Time to admit defeat and stop wishing?

[Demonicale]

I'm starting to think that their is no point in investing sooo much energy in women.

I come from this with a defeatist attitude, and it's because after trying everything short of money ... to get a nice girlfriend ... i now realise that it's just not gonna happen.

I mean, i'm 27 next month and have had 1 relationship that lasted like 2-3 months (yeah can that even be counted as one?) ... and all i end up with every now and again is a one night stand with a women with kids or she's kinda below average.

It's stressed me out sooo much i've kinda got obsessed with the idea and the pursuit to the point i'm now questioning my looks,attitude and getting down.

At the moment i'm obsessed with the fact that i weigh 10 stone (140lbs) and now think that this is the main problem .. then i try and do something about it and can't gain weight for ****.

Then i think it's cause i have short hair as i'm losing it ....

Is it me or is their such a time to "call it a day" ? .... where should i go from here?.

NORMALLY i never make threads as desperate and depressing as this, and i never ask for much from this forum ... just need abit of direction or something.
Anyone else feel the same as this?.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

First I would like to say that I think that PUA/DJ lifestyle is too depressing, although you can learn much from them, if you go for many one night stands you will, sooner or later get depressed. In my standards women that go for one night stands are the worst of the worst, really just garbage, and are the ones that most likely to cheat on you.
But I repeat PUA/DJ knowledge can be very effective to find a quality woman, for a long commitment. I also do this with bodybuilding, I read bodybuilding magazines, as my goal is to get a model like body, but I don´t want to look like a bodybuilder.

Losing your hair shouldn´t be the problem as it happens to a lot of guys. Although I think there are two major turn offs for women, wich are worse than being ugly (of course they can be neutralized with a decent game), being super skinny and look much younger than you are the latter doesn´t apply if you are in your 50´s but it does apply if you are 20 something and look like a 18 kid. What these two things have in commong? You don´t look manly!
Of course you are lucky with these two, because there are things you can do to change that. For gaining weight you should look for vince delmonte on google. He has a blog with free information, or you could use youtube to listen to his advice.

I also don´t know if this is your case, but many computer nerds (let´s face it most Dj´s or Puas are nerds/ex nerds) try to skip an important step before having a relationship. This step is building a social life... having lots of friends, going out, having new hobbies should be the FIRST STEP, if you jump this you may get a girlfriend but your life is so boring that things most likely will fail. Most people with a wide social circle, no matter how AFC, ugly, loser they are, have no problems getting into fulfilling relationships.

And please many people find the love of their lives much later than you... you are just a kid, and stop putting so much pressure on this.

 

[Demonicale]

First I would like to say that I think that PUA/DJ lifestyle is too depressing, although you can learn much from them, if you go for many one night stands you will, sooner or later get depressed. In my standards women that go for one night stands are the worst of the worst, really just garbage, and are the ones that most likely to cheat on you.
But I repeat PUA/DJ knowledge can be very effective to find a quality woman, for a long commitment. I also do this with bodybuilding, I read bodybuilding magazines, as my goal is to get a model like body, but I don´t want to look like a bodybuilder.

Losing your hair shouldn´t be the problem as it happens to a lot of guys. Although I think there are two major turn offs for women, wich are worse than being ugly (of course they can be neutralized with a decent game), being super skinny and look much younger than you are the latter doesn´t apply if you are in your 50´s but it does apply if you are 20 something and look like a 18 kid. What these two things have in commong? You don´t look manly!
Of course you are lucky with these two, because there are things you can do to change that. For gaining weight you should look for vince delmonte on google. He has a blog with free information, or you could use youtube to listen to his advice.

I also don´t know if this is your case, but many computer nerds (let´s face it most Dj´s or Puas are nerds/ex nerds) try to skip an important step before having a relationship. This step is building a social life... having lots of friends, going out, having new hobbies should be the FIRST STEP, if you jump this you may get a girlfriend but your life is so boring that things most likely will fail. Most people with a wide social circle, no matter how AFC, ugly, loser they are, have no problems getting into fulfilling relationships.

