To spin or not to spin?

[Zippapants]

I posted here before about looking for help with getting over my ex. It’s not really necessary, but it gives a ton of more info on the whole situation. Linky.

Long story short, she’s the first girl I ever loved, and I was the first guy she ever loved. In her, I saw the kind of woman I want to marry some day. She got an acting job for 2 and a half months 400 miles away, and it made her face how much she doesn’t love herself. She broke up with me, telling me she loved me as a person but wasn’t in love with me, and said a bunch of other things to hurt me in order to push me away.

Anyway, that was over a month ago. I went through anger, depression, and all that good stuff. I knew she was talking BS to me and still had feelings of some kind, and was saying anything to push me away. In her current situation, I was a loose end. But her loss, ‘cause I’m awesome.

I’ve been working on spinning plates since then, hitting up some new and old girls. But none of them compare to my ex. Sure, some are better looking and would probably cherish the ground I walk on, but they aren't much more than hook up material (not that I'm looking for another relationship any time soon).

I still have deep feelings for my ex, but she hurt me worse than anyone ever did. Still, I knew she was in a bad place, and decided to hit her up last week on facebook to see how she was. She acted cold and distant in our convo, but I stayed friendly. I figured I wouldn’t stoop to her level, nor would I hit her up again. The next night she hits me up in a drunken state and we briefly chatted.

I had videos of a children’s show we worked on in May, so since she was nice the previous day, I messaged about me uploading them. That convo them spiraled into how she was angry at me for “broadcasting” our break up to all of our friends and the kind of things I said on facebook, but I never did anything of the sort. I put up some statuses at the time, but I steered clear of mentioning her or the break up, and just talked about me. She was honestly reading too deep into things, and when I explained things (I played it cool the entire time), she just got more angry and the convo ended.

A few days later I hit her up just to say the videos were uploaded, and we wound up talking for an hour and a half about all sort of stuff that was going on. She was short in her responses at first, but then she opened up and we were talking like we were when we were together. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until then. That night, she sent me a message apologizing for how she acted before, saying she realized the fact that I, the one who was hurt the most, was reaching out to her, and how she does very much want to remain friends with me and have me in her life.

My question now is, what should I be prepared for in the future? She wants to meet up after she comes home (August 5th) for dinner or drinks. I didn’t foresee any of this stuff happening when I messaged her; I was just concerned for her well being (she was dealing with this stuff before the break up). I still have feelings for her, and I’m sure she still feels something for me, but I’m not sure I could deal with this stuff again. And yet, I value her as a person. Any advice on my next step? Should I drop this previously broken plate or see how well it can spin?

 

[GQ Scott]

It sounds like she's being indecisive, wanting you, then not wanting you... You don't deserve that, don't be her puppet. We've all lost people we deeply love, but we have to move on, you can't let it affect your future.

If you honestly think there is something there still, it's your choice, but it likely won't end well, just causing you more frustration in the long term.

Stop comparing new girls to old girls. The simple fact is they are not the same person, and you will never find someone exactly like her. New girls will have good and bad traits, just like every human. Learn to see the good in them, live in the "now", not in the past, it's the only way to grow as a person.

 

[JohnChops]

if your over her, then bang her and move on. But it seems like you still have some feeling for her, so it wouldnt be wise to meet up with her at all atleast for another couple of months or at all. Youll end up falling for her again, getting feelings, she wont want you, then your in that same depressive state that you have been stuck in. So follow your gut. Good Luck man

 

[Zippapants]

I think a driving force for me that I've just realized is that I never got to have my say in all of this. All of my emotions and anger are bottled up inside. I never even got to see her face during the whole break up. Granted, she's so far away, but we had Skype. It would have been something at least, especially if I still meeant as much to her as she claimed. But then again, the words "woman" and "logical" don't match up.

Part of me wants to wait until she's home and I can see her face to face so I can just release my frustrations, but I also realize that deep down, I still love this chick, and am not sure how I'd personally feel afterwards. I want to say relieved, but who knows.

The other part of me want's to just plant a seed and wait to see if our paths cross somewhere down the line. See if she makes a move. With her recent behavior, some of my buddies think that that may happen sooner rather than later. But the problem is that the trust has been broken. For that reason alone I don't think I could get back with her any time soon.

And then there's the final part that's like "just drop her". Only thing is, since we're both actors, our social circles are pretty even and we're bound to see each other at auditions and such in our area. The awkward silence and bs that is sure to follow may be easier to dodge if we keep things on friendly terms.

Then again, I can still drop her and continue being friendly if we pass. No reason to feed her prophecy of me not being "the right one".

 

[JohnChops]

I think a driving force for me that I've just realized is that I never got to have my say in all of this. All of my emotions and anger are bottled up inside. I never even got to see her face during the whole break up. Granted, she's so far away, but we had Skype. It would have been something at least, especially if I still meeant as much to her as she claimed. But then again, the words "woman" and "logical" don't match up.

Part of me wants to wait until she's home and I can see her face to face so I can just release my frustrations, but I also realize that deep down, I still love this chick, and am not sure how I'd personally feel afterwards. I want to say relieved, but who knows.

The other part of me want's to just plant a seed and wait to see if our paths cross somewhere down the line. See if she makes a move. With her recent behavior, some of my buddies think that that may happen sooner rather than later. But the problem is that the trust has been broken. For that reason alone I don't think I could get back with her any time soon.

And then there's the final part that's like "just drop her". Only thing is, since we're both actors, our social circles are pretty even and we're bound to see each other at auditions and such in our area. The awkward silence and bs that is sure to follow may be easier to dodge if we keep things on friendly terms.

Then again, I can still drop her and continue being friendly if we pass. No reason to feed her prophecy of me not being "the right one".

you mean you want to tell her all your feelings, thats the worst possible thing you could do. That means she has power over YOU. Dont let her have that power. Its obvious you stil have feelings for her, go no contact and start improving yourself. Find some new girls and youll end up finding someone better than her.

 

[Zippapants]

I see what you're saying. Right now I'm just afraid she feels like she has some degree of power already. I'm thinking she feels like she gets to have things be like they were (she still "has" me) without the strings of a relationship. I want her to know this is not the case. Then again, NC would show her that also. Though I'm always improving myself and now talking to some girls, I recently broke my foot and am awaiting an operation, so that plus the recovery will prove tough. It'll eat me up not saying anything, especially while I can't go out and do much, but I have an iron will. Maybe it's what I need.