"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Tolerate a liar just because it's easier?(Had a band issue, value your opinion)

J

joverby

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Long story short the othe guitarist in my band lied to me about the singer plagerizing lyrics the other week. I asked him many details on it the night that he did and checked it out myself, he was full of it.

I confronted him when he was putting his gear back in his car after practice. I ended up call him out, he even squared up with me. Called him out on that too and he left.(Flipping me off)

Anyway, I got back inside and fill the drummer / singer in about what had happened.(Left them in the dark until I confronted him) About 10 minutes later he comes back, admits what he did, gives this whole apology. The drummer(pretty much leader) accepts him almost instantly.

So the next practice(two days later) we have a meeting after, because my friend who's also the bassist wasn't there for it. I just say my trust has been completely destroyed for him and I don't want to be in a band with someone I can't trust. He went into very elaborate details, lied looking me in the eyes, no prob.

The drummer actually tried to spin it around on me. I called him out on it in his first sentence. I was very pissed that he would do this. Tried saying it was my personal problem with him and not the band. Kept saying how either me or the other guy could get kicked out and it was up to the rest of the band. While subtling trying to manipulate their opinions that it was my problem.

Both the bassist and the singer said that they were with me.(If I go they go) Luckily, they have morals and respect trust. But I was about ready to leave when the drummer was coming down on me.

The guitarist even lied about squaring up with me infront of everyone. Right away when asked about it, he said we squared up with EACHOTHER. I called him a liar and said he squared up with me. Then the drummer said that it was fvcked up he would do that. THEN he says that he wasn't really sure if it was.(Because the drummer offered him the excuse that it could be defined differently)

Then I called him out and said "Which is it? We were squaring up or you don't know?!" Called him a liar and told him to get the fvck out. I was heated.

Now I am still a little salty at the drummer that he could come at me for it when I felt I was only guilty of hearing a lie. Not sure why he would want to stick around that guy. Other than the comfort of not having to find another guitarist.

I know this is long so thanks for reading.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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joverby

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Drdeee said:
You should have kicked his ass for flipping you off.
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He was in his drivers seat with the window rolled up driving away. Nice and cowardly.
 
J

joverby

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Drdeee said:
Take your homies with you and find him then have a talk.
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I'm not in a gang or in middle school or anything. Going to handle it like an adult and just cut him out of my life.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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joverby

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Would really appreciate some peoples opions on the matter or if you had any similar experiences.
 
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Alle_Gory

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The drummer sounds like a groupie, you were in the right. Lying is not acceptable, if you can I would remove the problem individuals instead of removing yourself. Why ruin the whole band because of one bad apple?
 
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joverby

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Alle_Gory said:
The drummer sounds like a groupie, you were in the right. Lying is not acceptable, if you can I would remove the problem individuals instead of removing yourself. Why ruin the whole band because of one bad apple?
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That's exactly what I thought, thanks. Yeah, I was contemplating axing the drummer even but I'll just bury that hatchet for now. He was even mad at the singer for making up new song lyrics about the EX guitarist.
 
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Alle_Gory

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If I were you, I would try to explain clearly why you're axing them and how it's unacceptable what they did. You guys are a team, you're a band and you're supposed to work together and not against each other, if you can't trust your team members to do right by you and stand by you then what's the point?

Explaining things out provides closure to everyone and at least you're giving them the opportunity to not be ****ty people in the future.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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joverby

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Alle_Gory said:
If I were you, I would try to explain clearly why you're axing them and how it's unacceptable what they did. You guys are a team, you're a band and you're supposed to work together and not against each other, if you can't trust your team members to do right by you and stand by you then what's the point?

Explaining things out provides closure to everyone and at least you're giving them the opportunity to not be ****ty people in the future.
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Yeah, spot on again. When we had the meeting where the other(lying) guitar player got kicked out, I explained my reasoning completley.

That was the jist of it. We are a brotherhood / team / business etc. And I'm not going to be in that type of relationship with someone who has broken my trust. The drummer was the only one that was cool w/ it and tried to spin it around as being a personal problem for me.

The liar guy all apologized and what not at the time and tried spinning it saying he was sorry and I could hate him if I wanted etc. It was really tough because he was a great friend. But friends dont lie like that. He even lied about "squaring up" with me after we started talking about it. That's when I told him to get the fvck out.
 
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Alle_Gory

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joverby said:
But friends dont lie like that. He even lied about "squaring up" with me after we started talking about it.
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Why do you think he did that?
 
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