to those who feel that approaching confidently/****y is counter intuitive

[protienpowder]

Why you should not consider your rejections when developing your approaching game.

I've had a huge problem approaching women with confidence and being ****y till now. Here's 2 examples of what I mean:

Instead busting out my cell phone and saying 'i've gotta go somewhere, whats your number??', I would say, 'so, you wanna exchange phone numbers?, or we can do that another time if you're busy right now'.

Instead of saying 'i'd like to take you out sometime this weekend', I would say, 'i was wondering, if your not busy, maybe you'd like to go out sometime this weekend, if you're too busy, thats totally alright'

I was being wishy-washy in my approaches. DEspite knowing that confidence is the key to impressing girls, it would always feel intuitive to act more of a nice guy than a confident ****y guy, and here's why:

I was too afraid of being too assertive, I was concentrating way too hard on the girl's comfort . What also reinforced my habit of doing this is how I got rejected from wishy-washy vs being rejected when being confident ****y. Girls are way nicer with their rejections when you approach as a wishy-washy nice guy.

For example, a 'nice rejection' would be. 'oh, your really sweet, and really cute, but blah blah blah'
a 'mean rejection would be. 'excuse me, I have to call someone (puts her ear to the phone without dialing any numbers and waits for you to leave)'

Using my rejection as a basis, I concluded that since the girls rejected me more nicely when approaching more wishy-washy, girls liked a wishy-washy approach better. I though girls appreciated that I didn't want to annoy or bother them any longer than they had to.

While what I said above is true, it leaves out the bigger picture. Why girls are more nice when approaching like a nice guy.

It is because when you approach with confidence and ****yness, you seem strong, you seem mature, you seem like a man. A insult won't hurt you. As a result, a girl will be more harsh in her rejections. It is because she see's you as man, she see's you can take a hit. When you approach like a nice guy, you seem vunrable, someone who would cry after getting a mean rejection, you seem like a kid, therefore a girl will be as nice to you as possible.

Girls don't want vunrable kids, they want a man. While the girls you never had a chance with will be nicer with nice guy approaches, the girls you do have a chance with will be totally turned off by a nice guy approach.
When you approach with confidence and ****yness, it shows you can handle risk. If a women see's you can't handle risk, then she'll conclude that you can't handle a women.

Be a man, approach like a man.

 

[milrenkb]

Very enlighting post.

 

[realsmoothie]

I have learned this lesson quite well recently.

I met two girls on successive days. The first one I met at the bar through a friend, exchanged phone numbers. Called her two days later, chatted for five minutes, then said "maybe we could go out sometime". She said "yeah, I'll call you."

Do you think she called? Er, no.

The next one I've actually known for a year or so, but have only seen a few times. We bumped into each other on the street, she gave me her number. I said "yeah, maybe I'll call you next week sometime, we can get together". She got a little defensive, like maybe she expected more at that point.

That night she texts me at like 11:45 and asks me about some stupid detail about my evening. I respond with "yeah. let's go for a hike tomorrow. I'll call around noon".

Guess what I'm doing today? And it does look like a great day out...

OK so this doesn't have anything to do with C&F... but I guess it does show "non-wussiness".

 

[milrenkb]

I have learned this lesson quite well recently.

I met two girls on successive days. The first one I met at the bar through a friend, exchanged phone numbers. Called her two days later, chatted for five minutes, then said "maybe we could go out sometime". She said "yeah, I'll call you."

Do you think she called? Er, no.

The next one I've actually known for a year or so, but have only seen a few times. We bumped into each other on the street, she gave me her number. I said "yeah, maybe I'll call you next week sometime, we can get together". She got a little defensive, like maybe she expected more at that point.

That night she texts me at like 11:45 and asks me about some stupid detail about my evening. I respond with "yeah. let's go for a hike tomorrow. I'll call around noon".

Guess what I'm doing today? And it does look like a great day out...

OK so this doesn't have anything to do with C&F... but I guess it does show "non-wussiness".

I'd say this an example of being assertive, not C&F.

 

[realsmoothie]

You're right, but I was kind of reading from the actual text in the first post. I think there was a bit of mixup between the title and the text.

 

[Bigg Boss]

I'd say this an example of being assertive, not C&F.

I think this thread is about being assertive moreso than C&F.

Gotta first learn to be assertive before you start the C&F.

 

[protienpowder]

You're right, but I was kind of reading from the actual text in the first post. I think there was a bit of mixup between the title and the text.

told ya my english is bad.