those 3 words, 2 months?

[DJinTraining06]

Is 2 months to soon to say, I love you?

I'm debating sayin at it all after what i've read on this site. But puttin that theory aside, that sayin it first is a mistake. if i do indeed decide to say it at some point, is 2 months 2 soon?

I think she def is in love with me, and im positive i am. We never got to go out last night for V-DAY cuz of bad weather, so we're goin out tonite and I was thinking of sayin it. I didnt put it on the card, i just put my name at the end of it. Would it be a horrible mistake to say it in the first place, and if not, is 2 months too soon?

 

[gherald]

theres nothing wrong with it...

you two are over the courting stage(someting like that) and as you stated above,youre positive that she is inlove with you.

 

[kyphan]

Do. Not. Say. Those. Three. Words. First.

The whole purpose of the first few months is to determine how interested in you she is, and if you want to continue spending time with her. You want her to bring up being exclusive, you want her to say those three words first, and you want her to bring up getting married. Why? Because it proves to you, without a doubt, that she is fairly interested in you. After all, you are the great catch - she needs to catch YOU, not the other way around.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Is 2 months to soon to say, I love you?...

How do you define love?

 

[DJinTraining06]

How do you define love?

I honestly am a jaded person and i think it's just a physiological thing that our brain makes us feel because it wants us to reproduce (surivival of the species). Granted, u could just go have sex in that case. But alot of guys who sleep around, eventually at some age want to settle down. Why? cuz of lonliness and not wanting to spend the rest of their lives alone. Which could also be soemthing in our dna,that our brain causes us to feel (lonliness), in order for us to reproduce. Since no single guy wants to get his girl pregnant, or his one night stand, but if ur married, ur gonna end up having kids.

But my theory aside, whatever love acually is, it does exist, whether its just a physical thing or not.
So in my opinion, love is when ur past the infatuation stage, and you've gotten to see the other person's flaws and real personality and neither bothers u. I think physical attraction has to be there also. For me i can tell cuz i really look forward to seeing her or talkin to her on the phone, and not cuz im bored, as it was with past gf's. I actually enjoy it, and its not a chore.

 

[DJinTraining06]

If u sign a V-day card, "Love, ....ur name"

Should that not be written if u havent said "i love you" yet, or is that just a formality for a card and it doesn't really matter. I feel like i was a lil cold in my card, by just signing my name on the bottom. I did right very sentimental sweer sh*t tho.

 

[Desdinova]

If you're aiming for a LTR, two months have passed, and you would like to continue with this woman, there's nothing wrong with telling her you love her. Women in LTRs NEED to hear it.

If she backs off after you tell her, she wasn't a good candidate for a LTR and you should move on.

 

[Mental]

Is 2 months to soon to say, I love you?

I'm debating sayin at it all after what i've read on this site. But puttin that theory aside, that sayin it first is a mistake. if i do indeed decide to say it at some point, is 2 months 2 soon?

I think she def is in love with me, and im positive i am. We never got to go out last night for V-DAY cuz of bad weather, so we're goin out tonite and I was thinking of sayin it. I didnt put it on the card, i just put my name at the end of it. Would it be a horrible mistake to say it in the first place, and if not, is 2 months too soon?

2 months is WAY too early. Make her say it first. Make her show the interest first.

 

[Ratisson]

Djintraining06, do u really believe that u can love someone, and i mean actually LOVE them after only knowing them for 9 weeks. C'mon, act like a fvcking man. Stop being a pvss. I'll tell u when u should tell her u lover her, after 10 yrs of marriage.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

DJintraining --- DON'T DO IT! You are walking down a tracherous path even thinking about it. You most likely don't love her and in a few weeks you'll most likely be looking back thinking "what on earth was I talking about?!?!"

Nevertheless, if you DO love her, don't say it anyways. Here's why. You've got two possibilities, either she loves you or she doesn't.

1. If she loves you and you say it -> GREAT, but you've given away all your power. Now she KNOWS she's got you by the balls and will be able to control you.

2. If she doesn't love you and you say it -> NOT GOOD, now you're going to scare her off, look like a douche, and most likely get LJBFd.

3. If she loves you and you don't say it -> YOU ARE IN THE POWER SEAT. She's not going anywhere because she loves you, but she's unsure about you. She'll eventually say it to you when she's comfortable enough.

4. If she doesn't love you and you don't say it -> No harm done. She doens't know what you're thinking. You look mysterious. She may grow to love you and eventually say it at which point you can either say it back or be a real player and make her wait.

Bottom line - by saying it first you give away all your power and mystery. By being patient you maintain control. If you truly want to be with this person, BE PATIENT.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If you're aiming for a LTR, two months have passed, and you would like to continue with this woman, there's nothing wrong with telling her you love her. Women in LTRs NEED to hear it.

If she backs off after you tell her, she wasn't a good candidate for a LTR and you should move on.

Eh, I'd still be wary about saying that you love her so early on although saying that you're interested in seeing where the relationship can go is definitely permissible. Saying love early on could put a huge weight on the receivers shoulders which have made some turn and run for the hills. Saying you are interested to see if you can get to that fuzzy place is a bit more comfortable to wear.

