Too needy when i really like the girl.

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

Im dealing with this problem for a while now. I date and am in contact with many girls at the same time but theres always that one girl i like the most cause she is totally my type - mostly a HB 9 or 10 in my eyes. With all the other girls i act non-needy and usually they get attracted to me. Even if they are not that much interested, i don't really care.

But with this one special girl i mess up almost anytime. Its like i want to be with her so bad and start to worry, overthink things. On the dates im trying to be relaxed and i dont do big mistakes but i guess its my expectation and feelings, that they somehow feel and got turned off. And then if they show signs of disinterest i become even more needy.. Its like im falling in love with them too fast or something but with girls i really like, i Start thinking about them the whole day and Imagine how nice it would be to get with them.

So its like i only get the girls im not that much interested in. I also recognized that many of the Girls im really into act somehow distant on dates and somehow unavailable and non needy in General..

Maybe someone has experienced the same Problem and got a solution. Im really tired of ruining my chances with the ones i really like.

Regards,
Summersky

 

[gravityeyelids]

Theres not really a simple answer. I'd say once you fvck it up a few times you learn and it doesn't happen much anymore. Especially since you realize that your "one true love" is actually one of many potential girls

 

[FCB]

Hi everyone,

Im dealing with this problem for a while now. I date and am in contact with many girls at the same time but theres always that one girl i like the most cause she is totally my type - mostly a HB 9 or 10 in my eyes. With all the other girls i act non-needy and usually they get attracted to me. Even if they are not that much interested, i don't really care.

But with this one special girl i mess up almost anytime. Its like i want to be with her so bad and start to worry, overthink things. On the dates im trying to be relaxed and i dont do big mistakes but i guess its my expectation and feelings, that they somehow feel and got turned off. And then if they show signs of disinterest i become even more needy.. Its like im falling in love with them too fast or something but with girls i really like, i Start thinking about them the whole day and Imagine how nice it would be to get with them.

So its like i only get the girls im not that much interested in. I also recognized that many of the Girls im really into act somehow distant on dates and somehow unavailable and non needy in General..

Maybe someone has experienced the same Problem and got a solution. Im really tired of ruining my chances with the ones i really like.

Regards,
Summersky

This is basically me in a nutshell. I've never had a problem attracting girls for the most part, I was always a bit shy but had no problem being C&F naturally with girls I wasn't super into or felt were below me. I'm really picky with girls that I want to date or get into serious relationships with, and looks are only a small part, mainly personality and life views/politics, intelligence. Not even career etc, so lots of girls who were very attractive but I knew I wouldn't connect with dating I'd have no problems, at first at least. With the rare girls I see as a potential relationship (maybe 5 total in the 3 years since I've been single and started dating around) I clam up, I make mistakes texting, I act needy, corny, can't relax and be myself and make lots of mistakes. I've learned a lot and I know what I need to do but its difficult, had a girl I really liked dated her for a few months and made every mistake in the book def oneitis but for me there really isn't many I enjoy spending time with outside of sex. Have to keep frame, learn to stay relaxed and be yourself while staying on your toes and not getting comfortable or sliding, its discipline really but staying relaxed and being myself is the hardest part, have had that issue my whole life in certain situations. We ourselves are our own biggest enemies in these scenarios, but we have ultimate power and the ability to change and create our own reality but it takes work. Would love to hear anyone else's pointers?

 

[thatfeel]

Don't put women on a pedestal.

 

[RangerMIke]

Date as many women as you can and try to sleep with all of them... The only cure for Oneitis.

Wait for her to chase you and want you... then slowly go along with it if that is what you want. She has to believe that you could take he or leave her, and that she needs to win you over otherwise you are just another dude throwing your d!ck in her face.

It is the ONLY way to prevent neediness.