Tip #2: Confidence

De La Soul

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It's a badly-kept secret.
#1
Confidence. How many articles on confidence will you read before you become.....well...confident. You've read all the great ones on this site but you still don't have it. After you read them you tell yourself: TOMORROW IS THE DAY. I'm gonna knock all the girls off their feet! But we all have to know that tomorrow never comes. You have to start TODAY! You may have read great articles on confidence such as "Be A Man!" by Pook. But the problem with articles like these are that they are a little too abstract. After you read them you get a buzz, but when you get out into the big wide world you find yourself forgetting all about "Becoming the Great Catch" as quickly as you learnt it. Here are some concrete things you can do that will build your confidence.

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1. Discover what you want to do in your life. Write these things down and make a pledge to work towards them. Make a plan of how you will achieve these goals. Aim to achieve at least two of your goals each year. Now what do you have? AMBITION! And ambition is a great confidence builder.

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2. Get a job. Preferably a job that involves a lot of communication with other people so that you can develop your people-skills. Also, how are you going to be confident without some cash in your back pocket? This ain't the movies so wake up and realise that most people who don't work are not confident people. They're not confident because the don't have money. It's as simple as that. Aim high but start small. Even if you plan to be the CEO of a huge, faceless corporation one day, realise that you have to have some starting money to get that opportunity.

The easiest way to get a job is through connections. If you've got a friend who works in a record shop, ask him what the situation there is. If you've got a friend who owns a record shop then get your head out of your ass and tell him to give you a job!

Send an application in to as many places as possible! The best way to have a baby is to have regular sex, the best way to have a job is to post regular application forms. Throw enough mud and some of it will stick.

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3. Work out. Get fit, get healthy, get a little bit of muscle on you! WARNING: The Health and Fitness Forum should not be your teacher! If you wanna start pumping iron, go to a gym and ask a qualified professional for some tips.

Having said this, doing a few searchs on the Health + Firness Forum will not hurt. Particularly if you are interested in GAINING OR LOSING MASS.

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4. Affirmations. Every day when you wake up and/or every day when you go to sleep strike a pose in front of the mirror and say something positive about yourself, even if it's not true. Say it like you mean it. Imagine that it's true. If you keep this up for a few months, you will start to notice results: many of the things you have told yourself in the mirror will start to happen and you will develop a more positve attitude to life.

Some examples of affirmations are:
- "I am a magnet for beautiful women. I am confident, calm and charasmatic."
- "I am a great man. I am strong. No one dares to challenge my authority and I command the respect of both my friends and enemies."
- "I am great at kino and neg-hits. I realise that both of these are great weapons for attracting babes and I am not afraid to unleash their power."

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5. Join a club. There is no better way to make new friends and other connections. Whether it be football or soccer, darts or debating the result will be that you will come out feeling more confident about yourself.

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6. Want to be accepted by others? Well first you have to ACCEPT THEM. This means
a) SMILING
b) INITIATING CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM
c) LISTENING TO THEM.
WARNING: Do not try to impress people. You will come off looking like... a guy who is desperately trying to impress people. Just remember to smile, initiate, and listen.

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7. Go out and make eye contact with strangers and then smile at them. Watch them smile back and realise that you have the potential to make anyone on earth smile.

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8. Get REJECTED! There is no better way to avoid the pain of rejection than to get rejected. Go out without a care in the world and try to get as many phone numbers as possible. If you seriously try you are guaranteed to get a good number of rejections, not necessarily because people don't like you are because they think you're ugly, but simply for the reason that they're having a bad day or they don't give their number to someone they just met.

Aim to get rejected. Set yourself a quota of rejections each week. E.g. 10 in a week.
The good thing about this is that you will become indifferent to rejection, it will no longer bother you! And you never know, you might even come out of it with a few numbers!
Then you can regroup and have a laugh about your rejections with your friends over a few beers.

Key Rejection Quotes:

- "When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you." ~African Proverb

- "The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do"

- "If you have tried to do something and failed, you are vastly better off than if you had tried to do nothing and succeeded." ~Lloyd Jones

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9. Go out to have fun as often as you can. If you've got a free night get your friends together and go out to have some fun and shake things up!

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10. Talk to all those people who you see often but never really talk to, and to all those people who you wish you had the courage to talk to. All it takes is a "Hi, how are you doin?" A few questions and you've got yourself the beginnings of a conversation.

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11. Be unpredictable. Surprise yourself. Surprise your friends. If a challenge presents itself that you would normailly shirk from, approach it head on.

Finally, throw out the rule book. There are no rules! Live your life as you would love to live it and stop letting your fears hold you back. The key to confidence is in your mind. If you follow all of the above rules, your mind will develop confidence by itself.

Start today. I am not fvcking joking. Start today or don't start at all. Once you have read this article I want you to start being a confident man TODAY! If you are reading this as you are about to go to sleep then go to sleep later! Get into some affirmations or start looking for a job, anything!

You may have come to the end of this article and thought "Hey, I already knew a lot of that stuff....bah I'm not even gonna try it... ALL THAT STUFF TAKES TOO LONG AND TOO MUCH EFFORT." Well if that's your attitude I can tell you right now that is sheer laziness. You have to be willing to try! You will start seeing results within a week of starting any of these things. If you do all of these things you will have no trouble at all seeing changes beause people will probably start telling you that you are becoming more confident or positve.

