Those women that brought us here just know.........

[Black Widow Void]

This is a great success story.
Sure... anytime someone of depth from our past pops in, it's going to stir up some emotion.
You not only get it, but handled it like pro.
Best of luck.

 

[soulforge]

Depends on What type of situation you are dealing with.

If you set boundaries for some chicks, they will simply go chameleon Mode and hide who they are actually are.

My recent ex had a load of male freinds.. Even wanted me to go on a night out with one of her male freinds.. Possibile Triangilation situation!

Anyhow you can’t tell these chicks to drop all there male freinds, as they will only hide that shyte and it will bite you in the azz later.

She is either a chick of good quality and meets your needs.. Or she doesn't.

I am not suggesting there should be zero boundaries..

 

[ubercat]

And she s telling u the truth. That she s an incurable monkey brancher and would do the same to you in a heartbeat if you let her back in. Always believe their actions.

 

[RangerMIke]

One thing I discovered while dating women in their 30s and 40s... they ALL have exes.... and ALL these men were 'horrible' to them. Every single one... every story I hear from women I date is some ex-relationship horror story. The latest was one I went out with on a date told me that she had taken a sabbatical for a month and traveled to Europe, where she visited a bunch of cities with her 'girlfriends' while her live in boyfriend stayed home and, well... you know.... had to work to pay the bills... apparently he supposedly cheated on her when she was gone... so she dumped him.

I told her, I would not have 'cheated' on her.... I would have just dumped her and kicked her out of the house if she came to me and said she was disappearing for a month so she could go ride the c0ck carousel in Europe. She was shocked when I said this. But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff. Of course now she doesn't like me... but at least she respects me.

One thing you have to understand about your relationship chick... if that is what you want, is that your job as a man is to let her be an emotional creature... UNTIL she is about to do something really fvcking stupid.... then you put your foot down and be willing to walk away. Now she might just dump you... but that's okay because if she dumps you for standing your ground, you were on your way out anyway. Bad news does not get better with time. But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault..... It's her fault too, but she will NEVER blame herself.

I would love to meet a chick that would say, "My ex was a really great guy... and I just fvcked it all up." But that has NEVER happened. Sure dudes cheat on women... but it really isn't as frequent as chicks say, but when it does happen it's almost ALWAYS because the chick getting cheated on morphed into a fat nagging shrew... who became that way because her dude would not put her in her place.

 

[Glassguy]

This is a great success story.
Sure... anytime someone of depth from our past pops in, it's going to stir up some emotion.
You not only get it, but handled it like pro.
Best of luck.

But I think she'll always be part of your soul, and that's the killer

Thanks and very true. Out of all of them, and I mean a lot of women, she is the one that I look back at and wish it would have worked.

But I also think that had we continued the engagement and married, it would have been a high % to end up in a divorce. She is 12 years younger, no kids and never married. Life experiences were not on the same level. She had the house with a white picket fence mentality and I was previously baptized in life by reality.

She actually knows one of the chicks that I dated for a while after her. At one point during a brief stint of working in the same hospital, my name came up in conversation between them. The ex said "Yeah he is a great guy. I wish it would have worked out for us and I kick myself now for ending it, but I am sure he will have no problems finding someone that makes him happy".

The should of's and could of's arent things that one needs to spend too much time pondering on in terms of life. Only making the most of the days we have upon us.

In any particular sporting game/match there are generally 4-5 plays that make the difference of winning or losing. Think about that. Out of dozens or even hundreds of plays, 4-5 tilt the score one way or the other.

I believe life is no different. Only we cannot see those plays until the game is over and we are watching it on replay. Its sometimes impossible to know the impact of even small decisions at the time.

Carry on troops!

 

[oldmanofthesea]

One thing I discovered while dating women in their 30s and 40s... they ALL have exes.... and ALL these men were 'horrible' to them. Every single one... every story I hear from women I date is some ex-relationship horror story. The latest was one I went out with on a date told me that she had taken a sabbatical for a month and traveled to Europe, where she visited a bunch of cities with her 'girlfriends' while her live in boyfriend stayed home and, well... you know.... had to work to pay the bills... apparently he supposedly cheated on her when she was gone... so she dumped him.

