Those of you stuck in a BPD relationship that can't leave (kids)

[SadoMasochrist]

I think this is the closest these lovecraftian creatures can be tamed. If you do not have children, and ask for my advice, I will do the closest thing possible to urinating in your face over the internet.

There is simply no reason to stay with these women unless you have accidentally created life with them (either because they were "oopsed" or because she didn't show you the beast until after you had kids.

Once you've been devalued, you'll have to do whatever you can to get her back under your frame. Don't ever let her think she hurt you, that she got you. Don't expect remorse or loyalty. She wants to destroy you.

Start using her and treating her like subhuman ****. You'll see things turn around. You're now in a recycle phase. Read the standard info about BPD and being recycled.

You guys at this point are frame neutral. You'll think she's under your frame, but things are still really squirly. Technically she's under your frame but that's because she's not letting on that you are literally her identity and existence. She is under your frame, and now its time to assert it in a big way. At this point, she's playing the game at a really really high level. If you're in a recycle phase and she's still angling for control, she has a strong understanding of **** management. Get out the script, and flip it.

• Tell her that you're leaving, when she begs you not to leave, tell her that it's up to her to turn things around. Tell her some things that bother you, but specify that you aren't going to delineate everything to her. This has a specific purpose, to disarm engulfment fears and also engage her abandonment fears and need to relive that form of love in a dysfunctionally functional way. You are remaining available to her, yet telling her that she's toast. With her black and white thinking, this will for some time, confuse her, until she finally submits.
• Raise your "buying price" on everything. Do not accept any deviation from your wants and needs, give only what you're willing to give, under the impression of compromise. If she wants to go to Denny's and so do you, you relent that you'll do it, for her.
• She's now trying to validate herself through you, but you're still under her frame in her mind. Even though like I said, technically, she's under yours. Now it's time for the big boy moves.
• First, you will announce that you are no longer willing to remain monogamous. State because she has BPD and that she is incurable. Tell her you do not care if she is diagnosed, and that you have no interest in remaining with her. When she tries to FOG you, or get you to go down the rabbit hole of trying to pin her on something like a diagnosis or infidelity, refuse. Tell her you're out. She'll invariably agree to this, like she'll agree to anything, just to survive.
• If she brings up other men, laugh at her and tell her that such a thing is impossible for a woman, much less BPD. BUT, this is important "I can't stop you from being a degenerate *****." Tell her you love having a ***** for a girlfriend. You have to remove yourself from being the cannon fodder of her childhood issues. By turning yourself into her pimp, she no longer will derive enjoyment from her infidelity. Remember, you're demoting her to plate, you can't care about her.
• If she does stray again, she'll leave on good terms (if she leaves under your frame, she's trading up big time) and you'll be in a good position for it (even if things don't work out, you got to play the game on your terms).

You've now regained frame, and you'll find out pretty quickly that she wasn't worth what you had built up in your mind. You got caught up in the drug, in the chase, in fixing what was broken only to realize if you got everything you wanted, you still got ripped off. You didn't just pay sticker price, you bought ALLLL the scammy add ons. You bought the paint protection twice, just because you're so savvy.

Congratulations, you've plated your wife. But are you sure you don't really want her to be your ex-wife?

I'll update you guys when I make that decision. Just keep your eyes on NPV. Again, if you don't have kids, don't PM me for advice. The only reason I'm staying is because I've got marching papers, she's pregnant, she's paying the mortgage and is on her knees begging for forgiveness.

Now think to yourself, if that's maybe not enough, why the **** would you stick around if you don't have children.

This post was the result of really taking into account what everyone with BPDexs was saying. No matter what you think, if you're doing anything but you want, you're under their frame. So I got the menu out and ordered the left side, and if I don't like that, I'll order the other side. And I don't feel like paying for the meal.