Too good to be true? Where are the flags?

[Dan08]

Seeing a girl currently, we've had awesome sEx she is pure filth and damn she can talk dirty.
She's good looking, she had the balls to approach me in a club that I work in, and she's funny.

She's so into me it's stupid, like her IL is super super high to the point I'm thinking she'll ask for exclusivity at some point in the near future...

I've never had a girl be so clear cut towards me before, and I can't help thinking surely this is too good to be true? Like where are the flags? Aside from her doing a bit of pot every now and then I can't find anything...

 

[betheman]

Seeing a girl currently, we've had awesome sEx she is pure filth and damn she can talk dirty.
She's good looking, she had the balls to approach me in a club that I work in, and she's funny.

She's so into me it's stupid, like her IL is super super high to the point I'm thinking she'll ask for exclusivity at some point in the near future...

I've never had a girl be so clear cut towards me before, and I can't help thinking surely this is too good to be true? Like where are the flags? Aside from her doing a bit of pot every now and then I can't find anything...

red flags?? "pure filth" ...you think she is just gifted, or, has she been round the block and done a lap of honour? she swallows...does she gargle as well? brush her teeth in the stuff?

the fact is, she has doen this and more, with others, you arent special, she is talented of course but she has LEARNED to be, she has history that you probably know little about. you arent used to itif she fvks like a *****, chances are...
still if her past doesnt bother you, crack on, sounds like 'love bombing' to me though

 

[Dan08]

red flags?? "pure filth" ...you think she is just gifted, or, has she been round the block and done a lap of honour? she swallows...does she gargle as well? brush her teeth in the stuff?

the fact is, she has doen this and more, with others, you arent special, she is talented of course but she has LEARNED to be, she has history that you probably know little about. you arent used to itif she fvks like a *****, chances are...
still if her past doesnt bother you, crack on, sounds like 'love bombing' to me though

Nah I don't care bout her past mate, I don't get hung up on that. What you mean by love bombing??

 

[betheman]

love bombing = amazing sex, you have never experienced anything like it before, every need & demand met, on tap, her drive is only to please you, give you the most amazing time, you feel worshipped almost like a god, your confidence is sky high, you feel it is too good to be true.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Love bombing is when a personality disordered individual tries to wrap you up in constant sex and adoration. IT IS NOT A GOOD THING! Well it is at first, but the problem is you grow addicted to it. Plus she feeds your ego and makes you feel like a GOD.

This is what we call the Idealization phase in relationships with PD people. It is better than crack or heroin. That's how you get roped in for the FUN stuff that comes later... and by that I mean by you taking care of her because she is an adult child, fighting often, potential infidelity, lying, substance abuse, etc etc. Look up cluster B's for a full list.

Now this is NOT to say she suffers from a PD. Maybe she really likes you, but they often believe what they say in the beginning. You're perfect, I've never met anyone like you, I can't imagine life without you, blah blah blah.

Put up your guard and look for other red flags which include:
1) Ripping on past partners
2) Does she have a real job? Is she financially stable?
3) Does she use substances beyond mj and how often?
4) Does she have many close friends?
5) Any troubles she has are ALWAYS someone else's fault.
6) Extremely vain, high maintenance, and irrresponsible.

What ultimately happens after the Idealization is Devaluation. She begins to point out your faults and mistakes with the same energy and zest as she did when putting you on a pedastal. I can't begin to tell you how hard this is on your self-esteem. It's like alcohol... you're riding high for that night, but the next day is MURDER. Now increase that to months or years. Boom.

Just be wary. It's a good thing you came here because somewhere in the back of your mind a voice is saying "This is too good to be true." Usually that's because it is.

I really hope I'm wrong. Just be wary.

 

[betheman]

much better summary than mine Johnny

 

[Dan08]

Damn guys, way to put a downer on things

But aye, I'll look out for those signs. See what happens

 

[Johnny Alias]

Hey! You can still have fun! Just don't get attached too fast. They love to move things along at lightning speed. That's another indicator. Before you know it they're living with you and wanting to get married!

Just don't get attached. If you say you need space on given days of the week she should understand and NOT freak out if she is normal. Good test.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Don't be so love struck man, it leads to mistakes.