Two months may seem like a long time to some of the younger guys. What I have seen not only personally but actually studied is that the test of a relationship's fortitude is whether it can make it through six months of interaction. In that time things can shake out about the person's true nature

Like DJinT said, once you come to see the other person's flaws and can live with them is when you can go to the next level. Is that level love? Hard to say at just two months, there's something that lies between infatuation and love. Plus, the things that you've learned to live with, you've only lived with for a couple of months; barely a heartbeat IMO. Personally, I'd rather have those quirks be things that I adore about the person, not something that I could "live with." Besides, the love thing works best when both people are in that same place.

I suggest that when a guy wants to see where things can go he use terms other than "love." Actually tell the woman (without gushing) what he likes about the current state of the relationship. In DJinT's case I'd tell her "I like it when you're around" and leave it at that. Nothing too serious, no laying yourself out on a line, no need to have her return a MAJOR declaration of her feelings (how hard will it be for her to say "I like it when you're around too.).

I get a feeling that young guys or even older guys who don't quite have a handle on their feelings and just jump into flinging the "L-word" hoping that it sticks and doesn't splatter back into his face. Why not work your way up to that level? There's nothing wrong with just telling a woman that you enjoy her company, that she makes you smile or that she gives really good hugs (damn, I'm giving away my arsenal). Frankly, they seem to appreciate those sentiments more than a simple "I love you."

 

[ExploringOne]

Hit The Brakes!

So in my opinion, love is when ur past the infatuation stage, and you've gotten to see the other person's flaws and real personality and neither bothers u. I think physical attraction has to be there also. For me i can tell cuz i really look forward to seeing her or talkin to her on the phone, and not cuz im bored, as it was with past gf's. I actually enjoy it, and its not a chore.

As far as the original question... Let her say it...

Recognize one thing PLEASE. The infatuation stage of a f/m relationship typically lasts anywhere between 1 and 3 years!

 

[Desdinova]

Like DJinT said, once you come to see the other person's flaws and can live with them is when you can go to the next level.

Unfortuantely, it can take a long time before the complete infatuation stage wears off and "comfort" sets in where she bears all of her quirks and imperfections. In my LTR, I said it first after we were together for a little over two months. We were both wanting to say it and the barrier was pissing me off, so I broke it down. It didn't do any damage, I didn't turn into a fvcking AFC, and she didn't pull back.

Two months is a good amount of time to get over being "strangers". I wouldn't advice saying it any earlier, but after two months go ahead if that's how you feel.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

theres nothing wrong with it...

you two are over the courting stage(someting like that) and as you stated above,youre positive that she is inlove with you.

Another keyboard jockey handing out advice for a situation he's never been in!!!! :nono:


DJ: First things first; you DO NOT love her. You can't, its impossible to love some one after such a short amount of time. What you say confuse as "love," is actually infatuation. Everyone becomes infatuated with their significant other when they're in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Go read Wyldfire's post entitled "NO YOU DO NOT LOVE HER," there's great advice in there.

Experts say it takes over a year before you REALLY even can say you truely know someone, let alone love 'em. And honestly how much cheesier can you really get? Valentine's Day, I Love You etc etc, give me a break dude. I know your relatively new to the game and still learning as you go, but use some common sense here, rather than the mushy-gushy emotions that have invaded your brain.

Lastly if she tells you she loves you anytime soon, respond by saying "thank you" or something of that sort. Learn the ropes and you'll figure this out as you get older.




PIMP

 

[ExploringOne]

^^^ Looks like I'm not the only one paying attention to actual research...

 

[Last Man Standing]

Is 2 months to soon to say, I love you?...
Would it be a horrible mistake to say it in the first place, and if not, is 2 months too soon?

DEATH to "DJinTraining06" - an official fatwa has been released for his termination for such blasphemy!!! Death to those men who feel compelled to think and say as women do!!!!!

 

[DJinTraining06]

Well i'm glad i didn't say it yet.

She slept over last night, and after getting drunk on wine, she asked me if i loved her, during sex. So i said yea i do. And she was like "good its not just sex then, i love u so much, u make me really happy, etc. etc." Then when we woke up this morning she said "do u really love me, with a jokin around tone?" I replied, of course, and she said "good just making sure u werent just sayin that cuz ur drunk. I like hearing u say it."

So i dunno, i guess she really wanted to hear it. But i wonder if i had said it first if shed be as happy, based on what most of u guys say about this topic. My guess is she would.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well i'm glad i didn't say it yet.

She slept over last night, and after getting drunk on wine, she asked me if i loved her, during sex. So i said yea i do. And she was like "good its not just sex then, i love u so much, u make me really happy, etc. etc." Then when we woke up this morning she said "do u really love me, with a jokin around tone?" I replied, of course, and she said "good just making sure u werent just sayin that cuz ur drunk. I like hearing u say it."

So i dunno, i guess she really wanted to hear it. But i wonder if i had said it first if shed be as happy, based on what most of u guys say about this topic. My guess is she would.

Uh-oh... She may start expecting certain/different things from you since you love her.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Uh-oh... She may start expecting certain/different things from you since you love her.

Like what?

 

[MrS]

You to say it all the time, for example.