Tiger Eye journal

[isotope]

regarding EC: smile a friendly smile. this will be the difference between stalker EC and freindly convo EC

 

[Tiger Eye]

week 2 day 3 - sat

Thanks for the support, guys.

Got off work early tonight to go see The Wizard of Oz at a walk-in outdoor theater in Fremont -- 1st the original movie, followed by “The Dark Side of Oz,” a silent repeat with PF’s Dark Side of the Moon as the soundtrack.

I usually work late on Sat, and one of the girls there that eats up my c/f wants to know why this week was different. I tell her where I’m going and she says that sounds cool, so I invite her to join me if we both get off work in time, and she’s into the idea. She’s a 5 that’s been showing signs of interest for a long time that I’ve pretty much ignored, not much interest on my part, plus she’s a co-worker. But I figured what the hell, if this pans out I just might get laid tonight.

And sure enough, the moment the possibility of sex enters the picture I could feel the nice guy thing trying to suck me down. But apparently enough DJ stuff has soaked in for some kind of over-ride to kick in (kicks in on a 5, anyway – what about a 7 or 8?) So I keep doing the things that’s attracted her in the first place, maintain the c/f and purposely avoid hanging around her too much.

Well, we do get off work in time, but just barely, the sun’s already down and it’s going to be tight. I have my stuff with me so I’m ready to shoot straight over to the show, but being a fukking female she has to go home first to get herself together, and decides there’s not enough time for her to make it. For a moment I think about trying to do something else with her (more nice guy?), but decide the hell with her, I’m going to the show, see you later.

When I get there the improv group is still warming up the audience, but the place is packed and I have to find a spot out on the fringe. See two HBs on a blanket and try to set up my lawn chair right behind them, but that blocks the view of other people behind me and I have to abandon that. So fukk it, I’ll just watch the movie. Great movie, one of my all-time favorites going all the way back to childhood, and the audience cheering Toto and booing the Wicked Witch of the West made it that much more enjoyable, but along the way I think I temporarily regressed to a 10 year old boy who thinks women are “yukky.” When the lights came up I had zero interest in those two HBs.

During the brief intermission before “Dark Side” all the families and kids clear out, and the rest of the crowd reassembles itself closer to the screen, myself included. Set up my chair next to an average girl and strike up a convo with her, which lasts several minutes, but we never really get beyond talking about Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz. Although at one point she spies an HB further up in front of us sitting cross-legged on a blanket, with her butt-crack showing! I have to lean into her space to see it, and joke about her trading seats with me. Then she comments about how the butt-crack is ugly on a plumber, but on a hot woman it’s attractive.

AND HERE’S THE PERFECT CHANCE to break the convo wide open with a complete stranger -- Why does she think the butt-crack is attractive on a hot woman? Is she a lesbian? Is the female body more attractive than the male? How does the female body translate to art versus the male? What kind of art does she like? And on and on....

BUT I MISS IT!! Instead we end up back on the safe ground of Floyd and Oz till the show starts. The more I think about this the more disappointed I am in myself. It’s frustrating to completely miss such a great opportunity to make some real headway with the convo exercise. FUKK!!!

All right. I’ll live. At least now I know what to look for to break things open. And I’m going to have to change my convo tally system.

4 lame convos that go no-fukking-where
0 cool ones

 

[Tiger Eye]

week 2 day 4 – sun

Finally making some progress with this week’s exercise. Had a great conversation with a college girl at a garage sale today. About a 5 looks-wise, but what an interesting young lady – this fall she’s going to New Mexico for 3 months to live in a tent and work with wolves! We talked for several minutes about all kinds of stuff, I used a little c/f to keep it light but we had a lot of common ground to work with. So I guess in that sense it was a pretty easy convo to pull off. And she was friendly and open -- of course being average looking she probably doesn’t have a pack of guys constantly sniffing around. But it was great to strike up a conversation with a total stranger and achieve some kind of real connection in a short period of time -- this was the breakthrough I was looking for! Maybe there’s hope for me after all.

