This is how I keep my LTR healthy.

pipe007

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I am fortunate enough to have a stable LTR. Its been 6 months now, and at this point in time, my gf is making plans for the future, and she wants to stay with me for the long haul.

this are some key elements I believe MUST be present for you to be satisfied in a LTR.

1) partner selection skills
- you will never be happy if you cannot choose as best to your abilities a partner who has your same core values and aspirations. who treats you the way you believe you should be treated.

2) your ability to communicate
- your ability to say what you like and what don't like. to CLEARLY state what you are not willing to put up with, set up rules and boundaries clearly from the beginning of the relationship, and mean it. this includes things like respect, honesty, trust, loyalty, and communication.

3) Learning to maintain the Dominant frame
- doesnt mean you will dominate her, but that you will remain in control of yourself, and your emotions. the moment you feel you are slipping away (wussiness) then you catch yourself and get back in line. That you put your foot down everytime your girl tries to test you, where you clearly communicate your values and your command for respect. I try to please her, and do what she wants as well, but within the big picture, she knows that if she crosses the line, she is gone.

4) she must have some fear that you could walk away from her life if she tried to willingly disrespect you. meaning lying, being dishonest, manipulating you, making you feel inferior, or any kind of B.S, naggs at you for no reason. that no matter how much you love her, you will never be treated as anything less than a king in her life. Always keep yourself ready to walk out of the relationship no matter how long you been together or how much you love her!!!

5) This is really important, SPEED OF COMMUNICATION, if something bothers you, if she said something to upset you, anything that you feel she should know, that you communicate this AS SOON AS YOU CAN, the earlier the better, don't let those feelings of resentment accumulate because they will come out at some point, and its going to end up in an argument. it is always good to be able to clearly communicate what you like and dont like and what you want in a given situation. dont wait!! NEVER WHINE, never complain about something you dont like, you communicate directly that you dont like something with power, not whinning like a boy. you look at her directly in the eye, and mean what you say.

7) keep improving yourself and working on yourself, even if you are in a relationship, keep going to the gym, dont stop and take the relatinoship for granted, keep learning, keep socializing, keep expanding yourself and your comfort zone, and she will always be happy to be there with you. dont become boring, predictable, always put the gas to the car same way always put the effort to move the relationship forward (if she is worth it).

8) Rollo's rule, never give more than what she herself is offering you. WORST case scenario should be equals, best case, you maintain upper hand. this means, you dont text her more times than she does, you dont call more times than she does, you dont say I love you I like you more times than she does (some guys say dont say it at all), you go where she wants, and go to her friends or whatever as long as she respects and wants to go along where you want and with your friends, learn to negotiate. you don't give her kisses, hug her all the time, if she is not at least eagerly happy to return those kisses and give you some of hers. if it feels like you are pushing her into it, then STOP, and lay back, give her space. dont initiate kino until she does.

9) NEVER EVER EVER EVER, ask her why she is going somewhere (as long as its respectful) like to a friends house, dinner whatever non threatening situation. never ask her why she is going to the mall, or whatever or why she didn't tell you, dont try to control what she does. (you should have screen her enough that you know she can make respectful decisions of where she is at at all times). the only questions I ask my girl when she tells me she went to her friend's house or whatever is, what you up to? and who else is there with you? nothing else. let her be free in her decisions to go where she wants. AS LONG AS ITS RESPECTFUL. my girl knows she cannot go clubbing without me, that is a rule we set up at beginning of relationship.

10) be the man.
act like a man, make decision, make plans, let her make plans as well, but you be the one who carries the relationship where you want to. and if she doesnt want to go with you, YOU GO YOURSELF!, dont stop doing something you like because your girl doesnt feel like joining you. be a man, lead her by the hand, plan whats gonna happen and how its gonna happen. plan the dates. never stop making plans, be a leader not a follower!!. dont get boring boyfriend who just likes to stay home with her and watch movies then sleep.
be action oriented!

11) keep believing you are the prize, the king, and that you could have any girl if you wanted to. subcommunicate this with your actions, if u remain attractive to women in general, other girls will always send IL signals to you, and your girl will pick up on these signals and be happy, emotional, that she's got you!.

12) surprise her, do something nice for her every once in a moon, reward her for good behaviors as soon as they happen (could be a smile all the way to a nice dinner) and punish inmediately those behaviors that you dont like (retreating attention, kino, or going NC).

