Too much smiling?

[dutchmaster]

I'm generally a happy person and in a good mood just about all the time. Smile pretty often when talking to friends or even strangers. But I noticed I smile a LOT when flirting with girls. I was just beginning to wonder if this comes off as desperate? Since I've become very conscious of my body language I notice I hold a genuine smile for almost all of the flirting. I was wondering if this can represent desperation to a girl? Maybe shows her I'm too excited to be flirting with her. I feel comfortable talking to women so maybe it can just be smiling due to extreme comfort?

Comments from body language experts appreciated!

 

[Jitterbug]

If it's working for you, keep doing it.

If it's not, cut down on the smiling and see how it goes in the field.

Calibrate, young master.

 

[MisterD]

i don't like to micromanage like that. when something makes me smile, i smile. i dont think in the back of my head "i hope im not smiling too much" or "its been x amount of minutes, i should throw in a smile!"

as long as its not a big, cheesy, creepy, or uneasy/nervous looking smile, and it's an actual genuine smile i dont see a problem with that

however, if it did pose a problem for certain women..are those the type that you really want? those that consider smiling a deal breaker?

where as men do we draw the line? how much are we going to let women control?

"i was gonna date this guy, but he only blinks 20 times a minute. i'm not into that. you know i go for the 32 bpm guys"

"girl i know what you mean. theres no good guys out there anymore"

 

[Kenny Powers]

I used to smile way too much when i talked to girls and people general and would recommend cutting back. Its needy behavior, as in "i need you to like me so im just going to smile incessantly".

A confident alpha only smiles when something actually makes him smile, not to get people to like him. Smiling too much gives away your desire to be liked and leaves the person you are talking to feeling completely unchallenged and gives them the impression you are of lower social standing as well. Start cutting back asap!

Also i have to disagagree with mister D, nothing long with "micromanaging" and reminding yourself of things in the back of your head when you converse. I was weak socially for a while until i started going over effective social conduct in my head. Before a date i'll keep saying "alpha, relaxed and kino" over and over again. During the date i think it a bit as well as a reminder.

I used to say "dont smile so much" in my head during a conversation but now i dont need to cause it worked so well and as i said earlier alphas dont smile for no reason. Hope this helps and remember while smiling makes you seem friendly, approachable and confident, too much makes you look bad.

 

[MisterD]

kenny. while i agree it's nice to make sure your body language gives off the dominant look you're trying to go for. sometimes it gets to the point where it's just ridiculous. i'm all for posture, and body language and all that. but now we're talking about keeping tabs on how often you smile?

how mechanical are we going to get? shouldn't some things just be? i think it's almost robotic in nature to have to control this many things about yourself JUST in the hopes of attracting a woman. let humans be humans i say. unless of course we're talking about weird, socially awkward smiling as i mentioned before. but that's hard to gauge since we're online and can't see what type of smile we're talking about here

i understand both schools of thought, and it really depends on you as a person. but for me, enough is enough. i'm gonna smile when i want to and not worry about how much or how little it is. if something makes me smile, i'm gonna smile.

 

[Chamber36]

Ok guys, I'm gonna give you guys the info I can give you right now.

While I was losing my virginity and plowing through this girls pvssy, I had a big giant grin on my face. The girl told me: "STOP SMILING!! BE A MAN!!!" So ever since then I stopped smiling too much. I felt sort of like I lost part of myself. See, when you're young you want to smile a lot or you'll turn into a scrooge.

Smiling is basically submissive behavior. I heard that for us as apes, it means "look, my teeth are not sharp, I cannot harm you".

I am a naturally happy person just like you OP, and I walk around wherever I go smiling, as long as there's something funny going through my mind. When I see my friends I always put on a big smile. See, most people have no purpose in life, they spend their days eating Dorito's and Lays chips.

Now, when it comes to smiling, I got my best advice from songs. If you listen to this, you can hear the Kurupt say: Laughter enhances the chances of the killing.
Why is that? 'cause smiling faces deceive.

Then there's E-40 here in Practice Looking Hard, at 1:25 he apologizes for not smiling to his friend.

It all depends on the context guys.

When you talk about a girls boobs, keep a STRAIGHT FACE. It's called calibration. Usually when I talk to girls I keep a straight face, in order for them not to know what I'm thinking. A big grin is usually a turn-off, unless something hilarious happens.

When I'm around people who I don't trust, but I don't want them to know about it, I'll put on a big grin. This way they won't know what I'm thinking. They might not trust me, but smiling I seem to come off more inconspicuously.