Oh yeah, after that I came across an HB sitting on a curb... with her butt-crack showing! Two in two days? What is up with that?! Some new fashion trend? I think I like it.

Convo tally:
4 lame convos that go no-fukking-where
1 cool one (yes!)

 

[Tiger Eye]

week 2 day 5 & 6 – mon & tue

Feel like I’m limping my way through this week’s exercise... not sure what that’s about, it’s not like I’m not talking to strangers, just that the convos generally seem uninspiring most of the time -- still have trouble shifting the convo to something remotely interesting, and for the most part I don’t feel very connected to the person when the convo ends. Sometimes I do, I guess, I don’t know, it’s all so fukking subjective, and if it’s someone like a store clerk it’s impossible to tell if they’re interested in me as a person or just being nice as part of their job. Not really talking to HBs either, which doesn’t matter because that’s the focus of next week.

I guess it’s not all bad, talked to several people tonight at a Toastmasters meeting. Mainly an off and on, ongoing conversation with the two women sitting on either side of me, and I did end up building some decent rapport with them over the course of the meeting, too bad neither were dating material. And later the two high school girls at Blockbusters were lapping up my c/f.

I just feel like I’m a long long way from approaching a HB cold in any situation and going for a number close. Certain situations, yes, maybe, if there’s an obvious connection between us. Like the two women at the meeting tonight – if they’d been HBs, getting their numbers would’ve seemed a natural next step. In a context like that, going for a number seems possible. Otherwise.... just don’t see it happening anytime soon.

 

[Walden]

Hey man , good stuff keep it up , yr doing way better than I was in week 2 ;P

A good way to get a convo going is to get the topic of convo to be the person you're talking to (Okay that sentence was gibberish).

Ask them how come they're here , now (ie of yr in the supermarket ask if it's their cooking night, or if yr in the gym ask what they're in training for and so on).People love to talk about themselves. Also it helps the convo to last cos you can look at them like you're totally fascinated by the triathlon they want to compete in or their original recipie for linguine con tofu.

Good luck and good hunting.

 

[kairos]

You might want to put together a little script, so you can smoothly introduce something that will lead to a number close. Try studying Ross Jeffries Gold Walkups or Kenxtions....

 

[Tiger Eye]

week 2 day 7 - wed

Walden, what are you talking about, seems like you were banging something like eight different chicks by the end of week 2 while I barely have one number close that fell in my lap.

And kairos, thanks, I’ll check into Jeffries.


Tried to get ahold of Susan (the online girl) yesterday to set up a date -- a couple of times during the day at her work but got a voice mail and didn’t leave a message, and then about 10pm last night at her home, and again got a voice mail. Debated whether or not to leave a message, the DJ Bible stresses not leaving messages on the first phone call, but to me it seemed okay in this situation. She’s already tried to call me so she’s obviously interested. Also since I work nights I have limited time free in the evenings, so if I didn’t set something up with her soon it would be at least another week before I had another night free for a date. So I left a message, told her I’d try again in a couple of days, or she could try and get ahold of me (hoping she’d call me back today). Sure enough she calls about 10am.

I think some of this DJ stuff might actually be sinking in. In the past -- pre-DJ -- I suppose I could call it, when talking on the phone to a new girl for the first time I’d plop down on the couch with a cup of coffee and settle in for a nice long get-to-know-you conversation. (stupid, dumb, ignorant –- I know –- but I didn’t know any better!) Today I made a point to stand the whole time and walk around, which helped me keep that sense of urgency, like I was in a hurry and didn’t have much time to talk.

And now that I think about it, I wasn’t the least bit nervous either. All those Hi’s and c/f and convos the past couple of weeks seemed to have taken the edge off of talking to a woman when there’s actually something at stake – like asking for a date. Or maybe since I’ve spoken to so many women the past two weeks it’s more like there isn’t much at stake at all with this particular girl. If she wants to go out fine, if not there’s hundreds of other women out there. Maybe THAT’S the real shift that’s occurred in my attitude and perspective.