13) have her miss you, dont see her every day, have things going on in your life, dont stay in her house stuck like gum 24/7, and when you see her, have something in mind, have a plan, do something fun together. dont just stay there bored with her. give her space to miss you, for that reason, dont text call her all the time, give her space, so she can think of what you are up to so she can initiate texts, calls.

14) win her friends and family, if you do that, you are in, and you will have allies everywhere who will support the relationship, make friends with her sister, brother, mom, dad, friends. just do it, its worth a million dollars.

15)every now and then plan some nice trips or outings where you guys can spend time together, the reasoning for this is that you can then test her, and realize if you guys can stand each other for a whole weekend together. or a week like going on a cruise. if the relationship is strong, then you guys will have a blast together during that week/weekend, and relationship will grow stronger. if not, then you know this person is not for you. (if she can't stand you for a week, she will never put up with you in 2, 5 ,10 plus years).

these are some ideas that I use in my current relationship, and they WORK!
thoughts?
 

imarockstar

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shes really not allowed to go clubbing without you? thats a rule the two of you set up? dont you think making a rule like this comes off as insecure, that she may be tempted to cheat? im not hating on you, im genuinely asking. what other rules/guidelines do you have? and how did you go about setting these up, after x amount of time did you sit her down and tell her what you will and wont accept, or did you just let her know certain things through casual conversation? just curious because i feel like i need to have one of these talks with my new girlfriend
 

Sue Madre

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If it's so healthy why don't you marry the chic? You should know after 6 months if you want to be with the broad. And if the relationship is as healthy as you say, she should be waiting for you to pop the question because she is so in love with you.
 

Warrior74

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Sue Madre said:
If it's so healthy why don't you marry the chic? You should know after 6 months if you want to be with the broad. And if the relationship is as healthy as you say, she should be waiting for you to pop the question because she is so in love with you.

You mad bro? You Jelly?
 

pipe007

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lol she is still young, that is the reason why I'm not thinking of getting married. I need a good 2 + years of LTR before I even think about marriage.

plus she has to graduate first which will take another good 2 years. But she has mentioned the fact that she wants to stay with me for as long as we can be.

plus this thread is about LTR, not marriage, so off topic.

this is a rule that we have, that may come off as insecure, but I could care less because its what I expect from my girl. Basically, the first day we became exclusive I stated the core things I liked and didnt like things related to her being respectful, honest and loyal, and that if she ever broke my trust, relationship was over.

as weeks went, I just started mentioning HOW i WOULD FEEL if she were to go clubbing without me, i told her first "how would you feel if I went clubbing without you, with my buddies?" she said she would be very pissed at me

so I used that to tell her "well, how do you think I would feel if you ever went clubbing without me?" and she understood, and we made a deal, that there was no need for us to go clubbing without each other, unless it was a friend's bday, and one of us couldnt go, then it was ok.

sure, she could lie, she could cheat at any time, and if it happened, i am more than ready to deal with the situation like a man would, not cry about it.
 

Sue Madre

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Warrior74 said:
You mad bro? You Jelly?

Hell no. I already got married to my LTR after 6 months. Hot latina fresh off the boat. I have nothing to worry about, she worships the ground I walk on.
 

Fred_Scuttle

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how young is she? looks like its pretty healthy with the two of you. good job! although it could go sour with a drop of a hat. i dont agree with you on 8, 9, 11. you can give more once like a big surprise or a gift. that will make her feel special and she will give back more to you in return if you have the right woman. you do have a right to know where she goes and to ask. it keeps her on her toes but dont make it a habit out of it. you still ask her where she goes and who's at the friends house so you don't agree with what you said . why won't you let her go to a club? i've never used to have problems with that. that makes you come off as a guy whos scared to have his woman go out and be round other men. dont you trust her? you dont let her go to clubs with friends and you ask whos at the friend house. i think you may be worried about her and what she does and who shes with. she could resent that you dont let her go out to clubs without you. being a prize is good but when things turn sour most men turn into the booby prize and lose out. sounds like a good relationship. keep it going strong!
 

Fred_Scuttle

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Sue Madre said:
Hell no. I already got married to my LTR after 6 months. Hot latina fresh off the boat. I have nothing to worry about, she worships the ground I walk on.

you got her off the boat? was she the second mate? that is good she obeys. what was she a mail order bride you got?
 

Sue Madre

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Fred_Scuttle said:
you got her off the boat? was she the second mate? that is good she obeys. what was she a mail order bride you got?

