To yell or not to yell?

[treefingers]

That is the question.

Some seem to say that you shouldn't yell at a woman if you are angry at her because this shows that you can't control yourself. And that it also shows that she can control your emotions. They say that you should be cool. calm and collected even when inside you are angry and that this is the best way to go about things.


Others say that if you are angry at her by all means yell because yelling at her creates drama and women love drama. They say it also makes women hesitate to do something that makes you angry because they will be scared of having you open a can of verbal whoop ass on her.


To yell or not to yell, that is the question.

 

[newbie81]

No yelling - never.

 

[wrender]

Others say that if you are angry at her by all means yell because yelling at her creates drama and women love drama. They say it also makes women hesitate to do something that makes you angry because they will be scared of having you open a can of verbal whoop ass on her.

Yelling might be effective in an abusive realtionships or relationships based on fear. I think in a healthy DJ relationship, stern words are much better. Yelling does signify a loss of control. The greatest DJs never lose control. Think about James Bond or Clint Eastwood's characters. They never throw yelling fits. At best they grab a woman by the shoulders, stare at their eyes, and just tell it like it is. That can carry the same intensity and message that yelling sends but it clearly demonstrates who's in control and who's just been reprimanded. I think women respond to this much better. Keep a look of impending doom in your eyes when you chastise them.

On the rare occasion that you do yell because of something she did that is just too inexcusable, it will carry more weight. So yelling is acceptable but you need to have a very high tolerance so you don't habitually yell. Sure you'll yell if she throws a vase at your head.

 

[Docs]

Yell when she's done the unforgivable.
Otherwise, work it out (forgivable).

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Saying things louder does not mean that what is being said will be better understood.

 

[flexion_]

Yelling is stupid.

 

[drZaius09]

If you're so powerless over your emotions that you feel the need to raise your voice to a woman... you do not belong in any kind of intimate relationship. Your priorities are out of order, go help yourself get better before pursuing a relationship.

 

[treefingers]

If you're so powerless over your emotions that you feel the need to raise your voice to a woman... you do not belong in any kind of intimate relationship. Your priorities are out of order, go help yourself get better before pursuing a relationship.

lol I'm not saying I do that. I am just trying to ask a question that will spur debate on the subject because when I see the OB, bad boy type guys I notice they tend to yell a lot. And we all know how much women like bad boy OB's. So I was wondering why many say never to yell or get angry because it seems to work for the OB bad boys.

 

[Desdinova]

Others say that if you are angry at her by all means yell because yelling at her creates drama and women love drama.

You don't need to yell to create drama. You also don't need to yell to get your point across.

Although it's incredibly difficult to avoid yelling when your pissed off, having self control when it comes to arguing will prevent you from saying or doing something stupid. When your anger goes out of control, YOU go out of control.

 

[Latinoman]

On their own terms. But if you're the instigator, she will look at you as if you were wearing lipstick and fishnet tighs. We all have our moments but a man who constantly create drama will give the impression that his cojones are not fully attached to his body.

Let them go dramatic and try to keep your cool.

You are correct.

 

[Centaurion]

Drama =! fighting / arguing

There are far subtler ways. Here are some at the top of my head :

1. You don't let her get her way all the time. You say it's my way or the highway.
   
2. You show her that she is not too "good" by *not* treating her like a princess. You appear confident like she is one of the thousand b!tches you already have had. You don't shower her with gifts and tell her how great she is etc.
   
3. You don't make yourself too avaliable. You don't tell her you love (unless you are in a ltr and feel that the time is right). You don't validate everything she does or says. You treat her like every other person.
   
4. You are a challenge by showing her boderline disinterest (at the start at least). You only go out with her a couple of times a week.

By going against her wishes you are creating friction, a woman loves friction because it is the pure essence of drama.

 

[drZaius09]

1. You don't let her get her way all the time. You say it's my way or the highway.
   
2. You show her that she is not too "good" by *not* treating her like a princess. You appear confident like she is one of the thousand b!tches you already have had. You don't shower her with gifts and tell her how great she is etc.
   
