To Rollo: Please Explain The Female Requirements for Intimacy

[muscleman]

Rollo, I've read a lot of your posts regarding various social conventions. I also see recurring, lengthy threads regarding looks and why they matter/don't matter, etc. While I agree that women have more requirements for intimacy than men (for us as long as she's hot we'll hit it), I'd like to know what you think those are exactly, or anyone else who cares to share their thoughts. Obviously looks (don't even start a flame here) play a part, however great or small, but what else is there? And what importance do you think they play and in what order? Is it dependent the age of the woman (i.e. are there different priorities for intimacy based on age)?

 

[tmpgstx]

Intimacy for a girl (i believe) is sharing common interests and goals (in her mind). In other words, if she can see herself with you five years from now, she is intimate with you.

For the most part, it is that initial 'gut-level' attraction that gets the mating dance in motion. She comes around, wants you to notice her, and then start getting more intimate. She has to feel on your level though. If she feels you are above or below her, chances are you won't be hitting it. She will want someone she feels more comfortable with.

This is why average guys have a much easier time with the hotter more down-to-earth girls. The girl opens up, so intimacy is created provided there is any marginal attraction.

The more intimidated she is by looks or otherwise, she clams up and is hard to get that intimacy going that is easier without the intimidation.

It is why if the girl is intoxicated she goes after the *hot* guy, because there is no time for intimacy, just get *taken*.

 

[muscleman]

When I said intimacy I meant sexual relations. I don't need a definition of the term, just the prerequisites women need before you're good to go, presented in a verbally eloquent format.

 

[tmpgstx]

Intimacy is sexual relations for most girls. They associate sex with feelings of intimacy.

Prerequisites: Find and/or develope common goals and interests.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Alright, this is going to be one of those "well, duh,.." moments I'm sure, but maybe someone will learns something.

Women's primary drive is security, their secondary drive is sex. This is reversed for men.

All women have conditions (prerequisites) for men in order for them to become intimate (sexual) with them; he's got to be good looking, he's got to be financially stable (i.e. rich), he's got to have some status ('different from 'power'), respectability, ambition, be confident, he has to be the inititator, he's has to be decisive, he has to make an emotional connection with her, he's got have 'provider' potential,..etc., etc. and the list goes on and on for any individual woman and according to her ability (i.e. looks) to demand each condition. Each of these personal conditions for intimacy is set in a priority order depending on her ability to demand them and this demand is mediated by her age.

It's no secret that a woman's sexual marketability declines as she ages and men's increases as he ages. As a woman ages she progressively loses her ability to physically attract a mate (his one condition for intimacy), thus her conditions and their priority order shift accordingly because she is forced to compete with younger, more attractive women for the same pool of eligible men.

These men tend to be the ones best able to provide for her long term security and any resulting offspring. Thus, well established men (with status, money, hopefully good looks, etc.) in their ealry 30's are the prime targets and the more they exemplify her conditions for intimacy, in their existing priority order, the more suitable he becomes for that intimacy and the harder she will compete with other women to achieve his long term committal.

Pop-psychology would have us believe that women in their late 30's to early 40's are in their sexual prime. This may serve to increase the self-esteem of women finding themselves unable to command the male attention they did in their youth, but nothing could be further from the truth. While pre-menapausal women do in fact experience a spike in their testosterone levels and a resulting sex drive increase prior to their eggs dropping, it is women between the ages of 18 and 26 that are in fact in their prime breeding stages. Women's bodies in this age range are far better prepared for the rigors of pregnancy. At no other phase in her life is she more sexually active and most capable of demanding the attentions of the best male meeting her conditions and in their most strict order. Obviously these conditions are still mediated by her physical attractiveness - thus, if she's fat her conditions will be adjusted accordingly - but she is nonetheless at her personal prime in this phase.

Unsurprisingly we see in most cultures older males striving for the attentions of the younger and more atractive females, but in western culture he becomes vilified and shamed for this - or at least that's what western feminized women would like to be the case. The most common complaint women in their mid-thirties bemoan about is that "There's no good men" or they can't understand why men just can't "grow up". Increasingly 'career women' desiring to finally start a family at age 35 find that men - particularly the ones that meet their conditions - in their age range (33-38) are not interested in women (to say nothing of 'career women') of their own age range. They're interested in the 22 year olds who wouldn't give them the time of day when they didn't have the status (or maturity) that they've just discovered they now have. And of course the 35 year old career woman was one of these 22 year old girls, only 13 years prior, who was doing precisely the same thing the 22 year old girls are doing today.

But that doesn't stop 30 something women from complaining about how men their age are 'infantile' for wanting to breed with little girls, rather than mature, intelligent, respecatble women such as themselves. They are incapable of concieving why men 'wont live up to their responsibilities' and commit to a lifetime with them. They write article after article about how men are in fact threatened by their 'successfulness' or their 'status', when the simple fact reamins that his breeding choice are dictated by one single condition - SHE'S GOTTA BE HOT! Unlimited access to unlimited sexuality. The mid-thirties woman is (with notable exceptions) simply not as attractive as younger women.

So as an unspoken reaction to this predicament we get to see the popularity of shows like Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives soar with this audience. "You can be 40 and still 'have it'"(so long as you buy the beauty products our advertisers push on these shows) they tell these women. "Those men and their fragile egoes just don't know what they're missing. How dare they date younger more attractive women, we'll show them", they'd have them believe and pander to this dynamic while encouraging the fallacy that 'men ought to be ashamed of their sexula impulse'.