And please many people find the love of their lives much later than you... you are just a kid, and stop putting so much pressure on this.

Thanks that was REALLY helpful, i'm not super skinny, but i do need alittle more wight i think, and i do look young .. but i don't think that's too much of a problem... i have very good charm so that is'nt my problem.

the problem i have i think is the social cirlce, i don't have too many friends and the ones i go downtown with dont like to go anywhere new.

Ok so i'll try not to get with girls for one night stands, but how do i pick out the girls who are'nt just after one night stands?.

 

[drak_ool]

I'm starting to think that their is no point in investing sooo much energy in women.

I come from this with a defeatist attitude, and it's because after trying everything ...

ok buddy, I'm gonna stop you right there. You tried everything? I mean you've only been on sosuave for 1 year. That's not even enough time to READ everything about the way of the DJ, let alone put it all into practice.

To be honest with you, I could write a convincing 3000+ words essay to prove to you that game improves your life, helps you get a quality girlfriend, etc... But that's not what you want to hear, you just started this thread to whine after your lukewarm attempts at improving your game have failed.

my only advice to you: step you game up. If you go sarging 2 nights a week, now go 4. If you don't do day game, then start. If you get 1 or 2 numbers a week, try to get 5 or 6.

whining on sosuave will not get you laid, nor will it get you a girlfriend

 

[Demonicale]

ok buddy, I'm gonna stop you right there. You tried everything? I mean you've only been on sosuave for 1 year. That's not even enough time to READ everything about the way of the DJ, let alone put it all into practice.

To be honest with you, I could write a convincing 3000+ words essay to prove to you that game improves your life, helps you get a quality girlfriend, etc... But that's not what you want to hear, you just started this thread to whine after your lukewarm attempts at improving your game have failed.

my only advice to you: step you game up. If you go sarging 2 nights a week, now go 4. If you don't do day game, then start. If you get 1 or 2 numbers a week, try to get 5 or 6.

whining on sosuave will not get you laid, nor will it get you a girlfriend

It's not that i've "failed" as you put it, i mean i get girls and have sex etc... but i NEVER get nice girls and have girlfriends which kinda starts to make you wonder why after so long ...

 

[Ease]

I cant really help you but when you want a relationship you get needy.

You have to act like you dont want it, to get it. LTRs are a whole thing on its own, gl with it when you're in it. Getting the girl to chase you in the start is the start.

And if you feel this depressed, then take it to next level. If its getting you down this much, go crazy and do one of those 50 approach per day routines. Theres always hope, remember what you're getting depressed over. Theres worst things in life, and this one is only temporary at that.

 

[zekko]

It's not that i've "failed" as you put it, i mean i get girls and have sex etc... but i NEVER get nice girls and have girlfriends which kinda starts to make you wonder why after so long ...

Sounds like you are looking for a LTR. Honestly, it can take YEARS to find the right girl to be exclusive with, that one who is a near perfect match for you. So the time you've put in doesn't amount to much. All you can do in the meantime is keep going out with different ones until you find her. And in the meantime you can learn more about what works with women and what doesn't.

 

[Warrior74]

It's not that i've "failed" as you put it, i mean i get girls and have sex etc... but i NEVER get nice girls and have girlfriends which kinda starts to make you wonder why after so long ...

Probably bad hunting grounds. Where are you hunting and what is your typical prey? What is your style and what does it naturally attract? Why aren't you asking yourself these questions? lol.

 

[teacha]

your one problem is you are investing too much time into women.

 

[lorekeeper]

Holy Crap. You're me!



seriously. I'm at this stage too. I've dropped all plates (if you can classify them as plates) except for one that has potential, but diminishing fast; and going to focus on myself, our difference is that I'm 31, and weight 220.

I've started this by spending less time going out to drink, go to gym 5 days a week for 3 weeks so far, work on restoring a project car and work. I've subscribed to this thread, and will be making a progress one for me.