Laughing is a sort of a defense mechanism too. Sometimes people laugh when others get angry at them.

Then I went to the caribbean one time, and a friend of mine was rolling a joint, and he wouldn't take the grin off his face. Simply rolling a joint gave this man a 5-minute grin.

I live in the Netherlands where people complain 24/7. Nobody is like me here that they can just smile to themselves, except mostly foreigners.

When you're around girls you can smile, a smile is very attractive!! But you can't smile out of nervousness.

Written above is the long answer meant to show you different sides of the coin, but the short answer is this:

I saw a Tariq Nasheed interview on youtube (I couldn't find it right now), and he says that when you're talking to a girl it's important to keep a straight face in order for her not to know what you're thinking.

When you approach a girl it's like poker, you don't want to show your hand. That's why the grin is detrimental when you approach a girl, it comes off very nervous. Many people start to laugh and smile when they're nervous. So that's all you need to work on really. Don't grin nervously.

 

[Aspiring1]

Yea... girls HATE happy guys. What they really want is someone who looks all mopey and serious and doesn't enjoy life.


Come on now, guys...


There are times not to wear a big, goofy grin, such as the aforementioned sexual experience. If you smile like a needy little creeper, then I would say you should just try not smiling like a wierdo.

If you are happy enough to be walking around with a genuine ear to ear smile all day, would you really want to trade that for ***** anyway? I'd rather be happy and lose a few hos who like grouchy looking dudes, myself.

 

[Chamber36]

I've learned to derive inner happiness from being disciplined in my behavior. Sometimes you got to be militant. One can be happy on the inside but not show it, in order to have the upper hand. A smile can confirm to a chick that she has the power. It all depends on the context.

If you go tothis page you can read the foreword of Pimp: Story of My Life by Iceberg Slim.

He says: "The best pimps keep a steel lid on their emotions and I was one of the iciest."

This is a pimp-ho relationship he's talking about, so remember it all depends on the context. But as I see it, the more high value you get, the more valuable your smile becomes.

Sometimes I even try to withhold eye-contact from a chick in order to spark her interest. It's all about indifference.

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

I get compliments on.smile all the time. It's one of my best assets and I can see a girl's eyes and smile light up when I smile. When I approach I have a huge smile on my face and it works for me. Wont work for everyone.

 

[sighsigh]

Girls find men who smile much less attractive. UBC study. A ton of articles were written about it. Here's one.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/26/us-smiles-sex-idUSTRE74O5ZT20110526

Makes sense. You smile if you want to encourage cooperation. It's a friendly "I'm harmless" gesture.

Don't smile with mouth closed. Grin or smirk or something. Looking serious or angry isn't usually attractive either.

 

[Chamber36]

Girls find men who smile much less attractive. UBC study. A ton of articles were written about it. Here's one.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/26/us-smiles-sex-idUSTRE74O5ZT20110526

I wouldn't trust that study, especially the advice to look shameful.

What women say they're attracted to and what they're actually attracted to are two different things.

I speak from experience that women are attracted to a focused and non-reactive expression. Like when you're working or studying. You can be happy when you're working but you won't be smiling. It's focus that attracts women. Some say it's the look of a killer.

You got to be totally alert but at the same time totally calm. If a glass were to fall from a table, you got to be able to catch it. But you got to be completely loose and in the moment as well though, enjoying yourself. You have to be completely aware of your surroundings without focusing on your surroundings. Smiling is just a tool you can use. You got to learn when to use it and when not to use it.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

nothing wrong with smiling! Just don't overdo it, as it can quickly be mistaken for weakness or conveyed as being too agreeable/desperate.

 

[dutchmaster]

Thanks for the posts guys. Basically I'll just cut back a little on the smiling, can't help holding a genuine smile sometimes though. I've been told I have a really nice smile too so maybe that helps.

I doubt I do it from submission because I have a dominating presence, more likely the desperation since I'm only on one plate right now. Working hard to fix it though.

 

[scosche]

i think if your smile is genuine and not fake and plastered on, then that's ok. people gravitate towards those with positive energy. just make sure you are smiling at the appropriate times, not like when she's crying!

 

[old_skoolr]

I dont think that just smiling is the issue, i think its showing too much emotion when in conversation in general. What I've learned is that no matter whats happening, as a man u have to be seen as more in control of your emotions. Whether its having a convo to getting ready to have sex. But hey at least u've identified it as a potential hurdling block. Now u can either, stop smiling or even change the way u smile so it seems more attractive (like george clooney style haha)