Tinder Match

[ItsFate451]

Hello all,

Met this girl on Tinder last Friday. About a 7, cute face, nice body etc. Chatted for a good 10 min about our favorite Netflix shows. She tells me that Ozark is her favorite show and I should watch it. I told her I will and took this as an opportunity to ask her out for a drink. I said “When are you free to get a drink so you can tell me more about the show?”

The next night she responded and asked if I worked downtown? Maybe we could get a drink and sent me her number. Sunday, I texted her and said “let’s get a drink Tuesday at 630. She texted me couple hours later stating that she can’t Tuesday but maybe Thursday? I replied saying I would love to see her but I don’t do maybe dates. Let me know what days you know you will be available.

Now I’m waiting for her reply while talking to other women of course. Was this handle correctly?

 

[The Duke]

Nothing you did wrong there. Her interest in you isn't high enough. I'd forget about her. She'll need to go elsewhere to get her daily shot of validation!

 

[ItsFate451]

Nothing you did wrong there. Her interest in you isn't high enough. I'd forget about her. She'll need to go elsewhere to get her daily shot of validation!

Yea that’s what I figured. If she had high interest she wouldn’t have said “maybe”

 

[flowtheory]

Hello all,

Met this girl on Tinder last Friday. About a 7, cute face, nice body etc. Chatted for a good 10 min about our favorite Netflix shows. She tells me that Ozark is her favorite show and I should watch it. I told her I will and took this as an opportunity to ask her out for a drink. I said “When are you free to get a drink so you can tell me more about the show?”

The next night she responded and asked if I worked downtown? Maybe we could get a drink and sent me her number. Sunday, I texted her and said “let’s get a drink Tuesday at 630. She texted me couple hours later stating that she can’t Tuesday but maybe Thursday? I replied saying I would love to see her but I don’t do maybe dates. Let me know what days you know you will be available.

Now I’m waiting for her reply while talking to other women of course. Was this handle correctly?

Why did you reply saying ‘I don’t do maybe dates”? That’s weird. You should have just said: see you Thursday at 6:30 at (bar). Took the lead. And let her respond naturally. And play from there.
Then message a couple times during the week, and confirm date on Thursday during the day. “See you tonight”.

Saying you don’t do maybe dates is a bit too forward in my opinion, and seems kind of butt hurt and kills the good vibes as there’s a bit of confrontation. Too overt. Remember she doesn’t know you at all. She gave you her number, she had interest...

 

[ItsFate451]

Why did you reply saying ‘I don’t do maybe dates”? That’s weird. You should have just said: see you Thursday at 6:30 at (bar). Took the lead. And let her respond naturally. And play from there.
Then message a couple times during the week, and confirm date on Thursday during the day. “See you tonight”.

Saying you don’t do maybe dates is a bit too forward in my opinion, and seems kind of butt hurt and kills the good vibes as there’s a bit of confrontation. Too overt. Remember she doesn’t know you at all. She gave you her number, she had interest...

How is that weird? Majority of the time “maybe” means no. I’m a busy man so I make definite dates. Why agree to a “maybe Thursday?” Chances are something is going to come up and she’s gonna cancel. A girl with high interest is not going to say maybe plain and simple. Now, if she would’ve said I’m not free Tuesday but I’m free Thursday then that’s different.

 

[flowtheory]

How is that weird? Majority of the time “maybe” means no. I’m a busy man so I make definite dates. Why agree to a “maybe Thursday?” Chances are something is going to come up and she’s gonna cancel. A girl with high interest is not going to say maybe plain and simple. Now, if she would’ve said I’m not free Tuesday but I’m free Thursday then that’s different.

That’s an assumption.
My point is you could have put it out there for Thursday, and see what would have happened. Then if you don’t get the response you desire from that, you make new plans. No biggy. By that strategy, you’re not completely shutting things down. However the way you did it, shut it down.
And if she really had no interest, why would she come back and suggest another day at all?

 

[ohrein]

I think shutting her down like that after a counter offer was a bit too on the nose. Showed weak emotional control and too much interest on your end. You could have played it a bit more calm, turned it into something c0cky/funny. "Maybe Thursday? The other women in my harem are usually a bit more decisive...."

 

[Serenity]

She texted me couple hours later stating that she can’t Tuesday but maybe Thursday? I replied saying I would love to see her but I don’t do maybe dates. Let me know what days you know you will be available.

You messed it up here. The question mark is really what modifies this, had it been a period I would have taken it the same way you did. The question mark indicates she's asking you if Thursday works for you, it's not a statement that maybe she will go on Thursday. By posing it as a question she implies that she's free, asking if you are too. The word "maybe" indicates the fact that she can't know it will happen because she doesn't know if you're free on Thursday. So you misinterpreted this, got reactive and came off badly as @flowtheory described.

How is that weird? Majority of the time “maybe” means no. I’m a busy man so I make definite dates. Why agree to a “maybe Thursday?” Chances are something is going to come up and she’s gonna cancel. A girl with high interest is not going to say maybe plain and simple. Now, if she would’ve said I’m not free Tuesday but I’m free Thursday then that’s different.

@flowtheory is right, this is an assumption, a negative one. You basically self-sabotaged because you assumed she was going to flake. The interaction went good up to your last response and she probably would have met for a date on Thursday, had you not misinterpreted and gotten slightly triggered by the word "maybe". That small mistake flat out killed the good vibe you had going and instead of a chance of flake you pretty much guaranteed she won't meet you.

Don't assume negative outcomes, it will in some way make that outcome more likely.