"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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threesome proposition

Deadly_Assassin

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This chick likes me shes gotta a pretty nice body but a ugly face. Shes got a "girlfriend" whos pretty average but is a lesbian. They wanna have a threesome with me. I just wanna have sex with them just to say I have had a threesome. Do you think I am being desperate by having sex with them just cos they are lesbos? or just do it for the ego boost or experience?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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RabidDog

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Once trained a new guy at my job, he was around 300 pounds and looked like a monster, but he was married. The guy was a huge AFC and would always take breaks and call his woman. This lead to mostly fights. One day he hands me the phone (big mistake) I get to chatting her up, and before the convo ended, his wife, and her friend (they kept switching the reciever back and forth) wanted to meet me that night to have a 3-way. :eek:

I was stoked.. But wait I had never seen these girls, and judging from the guy.. any woman that would do him has to be either fat or ugly or even both.

When the guy left, I called his wife and told her to come and see me at lunchtime the next day. They pull in, and one is fat as all get out, and one is snaggletoothed and skanky, but with a nice body. Their man came running up to the car when he heard what was going on, and the ***** didnt even care, she started being even more brazen and saying how she'd suck my co<k right there in the parking lot.. The whole situation was so damned strange that I told them to come back after my shift and we might "party".

I had 5 hours to think, and even though (at that time) I had never had a 3-some, all it took was a mental image of looking down and seeing that skanks crooked teeth on my co<k to make me change my mind. I'm glad I held out, because after that I had a couple of 3-ways, with all very cute participants.

So if they are above a certain level of fugly, then by all means NEXT-> both of them. But if they are doable, and after you go through all the possible mental pictures/possibilities and don't vomit, then bang them both like a cheap drum.

:D

PS: the guy always talked crap about me behind my back after that, but when I would be near him, he'd come close to having his nose up my arse. God how I love being an alphamale.
 

biker_gixxer

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Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
This chick likes me shes gotta a pretty nice body but a ugly face. Shes got a "girlfriend" whos pretty average but is a lesbian. They wanna have a threesome with me. I just wanna have sex with them just to say I have had a threesome. Do you think I am being desperate by having sex with them just cos they are lesbos? or just do it for the ego boost or experience?
Personally, I would down a couple of Rum/Cokes and go with it. These opportunties are far and few inbetween, lol.
 

Deadly_Assassin

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hmmm rum and coke yea not a bad idea, these *****es wanna get stoned with me and do it
 

FratAndDiddy

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that's one hell of a post rabiddog. that snaggletoothed one wasnt one of my exes was it?
:D
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Porky

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That snagletoothed one wasn't all of my exes, was it?
 

RabidDog

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Frat and Porky:

I don't know you two.. I saw the van pull up and after conversing for a few minutes, I just saw a mouth full of snaggle.

I only :eek: 'd and did'nt get her name, sorry. :p

But If she was, I think I have a good idea why she would be!
 

Porky

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Haha. we have higher standards than that. I do at least.
 

RabidDog

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So did I, thank god!

Like I said, I've had a few 3-way's since then. I'm here to tell you, sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. You just have to wait for it to grow.
 
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