this weeks issue for me.

[xomel]

So last night I chilled (for the first time) with a girl I met at a party... we cuddled on the couch and watched a horror. Before it was over we determined we wouldnt have enough time to finish it so we paused it ahead of time. During the movie she said her hand hurt and I gave her a hand massage... after the movie she asked to get a body massage... and i delevered. During the massage we flirted and i pushed C+F

"what kinda girls are you into?"
"the kind that are 3/4ths japanese and 1/4th irish" (her)

anyways half way through i decided it was time to go for the kiss. I just say "turn around so i can kiss you"

i know it wasnt what most people would recommend but it felt right and i felt confident doing it and thats what counts. needless to say it worked...

now im facing the typical issues that people face after the first successful date. she seems semi interested but not so much...

the biggest issue is avoiding her... i dont want to seem too desperate or anything... but i REALLY REALLY want to hang out with her again.

the mixed signals im getting:
1. she rejected my offer to hang out today (says shes sick.. I dunno how sick though)
2. on AIM shes not too talkative... im the one usually asking the questions
3. she said she left early to go home from my house but she didnt get online for like an hour after the time she was expected to go home.. and when questioned (not in a detective kinda way, just real casually) i got the feeling she did something else... she sorta lied...
4. when i went out to the street races tonight she said "be careful ok?" "call me tonight to let me know youre ok"
5. when i called her last night she didnt talk that long on the phone


anyways, what do i do to not seem too desperate? how long should i wait before asking me out again?

thanks
xomel

 

[tr0ublemaker]

Damn, "What kind of girls are you into?" gives me the vibe that she's implying you're a player who's in a position to be selective about girls..(which is a good thing)...but you don't want her to think you're just a flinger...does she have any reason to think you're a player? Cause if so, she was just having fun with you..

She may be avoiding you because she's analyzing the situation between you two..possibly

Best thing to do is to ask her point blank and kind of assertively..., "I haven't had a good time like that in awhile. I have some spare time this week, so we're going to do it again, alright?"

that will give you a clue if she's really into you or not..

 

[xomel]

Damn, "What kind of girls are you into?" gives me the vibe that she's implying you're a player who's in a position to be selective about girls..(which is a good thing)...but you don't want her to think you're just a flinger...does she have any reason to think you're a player? Cause if so, she was just having fun with you..

She may be avoiding you because she's analyzing the situation between you two..possibly

Best thing to do is to ask her point blank and kind of assertively..., "I haven't had a good time like that in awhile. I have some spare time this week, so we're going to do it again, alright?"

that will give you a clue if she's really into you or not..

so are you saying its time to be more of a nice guy??

dont play hard to get?

 

[xomel]

bump, looking for some insight.

 

[Docs]

No..you aren't being a nice guy, you just want to get her to trust in you.

 

[xomel]

No..you aren't being a nice guy, you just want to get her to trust in you.

whadya mean?

if she didnt trust me then she wouldnt come over to my house with no one else here and cuddle up with me...

 

[Docs]

Tell her what she wants to hear to trust you

 

[xomel]

Tell her what she wants to hear to trust you

honestly at this point the hoe-dar (a form of radar) is going off.. i donno if its a false alarm or not...




edit: AN UPDATE:

so last night i told her "i hadnt had that much fun in a long time and i want to do it again soon" and she agreed to a friday... but how much longer is this "im sick" stuff gonna go on for?

i decided that today im gonna bring by some soup and vicodin(perscription strength pain killer for those of you who dont know) and see how she reacts.

 

[resilient]

think outside the box

Vicodin? :nono: What are you doing to this chick??

If she's sick or giving you repeatedly excuses, than you need to back off and let her pursue you. It would be better to spin more plates while you wait for her to "get better" and then re-try asking her out for a date.

The first few dates, you should be out somewhere doing something fun, not alone at a house watching a movie. Movies are boring and only should be used for filler dates between the best dates.

You need to more creative and leave her wanting more or fantasing about you while you're gone. Think of showing her something or doing something with her that no other typical guy does. I did this last week with a girl I had been seeing for 3-4 lunch dates. We had some kino, hand holding, one kiss, but one night in the middle of the week, I picked her up to take her to somewhere special. She didn't know what to expect and I told her to just trust me. That night ended in a full close at her place, when I was ready to drop her off and just go home. She admited in the morning that she normally doesn't have sex with a guy so soon and it really surprised her. I knew she wanted it, I just had to escalate. I assumed the sale after doing my comfort building and receiving IOIs.

Think of 3 dates, plan them out to the end, pick the best one. Call her up and ask her out after 5 mins talking to her. If she rejects and doesn't counteroffer than she's got low interest level. Lose the #, or say something ****y like, when are your cute friends going to take me out dancing/to the movies, etc. If she really cares than you'll see her immediately try to regain your approval.

BTW, I was just up at San Jose last weekend for a competition at sjsu. You guys have a really good pizza place next to the school. The tortilla shop next to Jack in the Box made me realy sick though. I don't trust Mexican food north of LA, lol.

 

[Docs]

Ok, you're misunderstanding me. You aren't being a nice guy by lightening up a little. That soup + Medicine idea is pretty neat.

It's been a rather sarcastic day for me, so I've been just burning though threads and posting. If she's losing interest, get it back. The soup idea, that's smart. At least you'll know for sure if she's true (not home...not sick...another guy....etc). And...perfect time to spend a little bit of time with her. Don't act all cuddly, let her open up to you. That's what I meant by trust. One big thing that shows trust and interest is when she come to you, she opens you up for conversation, she's the one that makes a move. Those are all big signs of interest, and that's what you want to look for tomorrow.

Sorry for your false alarm