I told her, I would not have 'cheated' on her.... I would have just dumped her and kicked her out of the house if she came to me and said she was disappearing for a month so she could go ride the c0ck carousel in Europe. She was shocked when I said this. But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff. Of course now she doesn't like me... but at least she respects me.

One thing you have to understand about your relationship chick... if that is what you want, is that your job as a man is to let her be an emotional creature... UNTIL she is about to do something really fvcking stupid.... then you put your foot down and be willing to walk away. Now she might just dump you... but that's okay because if she dumps you for standing your ground, you were on your way out anyway. Bad news does not get better with time. But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault..... It's her fault too, but she will NEVER blame herself.

I would love to meet a chick that would say, "My ex was a really great guy... and I just fvcked it all up." But that has NEVER happened. Sure dudes cheat on women... but it really isn't as frequent as chicks say, but when it does happen it's almost ALWAYS because the chick getting cheated on morphed into a fat nagging shrew... who became that way because her dude would not put her in her place.

This was a really good post, and focuses on a point I've been thinking a lot about, and reading a lot about lately.

Specifically:

But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff.

And:

But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault

It still BLOWS my mind every time I hear examples of women admitting they want a man to save them from themselves, and more importantly, that it's our DUTY as men to do this. The amount and ferocity of brainwashing that we have received in our lifetime, that vilifies and demonizes any man who doesn't let (or even encourage) a woman do whatever she pleases whenever she pleases is so strong that I STILL struggle with accepting it. Add the fact that so many women want it, but would outwardly reject you and lash out at you for doing it, yet blame you for not doing it (like this woman did,) and it just results in a horrible lose-lose situation for men.

Even David Deida, a man who cherishes and appreciates all aspects of women, says that "women need to be told no," and, "what she wants is not what she asks."

 

[lamath]

This was a really good post, and focuses on a point I've been thinking a lot about, and reading a lot about lately.

Specifically:


And:


It still BLOWS my mind every time I hear examples of women admitting they want a man to save them from themselves, and more importantly, that it's our DUTY as men to do this. The amount and ferocity of brainwashing that we have received in our lifetime, that vilifies and demonizes any man who doesn't let (or even encourage) a woman do whatever she pleases whenever she pleases is so strong that I STILL struggle with accepting it. Add the fact that so many women want it, but would outwardly reject you and lash out at you for doing it, yet blame you for not doing it (like this woman did,) and it just results in a horrible lose-lose situation for men.

Even David Deida, a man who cherishes and appreciates all aspects of women, says that "women need to be told no," and, "what she wants is not what she asks."

Its like to women that want a luxury lifestyle but complaint a man work too much

 

[AttackFormation]

One thing I discovered while dating women in their 30s and 40s... they ALL have exes.... and ALL these men were 'horrible' to them. Every single one... every story I hear from women I date is some ex-relationship horror story. The latest was one I went out with on a date told me that she had taken a sabbatical for a month and traveled to Europe, where she visited a bunch of cities with her 'girlfriends' while her live in boyfriend stayed home and, well... you know.... had to work to pay the bills... apparently he supposedly cheated on her when she was gone... so she dumped him.

I told her, I would not have 'cheated' on her.... I would have just dumped her and kicked her out of the house if she came to me and said she was disappearing for a month so she could go ride the c0ck carousel in Europe. She was shocked when I said this. But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff. Of course now she doesn't like me... but at least she respects me.

One thing you have to understand about your relationship chick... if that is what you want, is that your job as a man is to let her be an emotional creature... UNTIL she is about to do something really fvcking stupid.... then you put your foot down and be willing to walk away. Now she might just dump you... but that's okay because if she dumps you for standing your ground, you were on your way out anyway. Bad news does not get better with time. But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault..... It's her fault too, but she will NEVER blame herself.

