Thoughts on No Contact

[Rubato]

I've been in the middle of no contacting a girl and since I haven't been communicating with her, I've had some extra time to think, particularly about why I'm not communicating with her. I understand the value of no contact as a tool to put distance between a male who can't control himself sufficiently to give a girl peace. Scarcity is very attractive.... sometimes.

When the Xbox 360 was released and there was a shortage (scarcity), they were very attractive. What can you replace an Xbox 360 with?

If all of a sudden there was a shortage of Hanes white T-shirts, who cares? Switch to Fruit of the Loom or some other brand (and let's not get in to a discussion of brand allegiance here... that's not the point).

The point is that no contacting a girl is not going to magically create attraction when none was there to begin with. It will intensify attraction if it is present because of the scarcity principle.

No contact can therefore be used as an "attraction barometer" of sorts, obviously with limitations. But if you no contact a girl for a week and hear nothing from her, you'll have to wonder why she didn't take the time to initiate communication with you. Likewise, if you no contact a girl and she keeps initiating communication with you, you will have a good idea why this is happening.

Finally, I think this is a rather lame way of going about things. We are supposed to be men (or aspiring men) and as such, should be LEADING our interactions with women. When we no contact a woman, we are deferring to her to make the next move and probably insecure about our ability to attract the woman. Would a MAN defer any of his leadership role to a woman, particularly in the initial stages of relational development? I don't think so! And would a man resort to using a technique like no contact in order to ascertain whether this woman he regards actually likes him? No! He already knows she does. And if she doesn't, he knows he has erred in choosing, because only a fool would not be attracted to him

If a man communicates too much with a woman, no contacting the girl is treating the symptoms of a disease rather than the disease itself. Rather than no contacting her, he should acknowledge his excess free time and find more productive/enjoyable uses of it. He should evaluate the degree of investment he has made in the girl and consider whether his decisions have been prudent given his level of knowledge about the girl and the current quality of their relationship.

Now. If I could only take my own advice.

 

[st_99]

We are supposed to be men (or aspiring men) and as such, should be LEADING our interactions with women. When we no contact a woman, we are deferring to her to make the next move and probably insecure about our ability to attract the woman. .

I would agree with this. I use NC when I know she HAD interest (and i already banged her) and I basically blew it by acting AFC and for me its the only thing left to do to regroup and start over IF she initiates, then I'll take it from there and try to regain the frame.

But yeah, NC is not to be used as a magic interest generator, that doesnt work.

 

[Iceberg]

If a man communicates too much with a woman, no contacting the girl is treating the symptoms of a disease rather than the disease itself. Rather than no contacting her, he should acknowledge his excess free time and find more productive/enjoyable uses of it. He should evaluate the degree of investment he has made in the girl and consider whether his decisions have been prudent given his level of knowledge about the girl and the current quality of their relationship.

Now. If I could only take my own advice.

That's some good stuff there, my friend.

I hope people read it and put it into practice.

Too many people spending too much time texting smiley faces to chicks they haven't banged instead of pursuing more manly ventures.

 

[perseverance]

No contact works, if things have gone paired shaped or not worked out as expected, so I wouldn't knock it for those reasons. Using no contact to generate interest is game playing and as you say she has to be interested to begin with. I can't be bothered to play games to be honest, so I wouldn't use no contact for that reason.

What I want to know, what do you if you have gone no contact with a girl, kept yourself busy, but still find yourself attracted/interested? I guess it requires more time?

 

[Chamber36]

I went NC on a girl for flaking on me.... She still IOD'd me every time she saw me, but I saw it as AW'ing....

Now I think I ought to reinitiate and organise a quick little date.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

What I want to know, what do you if you have gone no contact with a girl, kept yourself busy, but still find yourself attracted/interested? I guess it requires more time?

Time heals all wounds. It took 6 months of no contact for me to get over a previous oneitis. She already had a boyfriend when I met her in college. She flirted with me, but she blew me off when I attempted a number close. After that, I cut her off for good and never looked back. There were a few instances afterward where she would follow me around campus and to class. I was polite when our paths crossed, but I made no further attempts to pursue her. Completely severing ties was the only way I could move on and get over her.