This girl I like, asked me whether to accept a guy!

[Fela Kuti]

So I've been dating this girl for a month. I only see her once a week, so total we've had 4 dates (not including 2 "dates" when we have a friend tag along).

My friend John Smith (an AFC) has been pursuing this girl for about 3 months. At first, the girl liked her, but for some reason she only sees him as a friend now. Yesterday John told me that he's gonna tell his feeling to her today.

So this afternoon we met on IM and she messaged me:

Her: Fela! Hurry! I wanna ask something!
Me: What?
Her: What should I do about John?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: C'mon, you know.
(she copies and pastes her convo with John, where John asks her to be his gf)
Me: Just follow your heart. You're a grownup. You must think for yourself. Don't ask me about this.
Her: Why?
Me: This is the stuff to talk with your girl friends.
Her: Oh, i see. But boys can help me with this too, right?
Me: Yeah, but I'm not one of those boys.
Her: Hehehe.
Me: We better talk about our plan for tomorrow's adventure.
Her: Haha, yeah.

And then the convo continues smoothly. We even jokingly call each other darling/honey which never happened before. We jokingly talk about marriage, even.

Now I don't know whether she accepted John Smith or not because I didn't want to seem wussy by asking her about that. But my feeling tells me that she rejected her.

What ponders my mind is that why did she ask my advice about that problem?? I was surprised because it's like she saw me as her FRIEND. Was she testing?? How about my answers, was it the right thing to say?

Thanks guys!

 

[Poll]

Your fishing line is tugging....

 

[Fela Kuti]

Thank you but I need longer answer

 

[Poll]

If you really want to know, then shoot me a pm, I'll go in detail.

 

[oscarxp25]

Amazing response man, proud of you. This is where I screw up big time...I help them which is like jumping into the friends zone. I have missed a lot of great oppurtunites with girls cause I was stupid enough to be their girlfriend..ha

 

[DJDamage]

You did well young grasshopper! John demise will be his own doing.

One question I need to address. Your friend is "your friend" so why would he go and try to steal food of your plate? He knows you are with her so it goes without saying as a friend he shouldn't pursue her.

Friends are good to hang out with but they should also know their place.

 

[Fela Kuti]

DJ Damage: Mmm...John Smith doesn't know that I'm going out with her. And it's him that's been pursuing her longer than me. So you could say that I'm the one who's stealing his plate But what can I do, he's an AFC. I'm pretty sure won't get the girl.

btw, i just got news from John Smith that he's rejected! The girl said: "i really like u, but i cant get a relationship now.." Classic answer, eh?

 

[azanon]

One question I need to address. Your friend is "your friend" so why would he go and try to steal food of your plate? He knows you are with her so it goes without saying as a friend he shouldn't pursue her.

Friends are good to hang out with but they should also know their place.

The friend had been pursuing her for 3 months, and he's been "dating" (not to be presumed to be exclusive) her for only one month. Maybe your question should be asked to him, not his friend?

Though I believe all is fair in love and war, I wouldnt exactly be happy about a friend that asked the same girl out that I had been pursuing for 2 months already. Granted, I wouldnt waste 2 months pursuing any girl, so i'm only talking hypothetical here.

 

[DJDamage]

DJ Damage: Mmm...John Smith doesn't know that I'm going out with her. And it's him that's been pursuing her longer than me. So you could say that I'm the one who's stealing his plate But what can I do, he's an AFC. I'm pretty sure won't get the girl.

I don't have a problem when two guys pursuing the same chick and may the best man win, that is my motto.

However its a bit AFC of you to sneak behind his back to fvck this girl don't you think? its also a bit sad that he is your friend yet you are laughing it up behind his back to this chick he is pursuing. You can't hide that fact forever and you will eventually slip up and he will find out the hard way.

 

[vorbis]

you're being a **** to your friend mate. I never understand why some guys will willingly **** up friendships (is it a good friendship?) for a bit of tail. There's a whole lot of other girls out there. And if you do want this girl, the right thing to do would be to say it to him first.