I would love to meet a chick that would say, "My ex was a really great guy... and I just fvcked it all up." But that has NEVER happened. Sure dudes cheat on women... but it really isn't as frequent as chicks say, but when it does happen it's almost ALWAYS because the chick getting cheated on morphed into a fat nagging shrew... who became that way because her dude would not put her in her place.

I believe, and you've said before, you can't control a woman. If she wants to cheat she will cheat. But this leads me to a bunch of roughly formulated, brainstormed questions in this scenario:

1. How do you know if she is actually looking to cheat here (whether consciously or subconsciously on her part)? Is it that it would never occur to her to do a thing like that trip otherwise? Or is it the disrespect itself, and if so, how do you know she is being intentionally disrespectful or does it not matter?

2. Would you handle her trip by telling her it's disrespectful and stay with her if she doesn't do it, or would you leave her whether she does it or not? And in relation to #1, if you tell her it's disrespectful and she doesn't do it, won't she just now cheat at home if that's what she wanted meaning you still can't stay with her?

My final point where these questions lead is this: it just seems untenable to stay with her if she disrespects you, but at the same time you don't necessarily want to dump a woman who had no conscious or subconscious intention of cheating or disrespecting you. How can you tell the difference between these? Would you say this is the point where each man has to decide for himself, or is there something you've seen to be true and would recommend?

I've never been in a relationship so never had to face these thoughts and choices.

This was a really good post, and focuses on a point I've been thinking a lot about, and reading a lot about lately.

Specifically:


And:


It still BLOWS my mind every time I hear examples of women admitting they want a man to save them from themselves, and more importantly, that it's our DUTY as men to do this. The amount and ferocity of brainwashing that we have received in our lifetime, that vilifies and demonizes any man who doesn't let (or even encourage) a woman do whatever she pleases whenever she pleases is so strong that I STILL struggle with accepting it. Add the fact that so many women want it, but would outwardly reject you and lash out at you for doing it, yet blame you for not doing it (like this woman did,) and it just results in a horrible lose-lose situation for men.

Even David Deida, a man who cherishes and appreciates all aspects of women, says that "women need to be told no," and, "what she wants is not what she asks."

I would like a thread to be started on this kind of topic. I would do it myself but as I haven't been in a relationship, I can't.

 

[Robert28]

One thing I discovered while dating women in their 30s and 40s... they ALL have exes.... and ALL these men were 'horrible' to them. Every single one... every story I hear from women I date is some ex-relationship horror story. The latest was one I went out with on a date told me that she had taken a sabbatical for a month and traveled to Europe, where she visited a bunch of cities with her 'girlfriends' while her live in boyfriend stayed home and, well... you know.... had to work to pay the bills... apparently he supposedly cheated on her when she was gone... so she dumped him.

I told her, I would not have 'cheated' on her.... I would have just dumped her and kicked her out of the house if she came to me and said she was disappearing for a month so she could go ride the c0ck carousel in Europe. She was shocked when I said this. But then said she was right to get rid of him because he was as weak @ss b!tch for letting her dance off a cliff. Of course now she doesn't like me... but at least she respects me.

One thing you have to understand about your relationship chick... if that is what you want, is that your job as a man is to let her be an emotional creature... UNTIL she is about to do something really fvcking stupid.... then you put your foot down and be willing to walk away. Now she might just dump you... but that's okay because if she dumps you for standing your ground, you were on your way out anyway. Bad news does not get better with time. But this is what life is when you are in a relationship.... it's a lot of work. It's like constantly trying to save a drowning victim... you just have make sure she doesn't drag you under the water with her. Because if you get sucked under water she will blame you... and in a way it really is your fault..... It's her fault too, but she will NEVER blame herself.

I would love to meet a chick that would say, "My ex was a really great guy... and I just fvcked it all up." But that has NEVER happened. Sure dudes cheat on women... but it really isn't as frequent as chicks say, but when it does happen it's almost ALWAYS because the chick getting cheated on morphed into a fat nagging shrew... who became that way because her dude would not put her in her place.