What you can already assume:
-If it's "pure filth" with you, it was that way with the previous guys.
-She smokes? what else does she do? Who is she doing it with?
-She sounds aggressive, why? Surely there is some shortcoming she is making up for, why so desperate? Girls get everything handed to them.

Maybe she doesn't even know how to be different with other guys. I met a girl like this and it was annoying to see her the same way with other guys in front of me. And it wasn't about her liking them or anything she was just like that with everyone.

 

[TheGambino]

Enjoy sexy time bro don't get invested

 

[abe0]

The two times I remembered ...."WOW,,,this is too good to be true"...both cases where personality disorders...borderline.
The second thing is you say you do not care about her past....you should care because her past is a predictor of what is going to happen to you.
Third....put a downer on things....just looking out for you because she will eventually chew, spit you out, and move on to her next f..ck!! About its a septic tank down there!!!
Best, Abe

 

[GS750]

Remember the BPD chicks hook you with the amazing sex. I'm not saying she's Bipolar, I don't know her. But keep an eye out for the signs like others have said. Bipolar people are chameleons. Her past does matter because it will show you her character if you decide to stick around long term. Best of luck.

GS

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yeah, in my experience - whenever it's like this - the storm still comes. It just takes a little longer.

And in most cases, the women have f'd up pasts of either sexual abuse, or drug addiction.

A few months back I met a girl off POF, and other than her having extreme anxiety about meeting - everything was heaven at first. But something she said early on kept me from getting too involved emotionally. She told me "I moved back here when I broke up with my ex. It's been about 6 months and he still tries to contact me everyday; even creates fake accounts on facebook to send me messages from. He even contacts my friends and tells them to please have me contact him."

She handed me a gold nugget as far as I was concerned (that she had someone that addicted to her.) I also found an old picture of them on facebook and she's a very good looking girl, and he.... looked like a below average looking guy. I know that doesn't mean a whole lot, but from what I could tell - he didn't have a lot else going for him.

So i kept my guard up through all the "love" she poured on me; and I'm pretty sure I stunned her when I went no contact at the first sign of trouble. I also discovered that in her early 20's she was addicted to coke. So...

I'd advise you not to get too carried away; we could all be wrong; but you wouldn't be here if you thought this was normal. But... Go ahead and enjoy the sex for as long as it lasts. It could end up fine, but there's no reason to go head over heels for this girl. Wait and see.... Keep spinning plates (the worst thing you can do is rely on her at this point.) See what happens...

And...

In the words of Joe Budden: "Never give a girl more than you want her to leave with."

 

[Dan08]

Thanks for all the suggestions and support guys I'll let you know where it goes.

 

[abe0]

Remember the BPD chicks hook you with the amazing sex. I'm not saying she's Bipolar, I don't know her. But keep an eye out for the signs like others have said. Bipolar people are chameleons. Her past does matter because it will show you her character if you decide to stick around long term. Best of luck.

GS

I think we are talking more about borderline personality disorder....BPD... Abe

 

[Lotus Effect]

Man. I can only tell you this from experience!

DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET ATACHED TO THIS!

It is awesome, it's great, you never felt like this before. You fell so good about yourself that is unbelievable.

But the higher you get, the harder you will fall!

Johnny Alias has described it very well. I had a relationship with a girl like that for a year and a half. It was the same sh*t. Marriage talk (She was 20 y/o) worshiping me, can't live without, where the f I was during all her life.
The kind of stuff that get STUCK on your mind, and traps you for long.

And then... SHE DUMPED ME! 7 MONTHS AGO!!
AND I AM STILL SUFFERING FROM THE FALLOUT.

You can always enjoy the awesome sex, and the good times you spend with her, but be sure she will leave you sooner or later.

Good luck mate. And bear in mind that you trying to slow things down right now won't help you very much, 'cause in this stage she will chase you like hell. Letters. Emails. Pictures. Treats. She will do everything to get you back. And she will.

So my advice is, enjoy the ride. Just try not to get attached, and always keep your distance.

 

[foreverAFC]

any day now she is going to casually mention that she has a bf

 

[VikingKing]

She might just be trying to get you really attached so she can attempt to control you emotionally.