Too old to party in clubs but don't want to settle down - show me the way

[DJ SO STEVE]

I'm 35 and I know where you're coming from. I'm in a LTR right now of almost 3 years and parents asking me when I'm getting married, when I'm going to have kids etc. My gf is 29 and I get the feeling she doesn't want to have kids till she's 33-35 but thing is I don't want to be 40 and not have kids yet. I feel a bit pressured at times to be like everyone else, getting married, buying a house together, having kids, etc.

Like most, i've been out and about, my 20's was the highlight for me at 24-26. I believe if you've experienced the party playboy life there comes a time to give it up to have new experiences in life.

There's no set rule, you can be single and mingle till your 40's but you may have to compromise as you get older as there will normally be fewer options. For example, you'll probably want a woman who's in their late 20's or early 30's but most women want a guy who's not 10 years older than them. Also most of the good ones are married already, because if they are not married there must be something wrong with them.

It's give and take, everyone's different, I sometimes wish I was single because it's fun and exciting but on the other hand I'm also glad I don't have to start from scratch.

 

[apprenticedj]

I'm not 35+ but I know what you're talking about. I think it's more of a choice of venue thing rather than an age thing. Hear me out:

At 35+ the club, and I'm referring to the house music thumping, bump and grind nightclub is simply not your spot anymore. Hell at 28 I don't think it's even my spot anymore. You would be better served to go to bars, lounges and pubs.

The club is for 18-24 year olds, you're a grown mature man. At 38 years old your prime target group is 28-32. These chicks aren't usually dry humping in the club with teeny boppers (and if they are you don't want them). They're enjoying a ****tail with their girlfriends at a more upscale place and guess what? YOU ARE THE TYPE OF GUY THEY'RE LOOKING FOR!!!!!!!!

Buck up buttercup and get out there!

 

[Mike32ct]

This is true. An older guy doesn't have to stay home. He can go out, but he needs to choose his venues more carefully.

When I did clubs, I went to casino nightclubs because they often had a somewhat wider age range because gamblers tend to be older.

I don't do clubs anymore really. But, a bar with a live band and a mature crowd is fine when I do go out.

The other trick, if you must go to a younger bar, is to go early. It's not creepy to be the old dude there at 8pm. The crowd gets really young later in the night, say after 10pm.

I'm not 35+ but I know what you're talking about. I think it's more of a choice of venue thing rather than an age thing. Hear me out:

At 35+ the club, and I'm referring to the house music thumping, bump and grind nightclub is simply not your spot anymore. Hell at 28 I don't think it's even my spot anymore. You would be better served to go to bars, lounges and pubs.

The club is for 18-24 year olds, you're a grown mature man. At 38 years old your prime target group is 28-32. These chicks aren't usually dry humping in the club with teeny boppers (and if they are you don't want them). They're enjoying a ****tail with their girlfriends at a more upscale place and guess what? YOU ARE THE TYPE OF GUY THEY'RE LOOKING FOR!!!!!!!!

Buck up buttercup and get out there!

 

[PRAGMATIST]

First time poster....

Im 38 and I take long breaks from the bars/clubs...because frankly i was tired of clubbing at least 10 years ago...However, its the lowest common denominator, as far as picking up women goes, so I still go out.

as far as too old..again I felt too old 10 years ago, when I looked around and everyone else looked 18. Its still the same, except now I try to go to places with a better mix of ages...The main problem is its practically impossible to tell how old the women your hitting on are, make up and heels do that..Like last night I number closed some girl who Im thinking now, in the cold light of day, must be no more than 20 years old..but she had a killer body...none the less, Will I call her though? I doubt it.

So in a nut shell, If your 38 like me and can still pull hot chicks (and I do meant hot as hell, thought it was dark and I was somewhere between tipsy and **** faced) 18 years younger than you...then get your ass out.

In response to the general theme of this thread I sense some guys are kinda depressed about life in general. I get too, I totally understand where that experience comes from. The posters who comment on their unfinished novels...me too..haha..procrastination is the common mans downfall. And the excuse that your book may not be received well and not be a best seller is really a cop out. Its the same as approach anxiety with women...the fear of failing. The truth is our culture is saturated with poor quality BS, look no further than Hollywood, MTV, the E channel and most pop culture..its pure trash, but it sells. So even if your working on a book and think lots of people will hate it, well who cares because there is a market out there for the worst kinds of BS, the only art that fails is the art that never gets finished or doesnt get pushed and promoted..So lets all finish our novels, weather they are universally loved or loathed ..because its really about what you think is good..If you like your work then you achieved a huge goal.


