To Those Of You With A Kid or Kids Already.....

[Tenacity]

Did you feel that you made the right decision? I'm planning on going my Vasectomy this year around May - July, a number of reasons for my decision include:

- Not really knowing if I can afford it. I'm middle class and plan on staying that way, which means I don't qualify for government "help". One child would cost about $13,000 a year under NORMAL circumstances and I would split the costs with the chick. But I said NORMAL circumstances, because if the chick goes and puts me on Child Support this could DOUBLE to around $26,000 a year. By the time the kid is 22 I would have spent give or take at least $300,000 and if I have two kids then that's $600,000. Obviously I get the various tax deductions and credits, but those won't give me a break-even.

- Not really knowing if I will be able to Father the child. The society as a whole is getting more left-wing and children are more damn entitled TODAY than ever before. This on top of a Court System that if the chick argues that I can only see the child 4 times a month, I could literally be in a situation where I'm just paying money but can't Father anyone.

- Not knowing when the child will grow up. I believe the economy will get worse, and it will take longer for people to get themselves established. On average it takes someone by the age of 26-28 TODAY before they are truly "independent". This could be at the age of 35-37 for the next generation which means technically my kids might not EVER be independent. And if they go out and make kids of their own, now their kids are moving in and now I'm really fvcked.

- If the child has disabilities, that will INCREASE the time, energy and costs with the child.

- Plus a lot more, including the fact that any type of REAL discipline will be considered Child Abuse. The kid is getting D's on their Report Card in GYM of all subjects and you decide there's no Birthday Party this year? The mother will raise hell, the kid will raise hell, and if you don't BUDGE on your decision then you might have child support increased on your a.ss as well as being labeled with abusing the child.

Here's what I don't want to do, I don't want to bring someone here and be a Deadbeat Dad or a failure as a Father. If I'm bringing you here from the CLOUD you are on right now, I need to make sure I can do the following:

- Father it efficiently through infant, toddler, pre-teen, teen and young adult years.

- Make sure it grows up to be an efficient Citizen in terms of getting to the middle class and standing on its own two feet BY THE AGE of 25-27. I don't want any fvcking 30 year old man or woman living under me.

I THINK (keyword is THINK) I have the internal abilities to do this, but obviously I'm not "sure". I grew up in a single mother household, my sisters made kids by worthless dudes and the State paid for all of these costs. So in a sense, I'm going to be the FIRST person of my immediate family (I use the word family loosely as I really don't have a family structure) that would be an actual fvcking FATHER to his kid(s).

 

[Tictac]

I have three.

I've been financially down then up. I became a single Dad six years ago. I have no idea how they are going to turn out. It's a tin of work.

And I would not trade a single minute of it. They are the most interesting people I have ever met.

 

[Tenacity]

Tictac,

When you say financially down and then up, can you elaborate? Were you getting Government assistance? You have three kids so were you paying almost $30,000 a year for Daycare only?

 

[Tictac]

Never have been a public assistance guy. And my kids are now 22, 20, 17 and their mother was still around when they were little. But they were in daycare.

I've got three college educations to pay for. Does that count?

 

[Eco-J]

Seems like you're getting ahead of yourself. Why the rush to get a vasectomy? I have three kids and went in to discuss scheduling one after kid #3. The doctor basically said that vasectomies almost always work and are covered by insurance, while reverse vasectomies have a significant failure rate and are not covered by insurance -- so the take away is don't get one unless you're really sure. I held off and three years later was divorced (not bc of the vasectomy) and could see myself having another child if I was in the right ltr.

From your post, you obviously have some real concerns about becoming a father. And those are legitimate issues you should think about before you have kids. But the financial reasons are probably the least compelling - almost any parent will say that a child is worth the cost (heck you really want to go all cost/benefit, that kid may take care of you in your old age).

Basically, I wouldn't get a vasectomy just to avoid the hassle of wearing a condom. And be careful about who you're getting pregnant. :nono:

 

[Colossus]

I don't have kids (that i know of), but I've gone back and fourth on a vasectomy for years. At this point I've decided not to get one for the foreseeable future. I still---very strongly---prefer not to have children.

Cost is a factor, but a lot of things in life cost money. In my assessment, having children really does not increase your happiness from baseline. I think that's a myth. Granted, kids are more of a life purpose for women but with men I think we can be equally happy either way. Of course kids bring fulfillment in many ways, but the extra responsibility for 20+ years seems to make it a wash. I also don't feel it is necessary from a humanitarian point of view to reproduce. The earth has more than enough people. What's so special about my genes? Nothing. What's so special about yours? Nothing. And a family legacy? I suppose, but that's a roll of the dice. Who's to say your kid wont grown up to be an as$hole or even outlive you?

Very personal decision, kids. Most people don't get to make it actively.

 

[Tenacity]

Yes, see I always wear a condom, I really have never had sex Raw because you have the issues with STDs. You really don't know who has a minor or MAJOR STD and fvcking Raw will expose you to it.