Strength, brother.

 

[Maxtro]

If this is some kind of contest then I automatically win!

I'm turning 29 in two months. I've only ever had sex by paying money to somebody or for something. I've only ever dated one person, and that lasted two weeks, plus she was a fat chick. I haven't had sex in a year.

What's funny is that I still haven't given up yet. I still have hope and still try. I know that I'm slowly making progress.

All I can really say is that you need to meet more women. Put yourself in situations where you can interact with them without being seen as weird. Don't be afraid to show interest and go on dates with them.

 

[tihash]

Demonicle,

I am familiar with the fairly recent success you had cold approaching in a pub. Do not let the skanks get you down! So many owmen are flakes, liars, and such, that it will most likely take time to find a quality GF. I had a LTR that lasted about 4 years from a bookstore cold approach. It ultimately did not work out, but the point is I was single for about a year before I met a girl I considered worthy of LTR status. Did I date and fuk other girls in the meantime? Of course.

So f-close the slvts and keep on looking for Ms. Right. In time, you will find her. And the experience you gain with the slvts along the way will keep you well-practiced for when you find her.

Keep on keeping on, and NEVER give up!

 

[Scion]

I've also stopped putting so much effort and focusing so much on women. Sure i dont make much progress but i also dont get depressed about making no progress. Up til now I've never had much luck with women, never dated a girl more than twice, still a virgin, etc. But I no longer care, and I no longer think down on myself. Personally for me it's the best thing to do because I'll never have much success so why make it a priority.

 

[lorekeeper]

If this is some kind of contest then I automatically win!

I'm turning 29 in two months. I've only ever had sex by paying money to somebody or for something. I've only ever dated one person, and that lasted two weeks, plus she was a fat chick. I haven't had sex in a year.

What's funny is that I still haven't given up yet. I still have hope and still try. I know that I'm slowly making progress.

All I can really say is that you need to meet more women. Put yourself in situations where you can interact with them without being seen as weird. Don't be afraid to show interest and go on dates with them.

nope, I have you beat. but this is demon's thread, lets get back on subject

 

[Demonicale]

Thank you for the replies, seem's we have a great bunch of people on this forum!.

Ok where to start, ok the main problem that get's me down is this.

I'm 26 ( i know younger than most) and i have a friend, ok close male friend who is 21.
Now this friend of mine makes no attempt at getting with women and does'nt dress aswell as me or knows as much as i do about women (from reading don jaun etc..)

Yet this guy has had 2 girlfriends (one he's seeing now) who are absolutley incredible in both looks,personality EVERYTHING!.

Yes i'm very very jealous and it start's to make me question why somebody like him can have 2 girlfriends and i never get ANY?.

As for where i go to meet girls, i would have to be honest and say it's alway's on a friday or saturday night in a bar or club.

I do get offered relationships from girls who i don't want to be with, girl's with kids and who are'nt very good looking.
I don't mind kids, it's just i'm not looking for that, i would like a girl on her own.

I try to do everything right, and when it keeps failing i keep taking it out on myself .. i keep looking in the mirrior and ask myself why am i not allowed to be happy?.

I know at 26 i'm kinda young, but when your surrounded with guy's who get girlfriends all the time, and other people thinking your gay for not getting a girlfriend, aswell as feeling like your missing out on a big experience.

Ok i won't go on, but yeah, at the moment i'd be honest and say women take up 90% of my thinking, kinda obsessing over the fact.

 

[lorekeeper]

Demon:

at the risk of coming off as a hypocrite, you've got to start focusing on yourself. Not for the women, for yourself.

 

[Demonicale]

Demon:

at the risk of coming off as a hypocrite, you've got to start focusing on yourself. Not for the women, for yourself.

Hey i appreciate any comments, i take it all in ...

I understand what your saying, but i'm not sure exactly how ...

When you obsess over something sooo long you begin to lose sight of what's important .. now i've lost what is important i don't really know how to get it back.

if that makes any sense?.

