To pay or not to pay for the cofee date.

[Kev07]

Ok, before i came to this site i would have paid for both of our drinks if we went out for cofee or whatever. hell, i probably would have paid the dinner to if we went for dinner.

but i read that a good way to do the dinner check is to leave the check on the table for a minute or two, and if they don't make a move then they expect you to pay.

how does this work for cofee? theres no check you just go up to the counter and order. or am i just supposed to pay since it's like only 4 bucks :rock:

 

[DJDamage]

The point of the date is not to think about who pay's but to have fun and raise her interest level.

If you are meeting her for the first time I would discourage against a coffee date. Go to a bar or something and have a few drinks . This will help loosen her up and the date won't feel like a job interview.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

The coffee date is to cheap to make a fuss about who pays or doesn't pay.

If the date falls apart, or it goes nowhere at the end of the day, at least you got a free coffee, right?

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Dude, WTF?
Even a fancy designer coffee is only $3.

Just let it flow naturally. I'd even go so far as to recommend on insisting to pay. But there is absolute no reason to waste any effort on worrying about this.

If she pays she pays. If she don't she don't

Don't by into this whole DJ Bible mentality of "OMG, she's going to think I'm a supplicating little ***** for paying for a $3 cup of cofee and she'll think I'm not worthy or just start using me for money."

Sorry, but life, attraction, and women do not work like that.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

it's a minor thing, you pay. Don't take this DJ mentality too far.

Why?

 

[bigneil]

The man should always pay for the coffee date to show he is a good provider while it's also not expensive enough to make her feel obliged. (Louis/Copeland).

 

[ChrizZ]

I got a really quick question. I´m going clubbing in about an hour with a chick. Should I pay for her or not?

 

[arlanda]

I'd never pay more than let's say a $2 coffee for someone I don't know. Is she your gf or a family?

Of course, if it was your idea to go have a dinner you should pay, and next time pick some less fancy restaurant

 

[Warboss Alex]

no wonder you guys have trouble getting laid.

PAY FOR IT, BLOODY HELL. IT'S A TWO DOLLAR CUP OF COFFEE!!

 

[realsmoothie]

Usually the rule with this kind of thing is whomever asks, pays... but only with coffee and stuff, not dinners. THAT's where it gets complicated. But you're not going on dinners on first dates anyhow, I hope!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The man should always pay for the coffee date to show he is a good provider while it's also not expensive enough to make her feel obliged. (Louis/Copeland).

That's great if you want to play the role of provider in a relationship. Personally I've never been the type who believed that a woman should be provided for. That may have been a necessity in the 1950's when women were only housewives and men were workers but that was a half a century ago and many things have changed since then.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'd never pay more than let's say a $2 coffee for someone I don't know. Is she your gf or a family?

I agree. Why not just give her your wallet after you introduce yourself.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

no wonder you guys have trouble getting laid.

PAY FOR IT, BLOODY HELL. IT'S A TWO DOLLAR CUP OF COFFEE!!

Something to consider: Coffee is normally $5 a shot. How often do you only drink one cup? Let's say that you go out for coffee more than once a week, lets say three times. At $20 for a couple of drinks for two people, spending $60 a week on women you just happen to meet is a bit much. Now don't get me started on dinner dates...

 

[Oldboy]

Francisco - I'm with you in theory. Supplication is a slippery slope - you pay this time, and the expectation is set up that you will also pay next time etc.

Having her pay for herself also - as counterintuitive as this may seem - improves the mood of the coffee date. I've been on an estimated 1.5 zillion coffee dates meeting women through the internet personal ads (now going cold turkey on internet dating - that's why I'm here), and as a rule, when she pays for her own coffee it's more likely that it's on.

However, other times, I've paid, and it's still been on. I usually play it by ear. BUT I'd love to figure out a way to make it natural for her to pay for herself.

Francisco, how do you handle it on your coffee dates?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco - I'm with you in theory. Supplication is a slippery slope - you pay this time, and the expectation is set up that you will also pay next time etc.

I'm huge on the taking turn thing, it's actually a necessity; however, this doesn't come into play until we establish that we're going to see each other at least semi-regularly.

