"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
To all CrossFit freaks......
- Thread starter rioku
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Hey all,
I'm really sorry for the outburst. I'm not one to question CrossFit methodology. I am following and it gives me results!
My issue was that of vanity. I don't want to become a person so enraptured with himself that he loses sight of truer aims. I saw this standard take hold in the local box where I trained for a full year. I opted out when a disproportionate number of people there would take their shirts off (and 'peacock') during every workout. It was condoned by some trainers even.
People surrounding me do influence me. Thus, I decided to train solo before I get to a performance level where I will be able to hold my own beside the elite dedicated individuals.
I would really appreciate it, if anyone here can share stories of how you dealt with your issues with vanity. Specifically in reacting to outside distractions and how you stayed disciplined in mind about the real reason for why you train.
I believe I know my real reason: It makes me feel powerful in the gut, which translates to the other realms in my life. Over long time frames though, this fades to the background, with more banal things taking precedence in my mind while I train. I do get back on track after these lows, but I am interested in staying in an optimal frame of mind through the thick and thin of a life of training; through the days when I'm killing it, as well as the days when training becomes too hard and painful, or seems tedious drudgery.
One thing I am doing now is making training always fun again, by going on trail runs, hikes, and bike rides. But I don't want this to come at the cost of serious performance-driven training a la CrossFit. I need to maintain the right mind-frame and I definitely can do without ego-distractions that creep in from time to time.
I feel as though it (vanity/ego) is a taboo subject and yet very personal. What are your thoughts? It will make for an interesting discussion. There's a reason that I'm not posting this on the CrossFit boards. Looking forward to some replies.
Thanks,
Rioku
Btw: I'm 5'9, 137 lbs BW.... stats are 155lbs squat, 215 lbs deadlift, weak bench press, and good at pullups and dips, if they mean anything to the discussion at hand.
I'm really sorry for the outburst. I'm not one to question CrossFit methodology. I am following and it gives me results!
My issue was that of vanity. I don't want to become a person so enraptured with himself that he loses sight of truer aims. I saw this standard take hold in the local box where I trained for a full year. I opted out when a disproportionate number of people there would take their shirts off (and 'peacock') during every workout. It was condoned by some trainers even.
People surrounding me do influence me. Thus, I decided to train solo before I get to a performance level where I will be able to hold my own beside the elite dedicated individuals.
I would really appreciate it, if anyone here can share stories of how you dealt with your issues with vanity. Specifically in reacting to outside distractions and how you stayed disciplined in mind about the real reason for why you train.
I believe I know my real reason: It makes me feel powerful in the gut, which translates to the other realms in my life. Over long time frames though, this fades to the background, with more banal things taking precedence in my mind while I train. I do get back on track after these lows, but I am interested in staying in an optimal frame of mind through the thick and thin of a life of training; through the days when I'm killing it, as well as the days when training becomes too hard and painful, or seems tedious drudgery.
One thing I am doing now is making training always fun again, by going on trail runs, hikes, and bike rides. But I don't want this to come at the cost of serious performance-driven training a la CrossFit. I need to maintain the right mind-frame and I definitely can do without ego-distractions that creep in from time to time.
I feel as though it (vanity/ego) is a taboo subject and yet very personal. What are your thoughts? It will make for an interesting discussion. There's a reason that I'm not posting this on the CrossFit boards. Looking forward to some replies.
Thanks,
Rioku
Btw: I'm 5'9, 137 lbs BW.... stats are 155lbs squat, 215 lbs deadlift, weak bench press, and good at pullups and dips, if they mean anything to the discussion at hand.
CrossFit - making women hot and men skinny/weak. 
The jack of all trades, master of none.
Training for strength eliminates all vanity issues. When the clear #1 thing I care about is more kilograms on the bar, everything else takes a back seat. I have taken breaks from social events that I'd normally be eager to go to if they interfere with training or competition. I'd eat & sleep better, to maximise gains and recovery. While I don't care much about how I look, through being disciplined about eating, training & recovery, I end up looking much better than when I used to train just for looks.
There is never a training session that's boring to me. I'm always looking to get stronger, so there will at least be one exercise where I'm improving on, or there's a bigger target at the end of the training cycle I'm working towards.
People who train without clear goals get bored easily. Many of them also get bored when they are weak, and can't seem to get any stronger (because they train wrong).
You are a tiny skinny guy with very much novice level of lifts. You have so much potential to get a hell lot stronger. Instead of getting bored, you could be working towards putting on 50 pounds of muscles and well over 200 pounds on each of your lifts in the next two years. And they're all very achievable.
The jack of all trades, master of none.
My reason for training has changed a few times. At first it was to lose some fat, then it was to reduce stress and have an aggression outlet (after a breakup). Now it's primarily to get stronger for powerlifting, with a minor goal of looking better.