Anyway, so we chat a few minutes about nothing in particular, laugh and joke a bit, and then I say I have to be going and ask her what she’s doing Thursday. She doesn’t answer right away, she doesn’t say anything, and the sudden pause in the conversation starts getting way too long. So I continue, “The art walk is this Thursday.” And then she gets kinda excited and says something about how she likes doing stuff like that, so I say, “Well, I’m going, and you’re welcome to join me if you’d like.” She says okay, and just like that I have a date.

My first date in DJ-mode. Should be interesting.

 

[kyokon]

Re: week 2 day 7 - wed

If she wants to go out fine, if not there's hundreds of other women out there. Maybe THAT's the real shift that's occurred in my attitude and perspective.

This I would say is _very_ true, at least for me it was the biggest realization that helped me do better. oneitis and afc-ness and all that is heavily linked to the attitude that if you miss this girl it's the end of the world, and then you come across as needy and desperate. I had to start off by consciously reminding myself of the above, but after a while, after a few girls came and went it became real, and then things really improve.
well its thursday night already here... hope your date is a good one.
keep up this journal dude!

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 3 Day 1 – Thu

Thanks, kyokon.

So the boot camp exercise for week 3 is to engage 10 HBs in convos, and I’m actually looking forward to getting back into the trenches. Whatever little funk I was in a few days ago has passed. For now, anyway.

The date:

We’d set things up for her to drive over to my place after she got off work, then we’d take my car downtown to the art walk. The obvious advantage to this is being in a position to invite her in when we get back. However, just after lunch the phone rings. I let the machine get it, and guess who’s calling and wanting to change the plans. She leaves a message saying she’s been doing a lot of driving lately and would rather meet at such and such bar instead of my place, and go to the art walk from there.

Well instantly my “this-is-a-test” radar goes off, because the bar she wants to meet at is maybe 20 blocks from my house. She can drive several miles from work to there, but the last 20 blocks is “too much driving?” I’m not buying this excuse, and I’m honestly annoyed that this woman is suddenly trying to make me jump through hoops. In the past I would’ve automatically done whatever I could to accommodate her -- but not as a DJ in training. I did think that maybe she had second thoughts about initially meeting a guy at his place, and having her own safety in mind was a legitimate reason for meeting at a public place. But the too much driving thing was totally lame and I wasn’t buying it.

So I wait a couple of hours and return her call. We talk about the situation, she tells me the driving thing again and says she thought it’d be nice to meet for a beer first, maybe something to eat. I tell her I don’t want to drink that early, and I had a late lunch and wouldn’t be hungry, and just basically wasn’t interested in her idea. Also tell her I’m kinda annoyed that she’s trying to change the plans at the last minute, which seems to honestly surprise her. In fact she thinks it’s kinda funny and teases me about it –- which is fine, I can tease and be teased -- but I never for a moment feel my annoyance is unjustified, and she knows that. She never mentions feeling unsafe meeting at my place, and in the end concedes that she can somehow manage to drive an extra 20 blocks. If this really was a test, I fukking aced it!

She shows up on time, and we head downtown. This is the first time I’ve seen her other than a photo online, which she’d told me was taken a few years ago, and as we’re talking in the car I’m deciding if I want to fukk this woman. In the photo she’s a cute 30-something, but in my car she’s 40 years old, about my age, which doesn’t mean anything because I’m attracted to women 10-15 years younger than me, and 40 yo women always look a little too far past their prime. On the other hand, I have not been laid in a loooooooong time.

The woman sitting next to me is not fat, her face is kissable, and she has a truly magnificent pair of breasts. She’s been showing high IL every since the first email and her profile says she’s not looking for anything serious. Within the first five minutes of the date I decide I’m going for the F-close tonight. Not quite sure how to go about getting there, but that’s where I want to end up.