 

[Scion]

Thank you for the replies, seem's we have a great bunch of people on this forum!.

Ok where to start, ok the main problem that get's me down is this.

I'm 26 ( i know younger than most) and i have a friend, ok close male friend who is 21.
Now this friend of mine makes no attempt at getting with women and does'nt dress aswell as me or knows as much as i do about women (from reading don jaun etc..)

Yet this guy has had 2 girlfriends (one he's seeing now) who are absolutley incredible in both looks,personality EVERYTHING!.

Yes i'm very very jealous and it start's to make me question why somebody like him can have 2 girlfriends and i never get ANY?.

As for where i go to meet girls, i would have to be honest and say it's alway's on a friday or saturday night in a bar or club.

I do get offered relationships from girls who i don't want to be with, girl's with kids and who are'nt very good looking.
I don't mind kids, it's just i'm not looking for that, i would like a girl on her own.

I try to do everything right, and when it keeps failing i keep taking it out on myself .. i keep looking in the mirrior and ask myself why am i not allowed to be happy?.

I know at 26 i'm kinda young, but when your surrounded with guy's who get girlfriends all the time, and other people thinking your gay for not getting a girlfriend, aswell as feeling like your missing out on a big experience.

Ok i won't go on, but yeah, at the moment i'd be honest and say women take up 90% of my thinking, kinda obsessing over the fact.

who cares if other guys have girlfriends. Who cares if random people think your gay because you don't have a girlfriend (though I don't see this happening if your ****ing random girls). Stop worrying about other people. Do what you want. If you want a high quality girlfriend then go out and find her (though you may have to go through many low quality girls to find a high one).

 

[lorekeeper]

Hey i appreciate any comments, i take it all in ...

I understand what your saying, but i'm not sure exactly how ...

When you obsess over something sooo long you begin to lose sight of what's important .. now i've lost what is important i don't really know how to get it back.

if that makes any sense?.

My plan might not be right for you, but this is how I'm doing it:

I'm cutting women out of my life.

I've felt pretty productive this past 2 months, aside from the fact I'm remarkably failing with a bunch of women, I've signed for an apt, and moving out of my home, I've finally got a job, even though it's temporary I'm sure i can fins something as soon as this contract is up. I've gone under 220 lbs (15.7stone) for the first time in 12-13 years. and I've f-closed for the first time ever.

but with all that I've spent wayyyyyy to much time obsessing over certain women. I've deleted their numbers from my phone, and don't reply to their texts.

Instead of going out every night, I'm hitting the gym. I get up at 8:30, at work for 10ish, out at 6, at the gym by 7, out by 7:45-9 (depending on day and how packed it is) then head back home and either do small chores or work on my car.

I've got other projects to do, including gettting out of my 12k debt, getting better clothes (my pants keep sliding down, i've piunched 4 new holes in this belt) building some things, and playing more football.

it feels like it's taken up my time, and I don't think about them as much; but like i said, it might not be the best plan but I'm doing it.

 

[game.r]

Women can somehow sense the desperation when you want a relationship this badly. They correctly sense that you have nothing to offer them and you're looking for them to somehow make you're life better. This is a problem because women generally depend on men to make their lives better, more exciting, challenging, fun... They want a man that has his sh!t together and is going places so they can be apart of that. They want to be led.

Don't be discouraged. You know what your weaknesses are, don't just moan about it, take action. You say you're 140lbs, if this is a problem for you go to the gym, get on a weight gain plan and work your butt off. Join a social club, Get hobbies, travel to new places, try new experiences, set goals and accomplish them... basically you need to get a life for yourself. One that you're proud of and happy with.

Take 6 -18 months and just focus on improving you and learning to love you. Write down some goals for that time frame that don't include a woman or getting a woman. You will be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself.

As for people thinking you're gay, fvck em. Here's a quote i heard from a UK motivational guy called Matthew Hussey, that resonated with me and i never forgot...

"Don't let the quality of your life be determined by the thoughts of strangers"

GL.