Training for strength eliminates all vanity issues. When the clear #1 thing I care about is more kilograms on the bar, everything else takes a back seat. I have taken breaks from social events that I'd normally be eager to go to if they interfere with training or competition. I'd eat & sleep better, to maximise gains and recovery. While I don't care much about how I look, through being disciplined about eating, training & recovery, I end up looking much better than when I used to train just for looks.
There is never a training session that's boring to me. I'm always looking to get stronger, so there will at least be one exercise where I'm improving on, or there's a bigger target at the end of the training cycle I'm working towards.
People who train without clear goals get bored easily. Many of them also get bored when they are weak, and can't seem to get any stronger (because they train wrong).
You are a tiny skinny guy with very much novice level of lifts. You have so much potential to get a hell lot stronger. Instead of getting bored, you could be working towards putting on 50 pounds of muscles and well over 200 pounds on each of your lifts in the next two years. And they're all very achievable.
I do crossfit mostly to achieve goals of being an overall better athlete. Initially, working out was a means to get bigger and release aggression from an overly stressful undergraduate curriculum, but it eventually changed as I learned the ins and outs of athletic training. I admit that crossfit is eclipsing a peak of trendiness, but the results have been better lifts, better performance in sports and looking decent (which is my last priority anyway). its as JB said, you are a good overall athlete, but not really specific in anyone thing - body building, power lifting, etc.
I try and tailor my CF workouts to emphasize overall strength, meaning upper, core and lower body as a dynamic linked system. This is ideal for ice hockey as you need to be strong on your feet even if you are shooting. Of course for someone who is a rock climber, it wouldn't be appropriate.
Your numbers should be relevant to you, and how you change them should be your barometer for success.
I try and tailor my CF workouts to emphasize overall strength, meaning upper, core and lower body as a dynamic linked system. This is ideal for ice hockey as you need to be strong on your feet even if you are shooting. Of course for someone who is a rock climber, it wouldn't be appropriate.
Your numbers should be relevant to you, and how you change them should be your barometer for success.
To Jitterbug and synergy1,
I have acknowledged your statements. Thanks for replying. Jitterbug, You say it as it is. I appreciate that.
There is much I want to say and put down in words, and yes I have my own views on a few points you guys raised. But it doesn't matter. Words are secondary now. Everything else is unnecessary now.
I know what to do. I will never quit.
If I may, as a younger guy, I thank you JB and synergy1. I am grateful.
-->I'll post on the H&F forum later as I prepare my course of action.
I have acknowledged your statements. Thanks for replying. Jitterbug, You say it as it is. I appreciate that.
There is much I want to say and put down in words, and yes I have my own views on a few points you guys raised. But it doesn't matter. Words are secondary now. Everything else is unnecessary now.
I know what to do. I will never quit.
If I may, as a younger guy, I thank you JB and synergy1. I am grateful.
-->I'll post on the H&F forum later as I prepare my course of action.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Jack Wealthy
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2010
- Messages
- 819
- Reaction score
- 10
Also Cross fitters, HSPU's are done with the hands elvated, and shoulder width, with little or no arching/bending.
Fuglydude
Master Don Juan
I have been at this for over 11 years now... crazy... can't believe I've been lifting that long. All in all its a great learning process. I just wish I had known then what I know now...
In the last 7 years I've spent 2.5 years as a bobsledder/sprinter at the university level. More recently I've spent around 3.5 years as a male entertainer. My stripping career is over now, but I will be competing in my first bodybuilding comp next year. Based on my recent experience you could say that I have trained solely for vanity in the past few years of my life...
Stripping is an extremely seductive job... man, I still remember my first show, my first year, and the summer that I "peaked"... It was something else! The money, the adulation from the girls, the social/sexual confidence/swagger. I remember the feeling of just walking down the street in my tank top and having everyone, guys and girls stare... its kinda like being a mini-rockstar, except girls wanna screw you cuz you're hot, not cuz you're musically talented and famous!
I have tons of stories from my dancing career, and I'm glad I got to experience it. I made tens of thousands of dollars for basically taking my clothes off, entertaining girls and partying with em... that's a pretty damn sweet. I'll never have another job in my lifetime where I made that kinda money, and simultaneously had that much fun coupled w/ that little stress.