So we do the art walk thing. She’s intelligent, so the conversation is enjoyable for the most part, although it always amazes me just how much women like to talk! The kino develops early and easily, brushing against each other now and then and leaning into each other as we study a piece of art. I also notice there’s a lot of HBs about that I could be approaching if I weren’t with someone, and in a way it seems like I wasted a good DJing opportunity by bringing a date. But what’s that saying about a bird in the hand is worth ten in the bush....?

After a couple of hours we both reach sensory overload where all the art kinda blurs together into one mind-numbing mess, so I suggest we find a pub with sidewalk tables and have a beer. Well, we have trouble finding open seating outside, and after several blocks I tell her that I have an outdoor table back at my place. She doesn’t take the bait, and I don’t pursue it, and soon enough we do find a spot. Talk some more over a beer, and we have a similar outlook on life so we hit a pretty deep rapport. Although eventually I began to wonder if I was slipping into the “friend-zone.”

And now that I think about it I let the kino stop at the pub, when instead I should’ve been escalating it. Definitely fell into the old nice guy pattern at this point, afraid to touch her, afraid to seem too forward, although I wasn’t really aware it at the time. We were connecting well intellectually, but not physically –- and this is something I need to pay more attention to on future dates.

Anyway, after the beer I take her back to my place where her car is. We get out, and I ask if she wants to come in for a cup of coffee. She says yes. (!)

Yeah... the situation starts to look real promising. We end up with decaf tea since it’s late, I sit down at one end of the couch, and she parks herself at the other. We’re talking the whole time of course, and while we’re sitting there a spider makes a dash across the living room carpet. I capture it and toss it outside (live and let live, I say). Then she tells me about a time when this spider kept biting her in her sleep, the first night it bit her ankle, the second night it bit her knee, the third night her thigh, and as she’s telling me this she points to each place with her finger -– and it’s like she’s drawing my attention up her leg to her thigh, which I thought was interesting and have to wonder if she did it on purpose. Turns out the spider didn’t get past her thigh though, she found it and killed it the next day.

So we’re sitting there sipping our tea with the middle couch cushion between us, and I’m trying to figure out how to connect physically without simply lunging across the empty space at her. I comment about one of her bracelets and she holds her wrist out. That’s my cue to move closer, and I take her hand and study the bracelet, then begin caressing her hand and arm, which obviously pleases her. I ask about the other bracelet and the rings on her fingers, and one by one she tells me about them as I continue caressing her hands. Then I run my hands through her hair, caress her neck, and go for the kiss. She’s very receptive, and let’s just say that once I get to this point I know how to get those womanly juices cooking.

Trouble is, she only wants me to go so far. Like about as far as that spider got. She keeps saying it’s late and she has to get up early for work, but the same time she’s obviously very turned on. The nice guy would’ve politely respected her wishes and not pressed the issue. But the nice guy in me has been retired, and I decide to see if I can push this woman over the edge and make her surrender the pink.

Well, to make a long story short, she teeters at the edge again and again –- and again! -- but never quite lets go. Finally forces herself to her feet, and I can tell we’re done for the evening. I call her a tease, and as she bends over to put on her shoes I give her a hard swat on the butt. She yelps in surprise, but likes it, and as she’s leaving says something about making arrangements so she can spend the night.

I did get a lot farther than that spider, btw.

And of course the next morning -– being the true DJ that I am -- I couldn’t resist sending her a dozen roses, along with a long juicy love poem I stayed up all night composing ......... (kidding!)

 

[Slickster]

Tiger you rule! I like reading your stuff.

You've done your homework and even when you make mistakes you seem to identify what you've done wrong quickly.

If other budding DJ's would follow your dedication they would be doing much better.

Good luck and keep em coming.

 

[WestCoaster]

Tiger Eye and Walden rule!

