, if she really loved you, she wouldn't have dumped you to begin with. For some reason, men think that they got dumped worse because the girl did it in a cold way, but when does anyone dump someone in a warm way? Getting dumped sucks universally.

Naturally you feel pain. You were told you weren't good enough. So you have two choices:

1) Demonize your ex and tell your mom who will give you a hug.
or
2) Realize that your ex probably had a point, that you should improve yourself.

Plus, if you have never been dumped it was about time. How else will you realize you can most likely can do better than the girl you were with? This will especially be true now that you'll be inspired to change (or you wouldn't have signed up - welcome to SS).

 

[For_F]

If she really loved you, she wouldn't have dumped you so heartlessly. She would have dumped you in a nicer way.

Actually, if she really loved you, she wouldn't have dumped you to begin with. For some reason men think that they got dumped worse because the girl did it in a cold way - when does anyone dump someone in a warm way?

Naturally you feel pain. You were told you weren't good enough. So you have two choices:

1) Demonize your ex and tell your mom who will give you a hug.
or
2) Realize that your ex probably had a point, that you should improve yourself.

Plus, if you have never been dumped it was about time. How else will you realize you can most likely can do better than the girl you were with? This will especially be true now that you'll be inspired to change (or you wouldn't have signed up).

I have always been the dumper, and when I'm honest with myself, of course the way I have ended it with girls has been quite cruel. But I feel as if that was when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I'm heading towards being 30 in a few years. It's also true that this has made me reevaluate myself. I know, from reading a lot of what is said on this site, that I made huge errors with my ex. Gave her too much power and just too many reasons to not appreciate and respect me. What I thought was being caring and loving was probably too much weak personality.

Rarely have I let a girl walk all over me like this. I would be a 'man' then would feel bad for us and her and would stupidly come back to her. I wasn't thinking straight during the relationship and thought it wouldn't end or something.

I know she didn't love me. She has been cold as ice ever since and has (publicly) moved on while I mope and am depressed.

 

[GotED?]

Make sure next time you determine the FRAME of the relationship - until then, man-up, lick your wounds, find your self-respect, go play with women with the new knowledge you have gained through blood & sweat; and a year later you will look back happily with a woman in your arms that you can't live without and be thankful for all that has happened today. THIS IS LIFE.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[For_F]

Make sure next time you determine the FRAME of the relationship - until then, man-up, lick your wounds, find your self-respect, go play with women with the new knowledge you have gained through blood & sweat; and a year later you will look back happily with a woman in your arms that you can't live without and be thankful for all that has happened today. THIS IS LIFE.

With respect,

Exodus

I honestly feel like I have no identity without her. So much emotion and time was invested in making us work and building a future together. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. Holy **** guys what a pathetic situation and how I have slumped. I KNOW I can learn from this and a year or two years or even longer down the line I can hook up with a woman who knows how to be a woman and actually loves me but I'm the most pessimistic and depressed f*cker out right now.

I'm trying to think of the time before I met her and what I was doing. Really seemed all pointless. I was sleeping with a girl here and there, having odd dates, going to work, hanging with mates, going to gym as time moved on. Then met her, and felt like I had real substance to life. Voice in my head says why do you need a girl to have substance but that's me I guess. I want to have a family and 'settle down' and then it blows up in my face.

 

[GotED?]

go to meetup.com and start getting your ass out of the house, seriously - explore all your interests and likes, then you will find yourself again slowlyl.

 

[For_F]

go to meetup.com and start getting your ass out of the house, seriously - explore all your interests and likes, then you will find yourself again slowlyl.

Let me check it out now.

 

[backseatjuan]

So you were ready to spend your life with a b'tch that dumped you over an sms?????? You fell bad that she left you????? Why? No one around to f'ck?

 

[For_F]

So you were ready to spend your life with a b'tch that dumped you over an sms?????? You fell bad that she left you????? Why? No one around to f'ck?

Dude it's not that simple. Yes in hind site of course she wasn't the one I should have planned to spend my life with but the fact was my actions and thoughts were different. I feel yes, bad, betrayed, sad, shocked everything that she did it to me.

And there are 2 girls who are around to f*ck whenever I want to but they just remind me of who I was and where I was in my life before I met my ex. I want to go forward and meet new girls. And I tried doing that this week and all three canned me.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Nothing hits your self esteem like getting dumped and the pain rocks you to your core.
Everyone gets dumped. EVERYONE. And it fvcking hurts. Then to get brushed by these new girls just reinforces your negative self image.
But it WILL pass.

The journey to self improvement starts now. You've identified your faults, now you have to start living a new life. A life for you.
You are now free to become a better man. One who doesn't accept sh1tty behaviour from women. One who refuses to accept mediocrity. One who is going to be so hardened and improved by this experience that the next girl you choose to allow into your life will be the luckiest bytch on the planet.