3. You don't make yourself too avaliable. You don't tell her you love (unless you are in a ltr and feel that the time is right). You don't validate everything she does or says. You treat her like every other person.
   
4. You are a challenge by showing her boderline disinterest (at the start at least). You only go out with her a couple of times a week.

None of these things matter when you have interest/attraction on your side. I know because I've purposely made AFC moves (in contrast to what you've listed above), just to see what I can get away with when I have a girl with very high attraction. If she is totally into you, you could pretty much serenade her outside her bedroom window and it wouldn't make a difference. The majority of the techniques/tips you've learned on this site are bull**** unless you're dealing with a borderline interest level-- and in that case you're fighting an uphill battle anyway, so whats the point.

 

[wrender]

None of these things matter when you have interest/attraction on your side. I know because I've purposely made AFC moves (in contrast to what you've listed above), just to see what I can get away with when I have a girl with very high attraction. If she is totally into you, you could pretty much serenade her outside her bedroom window and it wouldn't make a difference. The majority of the techniques/tips you've learned on this site are bull**** unless you're dealing with a borderline interest level-- and in that case you're fighting an uphill battle anyway, so whats the point.

Keep making those AFC moves and see where her interest level goes. It's very easy to get away with AFC stuff early in a relationship with someone who is attracted to you no doubt. I used to be a huge AFC and had girlfrieds who were way into me at first. Never could figure out why a few months in they just suddenly flaked on me. Now I realize the challenge was gone. The serenades (so to speak) lost their affect. I was too predictably "hers". This behavior never works out in the long run. And if it does, it's only because the woman prefers her man on a tight leash and in the palm of her hand. You'll be walked all over.

 

[Latinoman]

None of these things matter when you have interest/attraction on your side. I know because I've purposely made AFC moves (in contrast to what you've listed above), just to see what I can get away with when I have a girl with very high attraction. If she is totally into you, you could pretty much serenade her outside her bedroom window and it wouldn't make a difference. The majority of the techniques/tips you've learned on this site are bull**** unless you're dealing with a borderline interest level-- and in that case you're fighting an uphill battle anyway, so whats the point.

I don't necessary disagree with you (with the possible exception of the "majority of the techniques/tips you've learned on this site are bull**** " remark, where I disagree with you).

Now, I'm not going to question your experience...because you clearly stated that you have tried the approach you mention (and I don't disagree with you on that). However, answer me this question: Would you be able to keep her interest level high for, hmmmm, let's say 5-10 years by using that same approach? What about 20 years?

That's the HUGE difference. Learning how to keep a long term relationship pristine so in the event someday you marry...you know how to deal with it.

Doing some "AFC" things are not bad as long as you are doing it for a reason (e.g. you are intentionally doing them) and as long as you know when to stop and go back to pure DJ technique. That, in essence, is what I personally would call the REAL "push and pull" concept.

 

[Latinoman]

Keep making those AFC moves and see where her interest level goes. It's very easy to get away with AFC stuff early in a relationship with someone who is attracted to you no doubt. I used to be a huge AFC and had girlfrieds who were way into me at first. Never could figure out why a few months in they just suddenly flaked on me. Now I realize the challenge was gone. The serenades (so to speak) lost their affect. I was too predictably "hers". This behavior never works out in the long run. And if it does, it's only because the woman prefers her man on a tight leash and in the palm of her hand. You'll be walked all over.

Excellent point.

Which is what I was trying to say in my previous post (I used 3-5 years as an example...but could very well be only a matter of months).

 

[wrender]

Excellent point.

Which is what I was trying to say in my previous post (I used 3-5 years as an example...but could very well be only a matter of months).

LOL. Looks like we were typing the same thoughts at about the same time.