I’ve noticed this as well! 30’s and 40’s they ALL have ex stories and have lived through absolute hell, to hear them tell it. What they won’t tell you, or maybe they will, is that by their 30’s and 40’s one of these “horrible” exes is on her mind constantly. I had one who was 33 and still causally would always mention her ex from high school who supposedly beat her. She sure did talkabout him a lot though, not in any shining light or in any negative light but she did mention him many times. It was weird. I can’t remember the last time I even thought about who I dated in high school. I even mentioned it to her oneday cause I’d had enough, I said “why do you always talk about your ex from high school? Anytime we talk about anything you mention him and tell me the same story 50 different ways.” She tried to blow it off like it was my fault “I mention him because it had to do with what we were talking about at the time” (which was bs because what we were talking about didn’t have **** to do with her ex).

 

[RickTheToad]

I don’t bother with setting boundaries. If a woman wants me to give her enough rope to hang herself, I’ll gladly do so. If she takes me for granted then she will eventually regret it when I’m gone and she realizes she did take me for granted. Now, some might say not saying boundaries means letting her walk all over you and you not being in frame, I disagree. I can, have, and will always walk away when I need to and I stay gone once I’m gone. It’s not my job to lay ground rules for some woman to follow, if she doesn’t know how to act I’m damn sure not going to spend my time training her.

If boundries are not set, how does she know your limits? Remember, she may be used to a certain type of dude who treats her a certain way. If she doesn'y know any better, by default, she'll expect to be treated and a dude to react the same way as her past relationships. Dogs, more like people, are very similiar as in we're both animals. You must train a dog to behave and act a certain way. In relationships, you must do the same.

CRP breaks it down a bit.

 

[Robert28]

If boundries are not set, how does she know your limits? Remember, she may be used to a certain type of dude who treats her a certain way. If she doesn'y know any better, by default, she'll expect to be treated and a dude to react the same way as her past relationships. Dogs, more like people, are very similiar as in we're both animals. You must train a dog to behave and act a certain way. In relationships, you must do the same.

CRP breaks it down a bit.

You made a key point, she may be used to dating dudes that treat her a certain way. If she’s always been into jerks and a$$holes then she ain’t gonna like me because I hate drama in relationships and arguing and all that crap. Usually women that are used to certain types of guys purposely seek out those types of guys because that’s what they like. I had a girl tell me all she ever dated were tools and I was such an amazing guy. Most guys would think that was a compliment but I knew it was a road map telling me “I prefer tools and somehow stumbled across you, you’ll be fun for awhile but I don’t see any long term potential with you because you won’t supply the drama I crave in relationships, plan on me keeping you around as a friend though, no way I’m gonna let some other girl enjoy you while I could keep you around AND date my tools. I am so lucky!”. My boundaries are simple, don’t friend me, don’t withhold sex from me or make me wait for it, don’t play mind games with me. I’m pretty basic and that stuff shouldn’t have to be said up front.

 

[RickTheToad]

You made a key point, she may be used to dating dudes that treat her a certain way. If she’s always been into jerks and a$$holes then she ain’t gonna like me because I hate drama in relationships and arguing and all that crap. Usually women that are used to certain types of guys purposely seek out those types of guys because that’s what they like. I had a girl tell me all she ever dated were tools and I was such an amazing guy. Most guys would think that was a compliment but I knew it was a road map telling me “I prefer tools and somehow stumbled across you, you’ll be fun for awhile but I don’t see any long term potential with you because you won’t supply the drama I crave in relationships, plan on me keeping you around as a friend though, no way I’m gonna let some other girl enjoy you while I could keep you around AND date my tools. I am so lucky!”. My boundaries are simple, don’t friend me, don’t withhold sex from me or make me wait for it, don’t play mind games with me. I’m pretty basic and that stuff shouldn’t have to be said up front.