I get all of the emotional arguments, but I'm just not sure a child is worth the cost anymore TODAY. I mean the baby is nice and sweet, but the cost of everything is going up and the $300,000 estimate I provide now in 2015, would be about $500,000 by 2025 due to inflation. All the while, I might be making about the same amount of money or slightly more, but I just don't know if it's truly worth it or not.

It's not that I'm just trying to be cheap here, it's the financial costs, the energy, the time, the fact that I have to deal with its Mother, the Courts, Society, etc, etc. And the likelihood that the child will grow up and become ANYTHING of worth or value to society is slim to none due to the Far Left shyt going on out there.

 

[Desdinova]

I have one, and got a vasectomy shortly after. There were a lot of things that convinced me to get one. There were issues with my parents surrounding my child's birth, the fact that I didn't want to have any more kids with the bytch I was married to, and the belief that if I split with my wife that I likely wouldn't find a suitable woman to procreate with for years. I didn't want to have children remaining at home after I retired.

I wouldn't trade the experience of having a child for the world. I absolutely loved the "baby phase". Eat, sleep, piss, 5hit, puke, all of it was great. There's nothing more mind-blowing than holding a baby human you created and named.

I think it's worth having one child, but there's nothing wrong with stopping after one. The problem you're going to encounter if you decide to have a child is exactly how you want to have one. Do you want to find a suitable mother with the risk of having to pay child support for 18 years? Do you want to adopt? Do you want a surrogate mother?

Since you're 31 and do not have one yet, I would advise against getting a vasectomy until you hit 40 or so. You still sound like you're not sure, so give yourself another decade to make up your mind. After 40, you're going to have your health become a factor. Will you be able to keep up with a child after you turn 40? If you do want a kid after 40, you're probably better off adopting an older child.

 

[speed dawg]

To answer your question, yes, I think I made the right decision. Some of it has to do with me being a Christian (if you want to know more on that, just PM me). It's also fun, at least to have a son. You have created life outside your own, you have created a family, and given the gift of life to others. If you didn't do that, they simply wouldn't.....be. Ever.

I get the concern about the economy, fear of your kids dying a terrible death, etc. I guess it all comes back to the Christianity. If you simply see the world as just this tangible place, with no hope of anything else, I can't see how you would not get terribly cynical. I've been there myself. But we are so far removed from nature, I mean, people have the natural urge to have sex. The result of that is reproduction. Look at this thread, you are debating whether to STERILIZE yourself. I can't comment on your decision because it's your life, but was our body meant to be surgically sterilized? Just like we aren't meant to eat processed foods, we aren't meant to pop mass-manufactured pills and we aren't meant to f*ck each other in the asses.

 

[Tictac]

I grew up in a time of virtually free, no consequences sex. Helping my young sons into the world of women is sobering.

But. I cannot imagine completely removing myself from the game pool anywhere in my 30s. I did that after my daughter was born.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Tenacity,
I have five kids that I know of,kept their Mothers at home,never received ANY handouts...The Boys were in varying degrees big disappointments,but the two Girls are lovely...Seems the Best genetic stock are opting out of breeding,just like the Mice in their little Utopia LOL.

 

[Tenacity]

Nice replies guys. Well, it seems like the consistent positives are on the emotional side of having some sort of internal "joy and peace" from having the child period.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I just can't forecast that for my life. I think having a kid or two kids, is going to be a nightmare. This might be coming from the fact that growing up I didn't really see a Father figure around and the women in my household were all doing fvcked up shyt to screw the Fathers over in some capacity.

I think I might be a good Father but I have absolutely no clue. If I were a betting person, today, I think having kids is going to do nothing but bankrupt me financially and take away ANY sort of happiness I already have (which isn't much).

But I'm still analyzing this decision though. It would help if I have actually met a quality chick or at least a chick that I thought would even work with helping me raise the kid(s) but I haven't seen anybody like that yet.

I do realize that I have a lot of fcked up internal concepts due to the shyt I've been through with women, and I DO know that is really helping to influence this decision....but I'm trying to be rational, logical and practical through this and not rush into it, WHILE at the same time I'm trying to protect myself from getting any chick I'm talking to pregnant as I KNOW FOR 100% CERTAIN she will destroy my life.

 

[RangerMIke]

Would not trade my daughters for anything. No way I would go back in time and change that, the ONLY thing good that came out of my marriage.

I had a vasectomy after the divorce when a woman I was with had a pregnacy scare.... Love my girls, but I don't want anymore.

 

[backbreaker]

I have a 6 and a half year old son and I'm about to have a daughter. I was a lot like you OP and I was pretty iffy about my son until he was born and I got to hold him an he looked at me and at that moment i was 100% done lol. That little dude had me at hello.


Make no mistake, your life will never be the same after kids.

