This is for all the guys that are having trouble with being ****y and Funny, for all the guys having trouble with making phone calls. This is for all the guys wondering when the next date should be, for all the guys who moved in for a kiss and got a turned cheek instead. This is especially for all the guys who made a field report and got flamed because they pulled a stunt that boned their chances with a woman they chased after.
There are so many reasons, guesses, assumptions and wild shots-in-the-dark about why things just don't go your way. You know you have some things to work out and all of it seems critical. Most of all there never seems to be enough time to get it right.
Such a big complex problem when you are looking for small answers to fix the whole. Naturally you must feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, a challenge is one thing. But this feels like an ambigious riddle, with so many unforseeable problems you feel like your are missing something. But instead of trying to deal with all these challenges by searching for so many fleeting answers. Why not simplify the problem by starting with a simple answer:
TIMING.
To bastardize a quote from "Any Given Sunday," a step too soon or not soon enough and you miss what you are after, you just don't quiet make it. Time is an incredible thing, certain actions performed at a certain will produce one set of results; while if its done at another point in time will produce completely different results. Let me explain with an example.
Lets say you just started dating a woman, and on the first date you roll up with flowers and a necklace. Two days later she won't return your calls, and if your lucky she might just return the necklace to you. In short she has completely flaked on you and you are looking at a dateless, awkward, and absolutely sexless future with this woman. You come back and post what happened here, and everyone on this site flames you as an AFC. Blows doesn't it?
Well lets change a few things namely the point in time which you do this.
Lets say now that you have been dating a woman for 3 years, you two have known each other for a while and have grown attached and romantic. You two decide to go out one night, and you are feeling like doing something special. So you stop off and pick up the flowers and necklace. Except this time when you show up she is smiling from ear to ear when she gets the flowers; and blushes when she sees said necklace. You go out to dinner, and decide to have "dessert" back at her place. I like this situation a lot better, don't you?
So what happened here? Namely you did the same action, only the time in which you did it varied greatly. In the bad situation you pulled this stunt on the first date and got shot down. In the good situation you did this after being with a woman for 3 years and ended up with a decidedly better turn out.
Timing may not be everything, but it does have its importance. A lot of your problems come from bad timing. Wait to long to get a girls number and you'll wind up in the dreaded Lets Just Be Friends zone. Rush in and try to take a first date straight to the sack and you'll be seeing so many flakes you'll think your in a commerical with Tony the Tiger.(This is not Great by the way.)
Of course there are some instances when timing is the end all be all. Humor is one such instance. Stumble around getting to a punch line and expect to die harder than a Bond villain. Being ****y and funny is directly effected by timing. Start out by teasing a girl you like before you two get to know each other and she'll think you are cutting on her and being way to personal with her. The key here is as time progresses and you know this girl more, you show her more of your ****y and funny side. Then it doesn't seem mean. I going to assume that most of you aren't natural comedians, or that you weren't born with a silver tongue. Which means you can't get away with pulling the ****y funny routine the minute you meet a girl. Trust me I've played to ****y funny game way to early and paid the price of not getting number or another date, not to mention poisoning my chances with my date's friends.
You're most basic problem in all these situations is that you fail to work with time. Instead you work against it by delaying the things you should do, while rushing ahead to try and do the things you want do to. If you need a place to start to control yourself you can start by getting your timing right. You need to recognize what steps demand what kind of timing to be pulled off successfully. So I'll be kind and leave you with an example of good and bad timing.
Closing for a number when you first meet a girl:
Good: Right before the encounter is about to end.
Bad: Right before you even get to know her name.
Asking for a date from a girl you know:
Good: You've known her for a couple days to a month at the most.
Bad: You've known her for 5 years, harbored a secret crush and finally work up the balls to ask her.
That first kiss:
Good: Some traditionalists say after the third date, but it can be done at the end of the second if you two had an expectional night out.
Bad: The first date. Even if I have had an awesome time with a girl and she has that stary look in her eyes, I don't kiss. I usually just get real close and whisper good night in her ear, and I have a good reason for doing this. The minute she walks inside I want her thinking "DAMN WHY DIDN'T HE KISS ME." As thinks of me and the next date.
KINO on the first date:
Good: Subtle and fleeting. You should be just breaking the physical barrier between you.
Bad: You run your hands over her like a blind mind trying to find something coherent on a Stucco wall.
Calling for a date:
Good: 3 to 5 days after you first get the number.
Bad: 10 minutes to a day after you get the number. Oh and waiting a month goes without saying.
Calling for the next date:
Good: Here you can wait any where from 3 days to about a week and a half. In the meantime she can call you if she is jonesing for you.
Bad: The day after a date or again waiting a month.
Going for the sex close:
Good: It can occur anywhere from the third date onward, but if you are being lead on for a year......
Bad: In the middle of or after the first date is a no-no. Especially if you don't know her and she is on her back faster than a washed up prize fighter does the word "slut" come to mind?
The first gift:
Good: Her birthday if you have known her for a while or your first anniversary.(Note: Mark down when those events are that might help.) Naturally these first gifts are to be small i.e not cheap but certainly not expensive.
Bad: Busting out a diamond ring and a tennis bracelet after knowing her for two weeks.
The first serious talk:
Good: After some dates and some time hanging out together.
Bad: Telling her your hopes dreams and fears, and everything else about you within the first couple of months of knowing her.
The best time to reveal everything about yourself:
Good: Never, always be a mystery and let her keeping finding new things out about you.