GREAT job TE (and Walden) tremendous. I don't have time to read all these posts, but I'm super impressed -- and envious. I did not have this stuff in my 20's and spent most, heck all of it, as an AFC. I had no tools, no skills, no DJ Bible. You guys are making the most of some of the most valuable tools on this planet.

Actually, I can't think of very many things more important than developing confidence, believing in yourself, and not letting a woman dictate your emotions.

If you decide to get married down the road -- i.e., better not read that nomarriage site -- you will know what you want, who you want, and how to be treated. If all men had DJ skills there would be a lower divorce rate and better behaved women. Instead, the world is AFC.

Great job Tiger Eye, way to take the world by the horns!

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 3 Day 2 & 3 – Fri & Sat

Thanks guys, it means a lot for experienced DJs to say I’m doing something right, very encouraging. And I agree, dedication to the Boot Camp is critical. When I began this I decided I could devote the next eight weeks of my life to the program, made a decision to put some other things on hold for the moment and make boot camp a priority. The number one thing holding me back in every aspect of life was a lack of self-confidence, and if the boot camp could somehow help me reach some new plateau to operate from, then it was worth eight weeks of my life. This was an investment in my future, like a college course, and reading Walden’s journal and seeing his progression gave me the faith to expect at least some level of success. And frankly, the shift in attitude that’s already occurred is a vast improvement from where I was a month ago.

Sadly, I also had no clue about this stuff in my 20s –- or 30s. So many years of wasted opportunity.... but the past is gone, tomorrow never arrives, and the present moment is all we have. I want to say “better late than never,” but really it’s more like: Better NOW than never.

Anyway, back to the nuts and bolts. Had convos with 2 HBs Saturday, and choked on another good opp.

Go to the park at the ship canal locks in the afternoon, and right away come upon an HB sitting alone on a bench, gazing out across the water. I walk past her in back, seeking some context or c/f opp to open with, but nothing comes to mind. I move well out of range and then stop and take a moment to study the situation. An idea pops up that I could untie my shoe and then walk up to her, plant my foot on the bench and tie my shoe. If nothing else that would give me the chance to at least throw a casual “how’s it going,” at her, and see if anything develops. Except I felt uncomfortable setting up a contrived approach with the untied shoe, didn’t feel natural or honest or something.

But I think the main problem was that I hadn’t really had a chance to warm up with other people first. I find it useful that every time I go somewhere specifically to work on the DJ boot camp, to start out with the last step I’m comfortable with, like just saying hi to some people first, or short convos with non-HBs, and then from there it’s not such a huge leap into the unknown –- in this case a convo with an HB. But I’d just gotten to the park and was still “cold” when I came across this girl. Simply could not get myself to approach her. So that was the choke.

After that I spend some time engaging with ordinary, everyday people. Wasn’t many HBs there anyway, like maybe 2, counting the one on the bench, and she was gone by the time I made another pass through that area. But as I’m crossing the walkway over the lock I come upon another HB standing there, and without even thinking about it I stop beside her and strike up a convo. It doesn’t go very far, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction and I call it a victory!

That night at a grocery store I pick the line with the cutest check-out clerk. She apologizes for having to look up the vegetable codes, says she forgot them all because she’s been away on vacation for two weeks. So I ask about her vacation, and the next thing I know we’re having this great little conversation about the midwest where we both grew up. That one felt like there was enough connection to ask for her number, and she was a cutie!

Progress! I’m making progress here! Feels great!

2 down, 8 to go.

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 3 Day 4 – Sun

Two more brief HB convos today, one at the open-air market, another in an elevator. Neither got to the point where a number close felt viable, although the elevator girl had potential with a little more time. Also some other attempts that just didn’t quite get off the ground, which I automatically assume are failures on my part, but maybe I can’t really expect EVERY convo attempt take off, maybe some women just aren’t interested in talking for any number of reasons. Maybe she’s shy, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she’s a hostile-psycho-b#tch. Maybe this is the nature of the game.