Your kids wellbeing will come first at all times.
You won't get out as much
You are more careful about who you bring around the house
You watch a lot of cartoon **** you would never watch otherwise
you will get frustrated, agitated, there will be nights where you are horny as hell and your child pops in the room and wants to sleep in between 2 horny ass grownups lol
You will tell your child something, and he will look at you and say okay and do exactly what you told him not to do.



But honestly all of it is worth it. I've traveled, I've started businesses, I've slept with absolute dimes. None of it NONE of it compares to oaching my son's little league team or playing catch in the yard or watching him try to play super mario brothers or how he's always so happy to see me every morning


though i would say, wait until you're financially stable enough to have kids. I would not advise anyone have a child in today's society unless they could afford private school / college.

 

[sodbuster]

I wouldn't rush the vasectomy. Make sure it's not just a "phase" IF you DO, have some sperm banked, just in case you FINALLY meet that woman you are looking for....

My son's are the best thing I've ever done, and the worst {at some of those 3am deals} all in one package.... It IS funny as hell watching little girls flirt with your son's... and they don't see a thing {while she's putting on a show that would rival a stripper's best on the pool pole}

 

[Epimanes]

I have 2 kids...and yes I started really early (good in a way as that means they will be outa the house while I'm still kinda young). One is almost 17 (daughter) and the other is almost 11 (son) wouldn't change a thing. I got my Vasectomy after my 2nd kid. Health care here in canada took care of it no cost to me other than my normal monthly medical bill of 150 per month regardless if I use it or not (if you make minimum wage health care costs nothing). Getting the V was the best decision in regards to my sex life. No more condoms with the wife. Fvck ya.

Epi

 

[Tenacity]

Thanks guys. I really love the idea of having a side thing of my sperm just in case I decide to make kids later on down the line.

Right now (at this very moment) my career structure doesn't have any room for kids and plus my mental instability with everything I've been through isn't ready right now.

If I were to have any kids it would not reasonably be until about 2018 - 2019, I believe I would have settled in for my career and have built up everything to where if I'm going to make a kid (or kids) I can squeeze them into my schedule AS WELL AS have the funds to support them properly.

That was my plan all along, to make them around 2018 but I'm starting to think I should opt out of the entire structure.

I won't do a foreign woman thing, I believe a child needs their mother. If I meet a chick with some DAMN SENSE by 2018 I can look at doing this, I am dead SET on not signing a Marriage Contract, I was going to do a 50/50 Child Custody Agreement outside of the Family Court with the woman. Everything would be spelled out, no bullshyt, and every dime (and moment) I spend with the child would be tracked by my Accountant in case the chick tries to screw me over.

If I could find a chick that will work with me maybe I could make this work, but damn these bytches I've been pulling are pieces of fvcking SHYT man.

I'm a business guy and I do risk management analysis before ANY major investment decision...and there is NO BIGGER investment decision in life than deciding to make a kid. With the women I've been pulling, everything is pointing to BULLSHYT on top of BULLSHYT, making it a bad investment. I've been trying to find a chick with sense to make this work but it's not just not happening.

 

[hithard]

I have a son to a crazy. We broke up when he was fairly young. I was worth stuff all $ wise which made it easier on me and I could have just cut and ran if thats what I wanted to do. Instead I tried to give him a very strong support network.

As much as I hated my ex at the time. I reforged a working relationship with her to be a bigger part of my sons life. It did take her a long time to readjust to the new dynamic but it was a lot healthier for him to grow up with both parents on the same page.
I also subtly pushed her foreword by helping her realize her goals and financing towards her education to ensure his environment was always improving. Women have a tendency to really wallow in $hit without a strong hand, of course the aim was to never make it seem like it was my idea.
Yes it still cost me, but on a more agreeable price and controlled outcome, one that has let him grow up stronger. Leaving my ego at the door and raising the standards of the people around him- mother, her partners, step brothers/sisters has given him a strong base.

In reality I have done it for selfish reasons. My only ambition was to strengthen my son and have as much access as possible. It really was an act of manipulating an outcome on my part. Getting over my hatred for her at the start was tough.

As for having a son it did change my world and thinking for the better. It keeps me grounded and more engaged in life.

The money, yep kids do cost.
Time, kids are/should be a time sink hole. They need that input at certain ages.
Would I have him again, yes. It would have been better under different circumstances. But it was my fault at the time. I ignored or was ignorant to the redflags that were there. Also my wrong view I could power through them and fix what was broken beyond repair. Screening is of major importance. My only saving grace was that I picked a woman who didn't believe in child support or lawyers.

 

[Tenacity]

To a guy with a demanding Career, then does it make sense to make kids if the time is so great? I think that should be done if you want to be a good Father,I can tell you my Father didn't spend time with me at all. He paid his child support to avoid going to jail.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Tenacity,
Your situation seems to epitomise the future of your race,as seen by Teddy Rooseveldt in Chateau Hartistes latest offering have a look at it!One quote" voluntary sterility among married men and women of good life is, even more than military or physical cowardice in the ordinary man, the capital sin of civilization"...Teddies words not mine.