This opener too cheesy?

[Effington]

Here's a dialogue from a girl I approached in the building I work. She doesn't work at the same company as me.

[We both approach water fountain at same time]

M: This stuff's the only thing that keeps me going in the morning
H: Yeah, me too.
M: I read that it's good for you to have one or two per day.
H: More like 7 or 8!
M: Woah, 8 per day? [I look her up & down] I didn't take you for a heavy drinker.
H: [small laugh]
M: I don't really know you but that sounds kind of high, you found it effects your work at all?
H: Not really
M: Maybe I should try that. It'd probably make the day go by faster.
H: [she is smiling]
M: I'll pace myself but try and work up to your eight count, maybe when I see you next I'll be closer to your level. Take it easy! [I walk away]


It was pretty short but I thought it was amusing. I didn't get her name or anything but it was just a start, I'll probably see her again sometime soon.

 

[619joe]

You opened fine thats no worries.

Just your last sentence is just kinda off.

 

[Attractology]

Your opening was good, drug out a bit too far but it was witty and I think you're fine. There was a point near the end where you could have transitioned onto something else and she would have been fairly receptive.

The good part is that you two work at the same building and will run into each other again so the need to transition forward isn't as urgent.

 

[Maxwell]

Sure its cheesy, but the success or failure of openers lies more in your delivery than the actual content. Next time you see her, try transitioning into other topics to keep things interesting, and try not to get too technical or poetic; keep the dialogue simple and naturalistic.
Nice touch jokingly parallelling the water with alcoholic drinking; you could use that as leverage by which to qualify/disqualify and hence push/pull her.

 

[Bawb14]

Naaah that wasn't cheezy what are you talking about guys. That's right on point if not as was mentioned a little dragged out. He did play a good mindfvck there with the water, which also is good. I think that's a success, from what you have explained.

 

[Nighthawk]

Was fine at first but you wore the joke out.

 

[Nutz]

Opened fine, but lingered on it too long. Need to transition into flirty banter/attraction material and move things forward.

 

[ghostrider943]

you got her to laugh, thats good

dont worry about openers, its just the delivery that counts

 

[COD]

I WOULD HAVE pretended to sneeze while simultaneously splashing her with a little water. Or did the consider yourself blessed and tossed in a long live John the Baptist.

 

[Effington]

Thanks for the responses guys.

I was trying to keep the joke running, the point is the longer that type of thing goes, the funnier it gets, because of the subject displacement. I kind of ran out of material, and on top of that I didn't want to loiter, we are all kind of busy at work anyway.

I realized today there are a ton of hotties that work in the same building, it's such a blessing. Ran into another cute one today near the gym and spoke with her briefly as well.

 

[Nighthawk]

I find a great opener for a cosmopolitan city is 'where you from originally?' Then say something funny about that place "Is that where they still have wooden money' or something, or if it sounds a cliche, say 'I bet everyone says that place is..; Give it a ribbing, and if she defends it, say 'so why did you leave?' Then go into positive, feelgood stuff about what she loves about NY/wherever, and where she likes to hang out etc. bam you're in.