Perhaps, but it doesn't mean you can't sample the pvssy here and there. ;'p

 

[AttackFormation]

I’ve noticed this as well! 30’s and 40’s they ALL have ex stories and have lived through absolute hell, to hear them tell it. What they won’t tell you, or maybe they will, is that by their 30’s and 40’s one of these “horrible” exes is on her mind constantly. I had one who was 33 and still causally would always mention her ex from high school who supposedly beat her. She sure did talkabout him a lot though, not in any shining light or in any negative light but she did mention him many times. It was weird. I can’t remember the last time I even thought about who I dated in high school. I even mentioned it to her oneday cause I’d had enough, I said “why do you always talk about your ex from high school? Anytime we talk about anything you mention him and tell me the same story 50 different ways.” She tried to blow it off like it was my fault “I mention him because it had to do with what we were talking about at the time” (which was bs because what we were talking about didn’t have **** to do with her ex).

Paging @Desdinova...

 

[Robert28]

Perhaps, but it doesn't mean you can't sample the pvssy here and there. ;'p

I think that’s part of my mindset that I had to tweak and I’ll tell you why. I know it’s preached on here that if you can get sex from an ex that you should and I’ve done that in years past. However I’ve also noticed that ex’s will prevent you from meeting new girls that don’t have all the drama and baggage (that you know of yet at least) and I jjst like the fun and excitement of someone new. That’s why you never hear me tell anyone to invite their ex over when they text in the middle of the night unless you have absolutely no other options. Hanging out with an ex would just bring up old confusing feelings anyways and then you’ll sit around wondering when you could be meeting someone new.

 

[guru1000]

People’s stories, not just Women’s, are a reflection of how they treat themselves. When you are hear stories about how her ex was treating her so badly, you are really hearing about how about she was treating herself so badly. After all, people can only treat you badly if you allow them to. Generally, the onus will often fall upon the treatee not the treator (assuming the treatee is of sound mind, age, and not forced).

A person generally betrays themselves long before they were betrayed. The betrayal is simply a physical manifestation of one’s inner lack or deficiency.

That’s why it’s a red flag when a girl complains about her “evil” ex bf, as it was never really about him but rather about her and her lack which facilitated her to continually accept such mistreatment.

Also men, the same applies to YOU. When you are sharing stories about how your ex was doing you wrong, you are really demonstrating how you betrayed yourself. So the next time you want to point out toward the girl, take a deeper look within to observe your own lack (of sovereignty) which allowed her to treat you in such a way while you stayed.

 

[Glassguy]

People’s stories, not just Women’s, are a reflection of how they treat themselves. When you are hear stories about how her ex was treating her so badly, you are really hearing about how about she was treating herself so badly. After all, people can only treat you badly if you allow them to. Generally, the onus will often fall upon the treatee not the treator (assuming the treatee is of sound mind, age, and not forced).

A person generally betrays themselves long before they were betrayed. The betrayal is simply a physical manifestation of one’s inner lack or deficiency.

That’s why it’s a red flag when a girl complains about her “evil” ex bf, as it was never really about him but rather about her and her lack which facilitated her to continually accept such mistreatment.

Also men, the same applies to YOU. When you are sharing stories about how your ex was doing you wrong, you are really demonstrating how you betrayed yourself. So the next time you want to point out toward the girl, take a deeper look within to observe your own lack (of sovereignty) which allowed her to treat you in such a way while you stayed.

Excellent post

 

[GunShow85]

But I also think that had we continued the engagement and married, it would have been a high % to end up in a divorce. She is 12 years younger, no kids and never married. Life experiences were not on the same level. She had the house with a white picket fence mentality and I was previously baptized in life by reality.

It really is crazy how they pop back into your life when you least expect it with "what's up?/How are you?" text. I'm not sure if they are on a rough patch in their own life/boyfriend and looking for ego boost or a backup guy. Maybe bored. Maybe wanna hookup. Maybe they just miss you. Who knows. But ALL girls seem to reach out to exbf months/years later. I would really like to learn more about this psychologically.

