To stay a friend, or...?

[Improver21]

Ok. So a girl that displays initial interest in you, says that she likes you, dates you for a few weeks then says she wants to just be friends as she doesnt like you enough.

Do you make an effort to try to be her friend, knowing that you still have feelings for her?

OR.

Do you keep in touch irregulary, just call her to see how she has been but other than this do not initiate any outings?

OR.

Do you just move on. She chose to be out of your life, so therefore she doesnt deserve you.


Although i know the general consensus would be to move on, forget her, it does take time. And the truth is, i'd like a second shot at this whether it be in the near or distant future. So I'd like to be in a position to help maximise this chance, or am i being AFC to think this way? Is this a lost cause?

**Also. I've come to believe personally that if you try in the right ways, within reasonable bounds, there really isnt a girl that u cant 'get' in a relationship. What are your ideas on this?



Tanks in Advance.

 

[Being_the_Don]

Ok. So a girl that displays initial interest in you, says that she likes you, dates you for a few weeks then says she wants to just be friends as she doesnt like you enough.

Do you make an effort to try to be her friend, knowing that you still have feelings for her?

OR.

Do you keep in touch irregulary, just call her to see how she has been but other than this do not initiate any outings?

OR.

Do you just move on. She chose to be out of your life, so therefore she doesnt deserve you.


Although i know the general consensus would be to move on, forget her, it does take time. And the truth is, i'd like a second shot at this whether it be in the near or distant future. So I'd like to be in a position to help maximise this chance, or am i being AFC to think this way?


Tanks in Advance.

It depends on you but if she has been out with you a few times alrady she was evaluating you all that time. It starts in the first few seconds after initial contact, actually. She's already made up her mind by now, if you push it you could come across as weak, whiny and needy. You should reduce or cut off contact with her and if she likes you she'll get in touch with you. But if there is no romantic or sexual interest in you (and it probably would have kicked in from the get-go if it was to kick in at all) it's not likely to ever happen.

 

[frivolousz21]

never speak to her again

 

[Improver21]

There was some crazy pashing here and there.. if that counts as some sexual interest.

Hah. But i do totally agree on the constant evaluation part.

Should i not even consider asking her out again in the distant future should the chance arise?

I do believe in first impressions, but i do believe these can change, however hard it could be to do so.

I totally agree with the trying to minimise desperation in any further contact with her, however i'm a great believer of PERSISTANCE. I've had many a lady friend tell me of the patient guy, who despite rejection kept contact, kept up his game and over time (sometimes long periods) managed to finally get the girl. And no, i'm not saying i want to be whipped like these guys, but can there be a compromise?

 

[frivolousz21]

No

dont speak to this woman again..

go out and sarge..do a bootcamp.

set up 3 or 4 dates...get laid..if not...mess around with a few attractive ladies this week..it shouldnt be a tall task to get a date and make out with her or go further.

after that your confidence will sky rocket and this will be history

 

[sca_p]

She chose to be out of your life, so therefore she doesnt deserve you.

Wanting to be friends and never wanting to see you/talk to you are two completely different things...if she wants to be friends she's not flicking you away, she's saying, "I don't want to date you because I don't think we're compatible that way, but I think you'd be a cool friend so if you want to chill together sometime that'd be fine with me."

 

[Improver21]

Yea.. i know that, however if we talk now it is all very superficial, almost as if shes trying hard not to lead me on.
Thing is i really dont want to be her friend, however if theres no choice and i've no 2nd chance at getting her then i guess i'll just need to eventually accept her into my life as JUST FRIENDS, as she is quite cool.

and no.. not in the omg she has all the yu-gi-oh cards that i think are the best kind of way cool.

 

[DJ4Real]

Don't worry about it, and move on to other women. Ironically, the woman who once wanted to just be your friend will be attracted to you again.

Just combine being irregular with moving on.

 

[Mindtrust]

Move on...

Let her know that you are not interested in being friends.

Bail out with some pride installed.

The friendzone will get you know where, she has already made up her mind.