No she's not mail order. She has been in the country a couple years.
 

imarockstar

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i feel ya pipe. you did the right thing. once you become exclusive stating what you wont deal with. awesome i didnt even think to do that i just kinda assumed she knew the basic ground rules of a relationship. me and my new girls communication is pretty good so far but i think i need to do some thinking today and break down to her tomorrow what i expect in the relationship.

i really like how you said "well how would you feel if i went clubbing without you"? some people need to look at it from the other persons perspective to really understand. thanks for making this post i needed to see this
 

vatoloco

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Sue Madre said:
She has been in the country a couple years.
Same thing with my current GF. She hasn't been corrupted by the corrosive feminazism that is prevalent here in the States. She actually loves that as the Man I lead her as a Woman and make the decisions. I love that she is a Woman with all her feminineness.

It's a Win-Win! :D
 

Sue Madre

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vatoloco said:
Same thing with my current GF. She hasn't been corrupted by the corrosive feminazism that is prevalent here in the States. She actually loves that as the Man I lead her as a Woman and make the decisions. I love that she is a Woman with all her feminineness.

It's a Win-Win! :D

Mine cooks dinner every night and always asks my permission to do anything. Plus she has a ton of cash in the bank and she put my name on her account so I have access to it.
 

vatoloco

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Sue Madre said:
Plus she has a ton of cash in the bank and she put my name on her account so I have access to it.
FUCK!! I knew my GF was missing something. Oh well, c'est la vie!

:D
 

Sue Madre

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vatoloco said:
FUCK!! I knew my GF was missing something. Oh well, c'est la vie!

:D

Maybe.

I didn't know about her cash until I married her. Then she asked me to get on her account and make it joint. She has 10 grand in there and she says since we are married it's my money too.
 

cordoncordon

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Sue Madre said:
Maybe.

Plus she has a ton of cash in the bank and she put my name on her account so I have access to it.

I didn't know about her cash until I married her. Then she asked me to get on her account and make it joint. She has 10 grand in there and she says since we are married it's my money too.
$10 K is a "ton" of cash to you? Umm ok.
 

pipe007

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lol I'll come back at 1 year after to see how things changed. but as long as I remain alert when things are getting too comfortable that the girl might start nagging, or testing you more often

its your responsability to be AWARE of when the girl starts diminishing interest or starts testing you for leadership. you gotta learn to be ready for those moments which are good opportunities to demonstrate that you are still the man in her life. I think this is the most important rule

NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, and let go just because you think u got the girl. be proactive.

this site needs more advice on how to keep the girl, and seeing the positives of having and keeping a LTR, I feel that most of the posts are based on insecurity, neediness, gf's lack of Interest level, cheating, dumping, NC, and people have a strong frame of reality or a belief that ALL girls will sooner or later end up cheating or lying ALWAYS, and that eventually girls LOSE INTEREST.

very negative view, i chose to think differently, as we know, as we think, and believe, so it is given in our own reality. So create ur reality the way you want it.
 

49au

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pipe007 said:
NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, and let go just because you think u got the girl. be proactive.
+1

I realized this important lesson way too late in my last relationship.


pipe007 said:
this site needs more advice on how to keep the girl, and seeing the positives of having and keeping a LTR, I feel that most of the posts are based on insecurity, neediness, gf's lack of Interest level, cheating, dumping, NC, and people have a strong frame of reality or a belief that ALL girls will sooner or later end up cheating or lying ALWAYS, and that eventually girls LOSE INTEREST.

very negative view, i chose to think differently, as we know, as we think, and believe, so it is given in our own reality. So create ur reality the way you want it.
I admit I have had a very negative view of women for most of my life because of the numerous divorces within my family and experiences in my own life. My step-brother is getting a divorce now too; I can remember a time when those two were absolutely in love.

Then I come here and see people posting links to other forums teeming with women who admit they don't love their husbands. People telling stories about how their 5 yr LTR left them "out of the blue" and they are with another guy a week later. I read books about how women's emotions are like an "ocean" and how they never know what they feel, or mean what they say. How they "live in the moment."

The typical response to most of the threads you mention is something like "she's already fvcking 5 other guys behind your back, next her". Great.

It wears on your psyche.

Of course, we live in a society that tells us that men are the problem, and women are the faithful rocks who toil unappreciated to hold together meaningful relationships while men are out cheating on and abandoning them.

How do you as someone who understands the realities of female attraction and the fickleness thereof maintain a positive attitude? I am interested in your method of keeping all this crap out of your head.
 

Zarky

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the only questions I ask my girl when she tells me she went to her friend's house or whatever is, what you up to? and who else is there with you?
How is this not insecure? You want her to give you a rundown of every person she's there with? Why? Seems a little weird.
 
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