Time for divorce? Advice needed...

[MOTU]

I am absolutely tired. I am exhausted. I am to the breaking point.

Everytime I read the crap: I WANT TO STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS.

I now get incensed. I honestly become consumed by anger, because that is the biggest crock of garbage I can ever read from any man willing to put himself through hell.

Honestly, what kind of shield is that? Well, I'm in a bad situation, but I am doing it for the kids. I get tired of it. Is that a noble cause? You might as well launch your corpse onto a sword while you are at it. You might as well call this marriage, "harakiri".

Don't do ANYTHING for the kids. And as unrealistic as that sounds, and horrible, and terrible... you need to understand one thing, THEY WILL KNOW.

Do you think your kids want to grow up seeing their parents to be full of lies, misery, and anguish... and barely keeping it together?

For years, I saw my mother and father try to stay together "for the kids" and it was the worst years of my early life. As soon as they were apart, it all got better. I didn't need them to be in the same house, I just needed them to be around. They were better parents as divorcees than they were as married.

Go meet a lawyer. Get counsel. Take steps to becoming happy. That's what you want to raise your kids in, a happier world even if it's a separated world from their mother. Your kids will be fine.

I grew up to be an accountant and my sister is a doctor.

We are fine.
We grew up happy.
We had our parents there even if they weren't together.

Stop being a pushover and get your life back in gear.

^^^This. You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Kailex again.^^^

Well said, and, by staying in a bad marriage the kids grow up thinking dysfunction is normal and it can impact their ability to form healthy relationships.

 

[Zarky]

Very true though divorces are the toughest thing one can go through. You've invested all that time, money, emotional connection, etc...

It's the ultimate "sunk costs" conundrum.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs

You're tied in with so much life investment that leaving is extraordinarily difficult.

And here's the thing: the simple act of sinking all those costs into a woman (or anything) makes you ipso facto overvalue her (or it.)

"In 1968 Knox and Inkster,[2] in what is perhaps the classic sunk cost experiment, approached 141 horse bettors: 72 of the people had just finished placing a $2.00 bet within the past 30 seconds, and 69 people were about to place a $2.00 bet in the next 30 seconds. Their hypothesis was that people who had just committed themselves to a course of action (betting $2.00) would reduce post-decision dissonance by believing more strongly than ever that they had picked a winner.

"Knox and Inkster asked the bettors to rate their horse's chances of winning on a 7-point scale. What they found was that people who were about to place a bet rated the chance that their horse would win at an average of 3.48 which corresponded to a "fair chance of winning" whereas people who had just finished betting gave an average rating of 4.81 which corresponded to a "good chance of winning". Their hypothesis was confirmed: after making a $2.00 commitment, people became more confident their bet would pay off."


Which is why I sink my costs into ME, not some broad.