And finally we encounter the 40+ woman looking for what she couldn't get in her 30s. Her priorities and conditions for intimacy have altered radically now. At 40, the career woman has abandoned the idea of long term commital; she may make up some sort of internalized blame for men not accepting her, but the truth comes that time has or is running out. Perhaps she's divorced, perhaps she's a single mother (they always deserve male attention for their efforts, right?), but at 40+ the importance becomes sex as empowerment for her. She still wants to know she's 'still got it' and since none of the men of the age she's like to be in an LTR with are biting she'll be more than happy to get with a 22 year old 'hunk'. They're easy pickin's since none of the girls their own age are interested in them. They're virle, young, dumb and full of come. That'll show those immature older men who don't know how to commit! She'll beat 'em at their own game. Look at what I've got! A hot guy (relative, actually) who knows how to fvck an older woman; again shaming and insinuating older men's sexual performance isn't up to 'women's standards'. All conditions for intimacy and the priority orders she had before are out the window with the exception of physical attractiveness now, which, interestingly enough, has been a man's only condition since he hit puberty. She's come full circle, only now she makes an effort to enhance her appearance in the gym ('boy that personal trainer is cute'), with plastic surgery, botox, breast augmentation, anything that will increase the attraction for young guys.

And of course the young guys are all too happy to 'fill that hole' (pun intended) since the effort to get after it with the 40+ is practiaclly nil and the rejection ratio is far lower. In addition most 22 year old guys know an LTR is more or less out of the question; they may be a booty call for her, but that's an ideal situation for him, sex on demand with no expectation of any form of security for her. They like to make up reasonings like "she's more experienced in bed" or "we're both in our sexual primes", but this just serves to justify him being a booty call, as if he'd have a problem with that.

The real irony of the whole situation is that 40+ woman is now doing exactly what she mercilessly criticized these 'immature', problematic 30-40 something men for doing. However, we don't see any articles telling women to grow up, or to do the right thing or how infantile they are for sexually desiring younger men. On the contrary, they're applauded for 'bucking the system' for accepting they're sexual natures (as if they were formerly repressed) and "You go girl!" using isolated celebrity examples like Demi Moore fvcking Ashton Kutcher as a role model. They're encouraged to do exactly what men are run up the flagpole by their testicles for in popular media and popular consciousness. On a recent episode of Desperate Housewives one wife has a sexual encounter with a 17 year old gardener boy; an act that would earn a man in similar position with a 17 year old girl the epithet of 'pervert' or 'sexual predator' and probalbly jail time with a lifetime of registering as a sex offender every time the guy moved to a new address. Yet this show is lauded as "brining respectability back to housewives and women everywhere" in every article I've ever read about it

 

[KarmaSutra]

Everytime I read Rollo's posts i feel like I've dropped two triple stacked exstacy pills and found complete buddhist enlightenment. Those sh1ts are sacred. The light and the way...

Brother,

You remember how Neo saw Seraph glowing with the answers to the Matrix? That's what happened when I met Rollo. He has this fvcking air of authority and commandment that draws people to him.

Love this guy.

"Infinite kings mountain view. Hid from the wild dream come true . . ."

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"I protect that which matters most."

 

[wayword]

Women's primary drive is security, their secondary drive is sex. This is reversed for men

But now that class men have provided class women with more than ample security via our modernized society - they are basically on the same level as us now.

That's why most girls have sex earlier and with more men than guys by their 20s nowadays...

They don't need security from us individually anymore - since we've already provided it to all of them via our society. So, the only thing they need from any one of us is sex now. Which is far easier for them to get than us.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

But now that class men have provided class women with more than ample security via our modernized society - they are basically on the same level as us now.

You make a common mistake in thinking that security is defined only by finances or means to that provisioning need WAYWORD. You see, over the millennia long course of our evolutionary psychology this need for security has been hardwired into women's psyches as well as their biochemistry. Women naturally produce higher levels of specific hormones - estrogen and oxytocin are good examples - that specifically illicit an emotional response and behaviors necessary for nurturing children, a mechanism that ensures species survival. A woman's natural biochemical ****tail has been tuned over the centuries to need a sense of security and this security comes in many forms - emotional, provisional (money or the means to get it now), familial (security in sharing parental investment) and many others.

So while it is true that some women have attained a degree of provisioning for themselves in the past century, the psychological security 'need' is still present. In our tribal, hunter-gatherer past the male best able to provide for women's security need exhibited physical prowess and posessed the physical features associated with this prowess (musculature, high-testosterone features, etc.) which in turn were what became conditioned to be sexually arousing traits. In our age, the man best able to provide for a woman's wellbeing may be dressed in a Brooks Brother's suit and drives a BMW, but the primal sexual arousal for a woman still comes from a raw need for the strong hunter.

This is just one example of how this need for security manifests itself, and it's an obvious one, but there are many different 'hardwired' requirements for a woman to feel a sense of security. For example, we all know a pvssywhipped husband who's wife is the authority in the marriage. The husband looks to her for permission to do things and is conditioned to defer to her. This would seem counter to the security need, but it's really a great example of it. Power abhors a vacuum, and in the absence of the security a woman naturally seeks from a masculine male, this security need forces her to provide that security for herself. Thus the commonality of cuckold, submissive men in westernized culture, while women do the bills, earn the money, make the decisions, authorize their husbands actions and deliver punishments. The woman is seeking the security that the man she pair-bonded with cannot or will not provide.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Pretty good post Rollo, thought you were just gonna tells us to go "spin more plates."

 

[KarmaSutra]

YOO that quote is JAMBI from TooL. And he says "Here from the kings mountain view. Here from the wild dream come true."

I stand by my interpretation brother.

Best thing about Tool is that Maynard enjoys different versions of his lyrics.