Tired of always initiating

[Upside]

And this isn't always about women. This ranges from complete strangers to people I know pretty well. Recently, 95% of the time I find myself initiating contact to talk to people and make offers to hang out and half the time I get stuff like I'm too busy; we'll see;...and it isn't like I call or text everyday. I can go days without hearing from someone I hang out with reguaraly, but at the same time said person can't go an hour or two without texting whoever for god knows what reason. If I contact too much I come off as annoying and needy, and too little it seems like no one could even give a ****. Honestly I am frustrated by this.

I make attempts everyday when I leave my place to chat up a person or two randomly just to make possible new friends. It could be in line at a coffee shop or on the bus I will try and start conversation with someone. Then at that point it seems like a huge struggle to keep the conversation going and I have to carry it on or whatever. I tend to use situational openers just to break the ice, but at times it doesn't seem good enough. The last person to start a spontaneous conversation with me was an eight year old kid...and we were talking hockey of all things. It is a rare treat for me if people randomly chat me up. Normally I would just shrug it off, but now I think there is a bigger issue at hand that is of no fault but my own. I'm doing something wrong. I'm seriously trying, but the results are poor.

What really got me to start this thread is what happened a few hours ago. I called up a chick I was getting strong IOI's from not too long ago. Laughing, touching, you name it. She was comfortable around me so I call her up, talk to her briefly, ask to go out and she says she will get back to me later because she is pretty busy. I'd like to hear from her soon and would like to be optimistic, but in my experience I will never hear from her again. No counter offer at all...just a vauge I'll call you sometime. Fine. I get it. I'll move on, BUT this is just a reocurring theme with me. I had a friend bail on me with plans twice, and now I can't even get new people to hang out with me. It's a numbers game, but I suck at playing.

In 2 hours I will read this, laugh at myself, and get over it. In the meantime I am kinda pissed at myself.

 

[base2ball2boy2]

I feel ya, dude. I have friends who do EXACTLY like you described- I'm always the one with the plans, yet the have to text every few minutes.

My advice? Just keep plugging along. You'll find somebody who will do this back to you (that's what she said).

If you ever feel like this again, do some pushups or go lift. That always helps clear my head, makes me feel better, and gets me jacked. It's a win-win-win situation.

Or listen to some comedy/relaxing music. That always does the trick for me.

Hope your day turns out better...

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I share the same frustration.

Are you being a value-taker? I do this, I'm noticing. I've realized a lot of my 'initiations' are ways of saying 'entertain me' or 'invite me along somewhere' and not always bringing anything to the table myself.

Back around summer/fall, I had **** to do all the time because I planned it myself FOR ME, and I would invite people along. I was busy all the time. And low and behold, people would call me too. Now its cold, dark, and winter . . Its a struggle to leave the warm bed in the morning. Seriously, I HATE the cold. So this is being reciprocated.

 

[alwayslead8821]

Man, I had this same problem awhile ago and I have been working on it a lot. What I found it was my confidence and I wasn't projecting happiness. People only want to hang out, talk to and have plans with people that really lighten their mood! I have ruled it as a selfish emotion but I realized I do it to.

People started talking to me more when I would have a "real" smile on my face and I was happy. When I say real its not that fake smile that people put on its the smile with your eyes and everything. When you are truly happy you naturally project confidence.

Something that I picked up on is to just pay attention to your thoughts. You will be surprised on how many negative thoughts you have that subconsciously make you not happy. Have a list of positive thoughts in your head and every time you think something negative immediately squash it and think something positive. After doing this you start putting out a good vibe, a vibe of confidence and hapiness and just like that people want to be around you.

Having a good sense of humor is really good also; Another step to make people happy while they are around you. The easiest way to start doing this is just start quoting movies and watch standup comedy. I know it's stealing but once you have done that for awhile you will start coming up with your own stuff.

I think about 90% of people in this country or so are not truly happy. They have times of happiness but are not consistently happy. That's why they want to surround themselves with people that lift there mood. Well good luck man and I hope my advice helped.

Here is also a good tip that I liked a lot
http://www.sosuave.com/quick2/tip453.htm

 

[Upside]

Are you being a value-taker? I do this, I'm noticing. I've realized a lot of my 'initiations' are ways of saying 'entertain me' or 'invite me along somewhere' and not always bringing anything to the table myself.

I don't really think of myself as value taking. I'll ask people to go out to do something like see a movie, check out a restaurant, just chill, or go ice skating (big hockey fan). I will say this though...I do rely on some of my friends to find house parties to go to.

Friday night before I went to a party, I went to an ice rink just to practice my technique (on my own...I make it a habbit to go out at least once a week by myself anywhere). I noticed a girl there who was with friends and we made eye contact; it held for two seconds, she smiled and skated away. I could tell she was somewhat of a beginner and she actually had a nasty fall moments later. When I first approached her (again, initated by me) I busted her on it for a bit, but told her some of the times I had bad spills and how I can still feel some bruises today that I got several weeks ago and the convo went from there.

Before I left I went for her number, but she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. This threw me off but I managed to say, "it won't stop me from getting your number" She said something along the lines of, "friends then?" in which I replied to as, "sure" (Like an idiot...I should of said something else like "my girlfriends would love to meet him" or whatever). I did get the #, but don't expect much out of this one. I'll offer once to meet up at a cafe so we can walk and talk for a bit. If I don't get a response of if she claims to be busy I'll just have to give her the proper NEXT.

I don't know if I buy the whole boyfriend bit. She was like the 5th wheel in a group date and tended to drift off on her own without even being with her friends at times. I guess this is just me being optimistic. I'm just glad to work on my approaching skills.

Before her I had a TERRIBLE reaction with one chick. I basically said "hello, having fun?" and she gave me the evil eye and said nothing. I just kind of laughed and moved on. At least being rejected is becoming easier. Approaching groups is still hard for me, but in time I'll work on that too.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I'm currently (in the process of) buying a House. Once I buy that house, I will begin inviting people over for fish-fry, cookouts, potlucks, supabowl-watching, or to meet to go somewhere. Be a leader, and others with Then, be taking your value. My house will not be big, but it will be a gathering place, I can tell you that. It's in a private area on the corner end next to a natural walking-path area, plenty of parking. Once they associate my place with fun, and good experiences, then they'll feel good just thinking about coming to my place. I will possibly be buying a boat in the future too.

 

[nismo-4]

I'm currently (in the process of) buying a House. Once I buy that house, I will begin inviting people over for fish-fry, cookouts, potlucks, supabowl-watching, or to meet to go somewhere. Be a leader, and others with Then, be taking your value. My house will not be big, but it will be a gathering place, I can tell you that. It's in a private area on the corner end next to a natural walking-path area, plenty of parking. Once they associate my place with fun, and good experiences, then they'll feel good just thinking about coming to my place. I will possibly be buying a boat in the future too.

I'd invite the realtor over too!