Too fast, don't last!

[viking22]

In my evolution from nice guy to don juan i think ive swung a bit too far in the opposite direction.

While girls always used to comment how comfortable they used to feel around me, now I seem to be able to make them very attracted to me but visibly uncomfortable.

A common scenario for me recently is: go on a first date with a girl, flirt with her pretty much from the start, kiss her early on, later on start making out and if she is really responding go for the lay. But at some stage the girl always goes cold and either detaches herself from the situation or goes most if not all of the way with me only to decide she does not want another date with me. One girl even said "You make me hot but it feels dirty and i do not just want sex"

I need some help calibrating it so that I build attraction during the date and get her thinking about having sex with me in the near future, while not making her feel dirty or uncomfortable, so she wants to see me again after the date.

Is going for a makeout fools mate (only works on the sluttiest girls who are down to fvck) and should i instead just aim for a lingering kiss and some light kino on the first date and leave her wanting more?

Any tips appreciated

 

[DonGorgon]

^^Yup I feel your pain .. I lost a good one due to that issue not too long ago ... I am very impatient esp. when i find the "perfect girl"

 

[DonJuanit0]

Well the girls out there ain't like on the movies! Ok you met me, you kissed me, f*** me... Some are but most of them aren't! What about trying to f*** them on the second date or something! I guess you can hold yourself for 1-2 days! Even a week! (not more than that, wtf something must be wrong) for instance try to know about her before trying the kino thing! She will think that you actually care about her! Not meaning that you want a LTR! After that it's all easy going...

 

[Microphone Fiend]

- more eye contact and less touching

- more rapport and (slightly) less attraction

-verbalize that you want to fvck but don't want to scare her away, that you feel some kinda connection but you don't want to rush things

 

[AlanB]

Just chill out and actually try to enjoy the date. Don't see it as an annoying obstacle in the way of bedding the girl. Go with it, build up rapport and take it gently.

Sometimes good one-on-one female company can be nice and makes a nice break with constant banter with the boys.

 

[viking22]

Ahh thanks for the advice. More eye contact less touching definitely sounds good as kino seems to really get the girls in a sexual state which may be great in a club but is less appropriate on a date when the girl is looking for more than sex.

Do you think a smooth move would be to perhaps let things get a little bit out of control and then be the one to break the interaction off saying "you don't want to rush things?". For example kiss for around a minute then break it off.

Also should I wait longer to kiss the girl? I usually kiss them as soon as I can tell they are very attracted, usually a couple of hours into the date, and if they kiss me back enthusiastically usually have some more prolonged kissing later in the evening. But maybe even this is too much too soon

 

[AlanB]

I suppose it depends where the date is. I wouldn't want to say anything like 'lets not rush things' I'd just kiss for a bit break off and go back to chatting if you wanted to do that.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

I would say "I don't want to rush things" so that she sees the impact she is having on you. She already knows she is digging you so telling her she does not want to rush things is just lateral movement. It makes you look too good IMO, it shows her how she is not thinking logically but acting on her emotions and moving too fast...

As for 'to kiss or not to kiss' I think it depends on two things: the moment and the setting. If you are confident and have your swagger on point than prolonging the final moment can really spike her IL. OTOH if you are kinda fumbling your ways towards the move, a girl will likely read it as lack of confidence or ineptness and will likely be turned off.

As for the setting, I think kissing works best after you connect or have a decent rapport going of some kind. After she concedes something private about herself, starts to feel insecure about something she did/said, or gives you something that separates her from the next girl seems to be the best bet. I think this is what differs her telling her friends 'Oh me and him made out last night' instead of 'He kissed me and took my breath away' type of reaction. At the risk of sounding cliched, make the experience have sentimental value. That's why without rapport or a deep attraction in the club you can makeout with any damn chick and get flaked on consistently.

Also may I suggest less groping and roaming of the hands on the body and more focus on the face/hair region; softer kisses; and less speaking if possible. If you are doin great then the less speaking you do, the more people tend to fill in the blanks with their own idealized answers.

 

[youngwilliam]

Keep going until she says STOP. Then it's cold shower time.

 

[viking22]

typo: it should have said "I don't want to rush things"

Perhaps a good modification of "I don't want to rush things" would be "We should stop". I think this can also be used as a bit of a push-pull as it allows me to reinitiate kissing at some later stage depending on the mood.

Usually I think I am perceived by girls as being confident and in control. So holding out on kissing should not be a problem.

I agree making the kiss more romantic and special is a good idea. Kinda buy into their first kiss fantasies and differentiate it from the kinda kisses drunk guys in clubs give them.