Tonight, I suck. (Girl Post)

[Tweek_1984]

Not feeling pleased with myself at the moment.

Let me give you the brief:

When I first started uni in Manchester two years ago, I met a girl, lets call her Helen. Now Helen and I completely fancied each other but we were such good friends that I didn't want to go messing up our relationship by trying to take things further. Typical loner type response that really. But I wasn't to know better.

Anyways, I failed the year and went home and took a year out. I lost contact with Helen and now I'm back. She knows I'm back. I haven't seen her yet though. I haven't had a chance to meet her since I started uni again 3 weeks ago because I caught the flu and I was awa on the field trip etc.

You must understand I've had major 'oneitis' over this chick for the past 18 months when the heart did grow fonder. I imagined situations in my head where I'd meet up with her again. I want to suprise her etc. You get the picture.
I suppose the ideal situation would be to see her in a club without her seeing me and then teasing her by tapping her on the shoulder and then turning around etc.
Physically I've also changed. I have much much longer hair, so I'm not sure whether she'd recognise me.

Anyways, here's the stinker.

I go out tonight to the union with soem friends from when I was last at uni. We sat and watched the France v Ireland game and I was feeling good. I was actually up for pulling a girl tonight, so I was on the lookout, catching girls eyes and stuff. So I was pretty confident with myself. Feeling suave and what-not.

So we go on to the Rock kitchen on Oxford road. Now, this is the type of haunt that Helen would show-up to. But I wasn't betting on it and didn't really think it was her thing anyways.
I just spent the first hour drinking water (I don't drink) standing at the back of the hall checking everyone out. The music was metal and basically sucked.

So anyways, I see Helen on the dancefloor!

I immediately get major butterflies and my confidence just melts away from under my feet. I turn into a nervous wreck.
I teold my mate she was here and he was all excited trying to encourage me to look for her. (By this time she'd dissapeared).

But I didn't want to go around the club trying to look for her. Like I said I wanted to suprise her or tease her tsomehow, not just walk up to her and wave which I thought would be pretty weak.

So I just stay where I am and keep watching the crowd dancing. The funny, and at the same time, pathetic thing was, I went to the toilet a few times during the night and actually walked directly passed her once or twice, which took me off guard. I didn't want to stumble upon her. I wanted to steak her out fiurst and then go in for the kill so to speak. But I kept on losing her in the crowd. They'd be periods where I wouldn't see her for half an hour and then I'd catch a glipse of the top of her head in a crowd only to dissapear again.

Anyways, i waited and waited and my friend was just like "Go and find her!, she'll be really offended if she knows your here and you didn't say hi"

I knew he was right, but I didn't want to go searching around for her. After about and hour of waiting, I gave up, bailed out and decided to come back to my flat where I'm typing this.

As soon as I left the building I felt sick. Everything was set up perfectly for me to greet her again tonight. I was stone cold sober. She'll have had a few drinks. I was looking good. It just does not get any better than that. That was a grade A opportunity and I wimped out.

I mean, I really don't understand myself sometimes. I'm just sick to death of this unconfident ***** side of me which I just cannot control. It's pathetic. Not only am I dissapointed that I didn't speak to her, I'm just dreadfully dissapointed with myself. I mean, my ego is going to need some stroking after this one.
I don't know what to say. I can't believe I'm sitting her typing on the itnernet like some loser while some ******* other lad chats her up. You don't understand how much that makes me want to go and drown myself in a vat of boiling chip fat.

Why man? Why oh why? I could die tomorrow for christs sake?!

Grrrr

 

[Bonhomme]

She's way, way too important to you

... and I don't think she cares, either.

Your best move would have been to get out on the dance floor, and give her a smile when you pass by her. If she smiles back, you're in, if not, el nexto.

It's probably for the better. With the attitude you show in this post, if you did talk with her in that state, you'd have probably come across as a bundle of insecurity, which no woman would respond well to.

You need to work on your self-esteem, charisma, and overall image, and start honing yourself to be the man who women smile at. then follow the subtle "go" signals they give you. And then date lots of them, so you can more easily forget that silly notion of "the one."

Scale down your short-term goals, and scale up your long-term goals.

Now forget about her, and work on that.

 

[Tweek_1984]

Cheers. Don't think I can next her though as she was always a good friend. So I can't ignore her.

 

[Bonhomme]

Then just keep being a friend

But don't keep weakly trying to make her your girlfriend. And don't be her psychologist/emotional tampon, etc. But you know better than that, right?

The point is to concentrate on others, as far as romantic intentions go. This one is not in that game.