Embrace this chance to be you. The new you. Women will come and go but who you are as a man shouldn't change.

Everything happens for a reason and now that you're rid of that unworthy, cold and heartless moll, you can set yourself up to only allow quality women into your circle.
And the occasional cvm dumpster for short-term comfort.

Take some time to grieve but remember, now you start becoming the man your ex will wish that she was with.
The next time you see her, she should be in awe at how well you've done without her holding you back.
You'll be fit, stylish, confident, have a few options on the go and totally unconcerned by what she's doing with her shallow life.

You can do it!

 

[For_F]

Nothing hits your self esteem like getting dumped and the pain rocks you to your core.
Everyone gets dumped. EVERYONE. And it fvcking hurts. Then to get brushed by these new girls just reinforces your negative self image.
But it WILL pass.

The journey to self improvement starts now. You've identified your faults, now you have to start living a new life. A life for you.
You are now free to become a better man. One who doesn't accept sh1tty behaviour from women. One who refuses to accept mediocrity. One who is going to be so hardened and improved by this experience that the next girl you choose to allow into your life will be the luckiest bytch on the planet.

Embrace this chance to be you. The new you. Women will come and go but who you are as a man shouldn't change.

Everything happens for a reason and now that you're rid of that unworthy, cold and heartless moll, you can set yourself up to only allow quality women into your circle.
And the occasional cvm dumpster for short-term comfort.

Take some time to grieve but remember, now you start becoming the man your ex will wish that she was with.
The next time you see her, she should be in awe at how well you've done without her holding you back.
You'll be fit, stylish, confident, have a few options on the go and totally unconcerned by what she's doing with her shallow life.
You can do it!

Dude just got home spent some time with a good buddy of mine and got two girls numbers. One I am more keen on then the other but have to just kind of put my whole sour taste my ex has put in my mouth to the side.

Im going to go by the rules set here and wait three days until I contact her. My kind of normal instinct would be to message her by tomorrow night so she doesn't 'forget' me but I won't.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Don't be in a hurry to replace your ex. Use your new-found free time to take care of yourself.
Be a bit selfish! Bytches will come.

 

[backseatjuan]

To get phone numbers open up phone book and look for hot names. Why not buy a dime and hit the streets, do direct game, go grab something to eat or drink, look at the beach or something, then bring the girl to your place. In the morning ask her to cook for you, and suggest to move in with you. It could end up the beginning of something great.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

First off, my condolences to your previous relationship. I know a lot of the responses you'll get on here will boil down to "dude, suck it up and move on," but I think people forget just how hard that initially is. When you've been dating someone for awhile, they become part of your normal routine, so to have that routine suddenly broken without warning can be quite jarring. It can take a while to get your footing back.

With that said, it may be a good idea to sit back for a couple of days and go back over your relationship with her. When doing so, think about:

*What you liked and didn't like about her
*Why she may have felt the need to dump you
*What you did right and wrong in the relationship

Then - and here's the most important thing - you need to think about WHAT SIGNS SHE MAY HAVE BEEN SHOWING THAT INDICATED HER DECLINING INTEREST. It may have seemed like she dumped you out of nowhere, but women are rarely just turned off right away.

For example: in the days/weeks leading up to what I'll call "dump day", did you notice her becoming less affectionate? Was she starting to slip in little put downs here and there, then tell you she was just joking? Was she starting to invite you out to places less? What about touching, was there less sex/hugs/hand touches coming from her? Did it feel like she was becoming distant?

Sometimes the male ego can get so caught up in how well they THINK they're doing with a girl, that it forgets to be aware of the things above. Then, when dump day arrives he thinks "But how can this be? I'm ME! I couldn't have done anything wrong! She must be crazy!"

However, you need to know what signals to look for that indicate declining interest so you can act on them before the interest is gone completely. (BTW, if you're interested in learning what signals girls show that indicate a LACK of interest, as well as ways you can learn what NOT to do, go HERE.)

In the meantime, getting over your current ex will be a day to day thing that will get better with time. Just keep perspective: there are 3 billion girls in the world, half of which are still single. Don't let ONE girl control what your emotions are - she's not in the picture anymore, so she shouldn't be able to make you feel negatively about yourself either.

 

[For_F]

I wish she wasn't in the picture, we work for the same organisation and I have to meet with her every few weeks.

I can definitely see the weeks of less affection, increased fights and less desire for sex on her end. According to the DJs here and the advice given, I may a lot of mistakes with her. I thought I was being a great boyfriend but for the type of controlling and power hungry woman she is, I know my approach was all wrong in the last couple months. I don't want to be with a girl who I have to act differently or completely change my personality.

Ive had trouble sleeping for more than three hours a night for weeks. I remember hating sleeping in the same bed as her because she would twitch and snore and steal all my sheets but now, seems like I can't sleep without it lol.