Something like "I'm sorry man, but I'm not sure if things are going to work out with X. However X seems to like me. Are you ok with me asking her out?" Sneaking around behind is back is very weak.

 

[Fela Kuti]

So what should I do? Tell him?? Oh no, I'm not ready to face the consequences. I'll be labeled "backstabber" by him and his friends (which are my friends too. we have the same circle).

btw, I've told him once that I'm going out with her only as friends. and he believes it.

oh man, i feel dirty.

 

[Fela Kuti]

hot update!

Great. A few minutes ago that AFC guy asked the girl for the second/third time to be his gf, and SHE ACCEPTS HIM! Oh great, really great. Only 2 days ago i had a nice dinner with her.

Oh well, so maybe being an AFC works sometimes. Here i am, act C+F, push/pull, etc. and what did i get? Disappointment. People say, "never express your feeling first." But you know what, that guy got himself a gf by expressing his feeling! By acting AFC! Maybe if i had done what he did, the girl woulda been mine. Well, i'm not here to argue about the DJ "rules". But opinions welcome.

I know that i can't date her anymore. But i can't just fade away and ignore her. She's too awesome to be erased completely from my life. Now i'm thinking of sending her an e-mail. It goes something like this:

"So now you're in a relationship with John. Well, I just want to say thanks for the nice memories. The conversations, the laughs, the long walks, the lovely dinners, the apple pie, the adventures, and many more. Thanks sweetie, you're awesome "

How about that? It won't make me seems weak right? Would it make us awkward? Suggestions welcome! Thank you peopleeee!

 

[Poll]

set another bait...

 

[Fela Kuti]

what? do u mean luring the girl? oh no.

what i wanna know is about the e-mail, poll. is it okay to send it? i really want to thank her anyway.

 

[Poll]

If you want to pack up your gears... go ahead.

 

[Fela Kuti]

mmmm IMO stealing someone's girlfriend is not what you call a good idea. especially if that someone is my friend. thanks, anyway. other opinions? especially about the e-mail. thanks, everyone

 

[PectoralisMajor]

Interesting one this, her accepting him after already saying no twice before. Sounds like she's taken whats easiest available.


You were more of a chellenge, she might not even realise you see her in that way. Do you flirt with her? touch her? there are ways of letting a girl know you like them without being AFC.

It sounds as if you like this girl, perhaps too much. If this guy is as lame as you say, keep hanging out with her. Have a laugh with her, dont spend much money on meetings, and show YOU are the man. Dont try to impress her, YOU have game and you dont need to prove yourself.

Unless your planning to never talk or see her again, dont send that message.

good luck!

 

[Fela Kuti]

double post.

 

[Fela Kuti]

yeah i flirted with her. but maybe i'm too cold. i was rarely being "sweet" or "romantic". i treat her too much as a male friend.

well, that's not the point. what i wanna do is to make her melt with my letter, so there's still hope for me and her in the future. please help. this is my current letter:
------------------------------------------------------------
Well, it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the conversations, the laughs, the long walks, the lovely dinners, the adventures (miraculous!), the apple pie (so sweeet), batang moka, The Little Prince, risoles, creambath, Uno Stacko (great fun!), wisata kuliner, Rumah Buku (Love!), food fest (trampoline! haha), Space Toon (akulah segitiga..), Lunar, our theme song , Chocodoom, personality test (i read that sanguin and phlegmatic people match! haha) and other ultra-sweet memories! Sweetie, you're soooo great!

Take care!

 

[Trapper]

"never express your feeling first." who told u like that? if u are really into one girl, i mean seriously feel someting to her, be direct and say it man...WTF you are waiting for...be yourself..coz you are not playing with this girl..you are honest..and she is not the bvtch..hope you are getting me....people, in this form including myself, are just into getting laid..many of the techniques just for the bvtche....we (so called players) are always looking for quick lays not into getting friendship zone...get the difference..