Titrating physical escalation? Need to Calibrate?

[Knight of Roses]

So I've always kino escalated quickly and then moved to kiss close on first date. I usually believe in that the man pushes the envelope as far as he can go until the woman objects. In the last several months, there have been several first dates where this has occurred and while physical intimacy has happened on the first date, the girls end up ghosting me afterwards.

One of them in fact said something along the lines that while she had fun, my actions made her feel that all I wanted was playful interactions while she was looking for something more serious. (How going slow denotes a relationship while hooking up on the first date doesn't, is beyond me. But whatever). Regardless, the question is this:

Do most of you calibrate your escalation to what you feel the woman is or what she'd like or you just do you and if she digs it then good, and if not, then NEXT?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

In the last several months, there have been several first dates where this has occurred and while physical intimacy has happened on the first date, the girls end up ghosting me afterwards.

How sure are you that the fact that you had intimacy on the first date is the sole reason for their ghosting, as opposed to a number of other factors including how they liked or didn't like the s*x, your communication, etc?

 

[sazc]

So I've always kino escalated quickly and then moved to kiss close on first date. I usually believe in that the man pushes the envelope as far as he can go until the woman objects. In the last several months, there have been several first dates where this has occurred and while physical intimacy has happened on the first date, the girls end up ghosting me afterwards.

One of them in fact said something along the lines that while she had fun, my actions made her feel that all I wanted was playful interactions while she was looking for something more serious. (How going slow denotes a relationship while hooking up on the first date doesn't, is beyond me. But whatever). Regardless, the question is this:

Do most of you calibrate your escalation to what you feel the woman is or what she'd like or you just do you and if she digs it then good, and if not, then NEXT?

For the women you are describing, it may be that going slow allows the woman to build trust for you and slowly be vulnerable with you so she can see if you will be a good steward of that vulnerability. For this same woman, hooking up too soon forces a state of vulnerability, and that causes distress, dis ease and anxiety. Vulnerability has been laid bare, there's no slowing the pace at this point, if you ultimately are not a good steward of her feelings she will be hurt and feel as if she not only made a bad choice, but had, yet another, pointless d1ck inside of her (a mistake). She can't un ring that bell so it's easier to run away from that.

 

[Knight of Roses]

For the women you are describing, it may be that going slow allows the woman to build trust for you and slowly be vulnerable with you so she can see if you will be a good steward of that vulnerability. For this same woman, hooking up too soon forces a state of vulnerability, and that causes distress, dis ease and anxiety. Vulnerability has been laid bare, there's no slowing the pace at this point, if you ultimately are not a good steward of her feelings she will be hurt and feel as if she not only made a bad choice, but had, yet another, pointless d1ck inside of her (a mistake). She can't un ring that bell so it's easier to run away from that.

So then what to do? Because when I try to got a bit slow, I feel it ends up being awkward towards the end.

 

[Knight of Roses]

How sure are you that the fact that you had intimacy on the first date is the sole reason for their ghosting, as opposed to a number of other factors including how they liked or didn't like the s*x, your communication, etc?

Entirely possible, but the fact that it leads to that point is usually an indication that the chemistry and other attraction criteria went smoothly to end in intimacy. And I been around the block enough to feel that my skills shouldn't be an issue.

 

[fastlife]

Just skip the kiss and get her home.

Also disqualify yourself from being bf material hard. Two different sets of rules for different guys. Your signal is getting mixed somewhere--might be being too much of a 'catch.' Try backing off that a little and do some harder pushes.

 

[sazc]

So then what to do? Because when I try to got a bit slow, I feel it ends up being awkward towards the end.

Honestly....know that this outcome is part of your dating scenario and prepare for it?

I'm the other end. I don't go fast, so I end up losing people too, when they see my lack of putting out quickly as "she's not interested" - which isn't the case. I've just learned to understand that we are mis match when it comes to dating, sexual progression, etc. Sometimes you just understand "it is what it is" and continue on.

 

[backseatjuan]

Do most of you calibrate your escalation to what you feel the woman is or what she'd like or you just do you and if she digs it then good, and if not, then NEXT?

I wish I'd be like you, I'd spend less on dates if I was. Why don't you try no physical escalation what so ever on first date, just enough verbal to let her know you're interested. Generally, even if I bring her home with me for some wine, I don't touch her on first date. Then I don't call or text her either for several days.

But honestly man, why would you want something more than sex?

 

[MillionBillionaire]

So I've always kino escalated quickly and then moved to kiss close on first date. I usually believe in that the man pushes the envelope as far as he can go until the woman objects. In the last several months, there have been several first dates where this has occurred and while physical intimacy has happened on the first date, the girls end up ghosting me afterwards.

One of them in fact said something along the lines that while she had fun, my actions made her feel that all I wanted was playful interactions while she was looking for something more serious. (How going slow denotes a relationship while hooking up on the first date doesn't, is beyond me. But whatever). Regardless, the question is this:

Do most of you calibrate your escalation to what you feel the woman is or what she'd like or you just do you and if she digs it then good, and if not, then NEXT?

You need to read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene

Never be overt in showing your interest. You need to build tension.