Also I understand being almost 40..that probably most of my life has already been lived and boo hoo..Im not married. But Ive seen enough of other peoples marriages that i wouldnt touch it with a barge pole..Marriage is an outdated idea, mainly because women got emancipated, which is good for women, except it left them without any identity other than the identity of being materialistic consumers..but it also left men with out a traditional role, as husband or father..so you gotta make new roles and dating various women is just one of them, not that its a great life either way, but atleast you dont have to answer to a wife. Generally the typical woman has not been shown how to cook or clean or do any of the traditional wifey things, and even if they are willing to do their part then everything is supposed to be split down the middle these days..well if im gonna have to clean my house and cook my meals atleast half the time, then I may aswell do it all the time. Women are as lost as men these days are grasping at a long dead dream of white picket fences, and everyone knows it, walking down the isle in their "virginal" white dress, its a big joke. And its primarily women who still aim for the myth of marriage, because its still the get out of jail free card for them...so unless you believe in bringing kids into this world (which I dont) then marriage is pointless and counter intuitive to all your basic instincts IMO. There are more and more men realizing that marriage is anti freedom and that its socially acceptable these days to be single, mainly because society no longer truly supports the framework of the family...in fact modern life is totally anti family, so if you get married and have kids, in this society, your really slowly and painfully killing yourself.

 

[Yo'Mama]

First time poster....

Im 38 and I take long breaks from the bars/clubs...because frankly i was tired of clubbing at least 10 years ago...However, its the lowest common denominator, as far as picking up women goes, so I still go out.

as far as too old..again I felt too old 10 years ago, when I looked around and everyone else looked 18. Its still the same, except now I try to go to places with a better mix of ages...The main problem is its practically impossible to tell how old the women your hitting on are, make up and heels do that..Like last night I number closed some girl who Im thinking now, in the cold light of day, must be no more than 20 years old..but she had a killer body...none the less, Will I call her though? I doubt it.

So in a nut shell, If your 38 like me and can still pull hot chicks (and I do meant hot as hell, thought it was dark and I was somewhere between tipsy and **** faced) 18 years younger than you...then get your ass out.

In response to the general theme of this thread I sense some guys are kinda depressed about life in general. I get too, I totally understand where that experience comes from. The posters who comment on their unfinished novels...me too..haha..procrastination is the common mans downfall. And the excuse that your book may not be received well and not be a best seller is really a cop out. Its the same as approach anxiety with women...the fear of failing. The truth is our culture is saturated with poor quality BS, look no further than Hollywood, MTV, the E channel and most pop culture..its pure trash, but it sells. So even if your working on a book and think lots of people will hate it, well who cares because there is a market out there for the worst kinds of BS, the only art that fails is the art that never gets finished or doesnt get pushed and promoted..So lets all finish our novels, weather they are universally loved or loathed ..because its really about what you think is good..If you like your work then you achieved a huge goal.


Also I understand being almost 40..that probably most of my life has already been lived and boo hoo..Im not married. But Ive seen enough of other peoples marriages that i wouldnt touch it with a barge pole..Marriage is an outdated idea, mainly because women got emancipated, which is good for women, except it left them without any identity other than the identity of being materialistic consumers..but it also left men with out a traditional role, as husband or father..so you gotta make new roles and dating various women is just one of them, not that its a great life either way, but atleast you dont have to answer to a wife. Generally the typical woman has not been shown how to cook or clean or do any of the traditional wifey things, and even if they are willing to do their part then everything is supposed to be split down the middle these days..well if im gonna have to clean my house and cook my meals atleast half the time, then I may aswell do it all the time. Women are as lost as men these days are grasping at a long dead dream of white picket fences, and everyone knows it, walking down the isle in their "virginal" white dress, its a big joke. And its primarily women who still aim for the myth of marriage, because its still the get out of jail free card for them...so unless you believe in bringing kids into this world (which I dont) then marriage is pointless and counter intuitive to all your basic instincts IMO. There are more and more men realizing that marriage is anti freedom and that its socially acceptable these days to be single, mainly because society no longer truly supports the framework of the family...in fact modern life is totally anti family, so if you get married and have kids, in this society, your really slowly and painfully killing yourself.

+1 repped.

As a 36 year old guy who has basically decided he's not going to get married and have kids, this post helped. Although I know what I'm going to do, it's the road less trodden so it's always good to hear from guys of a similar age or slightly older who are taking the same path. Great work on getting out there and still pulling young hotties. I think I'd be happy with a ten or even eight year age distance. Eighteen is hitting it out of the park!