Well, this whole convo thing is so new to me, I don’t have much perspective yet, and I’m still kinda nervous doing it. Sometimes, anyway, not always, the best convos so far have been with opps that arise naturally as I go about my everyday business, like the grocery clerk and the elevator girl. Going out with the intention of striking up convos with HBs puts more pressure on me, but it’s something I have to do because my normal daily routine doesn’t put me in the path of hordes of HBs. And this is BOOT CAMP, I’m supposed to be in alien territory, out of my comfort zone. It’s all practice, there’s nothing on the line with these convos, it’s just practice, practice, practice, talking to HBs. Greeting strangers is second-nature now, it’s easy because I’ve done it over and over and over. Same principle applies to HB convos, do it over and over and over....

4 down, 6 to go. Although 10 doesn’t seem like nearly enough to get comfortable with it. 50 maybe. Or a thousand.

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 3 Day 5 & 6 – Mon & Tue

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Why is it so damn difficult to talk to the beautiful women!

Monday I was too busy with other stuff to do any real DJing, so Tuesday I go downtown with the idea of knocking out a bunch of convos. And got off to a decent start actually, an HB at an intersection had a book so I asked her about it while we were waiting at the light. She tells me about it, but seems real nervous, like maybe she’s shy, and as soon as the light changes she bolts across the street, and that’s that.

Shortly after that I run into a non-HB I’d talked to the other day at the open-air market. Now that I’m out in the world talking to people, am I going to start running across them again and again?

But somehow the quest for HB convos goes downhill. Every opp I try to figure out some way or some reason to approach, but always draw a blank. Doesn’t feel right, or feels like I’m intruding, or... something. The DJ thing just isn’t happening, and now I’m wandering around aimlessly, withdrawing into myself more and more, and every time I see an HB I just freeze up. I’m stuck, but have no clue what to do about it. Finally realize I’m not saying anything to anyone. I started out determined to talk to HBs, and instead find myself unable to speak a simple “hi” to anyone at all. It’s like I’m back to Week 1 Day 1.

Very frustrating. And I just want to call it a day and go home. I want to quit.

Instead I take a few moments to recollect myself. If I can’t talk to HBs, well then at least I can say Hi to them. I KNOW I can do that, I’ve done it countless times, I have all this proof build up over the past three weeks. So I go back to EC and Hi’s, my comfort zone, my safety zone. And just like that my confidence returns, especially when I get big smiles from a couple of HBs. One thing I’ve noticed with the boot camp exercises, seems like some of the friendliest, most genuine responses come from the prettiest, most together-looking women. Interesting....

There’s a spring in my step by the time I cut through a shopping plaza and head for an escalator. A 30ish asian HB reaches it the same time as me, so I do the chivalrous thing and make a grand, somewhat exaggerated gesture with my hand and say, “After you.” She smiles, steps onboard, and I take the step behind her. And what do you know, suddenly here’s an HB that’s not going anywhere till we reach the top. So I strike up a convo. She has some fancy-store shopping bag so I neg hit her with, “So what’d you buy, a bunch of crap?” She’s amused, decides I’m harmless, and we start talking. Find out it’s her birthday, and as we reach the top I wish her a happy birthday, then say, “so how old are you, 21?” Of course she eats up this compliment and replies, “No, a lot older than that. You would not believe how old I am....” as I take a right off the escalator while she goes left. She gives me this lingering, disoriented look as we part, like she wants me to keep talking to her. Which of course would be the perfect moment to go for her number -- if deep down I still wasn’t such a scaredy-cat. Suppose I’m getting there, if slowly. Slow as a f#cking tree sloth.

But it’s good that I was able to regroup when things were going badly instead of tucking my tail between my legs and crawling back to the safety of my cave. And I actually learned something important today.