Bad: Anytime you decide to gush and blab like an old woman in a sowing circle.
Hope that shed some light for you, or if you didn't need help it certainly entertained you. Have a good one.
-Grey Fox
There are so many reasons, guesses, assumptions and wild shots-in-the-dark about why things just don't go your way. You know you have some things to work out and all of it seems critical. Most of all there never seems to be enough time to get it right.
Such a big complex problem when you are looking for small answers to fix the whole. Naturally you must feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, a challenge is one thing. But this feels like an ambigious riddle, with so many unforseeable problems you feel like your are missing something. But instead of trying to deal with all these challenges by searching for so many fleeting answers. Why not simplify the problem by starting with a simple answer:
TIMING.
To bastardize a quote from "Any Given Sunday," a step too soon or not soon enough and you miss what you are after, you just don't quiet make it. Time is an incredible thing, certain actions performed at a certain will produce one set of results; while if its done at another point in time will produce completely different results. Let me explain with an example.
Lets say you just started dating a woman, and on the first date you roll up with flowers and a necklace. Two days later she won't return your calls, and if your lucky she might just return the necklace to you. In short she has completely flaked on you and you are looking at a dateless, awkward, and absolutely sexless future with this woman. You come back and post what happened here, and everyone on this site flames you as an AFC. Blows doesn't it?
Well lets change a few things namely the point in time which you do this.
Lets say now that you have been dating a woman for 3 years, you two have known each other for a while and have grown attached and romantic. You two decide to go out one night, and you are feeling like doing something special. So you stop off and pick up the flowers and necklace. Except this time when you show up she is smiling from ear to ear when she gets the flowers; and blushes when she sees said necklace. You go out to dinner, and decide to have "dessert" back at her place. I like this situation a lot better, don't you?
So what happened here? Namely you did the same action, only the time in which you did it varied greatly. In the bad situation you pulled this stunt on the first date and got shot down. In the good situation you did this after being with a woman for 3 years and ended up with a decidedly better turn out.
Timing may not be everything, but it does have its importance. A lot of your problems come from bad timing. Wait to long to get a girls number and you'll wind up in the dreaded Lets Just Be Friends zone. Rush in and try to take a first date straight to the sack and you'll be seeing so many flakes you'll think your in a commerical with Tony the Tiger.(This is not Great by the way.)
Of course there are some instances when timing is the end all be all. Humor is one such instance. Stumble around getting to a punch line and expect to die harder than a Bond villain. Being ****y and funny is directly effected by timing. Start out by teasing a girl you like before you two get to know each other and she'll think you are cutting on her and being way to personal with her. The key here is as time progresses and you know this girl more, you show her more of your ****y and funny side. Then it doesn't seem mean. I going to assume that most of you aren't natural comedians, or that you weren't born with a silver tongue. Which means you can't get away with pulling the ****y funny routine the minute you meet a girl. Trust me I've played to ****y funny game way to early and paid the price of not getting number or another date, not to mention poisoning my chances with my date's friends.
You're most basic problem in all these situations is that you fail to work with time. Instead you work against it by delaying the things you should do, while rushing ahead to try and do the things you want do to. If you need a place to start to control yourself you can start by getting your timing right. You need to recognize what steps demand what kind of timing to be pulled off successfully. So I'll be kind and leave you with an example of good and bad timing.
Closing for a number when you first meet a girl:
Good: Right before the encounter is about to end.
Bad: Right before you even get to know her name.
Asking for a date from a girl you know:
Good: You've known her for a couple days to a month at the most.
Bad: You've known her for 5 years, harbored a secret crush and finally work up the balls to ask her.
That first kiss:
Good: Some traditionalists say after the third date, but it can be done at the end of the second if you two had an expectional night out.
Bad: The first date. Even if I have had an awesome time with a girl and she has that stary look in her eyes, I don't kiss. I usually just get real close and whisper good night in her ear, and I have a good reason for doing this. The minute she walks inside I want her thinking "DAMN WHY DIDN'T HE KISS ME." As thinks of me and the next date.
KINO on the first date:
Good: Subtle and fleeting. You should be just breaking the physical barrier between you.
Bad: You run your hands over her like a blind mind trying to find something coherent on a Stucco wall.
Calling for a date:
Good: 3 to 5 days after you first get the number.
Bad: 10 minutes to a day after you get the number. Oh and waiting a month goes without saying.
Calling for the next date:
Good: Here you can wait any where from 3 days to about a week and a half. In the meantime she can call you if she is jonesing for you.
Bad: The day after a date or again waiting a month.
Going for the sex close:
Good: It can occur anywhere from the third date onward, but if you are being lead on for a year......
Bad: In the middle of or after the first date is a no-no. Especially if you don't know her and she is on her back faster than a washed up prize fighter does the word "slut" come to mind?
The first gift:
Good: Her birthday if you have known her for a while or your first anniversary.(Note: Mark down when those events are that might help.) Naturally these first gifts are to be small i.e not cheap but certainly not expensive.
Bad: Busting out a diamond ring and a tennis bracelet after knowing her for two weeks.
The first serious talk:
Good: After some dates and some time hanging out together.
Bad: Telling her your hopes dreams and fears, and everything else about you within the first couple of months of knowing her.
The best time to reveal everything about yourself:
Good: Never, always be a mystery and let her keeping finding new things out about you.
Bad: Anytime you decide to gush and blab like an old woman in a sowing circle.
Hope that shed some light for you, or if you didn't need help it certainly entertained you. Have a good one.
-Grey Fox