There was a very strong/pressure to look GREAT... I'm talking at the kinds of guys that make girls STARE. You're basically getting paid 200-250 + tips for 15-20 min by the females who book you, so why would they pay for an average looking dude off the street? To give you an idea of what the guys looked like you can check out:
http://canadianplayboyz.com/cme3.php
I'm Trey Stylz on that site. Despite the pressure to look great, I didn't train particularly for aesthetics. I was younger, so it was easy to stay lean especially with a little bit of anabolic support, and also I was dancing part time to pay for university, so I didn't take it as seriously as I probably should have. I basically tried to be as strong as I could and still stay <10% bodyfat (basically have a 6 pack all the time). In retrospect I wish I had taken aesthetics more seriously, after all that was what was putting food on my table... not how much I was powercleaning.
I have trained heavy and explosive pretty much for 6+ years prior to changing up my current training modality. I found that as I got older I was getting injured more and more. My wrists hurt from having 200+ fall onto them consistently, knees were sore and my shoulders suck.
I felt that making the jump to competitive bodybuilding would take my body to the next level as bodybuilders are fantastic at designing diet/supplementation regimens. I believe diet is 75% of fitness. In addition my genetics are more suited for bodybuilding rather than power or olympic lifting, as I naturally have a wide clavicle structure, I'm not too tall (5'8"), and have some muscle maturity with the years that I've put in. My joints are also a lot happier since my switch over. Overall I'm glad I made the switch.
I don't think I could ever give up lifting... as long as I can physically do it, I wont' stop. It keeps me sane. I love the bodybuilding lifestyle. Eating tons of boring ass food that other people hate, consistently training hard and smart and growing... Getting into elite shape is very difficult... In my experience things are really worth it always tend to be hard... Its a never ending challenge and goes hand in hand w/ one of my core principles of constant self improvement. I also think I'll need something bigger, a goal or an endpoint, to train/prepare for... otherwise I just don't have motivation.
There's a form of sick pleasure in the discipline, austerity, and intensity that the iron brings. I can't explain it but there's something intrinsically pleasurable about lifting a piece of heavy metal for no good reason.
Roiku, as Jitter said, you have a TON of unrealized potential ahead of you... you're 5'9" - 140, just starting your lifting career. To give you an idea I comfortably powerclean what you deadlift. I weigh around 50 lbs more than you and I'm guessing I have way more training experience. Although crossfit will help with your conditioning, if you are looking to get bigger and stronger, it should only be a small part of your overall regimen.
In the last 7 years I've spent 2.5 years as a bobsledder/sprinter at the university level. More recently I've spent around 3.5 years as a male entertainer. My stripping career is over now, but I will be competing in my first bodybuilding comp next year. Based on my recent experience you could say that I have trained solely for vanity in the past few years of my life...
Stripping is an extremely seductive job... man, I still remember my first show, my first year, and the summer that I "peaked"... It was something else! The money, the adulation from the girls, the social/sexual confidence/swagger. I remember the feeling of just walking down the street in my tank top and having everyone, guys and girls stare... its kinda like being a mini-rockstar, except girls wanna screw you cuz you're hot, not cuz you're musically talented and famous!
I have tons of stories from my dancing career, and I'm glad I got to experience it. I made tens of thousands of dollars for basically taking my clothes off, entertaining girls and partying with em... that's a pretty damn sweet. I'll never have another job in my lifetime where I made that kinda money, and simultaneously had that much fun coupled w/ that little stress.
There was a very strong/pressure to look GREAT... I'm talking at the kinds of guys that make girls STARE. You're basically getting paid 200-250 + tips for 15-20 min by the females who book you, so why would they pay for an average looking dude off the street? To give you an idea of what the guys looked like you can check out:
http://canadianplayboyz.com/cme3.php
I'm Trey Stylz on that site. Despite the pressure to look great, I didn't train particularly for aesthetics. I was younger, so it was easy to stay lean especially with a little bit of anabolic support, and also I was dancing part time to pay for university, so I didn't take it as seriously as I probably should have. I basically tried to be as strong as I could and still stay <10% bodyfat (basically have a 6 pack all the time). In retrospect I wish I had taken aesthetics more seriously, after all that was what was putting food on my table... not how much I was powercleaning.
I have trained heavy and explosive pretty much for 6+ years prior to changing up my current training modality. I found that as I got older I was getting injured more and more. My wrists hurt from having 200+ fall onto them consistently, knees were sore and my shoulders suck.
I felt that making the jump to competitive bodybuilding would take my body to the next level as bodybuilders are fantastic at designing diet/supplementation regimens. I believe diet is 75% of fitness. In addition my genetics are more suited for bodybuilding rather than power or olympic lifting, as I naturally have a wide clavicle structure, I'm not too tall (5'8"), and have some muscle maturity with the years that I've put in. My joints are also a lot happier since my switch over. Overall I'm glad I made the switch.
