Too insecure or deeper problem?

[DaCokeZero]

Hi all

I've been a long time lurker on this forum, but finally decided to sign up because of the story here below. Thanks in advance for all those who will read through it.

I'm currently 26 years old. I've had three girlfriends in my life. One was a relationship of three years, one was a secret relationship for a year and the other was
an affair with a 10 year older woman which lasted 6 months (basically because she threw herself at me, never felt anything for her). For the moment I'm over two years single.

My life consists of going to work, going to the gym and grab a beer with my mates from time to time. Although in all fairness this is happening less and less because it's always the
same old story of going to the same bar and hearing the same things over and over again. At evenings I'm behind my computer playing some games, surfing,... I don't watch any television.

Girls must think I'm weird because a few years ago I met a girl at work and we went on a trip together as friends, but via via I heard she was into me, so basically I would have had no trouble.
But because of my personality nothing happened, I was thinking 100 times of everything I was going to say, to do,... And of course also of being very quiet, but I think this is because I think
of myself of nothing interesting to say and too insecure.

New people I meet ask me to go out with them, to grab a beer, to do some teambuilding,... I always tell them some excuse because I'm just too insecure. I'm an introvert and am very very quiet.
As you can imagine I never make new friends and these people in the end become just acquaintances.

I don't mind going out, but it has to be with people I know for a very long time, with which I just can be myself. If friends ask to go grab a beer, I always wait until enough people have responded
and are going to go before I respond. I absolutely hate it to be alone with only one other person, two is more bareable but still frustrating. I don't mind anymore when there are three others,...

I don't do stuff or go to places because of how I would look. Recently someone asked me to participate in a sports activity organized in a local town. I just denied because I don't like looking stupid
before others (falling, how I would look sweating,...), even though I love doing activities like that.

I would love to see the world, but I just couldn't think of going on a trip by myself, I think after a few hours I would just lock myself up in my hotel room and wait until it's time to go back home.

As it would be of no surprise my problem clearly lies with my self confidence and being a nice guy. But I already read the Dj Bible and many other books on self confidence.
I try to apply them, but I feel it's only going downhill as I see no results and I feel I'm even worse of than before I encountered this site.

Thanks

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Have you read the Book of Pook? Or at least part of it?

 

[backseatjuan]

One woman once told me this: "I often walk down a street and I see cute guy, and I really want him to approach me. I wouldn't approach him as I'm not a ho."

So you have to realize they will not approach you themselves. (sometimes it does happen, but rare)

As far as what to say - flirt, there are plenty of videos on how to flirt. As time goes by you will figure everything out.

Do it the easy way for now, go to online dating site, upload good pictures, get a date. Make it a goal to practice with 10 women, before your emotions kick in and you fall in love. Then try finding women in public places, again 10 girls. It's fun.