This is my problem in a nutshell.

[thewarrior]

I need to meet women outside of clubs/bars. I don't like those places and will do poorly no matter how much confidence I have.

Please name some places women are open to conversation?

I see so many cute girls in my daily activities but it just seems so awkward to approach a lady and get her number or a date. I don't lack confidence but I'm at a loss as how to break the shield that everybody has up (not just females) in public.

I also want to meet girls through volunteer and community programs. I've been trying Craigslist but have gotten few responses. Are those volunteer programs swamped with applicants or something?

Basically, how do I meet women without going to clubs/bars and not having a large social circle?

 

[Dr.Gonzo]

Basically man, you gotta ask yourself 'What do you enjoy doing?' For example if you like Baseball, go to more games and it is highly likely that any girl you see there likes the sport and is willing to talk about it with you. With this you have an opener and something in common which will help.

 

[librito]

those are your own quotes........


I need to meet women outside of clubs/bars. I don't like those places and will do poorly no matter how much confidence I have.

I see so many cute girls in my daily activities but it just seems so awkward to approach a lady and get her number or a date.

you see women everywhere but you cant get to meet them because you dont have confidence in yourself...and also, because you dont have confidence in yourself then you dont even try to meet women at bars/clubs.
your question is not on where do you meet women,,, your question should be,,how do I raise my confidence in order to start meeting women in bars/clubs or any of my daily activities....
answer, the only way to raise your confidence is by starting to meet them...its like the question of the chicken and the egg....

 

[thewarrior]

Your problem is that you feel awkward about approaching so it is awkward.

Talking to strangers can seem illogically frustrating since you really have nothing to talk to them about. You don't want to interview them nor do you want to boldly just ask for a #, although some guys can get away with these tactics it's likely you're not one. So what you need to do is develop your "banter" skills.

Open with anything, preferably situational -- this is just to get you 2 talking. Next jump from your opener to banter. Here is an example from a set I ran yesterday during a softball game I was playing in. I hit a double and was standing on second base... HB 8 was the second baseman standing next to me.

Me: Whew it's cold out here!
HB 8: Yea
Me: I wish I would've worn my longjons!
HB 8: ha
Me: I bet you're wearing yours aren't you?
HB 8: Me... no
Me: Ok well next time you're going to go buy us a pair of longjons for the game.
HB 8: Haha I'm not paying
Me: No it's cool... we'll split it halfway. At about the 3rd inning we'll meet here at 2nd and you take off the thermals and give them to me. That way you can warm them up for me! People might look at us a little weird cause we're naked out here, but at least we'll be saving our money.
HB 8: hahahahah ok ok sounds good
HB 8: So are you playing with just friends or is this a group?

And she's taken the conversation into comfort. At this point I'll go along with her into comfort since this was day game and I'll intersperse more banter like I did in the previous example. Now here's the reasoning behind it...

You don't have anything to talk about right off the bat -- and you don't want to interview, so you make up stuff to talk about. You engage her creative side and make her imagine stuff -- rather than engaging her logical side which is about stuff she already knows about. The latter is boring crap that she hears on a day to day basis.

See it from her point of view.. you're a stranger so it's somewhat stressful right off the bat. In the back of her mind she's not sure what to think about you cause you're some random dude who's talking to her out of the blue. You want to replace these thoughts by making her think about your banter. If you ask questions she's heard a million times she'll go on autopilot and continue to think you're weird for approaching her... and you're right she'll put up her shield. But if you distract her mind by involving her in some playful "scheme" you two are putting together she will forget about it completely -- this is your goal, this is how you win! At some point her psychology changes from you being a weird stranger to you being a fun guy.. and she attempts to contribute to the conversation (most likely by asking comfort questions -- girls are bollocks at gaming).

When you go to recontact her (I'm thinking text message) - make sure you're saying something purposeful.. no "hey whats up?" or "hows it going?" those are lame. Don't bring up anything you talked about in comfort "hows the diamond business today?" (if she works at a jewelry store) that's also lame. You go back to stage 1 and bring up your banter. From the example above I recontacted HB 8 with: "I hear WalMart has a deal on thermals right now you should totally check into it... I hope you're not too broken up about the game you seemed excessively competitive out at 2nd yesterday."

The result - I received an answer in a short amount of time and the ball was rolling again... by the way this technique severely decreases the amount of flaking you will have to endure. How did I come to this conclusion? About a year in the field -- so I have experience being awkward... it's not a bad thing - embrace it and let it teach you. Sure you'll weird/creep out countless women but they never remember you anyways and you'll finally reemerge as a social beast. If you wish to increase the amount of women you meet and date this is your sole option in which you control things.

I know this was a long winded response, but my point was to prove you can open strangers randomly -- you just have to be comfortable with it and do it the right way. Banter is a skill like any other... practice makes perfect!

OMG unbelievable response, thanks! Like I said, I can approach when I have something to talk about. But now I understand the whole banter thing. I'm going to try it out tomorrow.

 

[thewarrior]

you see women everywhere but you cant get to meet them because you dont have confidence in yourself...and also, because you dont have confidence in yourself then you dont even try to meet women at bars/clubs.
.

I just don't like bars/clubs... it has nothing to do with my confidence.

 

[librito]

I just don't like bars/clubs... it has nothing to do with my confidence.

you dont like clubs and bars cause you dont have the confidence to approach women in such a challenging enviorment such as those.
once your confidence grow you will love bars cause thats where the hot girls go to meet fun guys like you will be in te future.

 

[thewarrior]

you dont like clubs and bars cause you dont have the confidence to approach women in such a challenging enviorment such as those.
once your confidence grow you will love bars cause thats where the hot girls go to meet fun guys like you will be in te future.

Maybe in the future my opinion will change since that is the number one place girls go.......but not right now.