I don't think I could ever give up lifting... as long as I can physically do it, I wont' stop. It keeps me sane. I love the bodybuilding lifestyle. Eating tons of boring ass food that other people hate, consistently training hard and smart and growing... Getting into elite shape is very difficult... In my experience things are really worth it always tend to be hard... Its a never ending challenge and goes hand in hand w/ one of my core principles of constant self improvement. I also think I'll need something bigger, a goal or an endpoint, to train/prepare for... otherwise I just don't have motivation.
There's a form of sick pleasure in the discipline, austerity, and intensity that the iron brings. I can't explain it but there's something intrinsically pleasurable about lifting a piece of heavy metal for no good reason.
Roiku, as Jitter said, you have a TON of unrealized potential ahead of you... you're 5'9" - 140, just starting your lifting career. To give you an idea I comfortably powerclean what you deadlift. I weigh around 50 lbs more than you and I'm guessing I have way more training experience. Although crossfit will help with your conditioning, if you are looking to get bigger and stronger, it should only be a small part of your overall regimen.
Lucifero
Senior Don Juan
Why? There is no reason in having rock hard biceps and a chisled six-pack if your not going to show it off.rioku said:
I shirts staying right where I put it, on the chair to the left.
Sure... I get that. I'm just saying that chronic shirtless syndrome is a pathological, though funny, affectation. Type Crossfit in any video-hosting site, and you'll see what I mean.Lucifero said:
A few months back, I saw two moderately-built guys walking around the streets on my campus, shirtless, wearing backpacks... and most people were grinning foolishly after looking at them.
As for developing a career where you proudly display your built body to admiring women: that is a different matter. You're getting paid so well by women who specifically ask for it. I don't think I could ever do something like that. Just thinking about it is INSANE to me. It's crazy. Fuglydude, you're absolutely out of this world!! I mean that in a crazy good way.
All I want right now, physically, is to get strong. Period.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Jeffst1980
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2008
- Messages
- 834
- Reaction score
- 131
rioku said:
To give you another point of view...
go here: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/
Now, most of us would ridicule these guys and their poser-like ways, but guess what? It works. Likewise, showing off your body is the most effective way to peacock- why work out past the point that the health benefits taper off, otherwise?
The way to reconcile these things, for me at least, is as follows: You can be a douche-y or full of yourself as you want, so long as you don't lose AMBITION. It's the difference between Jon Gosselin and Richard Branson; if you have the other parts of your life together and continue to cultivate a wide array of interests, go on and show off--life is more fun that way.
Another example: When I spit game at a girl that isn't particularly bright, am I talking about things that I'm genuinely interested in? Heck no. I say silly stuff that makes little logical sense, but which always garners plenty of reactions. Social intelligence means doing what WORKS. Esoteric subjects? Not so good. Astrology? Good.
Same thing with tattoos, excessively trendy clothes, vanity etc. They are all things devoid of meaning for me, and are generally pretty tacky- but they get attention. That's their only purpose.
Don't be the guy on the sidelines judging; that takes little skill and brings no reward. Take the plunge and be the guy that others talk about--even if you wind up on hotchickswithdouchebags.com, at least you're the one with the girl.
Crybaby.
Don't worry about what others are doing and focus on your own goals.
For me, in the past, it was purely aerobic fitness.
Whereas now (the past year), it is maintain a "reasonable" fitness base and increase my strength. Still on the path, but successful so far.
When I go for runs, I take my shirt off (for "climate control" purposes). I'm not the biggest guy around but I'm not too bad.
And do I care what f*ckers driving past in cars or walking think of me? F*ck no, I'm out there for myself, achieving my own goals.
I suggest you do the same. Try and channel your jealousy of bigger, better looking f*ckers into motivation to achieve your own goals.
Don't worry about what others are doing and focus on your own goals.
For me, in the past, it was purely aerobic fitness.
Whereas now (the past year), it is maintain a "reasonable" fitness base and increase my strength. Still on the path, but successful so far.
When I go for runs, I take my shirt off (for "climate control" purposes). I'm not the biggest guy around but I'm not too bad.
And do I care what f*ckers driving past in cars or walking think of me? F*ck no, I'm out there for myself, achieving my own goals.
I suggest you do the same. Try and channel your jealousy of bigger, better looking f*ckers into motivation to achieve your own goals.
Ye, true, I don't like douche bags but what I don't like most of all is player haters (like the guys that judge but are always on the sidelines)
Keeping in mind that I might be a douche bag myself, at the end of the day it's a label that is invented by the whining little b1thes that sit on the sidelines (player haters)
Whining is for losers & women
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Midnight_Oil
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2010
- Messages
- 72
- Reaction score
- 1
Sometimes I feel weird wearing a beater to the gym. I don't do it often.
Then again, I feel that I can show it off because of how much work and discipline I have put into it.
Then again, I feel that I can show it off because of how much work and discipline I have put into it.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.