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Lookatu

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The past is the past and whether she tells you a lie or truth doesn't matter. We've all made mistakes and bad judgements. It's not for you to judge what she's done in the past without you also getting judged. It just doesn't work or isn't productive/relevant in any way.

It's how you two get along and how she treats you and her actions as another has said.

The only time examining or knowing her past would be warranted is to rectify or resolve some issues where looking from where she came from or what happened to her could help you understand her better in resolving an issue. My $.02
 

FuzzX

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Man if she starts going on about the past, its time to pull the eject lever. I miss being on this forum, fvk, you don't know how many dumb dudes there are out there that would give you some bullshvt advice.
 

mrgoodstuff

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The past is the past and whether she tells you a lie or truth doesn't matter. We've all made mistakes and bad judgements. It's not for you to judge what she's done in the past without you also getting judged. It just doesn't work or isn't productive/relevant in any way.

It's how you two get along and how she treats you and her actions as another has said.

The only time examining or knowing her past would be warranted is to rectify or resolve some issues where looking from where she came from or what happened to her could help you understand her better in resolving an issue. My $.02
Her past shows her habits and norms. At least what they have done or normally has done. You can't predict future at 100% using this info.
 

samspade

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It's really interesting how everyone views sexuality and I'm still trying to figure out what's the right approach. I was conditioned from being young that pre-marital sex was wrong which I've obviously grown out of.. However I still have remnants of that conditioning I notice in judging females. While understanding that past sexual behavior could influence a woman's ability to pair bond, should it still bother us in the cases where it doesn't? Maybe the hippy approach to sex being more of a natural free occurrence is right?
In my heart of hearts, I just don't believe monogamy is compatible with nature. That goes double for "marriage." I can't prove that, and maybe it's solipsism on my part. I get that women are incentivized to be more selective....that's about it, though. And IMO wanting to go back to some medieval clampdown on women is just a coping method for men who won't learn how to handle women or, more importantly, themselves. The female sex drive is more powerful than a lot of guys realize.

That's another way of saying I don't judge so much as I decide what's best for me. All we can really do is make the best decisions for ourselves with the info we have, and this site helps men in that decision making.
 

mrgoodstuff

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In my heart of hearts, I just don't believe monogamy is compatible with nature. That goes double for "marriage." I can't prove that, and maybe it's solipsism on my part. I get that women are incentivized to be more selective....that's about it, though. And IMO wanting to go back to some medieval clampdown on women is just a coping method for men who won't learn how to handle women or, more importantly, themselves. The female sex drive is more powerful than a lot of guys realize.

That's another way of saying I don't judge so much as I decide what's best for me. All we can really do is make the best decisions for ourselves with the info we have, and this site helps men in that decision making.
So you believe uncivilized masculinity was sharing the object of his affection?
 

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Lookatu

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Her past shows her habits and norms. At least what they have done or normally has done. You can't predict future at 100% using this info.
This can definitely be true and I agree on one hand. But on the other hand, who knows what she says is 100% factual? Then you have the fact that her past could've been dictated or motivated by the types of people she hung out with or the environment that she was in. There's too many variables IMO. I mean if she had any bad habits or norms apart from those aspects, they probably would've already manifested itself in any relationship already.
 
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This is a question for the more experienced board of the forum.
So you get in a relationship and you sit with your woman alone . She starts talking about her past with exes and people she’s been with .
Here is the question. Is it a good idea to listen about her past?

In one way you will know more about her but on the other way a feeling of paranoia starts and you lose the trust you have for her and make things worse . So is it better for your own peace of mind to not know everything about her past and build an impression of her considering only the present and how she treats you ? Or listen about her past and add to the already existing impression even if it makes it much worse?
Good question indeed. I guess it depends on the context and true intent. Is she telling (or you asking) from a place of really understanding this person and her behaviors (habits, MO, traumas, fears, anxiety, hurt, etc), or is it just curiosity and to some extend morbid curiosity? If the ladder, then it is not constructive to know such things as it will most likely create bitterness/resentfulness/prejudice to some degree. Unless you have a very solid and strong mentality.

Generally speaking, as @King Lion pointed out, via the Confucious quote, true knowledge is understanding how much you do not know. So yes, find out at the surface level her history to understand her present.

Modern Man Advice
 

mrgoodstuff

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Come again? I don't understand the question.
I
This can definitely be true and I agree on one hand. But on the other hand, who knows what she says is 100% factual? Then you have the fact that her past could've been dictated or motivated by the types of people she hung out with or the environment that she was in. There's too many variables IMO. I mean if she had any bad habits or norms apart from those aspects, they probably would've already manifested itself in any relationship already.
That's why you find out what the "before" is.
 

Lookatu

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I
That's why you find out what the "before" is.
So what will that exactly accomplish?

I see it like driving a Ferrari that you really like and enjoy. Everything is good up to the point that you pull that Car-Fax and see it's been in a previous accident. Then you start enjoying it less knowing that it's been damaged. Then you start looking for anything to pick apart like any little rust spots or stitching coming loose from the seats, noises, etc. and start getting paranoid and have it eat at you and self sabotage the enjoyment you once had.
 

mrgoodstuff

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So what will that exactly accomplish?

I see it like driving a Ferrari that you really like and enjoy. Everything is good up to the point that you pull that Car-Fax and see it's been in a previous accident. Then you start enjoying it less knowing that it's been damaged. Then you start looking for anything to pick apart like any little rust spots or stitching coming loose from the seats, noises, etc. and start getting paranoid and have it eat at you and self sabotage the enjoyment you once had.
Yeah but that rear half that was welded on incorrectly and it'll tear loose and end up killing whosoever driving.
 

Lookatu

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Yeah but that rear half that was welded on incorrectly and it'll tear loose and end up killing whosoever driving.
Maybe, or maybe it was professionally repaired better than before. Glass half full vs glass half empty. It's going to vary person to person...
 

mrgoodstuff

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Maybe, or maybe it was professionally repaired better than before. Glass half full vs glass half empty. It's going to vary person to person...
You noticed it wasn't your imagination on the test drive. But maybe it is welded better than before. The seller can show you the welds and how they added reinforcing plates.
 

2Rocky

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I don't ask anything I'm not willing to divulge about myself. I think you find women will show their hand without having to ask.

You don't look at a sports model car and think it has neve been driven over the speed limit...
 

ThisIsSparta

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“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
 

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