 

[drZaius09]

Keep making those AFC moves and see where her interest level goes. It's very easy to get away with AFC stuff early in a relationship with someone who is attracted to you no doubt. I used to be a huge AFC and had girlfrieds who were way into me at first. Never could figure out why a few months in they just suddenly flaked on me. Now I realize the challenge was gone. The serenades (so to speak) lost their affect. I was too predictably "hers". This behavior never works out in the long run. And if it does, it's only because the woman prefers her man on a tight leash and in the palm of her hand. You'll be walked all over.

Oh, for real. I couldn't agree more. But by that point I'm already on to the next one. It's too easy to find new girls, or new things to occupy your time. Every focus on here is about techniques/methods/gameplans/strategies/etc. You post about them, pontificate on them, and explain them to others. This would suggest to me that none of it is coming naturally to any of you. It requires effort to adopt these "DJ" attitudes and hold on to them. Why? Why do you even have to think about "not being AFC?"

If it were coming naturally, you wouldn't even have to think about it. You could do what you wanted, when you wanted, and it wouldn't matter who or how many women accompanied you on your path. You wouldn't have to yell, or "cause drama," or "push and pull," or any bullsh#t like that. It wouldn't have any significance to you, and you'd be a lot happier. It took me a long time to figure that out, and it's a tough transition (that for me isn't quite complete), but I've NEVER been happier in my entire life.

 

[wrender]

Every focus on here is about techniques/methods/gameplans/strategies/etc. You post about them, pontificate on them, and explain them to others. This would suggest to me that none of it is coming naturally to any of you. It requires effort to adopt these "DJ" attitudes and hold on to them. Why? Why do you even have to think about "not being AFC?"

Because alot of it did not come naturally to most of us here. The typical AFC over-suplicates to women, puts them on a pedestal, writes love letters, sacrifices important things (frinds, family, hobbies, etc.) to spend more time with their girlfriends. Many of us here did most of these things in the past in hopes to win girls over (like they were the prize) and keep them. Any self-respecting man shouldn't do any of these things. How can you have any true value to another human being when all you do is treat yourself like 2nd best?

There are some exceptions of course. In a LTR, sure you might need to sacrifice from time to time, give a letter or card on Valentines day or whatever. But I don't see any value in being a kiss ass AFC in any relationship no matter how short.

If it were coming naturally, you wouldn't even have to think about it. You could do what you wanted, when you wanted, and it wouldn't matter who or how many women accompanied you on your path

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe that memorizing a bunch of theory, and techniques does anybody any good either. Take C+F for example. I didn't read about this and decide to teach myself how to be C+F. However, I did discover that I shouldn't hide this part of my personality around women. I was confused. My AFC thinking told me that it might offend. So in a way it's just about ridding yourself from the AFC mindset and being your true self with women.

But to keep this thread on topic... We are talking about yelling. Without discussions like this many might believe you can and should yell if you feel like it becuae it comes natural. Not everything that comes natrually is really beneficial. Everyone should think before they act. Especially if you're trying to seduce. So even if you meet a chick and all you want is a ONS, should you yell at her if you get mad just because it's who you are and it comes naturally? If you really want to get laid, you'll think first and realize that yelling is AFC. It's a loss of emotional control. You'll rarely get respect for yelling. More likely you'll want to play it cool and have your way with her. So this is just one answer to: "Why do you even have to think about not being AFC?".

 

[treefingers]

Every focus on here is about techniques/methods/gameplans/strategies/etc. You post about them, pontificate on them, and explain them to others. This would suggest to me that none of it is coming naturally to any of you. It requires effort to adopt these "DJ" attitudes and hold on to them. Why? .

So what DO you do?

Just stand there and look pretty? Just be yourself?

But do you have a natural DJ personality or are naturally good looking? Because if you do then of course you don't have to mess with techniques.

But if you used to be a afc or aren't very good looking then i would be real interested to hear how exactly you are creating this attraction without using techniques and while doing some afc type behaviors.

 

[treefingers]

But to keep this thread on topic... We are talking about yelling. Without discussions like this many might believe you can and should yell if you feel like it becuae it .

Exactly.