to break up or not? help me..

[Pimpster]

Alright guys, i'm in a big delemma. I've had my girlfriend for 11 months now. I know for a fact that I atleast use to be in love with her, but i'm not feeling as much towards her anymore. I have no idea why. She still loves me dearly, and I don't think she will stop. Now, I don't know if i want to break up with her. I've been thinking about it and I really think i want too. If i do, she'll be heart broken for a long long time. I'm going away to University this Septemeber, and i was planning on doing it sometimes next year because of distance and all. It would be easier on both of us because we both would have drifted away. We both basically know it wont last for 4+ years away from eachother. We decided to try it out though (LDR), but we both know it is highly unlikely it would last. I thought distance would be the best way to break up with her, for if I did it now, it hurts a lot more. I really don't like hurting people, and making her sad would also make me very sad. Staying with her for the next few months however, is basically leading her on, and making her more and more in love with me. I DO NOT know what to do. Guys, it may be cruel to even think of staying with her right now because its leading her on, but I really can't see her in such a low that she will be in if its over. I'm not sure if you guys can help, but if u can, or similar things have happened please HELP!

 

[Hollowpoint]

Tell her part of why you are breaking up is that you don't want to hurt her in case you do anything at university while you are away.


Hope some others can give input.

 

[PRMoon]

First off you're a pretty decent individual from what i've read which is going to help you in the long run. It never hurts to put out a positive image.

Now to the heart of the matter. I've broken up with more then my fair share of girls. I'm sure the bulk of them loved me more then I did them but when you think about it you really aren't damaging them as much as you think you are.

Girls emotions are like rubber bands, when you pull them in one direction long enough and let go they're going to snap back violently but eventually they'll come to a rest and then some one else will pull on them again.

Although i'm sure she feels very strongly for you right now, after you break up with her she will not shatter. Sure it'll take a bit of time to get over her and likewise for you apparently, but you will both meet other people in time who will put you both down a different path.

It's good that you recognize the futility of LDR's because they're probably the stupidest worst idea in the world and will have a very limited lifetime.

So don't worry yourself about it too much. It may seem like a difficult decision to make but it has to be done so the process of you two divoting your time to better things can begin.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by PizDoff
Tell her part of why you are breaking up is that you don't want to hurt her in case you do anything at university while you are away.

Do not do this. The girl will be hurting enough; there is no reason to put pictures in her head of you with other girls while you're away at college.

Basically what you do is give her the Cliff's Notes version of what you just told us. You care for her a lot, but you know it won't work long distance, and staying with her until you leave would just be leading her on. You don't want to hurt her, but you know it will hurt you both worse to keep going in a relationship that can't work.

Be gentle, but firm.

 

[Confuzzled]

While waiting to break up with her until you go away to college may seem like the easiest way, in the long run it will be even more heartache. You may not miss her as much because you'll be living a whole new experience...but she'll be the one thinking about that.

Sure, breakups suck no matter how they happen...but it's even harder when you think it's because your SO met someone better than you.

Do it now, it's the most logical. You're not being fair to her or yourself by keeping something going that's no longer there.