First of all, now I understand exactly where my comfort zone is. It’s the EC and Hi’s. And that in itself is a HUGE step, because a month ago my comfort zone was indeed my “cave.” Home was the only place I truly felt safe. But somewhere along the way, without quite realizing it till today, I’ve expanded my comfort zone to a much larger arena. And I expect it to continue to expand as I proceed with the boot camp. Someday my comfort zone will be talking to HBs – might be a hundred years from now, but someday I’ll get there.

So my base of operation is my comfort zone, the rock solid platform I stand upon to generate and maintain confidence. I have to be grounded and secure there before I can step beyond it and stretch my limits. And every time I lose my confidence I just have to retreat back to my comfort zone -- which thankfully is no longer curled up in a fetal position in the corner of my bedroom.

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 3 Day 7 – Wed

Tonight on my way home from a meeting I swing through Barnes & Noble specifically to look for HBs to approach. But it’s kinda late and there’s not much going on, in fact the only target is a couple of college girls sitting on the floor looking at art books. Still, one opp is better than none, so I move in and start browsing the shelves next to them.

The blonde’s about a 6, and I’m not really attracted to her look, but her friend is f#cking unbelievable. Brunette, hair tied back in a pony tail, neat and clean but dressed for the outdoors, like she’s ready to go hiking. Her face... just incredible. A brunette with those dark brown eyes, that’s my personal weakness. Plus she’s intelligent, obvious by the way she’s talking to her friend. They just don’t get any better this one.

The cool thing is, I’m not awed by this radiant feminine presence – or freaked out or scared sh#tless. Yes, she’s very attractive, but she’s also a human being just like me, and I just want to say something to her and see what happens. And to be honest she really looks a little too young for me, I’m guessing early 20s, so there’s no real pressure to try and get anywhere with her. I’ve already decided she’s too young, so it’s nothing more than a chance to practice convo with yet another HB.

The blonde leaves, and now it’s just me and the brunette. I’m standing there looking through a book, and out of the corner of my eye notice her glance over at me, like she’s curious about me. She’s sitting on one of those foot-stools looking through her book, her backpack and some other books lying on the floor, and it looks like she’s been camped out there a while. So I comment about that, how she looks all cozy and settled in there, all she needs is a reading lamp and a cup of coffee. She smiles and says, “Yeah, I know, would you go buy me a cup?” I tell her, “No,” feigning indignation that she would dare request such a thing from me. I go back to my book for a moment, then ask her about her book. She’s very friendly, seems eager to talk to me, and I find out she’s an architect going to grad school. I tell her she doesn’t look old enough to be a grad student, and she says she’s older than she looks. So I say, “Oh? So you’re what... 35?” She rolls her eyes and says, “No... I’m 27.” But she’s smiling, and I can tell she’s enjoying the banter between us. Meanwhile, I’m thinking here’s this HB9 that barely looks 21 – and she’s talking to ME, a 43 yo guy in a faded T-shirt and tattered blue jeans. Not only talking to me, but seems GENUINELY ATTRACTED to me! And just about the time I realize what a potential keeper this woman is... the blonde comes back.

Wasn’t expecting her friend to return, and when she does it throws me off. I quickly abandon any thought of number closing the brunette with the blonde there. Which is too bad, because when they leave a few minutes later the brunette gives me one last look, a look that says, “don’t let me slip away....”

Kinda shrugged it off at the time, but the more I think about it, there’s some real regret for not trying to get her number. They say someone's ready to change when the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of doing something different. Maybe I’m getting close to that threshold.

Still, this was another small breakthrough today, tip-toeing a little bit farther out of my comfort zone. This was the first time I picked out a top-shelf HB target and made an approach. We didn’t just happen to cross paths at a stop light or an escalator. This time the encounter was pre-meditated. I MADE our paths cross.

Keep thinking about the movie “What About Bob” -- Bill Murray and his “baby steps.” Which is kinda pathetic in a way, but that’s where I’m at, taking these f#cking baby steps. When do the GIANT STEPS kick in?

