Top ten things to start doing in 2021: 3 of 10.

[RangerMIke]

Stop Chasing Happiness: Your state of mind is a by-product of a successful life, not the purpose. I know so many people that happiness is the goal... and when they are not happy, they make foolish decisions in an effort to get there. It is a path to emotional decision making, and more often than not if you do something to attain short term happiness, other things in your life will go sideways.

Some people will quit their jobs because they are not 'happy', when the real problem isn't the 'job', it's what you can do to make money because that is your skill set. A better solution is to train yourself to have more options. We all live in a world where we need money, and often it's a better course of action to suck it up and keep working in a job we might hate, because the alternative could be misery. In contrast, you might be doing something that makes you happy, but the rest of your life is downward spiraling hell hole. It should be all about being the very best version of yourself you can... and happiness will be the consequence.

Some guys will be in un-happy marriages, and I really feel for these guys because I've been there... but if you think having affairs to get a little short term happiness is the solution (assuming your spouse isn't going to be okay with this... there are some married women that don't care and are fine with ignoring this, but remember, women can turn on a dime and one day she is fine with turning a blind eye, and the next day she's taking all your sh1t, and your kids, in family courts). A better solution is to keep it in your pants, and either try to make it work (which really isn't anything you can control) or just bite the bullet and get divorced. Trust me... it is MUCH easy to unwind from a marriage when you do not have a track record of infidelity. My brother is a perfect example... I love him, but he was a moron... while he was still married, he was living with another woman, posting that sh1t all over social media... All that did was aggravate the situation, ended up with him having to pay more spousal support, and just a couple of months ago his ex is suing him for extended spousal support. All this because he handed her ammunition.

Don't chase 'happiness': shape your life so that the possibility that happiness might happen. The best path to happiness is discipline, I know it seems counter intuitive but it is true.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This is an interesting subject - though I am having a bit of trouble following this particular one.

What I am taking from this isn't so much, "don't work on trying to be happy," but instead, "spend time figuring out what will really make you happy in life overall and work toward that, instead of chasing short-term satisfaction without truly understanding the underlying reasons that are motivating you to be drawn toward those short-term actions, and without truly understanding whether those actions would truly make you happy long-term."

Is that what you are saying? Because I feel like being happy and fulfilled overall is the ultimate goal to strive for. We all "chase" it (maybe "chase" is a bad word because it may insinuate that it's a thoughtless, immediate, short-term gratification), but few of us take the time and effort and reflection to break out of the cycle of repeatedly doing things that we THINK will make us happy, but truly don't. Such as a person who gets into a sport and begins to become successful at it - they become drunk off the validation they receive from their wins. But the high is short-lived and so they continue chasing it. Overall it is not making them happy. Just the few days after the win makes them happy and then it's back to having to deal with the demons that cause them to seek that external validation. Or a woman who posts slvtty pictures on Instagram thinking the validation she receives will make her happy - and it might, for an hour. Then it's back to normal. Those are both examples focusing on validation but there are others - like you mentioned about a guy who cheats on his wife for the sexual experience and excitement. But that doesn't last and has consequences. It doesn't do anything to make him happy overall as a person, in a lasting way.

Finding what truly makes us happy and fulfilled is a difficult goal. I'd say probably 90% or more of people never achieve it. I feel like the ones who do are the ones who dedicate their lives to selfishly helping others.

 

[Mike32ct]

Another way to look at this is you are trying to "pull the holes" and fix the things that are making you UNHAPPY, rather than chase happiness itself.

Self-discipline can be viewed as working hard to fix the things that are bothering you (to the extent they can be fixed or mitigated). Then you can at least ascend to being content or neutral, which is probably enough in most cases. If you really kick azz at that, then happiness can follow and would be a bonus.

 

[RangerMIke]

This is an interesting subject - though I am having a bit of trouble following this particular one.

