To not compromise self - but deal with female logic?

[Black Widow Void]

I was reading some postings/responses on here and AlphaWhiskey and sodbuster said some similar things which got me to thinking. Normally, I've done quite well with women, but I won't deny one area that has never worked to my advantage. The subject best seems to be known here as "chick logic."

AlphaWhiskey and sodbuster have both mentioned how the bar we associate when dealing with men should be lowered (or different) when dealing with women. Also (and this is not one my strengths) we should not indulge a woman that is going through one of her fits. That has always been a tough one for me because I like to get it on the table, resolve and move forward. Of course, it usually doesn't end up this way, but most of you probably know this from your own experiences.

In the past, I'd always look at a woman (that is demonstrating her inability to rationalize) as too much of a headache and move to another. But of course, that leads to another and then another etc... It appears that there's a method in which we can still maintain our self-respect and without compromising self... but also find a way to deal with women and their 'nature.'

Although I consider myself pretty wise on many things, this is a new and different concept. I'm hoping that someone here can provide some websites to better familiarize myself (and others here that may be thinking the same things) . Also, if those that have found that perfect balance are willing to share their experiences or epiphanies, I'd be interested in reading and quite appreciative.

 

[backbreaker]

the issue i have with that view point is that we aren't trying to win battles (arguments) we are trying to win the war (happiness + frame control)

in other words let me use this analogy. i have a 4 year old son. about 2 weeks ago my son storms through the door crying hysterically. like to the point where he can't even talk. and the more i tried to talk to him and his momma tried to talk to him he'd just cry more and run around the house and try to hide and **** and he was throwing a mini trantrum i had only seen him act like this once in my life. He wasn't being BAD he was very upset or mad at something. he just didn't know how to say it.

so i ask my wife hey babe WTF happened they were supposed to be at a birthday party for one of his friends and she doesn't know they were inside eating cake and **** doing kid stuff and then they went outside to play and everyone started getting into the pool (they had a swimming pool) and she tried to get him to change into his swimming trunks and he said no. joe doesn't say no. he knows better. she says get into them he says no. she tires to make him get into them he says leave her alone he doesn't wanna. so she basically forces him to change clothes and he's crying as it is and then she gets in the pool with him and he loses it.

see, i remember from the time i tried to take him tot eh gym with me and take him swimming he didnt' really want to get in the water in fact he didn't. he's (seemingly) petrified of water. i'm going to see if i can work with him on that i didn't know it was that serious. he just didnt' know how to come out and say he's scared of the water so instead he cried and he lashes out at his mom and at me ad everyone else who is making him try to get in the water.

that's what i am trying to say. Joe (my son) just beucase he can't say like i can I don't feel like getting in the water doesn't make his fear of water any less valid but that's he logic alot of men use on this site. just beucase a woman's brain isn't wired to rationalize and explain **** the way i can to you and make you understand it like you can make me understand something, doesn't' mean what they are feeling or are trying to say isn't logical or important.

in short, women's logic to you might not make sense but to them the feelings that they feel are making perfect sense and if you want the woman around you need to figure out what the **** it is she is feeling and address it.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Good analogy backbreaker, and I appreciate this.

I've always attempted to not be so dismissive if I see a legitimate problem with some woman I'm with, but I do understand where you are coming from.

My situations seems to stem more from , she's got a problem at work, with a friend etc... ? I'll offer a solution. She agrees that my input would change things. The next day, she complains again. Did she take my advice? Well, do I really need to type the answer here. I'll then say, "this sounds more like a venting situation than you looking for resolution - this might be better addressed with your girlfriends - rather than me." Boom! Instant argument.

Or... there's obvious tension (which has happened with a few different women in my life) . I say... "maybe a few days cool off time for both of us might be a good idea." On my way driving back to my place, I'll receive text's or e-mail with an attempt to suggest that my character is not as solid and I'd think. Basically an attempt at pushing buttons on things.

I've taken the bait before and said "I don't view it this way, but tell me why you do and I might learn something about myself." That's when it's obvious that they have no foundation. When I point this out, man they become furious! Perhaps like a child... any attention (even bad) is better than no attention at all.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

It's not really a good idea, ever, men or women, to give advice unless they specifically ask for it. Like if they specifically look you in the eye, and say, "Please help me. Tell me what to do in this situation."

Otherwise, it IS a venting situation, men, women, kids, everybody.

But never SAY, it's just a venting situation, because that invalidates their whole experience.

No matter what ANYBODY is complaining about, men, women, keyboard jocks, what they're really after is validation that THEY'RE RIGHT and EVERYBODY ELSE IS WRONG.

Anything that you say OTHER THAN THAT is just asking for trouble.

Why is this so hard to do? Because just as women have a problem with logic, men have a problem with egos.

They go off on a rant, about somebody at work, or whatever, and we think,

"heh, I can solve this and show her what a GENIUS I AM!"

Then you end up with an ego that needs feeding in competition with a victim that needs validating.

Not the best combination.

Keep that in mind when she starts spouting next time.

 

[sodbuster]

My ex wife used to complain about work all the time. She didn't want an answer... I was just supposed to listen. Sometimes it's just like a hurricane.. batten down the hatches and let it blow. MEN want to solve problems...it's what we do. WOMEN want to talk about their problems... it's what THEY do.

BUT when she wanted me to move to another town to be closer to her daughter and start over with my Dental office... I put a stop to that idea right now.