Try them.

Confidence is 50% attitude, 50% experience.

De La Soul


[This message has been edited by De La Soul (edited 10-24-2002).]
 

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Freestyler

Senior Don Juan
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#2
Nice job@! Congrats\!
 

Aiken_Drum

Master Don Juan
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#3
Originally posted by De La Soul:

Start today. I am not f.ucking joking. Start today or don't start at all. Once you have read this article I want you to start being a confident man TODAY! If you are reading this as you are about to go to sleep then go to sleep later! Get into some affirmations or start looking for a job, anything!
You reminded me of finishing up my CV, something I've been delaying for months out of pure lazyness. Thanks!

------------------
"In doing good, avoid notoriety; in doing evil, avoid self-awareness" Duncan Idaho, Mentat (Dune).

"I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world
because they'd never expect it." --Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts"
 

jive

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#4
this is great advice :D
im surprised at how there are only a few comments on this
 

Kanadasutra

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#5
2. Get a job. Preferably a job that involves a lot of communication with other people so that you can develop your people-skills.
-----

I like this tip, as Confidence building is my current goal. Doing most of what is written in the tip, i can tell that it works.. DAMN it works.. so well! I have gone from a low-low-low-super low self-esteem to a almost confident guy... eh! I still have some work to do!

But sometimes i wonder if i dont push the "DonJuaning" too far:

A few weeks ago i refused a well paid job in my field, multimedia programming, because i was to do the same thing and it was a small place with only a boss and "secretary" in a small town, one hour of drive from where i live.

I instead accepted a clerk job with a low salary in a telecommunication compagny/call center. It was a choice that was directly linked with my presence on sosuave: It make absolutely no sense to my old co-workers, they dont know how much i want to improve my social skills and how much i am willing to take risk for that.

The job is VERY BORING indead! (but it seems i have done it well anyway and got good feedback from my superior wich is another confidence brick!).

Having less cash affect me in many way, by exemple i can't go out as much... but i dont regret because there is so much more opportunity for social interaction there, that is amazing! I dont regret my move at all.

There is plenty of HB everywhere and there is plenty of opportunities to practice 3'second rule.

My confidence has improved greatly just by this... I have done few approach i am very proud of... Just one year ago, i wouldnt have believe that i would have been able one day to interact with strangers/coworkers like that.

And my boss is a living ****y&funny guy... so i open my eye and listen...

that's all... i am now going out.. praticing #7! :)
 
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#10
amazing

amazing amazing amazing
the more I read this site particularly this Tips forum ....the more I really really REALLY love it !!!
 

aznbreakerjrey

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#11
Yo De La Soul, your post is really inspiring. Your post, combined with Guitar Whizz's real life experiences post, have been the only ones to truly motivate me to take action. I actually went out yesterday, said some affirmations and thought, "Screw this! I'm getting a number today." And guess what? I got my first number in quite a while and now I'mma get more sometime soon. Great post man.
 
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#12
Originally posted by De La Soul
Confidence.

4. Affirmations. Every day when you wake up and/or every day when you go to sleep strike a pose in front of the mirror and say something positive about yourself, even if it's not true. Say it like you mean it. Imagine that it's true. If you keep this up for a few months, you will start to notice results: many of the things you have told yourself in the mirror will start to happen and you will develop a more positve attitude to life.

Some examples of affirmations are:
- "I am a magnet for beautiful women. I am confident, calm and charasmatic."
- "I am a great man. I am strong. No one dares to challenge my authority and I command the respect of both my friends and enemies."
- "I am great at kino and neg-hits. I realise that both of these are great weapons for attracting babes and I am not afraid to unleash their power."

---------------------------------------------

De La Soul


[This message has been edited by De La Soul (edited 10-24-2002).]

I have tried the affirmations and they DO work a lot ...BUT
I replaced the " I " and putted a " YOU" and works better.....
when you talk to yourself and no one's around ....LISTEN to yourself..... you do not say I ...you say .......YOU
 
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#15
i only read the introduction, and all i can say is that yes you are right, i mean after reaidng the articles i tryed to walk with confidence and talk with confidence, yes just from reading the articles and a little practice.

As for approching a girl its harder. I told my self i would, i couldnt do it and go home felling bad about this, exact same thing the next day, and the day after that. You no what happened after a while, my feeling bad for not doing it caught up with my being scared of doing it, so i just picked myself up and did it. I cant say that i can approch with out thinking twice about it, but i can do it with out much hesitation.

and heres another thing, do nto wait because it is harder to approch girls you like and if you watch this girl go by every day you may just start to like her more and then suddenly its so much harder to approch.
 

S0LID

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#17
ye wait too long and you will knock ur self into oneits.
 

jiza101

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#18
Wow man, thanks.. As soon as i read this i made a word document im going to put on my wall and i will read it EVERY night, if you guys want it just ask and ill email it to you, its in colour so you can print it out and stick it on your wall to keep you on track. Its simple and basic but thats what we are after. :cool:
 
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#19
great post, it's definitly a pick-me up
 

whoami

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#20
It's far better than that crap tip I read last week..
great job man...
WhoAmI
 
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