What I am taking from this isn't so much, "don't work on trying to be happy," but instead, "spend time figuring out what will really make you happy in life overall and work toward that, instead of chasing short-term satisfaction without truly understanding the underlying reasons that are motivating you to be drawn toward those short-term actions, and without truly understanding whether those actions would truly make you happy long-term."

Reading this again I agree and this needs clarification: Your overall goal in life isn't to be 'happy', it is to be satisfied with the direction your life is taking. Happiness and misery are fleeting, and there may be parts of your live that make you 'happy' and parts that make you 'miserable', but hopefully these things balance out.

Buying a Mercedes-Benz S-450 Sedan would make me happy. But does that happiness improve my overall quality of life? Well... maybe, but now I have to think about how I'm going to pay the $2k per month car note... the increase in insurance I'm going to have to pay... constantly worry if some @sshat is going to vandalize it out of spite. So is it worth it? It's basically a needs v. wants argument, it is rational v. emotional decision making. I need a car that is going to get me from point A to point B: I want a Mercedes-Benz.

Chasing happiness, or in contrast... running from misery, is a path to emotional decision making. It's like that part in the book "Dude", when Paul Atreides is being tested by the reverend mother with the pain box. If he pulls his hand out of the box she will kill him... so it is a test to see if he is a real human being and not an animal. If you can withstand pain to avoid more serious ramifications then you are better off suffering through misery. I'm in my 50s... and let me tell you working out and eating like I do, day to day can be painful. But I know that if I don't get my @ss out of bed, work up a sweat, then eat a breakfast consisting of egg whites and turkey bacon, I'll end up like MOST of the men I went to high school with that have budding serious medical problems. The easy way is often not the best way.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can be happy without all your never ending goals reached. With relationships we don't have to tie ourselves to people who inject misery and losses. Being with some of these people is a losing position.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My take:

When you are hungry and the doordash guy is on his way, you are happy because you are "on the way" to get something good.

When you're horny and you're on your way to your lady's house, you are happy because you are "on the way" to get something good.

When you've just got another certification to earn you more money, you are happy because you are "on the way" to get something good.

You never need to think in terms of happiness.

Happiness is a natural byproduct of being "on the way" to bigger and better things that are happening under your own power.

If your job sucks, then start looking for another one.

If you are slowly and measurably improving your social skills to get better ladies, "happiness" will be a byproduct of that forward momentum.

Once you start making progress in that area, your happiness will increase.

Strive for more money, better health, better career, better ladies, better friends and happiness will happen as you move closer to those things.

Thing of happiness like a magnetic field that is created as a byproduct of an electrical current, the current being a metaphor for your forward progress.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Reading this again I agree and this needs clarification: Your overall goal in life isn't to be 'happy', it is to be satisfied with the direction your life is taking. Happiness and misery are fleeting, and there may be parts of your live that make you 'happy' and parts that make you 'miserable', but hopefully these things balance out.

Very Zen..... and I agree. Yeah, even though I run 40 miles a week, I wouldn't say I always love it. Mostly I hate it, but it absolutely contributes to my overall happiness because it keeps me extremely healthy, keeps my abs visible, keeps my hormone levels like that of a 21yo, puts me around a lot of hot slender in-shape women, and scratches my itch for competition. A bit of pain for a lot of happiness. That's the balance.

 

[metalwater]

instant gratification vs calculated success.

 

[OldComeBacker]

Some people follow their whims and chase happiness as the ultimate pursuit. We call these people women.

 

[Glassguy]

I truly believe happiness is a mindset. If you are unhappy, you must change the mindset and find things to help change the mindset to make you happy.

True happiness comes from within. It doesnt come from buying a car, house, take a vacation....all of those things are temporary and the "happiness" wears off.

 

[Roober]

*agreed

The pursuit of happiness is foolish. The pursuit of purpose should be the goal, and happiness is merely a byproduct of that. But so is the full range of negative emotions as well.