Tolstoy and Relationships

[startstrongtoday22]

I read this and I thought I should share. You can see the link to the article here: https://rosscc193.medium.com/wisdom-from-tolstoys-war-and-peace-c4378b5a9123

We should use our heads, as well our hearts, when choosing a partner

A common theme in War and Peace is that the ones we are drawn to romantically are not always those who are best for us, and that in our eagerness to be loved, we can attach ourselves to those who are likely to hurt us. Continuing, we are very adept at deceiving ourselves that lust is love, and will even rewrite our history with a person to make this more believable. Take Natasha, for instance, who is swept away by the silver tongued Anatole- a notorious philanderer.

Natasha undergoes multiple vicissitudes in the novel, and is shaped by her romantic mistakes. As a child, she pledges to marry Boris, a family friend and military social climber. Later, she falls in love with Andrei, and the two are engaged, on one condition however: the wedding is to be delayed a year as per Andrei’s fathers instruction,meaning that Natasha finds herself living apart from her fiancé, eager to love and be loved.

Away from her betrothed, growing irritated by his letters and feeling that her best years are wasting away, she is taken in by Anatole’s pursuit of her, and gobbles up his declaration of love. Her closest friend Sonya finds a love letter detailing the plan to elope, and tells her it will bring destruction, yet she feels that to think in love would be blasphemous; that in affairs of the heart, one must follow their heart.

Sonya betrays Natasha’s plan to elope with Anatole to her parents and the attempt is thwarted, leaving Natasha erratic and heartbroken. Eventually, however, she comes to acknowledge that her attempted affair was a mistake and is deeply penitent for her actions.

There are a few things we can learn from this. Firstly, our moods change, our passions are fickle and we are sometimes, even often, aroused by people who we are deeply incompatible with. In fact, we often desire things purely because they are forbidden, and not because they will confer happiness or contentment. We would all do well to analyse our emotions and realistically appraise those we are drawn to.

Furthermore, there is another lesson to be extracted from Natasha’s attempted affair. Sometimes, we are so in love with the idea of being loved, or so eager to give love, that we settle for people who are no good for us:

“She felt sorry for herself, sorry that all this time was being wasted, passing by uselessly, no good to anyone, while she felt so eager to love and be loved”.

So many people fall into this trap of believing that time is running out, and as a result, jump head first into relationships or affairs which bring nothing but misery upon them. What’s more, many will often overlook red flags in their haste to find a partner, feeling that any relationship is better than none. We would all do well to evaluate our motivations when we feel drawn to a new person, and to figure out if it is love, or something far less noble that leads us to desire them.

Sometimes we must honestly ask ourselves: Are we in love with the idea of love, or in love with the person before us?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

There's a reason why father's would vet a man for his daughter once upon a time. Women piss away their smv peak as a booty call doing the no pants dance with men outside their league.

Men want baddies. Covered in tattoos and peak smv 18-23 but riddled full of detrimental red flags. It don't end well.

Human nature is silly at times. Attraction is not a choice says David Deangelo. He's correct.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I dont want baddies, and I hate tattoos. I want a nice (and young) and submissive girl with a skinny tight body and cute face, long hair. I know very few men who want a girl like you describe, those girls are trash.

That's what Top G all the way to the broke kid in a mud hut wants. Competition is fierce.

Men in aggregate want to bang a baddie. I said nothing about playing house.

The problem is that, modern men can't pull anything. Forget top class or someone proper. That's the issue. Proper is in short supply. The matrix has majority of modern women. Dorks are still playing house with the village bicycle after her best days are dead and gone.