I think you are right to remind yourself it would not have worked out. If she is a monkey brancher/bpd/unfaithful then she is not going to be successful in a long term relationships. Heck, he majority of marriages with normal people fail. You compound that with her high expectations of perfect life. Then add in the 12 year difference. When you are 55 and add a little weight and the marriage becomes routine, she is still just 43 and looking for the next great guy. I see it all the time with rich/hot 40 year-old married women looking for replacement. Then you are single again at 56.... and probably a kid with a crazy ex wife. The chances of living happily ever after in your situation are under 5%.

"Exes, they always come back"

 

[Glassguy]

It really is crazy how they pop back into your life when you least expect it with "what's up?/How are you?" text. I'm not sure if they are on a rough patch in their own life/boyfriend and looking for ego boost or a backup guy. Maybe bored. Maybe wanna hookup. Maybe they just miss you. Who knows. But ALL girls seem to reach out to exbf months/years later. I would really like to learn more about this psychologically.

I think you are right to remind yourself it would not have worked out. If she is a monkey brancher/bpd/unfaithful then she is not going to be successful in a long term relationships. Heck, he majority of marriages with normal people fail. You compound that with her high expectations of perfect life. Then add in the 12 year difference. When you are 55 and add a little weight and the marriage becomes routine, she is still just 43 and looking for the next great guy. I see it all the time with rich/hot 40 year-old married women looking for replacement. Then you are single again at 56.... and probably a kid with a crazy ex wife. The chances of living happily ever after in your situation are under 5%.

"Exes, they always come back"

True.

The odd thing is the guy that she has been dating for a while is also close to my age, divorced and has a child. He is also well known to be a heavy drinker. Hell when we broke up my daughter was nearly 13 and this guys son is really young. The younger they are, the more attention they need. So who knows lol.

My best guess: She thought this guy was a better option. After almost 3 years with him, she can tell that he is probably not going to marry her (I would classify him as the same type of guy as me.......after the first divorce he isnt going to subject himself to potential financial devastation and other issues that can happen by taking the risk of marriage on again in life).

So that puts her back to square one. Looking back, I was probably (by far) her best option for a really good husband. She still has never been married, no kids, and dealing with a BF that has a kid and she probably has to deal with the ex wife in that situation as well. So she just jumped from one ship that wasnt going to work to one that has a drinking problem. Her choice.

From my point of view on that: At the time I probably was a great husband option. As of now, I like to spin plates and spin a rotation. I have also decided, based on how MOST women act in a marriage, that I want no part of that at this point in my life. I like being able to just walk away or disappear if things arent going well with no remorse.

I think she was throwing out a hook to see if I would bite. I didnt bite. So she is still stuck in her situation.

I stand by the advice that I have given many guys on this forum regarding this situation: There are things that can be "fixed" in a relationship with a ex once the relationship has been restored. There are also dealbreakers that will never be "fixed" as in my daughter. She will always be my daugher and I will always be the dad there for her as long as I am on this earth.

The issues with her fall into the "unfixable" category, so I wouldnt waste my time revisiting the situation again.

 

[Dash Riprock]

women are linked to nature which is life itself so they know when a man is on his way towards success. Its weird as hell. Whenever life is good I get that random text from a girl I havent talked to in years. But when life is bad, nada, zilch from no girls.

Thoughts are things. This is a proven fact. Have you ever woken up at 7:58 AM when your alarm was set for 8:00 AM or been thinking about someone and then, bam, you get a call or text or email from that very person.? Happens to me a lot. I think the stronger and more emotional the bond to the person the more "in tune" two people are to subconscious or even superconscious connection.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I said “why do you always talk about your ex from high school? Anytime we talk about anything you mention him and tell me the same story 50 different ways.” She tried to blow it off like it was my fault “I mention him because it had to do with what we were talking about at the time” (which was bs because what we were talking about didn’t have **** to do with her ex).

Simple answer: @Desdinova High Score Theory. It's very accurate.