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 1 - Thu

Two more HB convos tonight at the grocery store, including another cute young college girl in the check-out line who made a point to catch my eye one last time as she left. What kind of vibe am I putting off these days that’s causing younger women to flutter over me? Not complaining, mind you, just kinda taken by surprise.

Meanwhile, time for the 10 number-close rejections. I’m really not ready for this. Haven’t even got 10 HB convos for the last exercise, only up to 9. Close enough, I guess. I don’t think I can approach HBs with the intention of asking for their numbers at this point, that would be too much pressure up front and I’d just freeze up again like the other day. Just talk to them and see what happens....

 

[Walden]

Dude , do those rejections!.

You won't believe how much better at DJing it'll make you , it's totally one of the biggest steps in the B/C.

ust make a game of it , but trust me it's totally worth doing.

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 2, 3, 4 – Fri, Sat, Sun

Okay Walden, you’re right. This exercise isn’t about avoiding rejection or minimizing rejection. It’s about EMBRACING rejection.

I’ve squandered the first four days of this week, let’s see what I can do with the next three. Treat it like a game and get out there and do it!

 

[Tiger Eye]

Week 4 Day 5 – Mon

Spent three hours walking around downtown today – my feet are f#cking killing me! Got to figure out some way to DJ the HBs without logging so damn many miles.

No attempted number closes, no rejections. There, let’s just get that out of the way right now. As far as getting rejections, today was a complete failure.

However, I did approach and talk to several HBs, definitely getting more comfortable with that. Also getting used to the idea of picking out a particular target and staying with it till some opening presents itself. Like this one women at the library checking out a book, I wait for her to finish and leave, then follow her out. And tail her several blocks till a traffic light stops her and allows me to catch up. While we’re standing there I ask about her book. Yes, I could’ve number closed, but her IL didn’t seem very high. Did get to watch her bottom swinging to and fro as I followed her, was almost worth it just for that!

And speaking of bottoms, came across this one woman in a jogging outfit at a juice bar, and it was all I could do to keep from walking up and dry-humping her right there in the courtyard! Whew! No, didn’t approach, too busy getting “jack” to behave himself. Although I did think of a great neg hit a few minutes later, but when I made another pass she was gone.

Anyway, so there’s some mental block with the big R –- rejection. Not discouraged, in fact I was in a great mood tonight at work, flirting big-time with the female customers. And I’m prepared to number close the next time I establish decent rapport. I know I can work through this, just need more time. So I’m giving myself an extra week to complete the Rejection Exercise. If anyone has a problem with that –- tough sh#t.

But seriously, I read somewhere that most boot campers never get past Week 4. Maybe – just maybe – there’s a flaw in the curriculum, maybe trying to do too much too fast. Not trying to make excuses (well okay, maybe I am), but I personally find it’s a pretty big jump here. After Week 3 I was barely getting used to the idea of approaching and talking to HBs -- certainly was not COMFORTABLE doing it -- but now suddenly I have to risk it all and go for the number? I keep returning to the idea of my comfort level, where is that and how far beyond it can I safely push myself? Also aware that the first rejection is most likely the hardest, once I cross that threshold it should get easier. So maybe I should just take the plunge and get it over with....

Anyway.... that’s where I'm at right now. Don’t really want to analyze things too much, staying out there in the field and working on it is the most important thing.

 

[kairos]

Dude, I think you need some help here....I would highly suggest you look through the material by David DeAngelo. I found his stuff to be really useful. Goto www.fastseduction.com and check out his mailbag. As far as asking women for their number, here are a few simple rules that have helped me....most important is to change your complete attitude, that's very important and David D's work really helped me with that

1) it's not what you say, it's how you say, it's almost all bodylanguage and voicetone - if you get those two right, you're home free
2) prepare - make sure you have openers prepared and know what to say for standard rejections like "i don't give out my number" and "i don't know you"
3) make sure you are in the right place and are going at the right time...that depends on your location...for me in NYC for ex. evenings between 6-8pm are best most parts of the city....best of luck