...
However, other times, I've paid, and it's still been on. I usually play it by ear. BUT I'd love to figure out a way to make it natural for her to pay for herself.

Francisco, how do you handle it on your coffee dates?

So finally the question as to how to get her to pay for her own coffee. I bet if more guys knew how to do this, they would gladly let her without feeling that they've lost any of their manhood. So, here's the secret to getting her to pay for her own coffee...

Arrive to the coffee shop five minutes early.

That's it, simple as that. Go in, order yourself a mocha, grab a newspaper and take a seat at a table with a clear view of the door. You can sip your coffee and enjoy the paper while being able to see her when she comes in. You can relax, dry off your sweaty palms and compose yourself until she arrives. When she does give her a wave and motion her over, greet her and tell her to grab herself a cup and you'll hold a seat for her. That's it.

Guys, you need to be original to be memorable. Screw following rules if they have no valid purpose to you. If she's the type of woman who feels that she should be catered to and you feel that buying her coffee, dinner, a greeting card and flowers to impress her, knock yourself out. Just be prepared to make that the premise of all your dates.

On the other hand, if you feel that each person should pull their own weight in a relationship this is one way to establish that premise. Of course not all women will go for that idea but if she doesn't isn't it nice to know that from the onset for just the cost of a single coffee?

 

[Warboss Alex]

Something to consider: Coffee is normally $5 a shot. How often do you only drink one cup? Let's say that you go out for coffee more than once a week, lets say three times. At $20 for a couple of drinks for two people, spending $60 a week on women you just happen to meet is a bit much. Now don't get me started on dinner dates...

Depends. I took the 'one coffee' thing literally. lol.

Even so, it's not like you're buying her dinner.. oh well. Whatever makes you guys happy.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's a good point, but the problem is most women have not caught up to modern times. Women are a step behind the times. whether purposely or not...

You've got that right. The thing is whether it's worth putting up with their "princess attitudes." Yeah, it cuts down on the number of sargable women but it also cuts down on the long term headaches which these women usually bring about.

 

[Oldboy]

I love it. I'm going to call it, "The Five Minute Rule." :yes:

Best,
Oldboy

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I love it. I'm going to call it, "The Five Minute Rule." :yes:

Best,
Oldboy

Additional benefits of arriving early:

• Most guys are typically late and make women feel as if the meeting isn't important to them. Arriving early establishes that you take things seriously.
• Getting there early you can command the lead when she arrives (you tell her that she should go buy a cup). You've just met and you are already showing authority.
• Taking a look at the newspaper may give you additional topics for conversation. Check out the Entertainment section to find ideas for possible subsiquent dates. If the two of you get along, it may be something that you could discuss during the date.
• She's probably nervous. You greeting her casually having already found the two of you a table will put her at more at ease believe it or not.
• After your eyes meet and you stand to greet her with a warm smile there are several manners of kino that you could give at that point to give the feeling of familiarity such that as old friends; very beneficial.
• You could boost your own confidence. Get into the mindset of she is coming to your territory in hopes of impressing you. Use this to your own emotional benefit. You'd be surprised at how this could make you feel even more at ease.

 

[Oldboy]

Additional benefits of arriving early:

• Most guys are typically late and make women feel as if the meeting isn't important to them. Arriving early establishes that you take things seriously.
• Getting there early you can command the lead when she arrives (you tell her that she should go buy a cup). You've just met and you are already showing authority.
• Taking a look at the newspaper may give you additional topics for conversation. Check out the Entertainment section to find ideas for possible subsiquent dates. If the two of you get along, it may be something that you could discuss during the date.
• She's probably nervous. You greeting her casually having already found the two of you a table will put her at more at ease believe it or not.
• After your eyes meet and you stand to greet her with a warm smile there are several manners of kino that you could give at that point to give the feeling of familiarity such that as old friends; very beneficial.
• You could boost your own confidence. Get into the mindset of she is coming to your territory in hopes of impressing you. Use this to your own emotional benefit. You'd be surprised at how this could make you feel even more at ease.

It all rings so true. Thanks again for the elegant solution.