Mindtrust

 

[Serialized3]

LJBF on her part is just the easist way she could reject you. You can be a casual friend, but there's not really any hope for gaming her.

Whether or not you really want to be her friend is really only a question you can answer. Just keep in mind that she probably won't make a good friend since she rejected you and that you have like a 1:1000 chance of getting into those panties.

 

[Improver21]

So there is no turning back?

or does SHE need to show the interest now.

Its not so much that I still like her strongly but I dont believe i can't get this girl!

What is the best way i should go about this?

 

[Last Man Standing]

Ok. So a girl that displays initial interest in you, says that she likes you, dates you for a few weeks then says she wants to just be friends as she doesnt like you enough.

Do you make an effort to try to be her friend, knowing that you still have feelings for her?

You have "feelings" for a girl after a few weeks of encounter? HUH????? WHY??? NEVER have feelings "except" for the one you marry, based on sound criteria!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am more attached to my chocolate chip cookies after a few days then I am with a hor during the same timespan!!!!!!

Did you see her as a friend/buddy? NO you don't!!! So why be with her as such??? You know damn well why you want to be with her - so "NO" - do not be her friend!!!! Find a puppy to cure you of your lonliness!!!!

 

[DarthJuan]

Go ahead and be her girlfriend. She can pick out a dress for you when you go shopping at the mall together.

Some of us learned the hard way...disregard our warnings at your own peril.

 

[BlackJackal]

Ask her to pimp off some of her friends to you. Thats the best she could do as a friend. Otherwise move on. You dont shop in a store if they dont sell what you want.

 

[Improver21]

haha. ok points taken..

Thanks for the advice guys!

 

[Augie]

If she wants to be friends fine be friends just because you have female friends doesn't stop you going out and getting a girlfriend :woo: anyway having female friends isn't a bad thing for if you pick up a chick the odds are the females friends will beable to see what the chick is before you or your bloke mates do :trouble:

Now before someone says rubbish, I've seen a number of times which a guy as picked up a nice chick, all the mates have gone well she's good while all the women have gone wont work she isn't suitable, and I've never know those Women to be wrong.

 

[vp171s]

I'd have to say move on and forget her. Don't hate her or talk **** behind her back, just move on.

People who believe they have a chance are shooting blanks because they "think" they can impress her and change her mind with a new trick out of the bag.

What they don't realize is that they have no control over whether or not she WILL actually like you when all is said and done.

 

[Improver21]

YES. The lack of control is frustrating.
Control is what i have over my body, over my studies, over my presentation, my demenor, the way i treat others. I have no control over the way she feels.

So the idea is to just move on. And if things end up drifting together again, then it is natural and take it as it comes? correct??

 

[vp171s]

YES. The lack of control is frustrating.
Control is what i have over my body, over my studies, over my presentation, my demenor, the way i treat others. I have no control over the way she feels.

So the idea is to just move on. And if things end up drifting together again, then it is natural and take it as it comes? correct??

Most importantly, you have to feel ok with the idea that she doesn't share your feelings. There's nothing wrong with that, so just bid your farewell and don't waste your energy where it doesn't belong.

The reason the most common advice is to move on, is because a lot of us are weak when it comes to past relationships. Only through avoidance are we able to step out of the daze and look back and see our mistakes in true color. However if we stay emerged in this "suffering" we will never learn.

The goal is to learn and become a better guy, while getting a good chick out of it. Not the other way around.

 

[Improver21]

Most importantly, you have to feel ok with the idea that she doesn't share your feelings. There's nothing wrong with that, so just bid your farewell and don't waste your energy where it doesn't belong.

I understand that the feelings i feel are not mutual.

Despite this, there really isn't any reason for me to NOT LIKE HER. I can only choose to FORGET HER or PERSUE HER.

and since the latter probably wont produce any dramatic change in results, i'll need to improve myself (Which i aim to do on a day to day basis, not specifically for her per se) and forget her for now. That is why i'm saying, if there is progress in distant future it will be natural, and i'll take it as it comes.