 

[_sideways_]

im 33 now....two years ago i was in new orleans on bourbon street at a damn paint party with two 18 years old dripping wet. its true i look young and eat right...my only bad habit is i drink. but i get plenty of rest too.

i think OP is just tired of not connecting with someone...im sure if u met a hot 33 year old who looked 25 and partied like she was 21 you would be damn happy.

its your brain aging and feeling less of those good young brain chemicals...in other words youre just down in the dumps temporarily.

you know what you want, but youre letting doubt cloud your brain.

im sure george clooney has his days where hes not feeling his lifestyle, but if he can do it anybody can do it. yea i know hes got the fame and all that, but if he didnt have that badass mindset where he knows how he wants to spend his days....then he would be brad pitt with 6 kids that arent even his.

side note...i went to a young people club last weekend...i wasnt feeling it...felt like i was over it, but i had 5 girls in a row come walk to me and "accidentally" rub up on me and playing their little girl games....made me feel young....younger. women in their 30s dont usually make me feel young like that...so its a give and take i think.

 

[Senzoi]

Aight...

So basically if you want to continue your lifestyle in a way that doesn't raise eyebrows because of your age, be more smooth about it and/or hit up spots where it plays in your favour, or at least doesn't throw you under the bus.

The other gent's suggestion for salsa clubs is perfect. Everyone regardless of age is there, and it is a great way to breeze right past all the initial stops (age, height, etc.) to beeline to direct chemistry. You're showing her exactly how you'll handle yourself (and her!) on a fundamental level, and any woman who likes what they experience in a dance, 99 times out of 100 will willingly go with you, at some point.

Another thing I recommend to do is broadening yourself so that you expand your definition of yourself to erode any limiting ideas of what you are to others and (most importantly) to yourself. Become a 'world citizen' instead of defining yourself by your home of record and current local/societal expectations. Committing to doing this for yourself will ensure that you live in a way that empowers you to reject and delegitimize the need for others' approval. Women (and -people-) that are game for a man living this way will be drawn to the one is leading by example in owning their life.

It goes way beyond the mating dance, IMO, but the way you do the mating dance very often can reflect the way you handle many other thangs.

Hope this helps brother.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Aight...

So basically if you want to continue your lifestyle in a way that doesn't raise eyebrows because of your age, be more smooth about it and/or hit up spots where it plays in your favour, or at least doesn't throw you under the bus.

The other gent's suggestion for salsa clubs is perfect. Everyone regardless of age is there, and it is a great way to breeze right past all the initial stops (age, height, etc.) to beeline to direct chemistry. You're showing her exactly how you'll handle yourself (and her!) on a fundamental level, and any woman who likes what they experience in a dance, 99 times out of 100 will willingly go with you, at some point.

Another thing I recommend to do is broadening yourself so that you expand your definition of yourself to erode any limiting ideas of what you are to others and (most importantly) to yourself. Become a 'world citizen' instead of defining yourself by your home of record and current local/societal expectations. Committing to doing this for yourself will ensure that you live in a way that empowers you to reject and delegitimize the need for others' approval. Women (and -people-) that are game for a man living this way will be drawn to the one is leading by example in owning their life.

It goes way beyond the mating dance, IMO, but the way you do the mating dance very often can reflect the way you handle many other thangs.

Hope this helps brother.

Love this post. To be honest, since I made the OP my attitude has changed and I'm feeling a lot better about things. I've come up with a plan where I'm able to work 6 months a year but then travel the other 6 months. I never really travelled alone before, I just went on 1-2 week 'holidays' staying in nice hotels. Recently I've been going to places, alone, for a month or so, getting an apartment (I've been using Air B'nb), pipelining women before arriving, getting to know a couple of local dudes through this or the Roosh forum, then having a good time meeting new women and hanging out, getting to know local spots. So far I've been leaning too heavily towards the nightlife and drinking but I'm sure I'll find a more healthy balance. I love it, anyway.

Sideways - yeah, that makes sense man. I like your line about knowing what I want but letting doubt cloud my mind. You're absolutely right. Now the doubt is slowly melting away and I'm growing into this lifestyle. I think us men are subject to so much shaming if we don't decide to settle down and have a family. We're worried about being the 'creepy old guy in the bar' or we believe that, 'after a certain age life without your own family becomes meaningless and empty'. I don't really feel that at all. As for being the creepy old guy in the bar, I think as you guys have said it's about going to the right places. If I go to some student party in a club I probably will feel like that but if I go to lounge bars, it's a different story.

For some reason, I've got that Sade song, 'Smooth Operator, running through my head now.....

 

[_sideways_]

honestly man...if u look young you dont have anything to worry about. you will make younger friends as long as you believe your are their friends...you cant be thinking about grandpa stuff with your young friends....girls included.

seems like you do alright for yourself....message me if you have doubts about not totally paying off a house and having girls on rotation just yet.

if you stay young....NOBODY can talk about your life.

theres the suave older players....but theres the player who is suave and older....but nobody can talk about because he looks younger than your average dude.

and when you doubt yourself....just go out in a tight t shirt and jeans to a cool and see the reaction....obviously youre lifting weights so it shouldnt be an issue....and post more good stories man....i know you have them